Nayi Umr Nayi Chunauti - Parvarrish - Agla Padav
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Parenting, Two themes

smrth Goldie
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Posted: 16 March 2012 at 1:56pm | IP Logged
I had hoped to participate in a prolonged discussion on parenting, starting with hostel decision of JP, but certainly not confined to it alone, rather, building continuously in a same thread, as the new incidences unfolds in this interesting set-up. A set-up where two distinct parenting styles, Ahluwalia and Ahuja households, though different in treatment, but with same goal, are explored with good finesse. I urge members to share their impressions.
It seems, hostel decision has spawned many threads and Mods decided to merge them all in a single thread. I respect their decision.
Since I need to answer continually, as well  building on continuity, I am initiating a new thread with above stated intention. Of course, fellow members' inputs are invaluable and indispensable content, which I urge earnestly. Thanks again.

Starting with a reconstruction of old thread, where I need to reference some inter related answers, as reproduced posts. 
P.s. mods, if it appears continued hostel discussion, please bear with me for the time being, it shall soon turn as the story unfolds...


Edited by smrth - 16 March 2012 at 11:37pm

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Posted: 16 March 2012 at 1:58pm | IP Logged
Jeet Ahuja's reasoning is contradictory. Is he rewarding or punishing the brilliance of his child? In fact, is he addressing the anger trait, present no doubt, or improvising a 'broader' field to his talented, 'energetic' child? If former is the case, then isn't he abdicating their parental duty to understand, analyse and help settling the developing psyche of his preteen child with first hand involvement? How a short cut to an uninvolved, 'no-option-but confirmed-to-rules' regime of a boarding school going to address underlying cause of that anger, other than suppressing it altogether? (and as rightly pointed out by Lucky, If parents can not, then how would she be understood by boarding school and for what trouble?).
Now if the later is the case, as he was explaining to his daughter, then it's even more dishonest. How can that child be said to have availed a broader canvass? Is she yet prepared for a ruthless competitiveness of an adult word, more suitable training for post teen, college entering student on verge of adulthood? At age 13, would she not yet require a couple of years vigilant and loving shelter of home? Add to this, considering elder  daughter's continued stay in the home, would she not feel a cast off even more acutely? In fact, seeing her acceding to her Nana's more refined but basically same argument for her domicile plans, was a touching capitulation of a brave child.

A sharp, agile or spirited child is not an uncommon occurrence. In era of greater leniency, or acknowledgement of individuality of the children from early age, encouraging and valuing their independent opinions in good intention of inculcating a well rounded development of personality are also a preferred way not uncommon. So how do we balance leniency and discipline? How do we address an intent child, though loving his parents, assertive and short tempered nevertheless, and consequently somewhat compromised on dues towards parental respects,  now accustomed to a close familiarity ( turning somewhat, 'familiarity breeding a compromised authority?'). How do we 'curb' ( channelise, a better word?) his anger? If 'no uncertain firmness' is obvious reply, then how to apply it along with earlier mentioned approach of a recognised rights to his individual space? Please share your views, opinions or experiences.


Edited by smrth - 16 March 2012 at 11:36pm

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Posted: 16 March 2012 at 2:01pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by prerna4rishav


ClapClap I am yet to watch yesterday's episode but I think Jeet tried to impose his and Pinky's parental duty to manage a kid to some boarding school..
 
This is ridiculous ! After all they are the PARENTS.. How on EARTH a parent can't handle their OWN kid.. Look at Sweety ji... Answer her back once, and she will make sure you wont even THINK abt arguing for the rest of your life.. How difficult it is to manage kids huh ?
 
Pinky and Jeet have spoilt their kids with over-pampering and now they are going to let the boarding school do the ACTUAL duty of parents.. Pathetic ! Rashi is way tooo bright and over-energetic.. SO ? Take the belt in your hand and teach her discipline.. NO way boardin school is an option huhhh !
 
I fail to understand how JP can not see Rashi's sentiments of feeling ignored and all.. DAMN just give her lil bit of love which you shower on Raavi 24x7.. ! Stop being partial and end the drama ! GAWDDD !
 
[/QUOTE]


You bring an interesting comparison. Sweety's method has that flavour of traditional rearing, which has seen generations doing perfectly fine by it. Clear and demarcated lines of authority with a strict, no nonsense face as its routine theme ( and I love Shwetaji enacting this role with aplombClap). Besides, that is not preventing her from diffusing her maternal love and care in bargain. Times and again, she is equally expressive of her love towards children...But, keeping aside our bias, does it not have its own minus points? The children are somewhat too tightly held under the thumb, the habit might extend even over the time when it's required to be relaxed, for example, she is bit too intrusive in the interpersonal peer group interaction of her adolescent son, which is leading to another kind of frustration, not completely unjustified. Or a child might develop a somewhat uncertain sense of individuality, more dependant by nature,as has been being felt in Giny. So plus and minus both...


Edited by smrth - 16 March 2012 at 11:35pm

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Posted: 16 March 2012 at 2:15pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by chocobear


A hostel can never "manage your child's anger". It can at the most suppress it for a few years(till the child is at the hostel). Once he is out of the hostel he will be again back to his/her normal self. A child might be scared of punishment and suppress his anger but you can not manage her anger. You can make her more organised, responsible but how are you going to deal with her anger through a boarding school? 
A child can be very intelligent, organised, responsible, studious, naughty and have a bad temper. You cannot change her temper. Plus her temper isn't that big a cause for their worry. People have different temperament. Just because Jeet and Pinky are not short tempered does that mean Raashi too is going to be like them? No. A person can be short tempered and that doesn't mean he/she is undisciplined or unorganized. I don't know how to explain it but nobody can manage their child's anger. If he/she is not short tempered but is getting those anger fits then you need to talk to your kids. Maybe he/she is having a problem and needs counselling but if that is his/her basic nature then how are you going to change it? Raashi seems to be short tempered and the recent events are making her frustrated. And I don't think any boarding school can do anything about it. Only Jeet and Pinky can do. 
Raashi is short tempered. But give her love and affection she reciprocates it. It's not like she misbehaves with them even when they shower her with love and affection. Once Jeet accepted her apology she was back to her normal self. Happy. Forgot everything. 

 Yes, I agree with your analysis re hostel and a child's anger. If a child is temperament by nature than hostel stay may teach some painful lesson as nobody is there to bear her tantrums, even some self control, but at the best it is a suppressive measure only. And dubiously dangerous if underlying cause is an unaddressed frustration/injustice now festering under an enforced suppression. In case of Rashi, this later pitfall is more applicable than the former citing of a basic nature. She has an arguably valid grouse of an unattended hurt, even though unintentional on the part of parents, a pointed neglect nevertheless. Combining this with lenient parenting of JP- encouraging individuality traits, she is already sensitive to her imagined or real neglect. When her parents are suggesting her flared nature as one reason, in stead of tending to its cause, then sense of injustice only intensified. And hence suppressed anger is most likely to congeal in a coalesced angst, concealed or controlled perhaps,but subsisting distinctly. Perhaps not a very good ground to produce a well rounded adult despite her potentials...Confused

Edited by smrth - 16 March 2012 at 11:40pm

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Posted: 16 March 2012 at 11:12pm | IP Logged
[QUOTE=priya1804]
I understand your viewpoint...heck i thought that way too...but one of my friends is in boarding school and she says her parents did the right thing to send her...but it was only for one term. SO, i disagree to the "Jeet is mad for sending raashi to hostel" Raashi got support from both her parents infront of the society but its time for her to learn to control her temper, because later on it will only spoil her future and probably make her antisocial. She probably needs to stay away from her family for a while, learn their worth, and control her temper. And i think the hostel thing would probably be temporary, like maybe for a month probably. And once she realizes this, i bet the first one to drag her home would be Jeet. 
And Jeet did try to make her understand peacefully, it was her who blew up. She overreacted, but thats understandable, she is s kid after all. And the handing "parvarish" to the hostel, i still think its only temporary. I feel it would do her good to stay away from her family, but then feel how her family responds when she comes home...
I think this track is very important, cuz this is a situation considered in probably every household, and the parvarish team are doing justice to the whole concept. Clap
Lets see how things play out in the end...
But I do hope she doesnt go to the hostel... :Cry
I hope i didnt offend anybody...
 [\QUOTE]
 

First, some clarification; 1.)Why should anyone feel offended when u r sharing ur view points candidly? I rather thank you for it. 2.) But no one is taking Jeet as a fool or insensitive either; mistaken in his understanding, yes perhaps from our view point, but 'mad'? By no estimate...Smile 

@ the point- standing her away temporarily, on account of her 'anger'; this would be dangerously counter productive perhaps, if not in fictional word than at least in real word with similar circumstances. As argued in above posts, Raashi's agitated mind, with her alarming self withdrawal or a sense of alienation, clearly hinted in disturbing charge of a foster parenthood, is crying for a need of reinforced integration into  family warmth, not a markedly ill timed removal. That would have only worsened her prejudices. For by what logic, a seemingly cold removal from the family, while maintaining rival elder sister in the same warmth, would engender an improved lot? ( this pitfall discussed in above post with chocobear)

Per se hostel is not a bad idea. Doon, Mayo, Good Shepherd etc. are fine examples of a great grooming, even from the early age. But here, development of child is a well thought or well planned decision aiming for long term schooling, not like the one (temporary) We are discussing, not even like 'the spur of moment' impulsive one that JP seem to be taking. Besides, such decision involving a problem child, is more relevant to those parents, who are professionally hard stretched for required attention, or incapable of grooming their child intently. Here, Pinky is devoted to parenting and Jeet is no less involved, going as far as giving up his job, if need arise. So all point to a more involved parenting in this case perhaps. If at all they want a 'temporary' break, then far better or logical move could be Nana's place (even that 'sending' is not liked here, at this touchy juncture)...


 


Edited by smrth - 16 March 2012 at 11:33pm

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Posted: 24 March 2012 at 11:08am | IP Logged
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Posted: 25 March 2012 at 12:34am | IP Logged
Originally posted by moonlight08

im here as well.. :P
 
awesome post as usual bhai.. i don't think i need to tell u this.. do i? hehehe..
 
sadly, i don't follow parrvarish.. it's YR's competitor, hope u get it.. LOL..
also, im completely oblivious to parenting, and i don't think i can say anything on it..
 
my mother, i believe, has reared me and my younger brother in a way that is very different from these two ladies, sweety and pinky.. sweety(shweta i believe..) is a typical mother.. exams hai toh fone le lena.. idhar udhar aane jaane nahi dena.. while pinky represents the ideal mother.. u let ur children do what they wish, do not scold them, and hence that whole night party drama - correct me if im wrong here Bhai, coz i don't follow this show much..
 
my mother, on the other hand, brought me up with a mix of idealism and practicality.. she never took my fne away, even in these crucial days like my board exams.. i can go anywhere i want to, but yes within limits.. i'l cite a real life example here..
 
it was my school farewell last month.. n we girls had planned an after party.. somehow, the boys got involved and going to pub and all that, and my mum said a strict no to me.. however, when other parents also objected, she said only thing - we can let children go out, even at night, but i have to make sure the place is safe for my children.. some parents argues about coming home late, but my mum was comfortable with the fact..
 
so, it;s like sweety likes to keep children under her guidance, ki bacche galat raaste na jaaye.. pinky thinks ideally, kuch nahi hoga baccho ko, akele jaaenge, seekhenge n all that.. :)
 
sorry for this haphazard post, but u know i cannot stop commenting where u are the topic maker.. :)
Yo Kdi, aap aa gayi!TongueWelcome back, how were the exams? Wish you all the best.
Welcome to Parvarish forum too. Though, knowing your YRKKKH loyalty, perhaps i should not spur you too much on watching Parvarish, both telecast at the same time-my jam initially too, but still I must say Parvarish has superior treatment at the moment.Smile So watch on repeats, if u have time or inclination as well, no study at the moment. The beauty is, it's not necessarily from parenting point of view. It has an perspective to offer from children's POV too. For us, 'Yeh rishta...' and 'Parvarish' have two different kinds of draw. Have passed magical dawn of Naitik Akshara's post natal parenthood. And not yet reached Parvarish couples' challenging adaptations to the demands of emerging individualities of their quasi adult, adolescent or preteen children. Of course, as a comparative amusement.Wink

About your observations, Pinky is not ideal here ( put beautifully in one of her dialogues to Jeet," Parvarish ka to koi manual nahi hota, we learn as we walk").Day Dreaming In fact, she is more confused or error prone than Sweety. You would know if watching regularly. But your affinity and respect to your parents is a heartwarming share. Savour your  cosy days under the 'wings' to the fullest. And do visit here often. I too want to reflect more here, as the time allows...Smile

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