Joined: 01 June 2004
The author takes no responsibility for the possible dementia and mental disorders caused by reading this story. Also, this is meant to be a parody and all comments regarding the characters and others are made in an attempt at light humour. Of course, you may not be able to tolerate reading the crap I've written, so...thats another thing altogether.
READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=2830&PN= 1&TPN=1http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=2830&PN= 1&TPN=1
Jassi Jaissi Hell mein bhi koi nahin! (Part 1)
Beneath the realm of humans lie several other realms. It is in the lowest realm where our story begins when the Lord of the Underworld, also known as Satan, captures a whizzing globe of fire by his Lava Lake mansion. "Empty my Piranha bowl into the lake of death and rebirth and bring it to me. It must be free of the cursed fish!" Carefully placing the glowing sphere into the bowl, Satan turns it upside down and waits.
His fiery eyes gleam with anticipation as the crag slowly turns to reddish-gold dust. "Show me!" he commands. "Reveal to me the one who is destined to succeed me after one thousand years of purgatory!" The dust shifts within the glass revealing the inside of a mortal chamber. A lean young man paces the room in a starched suit with white piping and squeezes a rotting yellow ball. "Damn!" he swears as he absentmindedly collides into his desk. Satan smiles with satisfaction.
Armaan Suri wanted to kill someone. "Girls don't like grey characters," his brain (nicknamed Raj) reminded him mockingly. Maybe I should be white then, Armaan thought to himself, feeling slightly unsure. "No, no!" reprimanded Raj-the-brain. "Then you will be a saint, like Purab Mehra. Don't you have your own identity?" Armaan gritted his teeth. "NO! I am ARMAAN SURI and no one messes with me! I will be as black as midnight!" he declared, slamming his fist into his desk.
The decision felt shocking and exhilarating at the same time. However, an overdose of both emotions proved strenuous for his rotting heart. Armaan Suri gets his first and fatal heart attack and dies with a twisted grin on his boyish face. Four realms below, the Underworld erupts into flames of celebration and demonic laughter echoes throughout. One thousand years in purgatory were complete.
Jasmeet Walia combs out her fringe and adjusts her thick glasses. "Please forgive me Armaan Sir, please!" she thinks out aloud. How can I even think of accusing Armaan Sir when he has taught me everything – from creating fake companies to hide debt to two-timing my fianc. On thoughts of Purab, Jassi wonders. Am I doing something wrong? Babaji please guide me, she prays.
She hears a sound coming from Armaan Sir's office. "That's it! I must apologize now." she tells herself firmly. She walks out of her office where the gang is gossiping. "What are you all doing? Get to work!" she orders in her best CEO voice. "What happened to her? Don't tell me Mallika's aatma is in Jassi's body!" Bindiya whispers with horror.
Meanwhile, Jassi begins to knock on the door, "Armaa.." her voice trails off. No one was in the room. I will wait for Armaan Sir! I must say sorry to him today, she decides. She walks towards the black rotating chair, deciding to practice her apologies on it. After all, she had talked to it countless times. On her pilgrimage to the chair, her foot hits something solid.
She looks down and screams. "Nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnn! Ye aapko kya ho gaya, Armaan Sir! Babaji, aapne mujhe hi kyon nahin pehle utha liya!" Now, I will not be able to apologize to Armaan Sir! I must apologize to him! But, how will I know if Armaan Sir is in heaven or hell? Babaji, show me where Armaan Sir went! She shuts her eyes and sees dark mountains filled with lava. A large man with horns and a pronged tail smiles at her. "The only way to join your Armaan Sir is to sacrifice your life for him. Use the pen knife on the table," he advises innocently.
Her brain temporarily shut, Jassi blindly takes the pen knife and plunges it into her stomach. Of course, since she commits suicide, she automatically gets a one way ticket to the Underworld. Her spirit boards the HellHound from platform 666 and she speeds off on her journey humming, "Tu jahaan jahaan chalega…mera saaya saath hoooogaaa."
"SHUT UP!" shouts the TC, who looks surprisingly like Aryan Seth. "Aryan Sir, how come you are here?" Jassi asks stupidly. "I have special permission to work here part-time, Miss Jasmeet Walia!" Aryan sneers. "Another suicidal moron!" he mutters to himself as he tears off the ticket and hands the stub back to a shocked Jassi.
At the Walia and Suri households, all are mourning the loss of Jassi and Armaan. Purab Mehra tries to immerse his sorrows in work, but is continuously haunted by strange screams at night. Depression weighs down heavily upon his heart as he stares at the IFH financial statements. A knock on the door snaps him out of his reverie. It is Hansmukhi.
"Purab! A Buddhist monk has asked us to make a donation of robes to him!" His eyes narrow with surprise. "What?" he asks, confused. "This is not one of my non-veg jokes," HM says, looking serious. "He was saying something about karma-sharma, transferring of merit-sherit. I think we will only have a big loss!" Purab lets out a breath that he wasn't even aware of holding in. "Ask him to come to me," he says finally.
HM looks surprised, but sends the monk in. He was a small man, with skin the colour of a burnt almond and was clad in an orange robe. He stares at Purab for sometime. "My son, you are worried by the screams you hear every night in your sleep. You also are suffering from the loss of a loved one." Purab stares at the monk, flabbergasted. "How do you know all this?" he demands.
"I am a Bodhisattva who has taken the form of a human to teach my fellow beings the way out of suffering." Purab looks down at the table. "How do I end my suffering?" The monk smiled and said. "By making donations, you can only alleviate suffering to an extent. To attain Nirvana, you must become a monk and donate all your belongings to the ones whose screams you hear every night. They are hungry she-ghosts from the realm above the Underworld.
Purab takes the monk's advice and asks HM to design robes appropriate for Buddhist monks. After many tears he shaves his head and eyebrows and donates his limo, houses and clothes to the hungry she-ghosts who look exactly like some members on a site called India-Forums. The woman at the head of the pack screams for a man named Circuit while the others argue over who will get his hair.
Purab is initiated as a monk after accepting the three refuges and goes into the forest to meditate. "Never get distracted by temptations," warned the monk, "or you will go directly to hell."
Covered with soot from the long train ride, Jassi reaches Lava Lake. Lo behold, there was Armaan Sir flirting with some demonesses! Overcome with joy, she shouts "Armaaaaaan Siiiiiirrrr!" Armaan looks up with a sniff. "You followed me here as well? What is the matter with you?" he thunders. "Sir, I had to apologize for blaming you wrongly and I hope you will forgive me!"
Satan appears in front of them. "Enjoying yourself?" he asked Armaan. Armaan grins with delight, his canines glinting in the firelight. "But, why is she here?" he asks with a sneer. "Satan Sir, please tell Armaan Sir to forgive me!" Jassi pleads in her whiny voice. Satan grimaces. He had never met anyone so ANNOYING. "Listen, Lassi," he roared. "Its Jas…"
"WHATEVER!" Jassi's CEO voice reduces to a whimper as Satan continued. "Your job will be to take care of my young successor and cater to his every need like you used to in the human realm. You will live in the broom closet beside the Satanic Chambers. Trust me, it will feel exactly like the kaalkothri at your soon to be bankrupt company. So you will feel right at home." Jassi's eyes fill with tears as she thinks about the 10 crore target and her lovely pink office.
Armaan who looks bored by this exchange, orders Jassi to catch him some fresh Piranhas from the lake to play with. Happy to be back under Armaan Sir's Service, Jassi goes to catch the carnivorous fish, using her dupatta as bait. Armaan relaxes while his demonic harem massage the new horns protruding from his head. Raj-the-brain had been left behind in the mortal realm where it had been transplanted into the head of a poor guy who had no girlfriends. Suffice to say that now the guy is very happy with 6 new bimbettes by his side (Pari is one of them).
Jassi finally realizes that carnivorous fish eat MEAT, so she decides to go look for some. It so happens that Satan had ordered freshly chopped mutton from the mortal realm for his bloodhound and Aryan, who also works as a Part time Courier for the underworld, has just delivered the package at the doorstep of Lava Lake. "Babaji ki kripa se ab main Armaan sir ko Piranha khila paaoongi!" Jassi declares with a huge smile of her sooty face. Because of the heat in the Underworld, her braces had melted creating a silvery layer over her teeth.
However, she was so ecstatic upon finding MEAT that Jassi didn't realize this subtle change. She catches five fat Piranhas and even gets bitten, but she does not mind as this is for Armaan Sir. Now, it so happens that while Jassi was catching piranhas, Armaan loses a bet and is turned into a donkey. "DAMN!" he shouts one last time before turning into a black ass with horns.
"Dekhiye, Armaan Sir, main aapke liye kya laayi?" Jassi's nasal voice floats into the gathering. "Hee haw, hee haw!" the Armaan-the-ass screeches with fright upon looking at the hungry (and furious) piranhas. He kicks the bowl of the fish out of Jassi's eager hands and it ends up somersaulting and landing on Satan's head.
"LASSI!!!!!!" the Lord of the Underworld roars, causing a minor earthquake. The hazel-eyed black ass gives Jassi a pitying look before running off to escape Satan's wrath. "Satan Sir will be so upset with me! I must apologize to him…SATAN SIRRRRR!" Jassi calls out. "SHUT UP!"
For Part 2 of the story, go to this link : http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=2830&PN= 1&TPN=1
Joined: 07 May 2004
Hey Mystica, welcome back.. how did your exams go? this is mind blowing.. fantastic.. good work
Joined: 02 September 2004
Joined: 20 September 2004
Joined: 13 August 2004
wow, Mystica, really really good!!!!!
T & D sure could learn a thing or two
Joined: 22 September 2004
Joined: 22 October 2004
Joined: 25 May 2004
Armaan screams ILU Jassi and Jassi.....
Author: Hansa-Tapori Replies: 30 Views: 6083
|Hansa-Tapori||30||6083||13 October 2007 at 10:02am by veekay|
Jassi Jassi Koi Nahin - D.O.T.W.
Author: premlvr1 Replies: 10 Views: 2951
|premlvr1||10||2951||21 April 2007 at 7:55am by laddoo598|
Jassi Jassi Koi Nahin Title track
Author: Salmanayesha Replies: 2 Views: 1576
|Salmanayesha||2||1576||23 March 2007 at 9:33pm by notfadedaway|
jassi sux, jassi rox,armaan rox,maddy rox
Author: insouciance Replies: 10 Views: 2507
|insouciance||10||2507||22 February 2006 at 6:20pm by ~~*Anjali*~~|
Jassi, Jassi, Jassi, haye Jassi!
Author: mahn786ch Replies: 17 Views: 4050
|mahn786ch||17||4050||13 May 2005 at 10:20am by mahn786ch|
And he will be seen playing a psychiatrist..
The lady is giving out strong Bohemian vibes!
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