Afsar Bitiya


Afsar Bitiya
Afsar Bitiya

Fairy Tale- SS Chapter 1 -page 1

manzilmukul IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 14 April 2011
Posts: 11351

Posted: 12 January 2012 at 9:14pm | IP Logged

Dear all ,

Due to the overwhelming response from you all,I just brought som,ething for you all.A short story which I had writing at some other forum but I have changed the characters according to AB.Since I really do not have time exclusively so decided to post it here it.It's with the same charcters ,with an entirely different story.Hope you all like it.Please do let me know if you want me to continue.So here is my Pintoo Krishna SS for you allEmbarrassed

Thanks again for the overwhelming response.

-Lots off lubb


Chapter 1

Jab we met

Sometimes I wonder if I could turn the tides of time and become Nirja again .I so miss those games with Chanchal  and Swati .Hands -my mothers hands which smelt like cow dung yet were the only support while I went to the mela to take a ride or two in the great grand giant wheel and steal bangles from the vendors shop.I could really not afford to buy them. In fact I remember how Amma thrashed me with a stick for stealing  those shiny green bangles. She had told me, "Je tune churayi..Bol re Krishna ja ko wapas kar k aa". I had shivered with fear when she  had screamed at me and  I had burst into tears apologizing

She had pulled the ribbons of my chutiya and shouted at me , "Ja mein juye pad jayenge ..hai hai mor bitiya k itne lambe baal jo hain "

I ran my fingers through my hair now as I can still feel her hands angrily untangling the knots of my hair with a comb harshly .

Remembering her sweet brij bhasha with a hint of rajashthani flavour makes me remember my village Chakar Nagar  which was my real home –A home where my days used to pass making my goats graze on the dry grasslands of the ravines of Chambal just near Etawah .They say the ravines were famous for the dacoits  but there are more looters dressed in classy suits roaming in the cities .At least the dacoits looted openly but here these so called custodians of the privileged class exploited and looted hiding their loathe worthy faces under a mask of dignity. Sitting near the river Yamuna near the village ,I would look at the boats moving up and down to and from the shehar carrying passengers. I had an amazing fascination for the boat because I had never seen what shehar would be like.

"Ek din ja mein baith k mor mann bhi chala javego shehar ko"(One day my heart would also sail along with the boat to the city)

I had chuckled at the thought. Little did I know that shehar was more brutal than my village.

"Ye Mumbai shehar bhi ajeeb hai .Kehtein hain sapno ka shehar hai.Kaise sapne aur kiske sapne.Sapne bhi sirf unhi k jo sapne kharidna jante hai.Yahan sirf do hi cheezein hain Ghutan aur dikhawa.dekha jaye to ye shehar sirf chalwa hai .Yahan ek taraf to unchi unchi imartein ,chamchamati gadiyan aur sharaab aur ameeri k nashe mein dhut log to dusri or har din renge wale hum jaise kidey..Jo subah se pet ki aag dur karne ke liye bbas piste rehte hain.Ye saans lena bhi koi zindagi hai."

I spitted from local train window which ran at a tremendous speed.I had to reach my house or better to say a kholi shared by 3 other kidas like me .Night was getting darker but the humid heat of the moist air had transformed itself seductively into gusts of wind.It was 1:40 in the night and I had boarded the last local train. Barely two more passengers were sitting in the coach. I was used to this- living lonely in the crowd and crowded with my memories in loneliness.

The day was tiring as usual. I looked at my almost -on the verge of breaking slippers and the tiny holes in my dupatta. I desperately needed new clothes. But I could barely manage to eat ,live and exist .If breathing can be called life. Yes I was living.

Here came the next station and those two companions too departed. Now I was alone. Frankly speaking if I would have been the same 12 yr old Krishna I would have jumped out of the train in fear. But I sat there unmoved .This was my  routine , regular train and regular loneliness.

Sometimes I wonder what would my life had been if Babu  had not fallen prey to alcoholism .Damn those kachi sharab ka thekas .Every villager became addicted.

Sometimes I wonder what would have my life been like if that obnoxious lala Mahesh had

not made babu place his thumb impression to steal our goats and I certainly do wonder what my life would have been if   30  yr old Mahesh had not bargained me for those 5 goats.

Yes 12 yr old Krishna for 5 goats!

What if my marriage did not happen . I still remembered the song of my bidaai

Chottie See Umar Parnai O Babas

Kayi Tharo Karro Main Kasoor?


What was my fault.I was just another girl but I had been slaughtered for the family.That's what girls are meant to do Right ! Sacrifice!


With my doll champa in my hands ,I had crossed the journey of a child to woman hood within seconds as if my life had betrayed me.


Ladies played dholak and sang songs of Saauur (Auspicious braj marriage songs)

I still try hard not to cry but hell these tears keep on betraying me.I wiped down the signs of my weakness though no one was there to witness it
What if   I had never stepped into that household being bullied and beaten up by my dayan mother in law.

I still keep wondering what if that day Mahesh had not tried to grope me in an inebriated state. Little did my brain comprehend apart from the numbing pain as he was all over me groping me mercilessly  .I had closed my eyes screaming, feeling as if it was a dreadful nightmare and it will pass off .My screams were silenced by his strong palms which smelt like filthy tobacco. I can still feel his rough ,dry patchy hands and  can smell his sweat  sometimes .I had been unconscious for 12 hrs and woke up only to scream a little more every night. Screams stopped ,what continued was the numbing pain. With champa clutched in my hands every night I prayed to god and imagined I was traveling in a boat sailing away towards the city. Days even worse ,that dayan made me do each and every household chore.I still laughed sometimes how I wished her dead every night.


Sometimes I do wonder what my life would have been if I had not ran off that night with the help of distant relative  when after Mahesh sudden demise due to drowning in the river, my brother in law expressed his wish to marry me. How I wished if Yamuna Maiyya had embraced me instead. I still remember his tobacco stained teeth gleaming in contemptuous smile.I can still sometimes feel the fresh breeze when I sailed towards the city with Yogesh . Amma,babu ,my sasural nothing mattered to me anymore .With champa still in my hands I had felt liberated .This was Krishna16 and now no trace of Krishna was left in me. Life in this mad city had taught me only one thing to be strong .

Like I could forget how  my little heart still yearns for my mother's hands ,but here  I am alone in this train ,alone in Mumbai ,alone in this world. A sigh escaped my the train raced .Only two more stations and I would be home. This is me Krishna.

The roaring laughter broke my trail of thoughts as my eyes fell on a bunch of rowdy boys laughing madly standing near the exit. Looks like they had just boarded the train .I started getting a little nervous and clutched on to my bag which had a knife. Still trying to look out of the window ,I tried to look indifferent .

A cheap whistle blew making me crinje as one of them used a cheap slang and started singing , "Raziya gundon mein phans gayi "

With hatred in my eyes ,I threw a death glare at them. Not that this was uncommon. Being a girl was a curse and being a lonely poor girl was more dreadful.

The fattest of them used another cheap slang and called me , "Chamiya"

Ok that was it "Sale @^&8$^^",I gathered the most fancy abuse that my mind had maintained in my little dictionary of words learnt in Mumbai and yelled at the top of my voice.

My braj drawl had left me ages ago.I now spoke a humorous mix of marathi, hindi Dono what.

They all looked at me shocked and I froze with fear, "Teri bhi mat mari gayi thi tu chup nahi reh sakti thi"I bit my lips and cursed myself. Trembling like an old woman ,I feared for the worst as the fatso screamed back , "Aye kya boli tu…"He was about to reach my seat when HE stopped the impending wrath of the fatty.

"Jane de yaar ladki hai"Sweet was his voice and dreamy were his eyes. Hairs shabbily crowning his boyish face ,an uncouth stubble on his cheeks and a huge grin revealing his perfect set of teeth. I was glad as I was seeing a teeth devoid of gutka stains after a long time

 Just when someone becomes your saviour that you actually start noticing how handsome he can be.

"Par Pintoo",The fatty would not budge.The smile instantly changed into a dangerous look as he threw an angry glare at the fatty., "Samajh nahi aya,jab main bolta hai ki jane de ,to iska matlab jane dene ka kya?"He patted fatso's cheeks.I felt like laughing and jumping with joy at the miserable fatso's face and equally funny was this huge fat man being scared off by a cute looking boy. Everyone was silent .My eyes checked out his lean yet muscular form, rugged shoes and a ill fitting clothes.

As my eyes travelled from his shoes towards his face I was like a deer caught in headlights as I saw his lovely eyes looking at me. Leaning  on to the iron pole near the exit, he grinned at me .I tried to comprehend his sheepish look, but this boy with his clear skin ,beautiful flowing locks ,attractive smile, charming voice above all a rebellious streak pulled me instantly towards him. My eyes fixed on a huge neck piece adorning his throat with a dagger shaped pendant in steel , further below his netted vest in purple, half revealed his broad form from underneath the  floral print shirt knotted near his belly. Rouge shoes and loads of street smart attitude. I quickly shifted my gaze but only to become more conscious as his dazed look was fixed on me.

My secret admiration spree came to an abrupt end when  someone  from their group jeered, "Kyun re Pintoo ,lagta hai tera dil aa gaya hai ispe?Bol to utha k le chale"

Those words penetrated as liquid poison down my ears .Everyone jeered ,"Ooo la la oo laa Ye hai teri fantasy.Chu na chu na to gali degi"

.A sudden fear gripped me and I thought of jumping out of the speeding train right there and then .Had he not laughed like a maniac on this statement I would have surely jumped out breaking my puny little bones.

But he roared laughing and looking  at me.

 "Ye aise kyun hans raha hai?",I thought.

Was the thought so amusing. Was I that ugly?

I recollected my reflection which I saw every morning in the mirror. I was above average, my eyes were really beautiful.I can still remember during days when Mahesh was sober,he would looked into my eyes and say, "Tor nain to ek dum sagar se bhi gehre hain ja mein  dub jave ko man kar raho hai"(Your eyes are deeper than than ocean .I feel like drowning in them.


A smile ran across my lips as I had some real fond memories of Mahesh. If the nights did not exist in my life ,He was a caring man during the day.If only days were to be counted I could have fallen in love with him, but in reality every night I wished him dead. Once after an intolerant beating from him one day ,I had promised to break 101 coconuts in the temple if someone killed Mahesh.


I bit my lips and sighed as the train was about to reach my station ..Picking up my bag and clutching on to my knife inside it , I slowly moved towards the exit as the train slowed down a bit. The exit was almost blocked by the gang and only a tiny little space beside Pintoo was left vacant. Mumbling hanuman chalisa in my mind I reached close to him and tried to squeeze out myself so that the moment the train stopped ,I could have ran as fast as my legs could have carried me to save whatever little was left with me.

If I only knew his intentions I would have not changed my mind to jump out of the speeding train .Taking two steps forward he blocked my way and fixed his intense gaze on me. I could   smell alcohol all over my face , as his breath was only inches away.

I tried not be scared  ,but my heart hammered under my bosom .He extended his hands to reach out to my cheeks ,with a look so intense in his eyes that I could almost feel the heat. Choking in fear I clutched his palms stopping him .He was surprised and smirked as I clutched on to his other one too which had by now started to complete the task stopped by my hand. Soft palms –this was the first thing that came across my mind when I touched him .He was looking at me with his eyes lingering on the curves and angles of my face. But the look on his face was soft, His eyes twinkled with a strange mischief which was by far from being lust. My impulsive breathing increased tenfold and I tried to squeeze a smile trying to gauze his reaction followed by a frown and then again smile while my lips trembled.

Suddenly the train stopped and next I knew he stepped back and with his hands folded across his bosom,winked at me.I was so perturbed and confused for a moment that I felt numb, but God had always given me the instincts to run and save myself .So I got down hurriedly and was about to run away, when his alluring voice called from behind, "Aye apna naam to batati ja."

I glanced back only to find him following me. I don't know why but I suddenly smiled back   at him and cried , "Bijli"

He was so shocked and surprised at my stupid reaction and my stupid fake name   ,that he forgot move.

Suddenly an ear piercing sound echoed in the deserted station .I looked around horrified only to realize bullets being shot. The blood supply   to my brains suddenly stopped and my feet felt heavy as lumps of lead as the several bullets were fired .

"Aye ladki",  pinto screamed and pulled me behind a wall trying to hide himself and me from the bullets. He fumbled and checked his pockets, "Arey Yaar meri gun"

"Gun iske paas gun bhi hai?", I thought .My eyes just widened in horror and my face turned pale as if I had seen a ghost.

Suddenly a bullet passed across me and then his scream and then silence and then the footsteps vanishing in thin air.

I looked back at him .He lied there shot near his ribs and blood spurted out from the deep wound like a fountain.I had never seen so much blood apart from the day when Mahesh had kicked me so much on my pregnant womb that I lost my child at the age of 16.On that day I was torn with intolerable anguish .My heart and body seemed to be wrung as a damp cloth might be wrung. I was wracked with pain and lying in the pool of blood and flesh I had cried so loud that it could have reached the whole world.But no one listened to me.I had closed my eyes and wished Mahesh would be dead .And they say, "bhagwaan k ghar mein der hai andher nahi ."Mahesh  was found drowned in the river the very next day.Coming back from the bitter memories of my past,I concentrated on the wound and continuously patted his cheeks to keep him in his senses.

I felt nauseated but his scream was so heart wrenching that I leaned on his frame, while he tossed and turned with pain.

I quickly tore his shirt ,only to find that the bullet had just brushed past his side leaving a deep wound ,maybe a cut artery. Without losing a moment, I made a complete bolus of my dupatta and stuffed it in the wound with tremendous pressure. I had remembered how our village vaidya used to do this when someone was shot by the dacoits. The pressure caused him to wince and scream in pain.

"##$%&^*@# ,Kya kar rahi hai tu?"Hurling the filthiest abuse that I had heard in centuries, He grabbed my arms making me writhe in pain.

I shouted loudly, "Chup kar warna mar jayega",I  jumped on him and pined him on the ground to stop him from resisting ,putting more pressure on his wounds while he screamed and shivered like a fish which had been put out of water, his nails diging in deeper in my arms.I was grabbing him like a child in my arms.My mouth was dry as dust as I could hear his heart thumping behind his hurt ribs.

His friends came on running and panting and took charge and the last thing I saw that they took him away leaving me drenched in blood without my dupatta , while he vanished in thin air but his eyes still fixed on me till I was out of sight.


That night I could hardly sleep. While I was washing away the stains of blood from my suit,his innocent face kept on haunting me.I was surprised as I was so worried about his health and wound.His scream would not let me sleep during nights .Days passed ,infact weeks.Every night I hoped to see him standing near the iron pole,but every passing night my anticipation of a miracle slowly subsided and almost a month later ,I started to forget if ever such a person and situation had occurred in my life as I had other impending priorities hanging like a sword on my head.Similarly the marks of his nails also lightened and finally vanished from my arms.My relative ,the parasite he was, had finally snatched the last penny that was left with me,After all He had saved me and the full right on my money,My head reeled and my stomach churned as I had not eaten anything in 3 days.And soon I was to be thrown out of my house as I had not paid my room rent since last six months. Today was the last day of the ultimatum from my landlord.

"Mere ko  Tuntun bhai se paise mangne honge",With determination in my mind I walked almost a 3 kms to reach the station.God bless Mumbai local trains and the crowd., "Warna mere jaise kidey kabhi bhi nahi ji patein"

My legs were ready to collapse any moment as the profuse sweat due the scorching heat bathed my clothes .It was 5:00 in the evening.

"Arey pinki Tiffin layegi,to main roti sabzi khaungi".The thought of the warm and spicy sabzi of Rewa's tiffin made my gastric juices extra active as I gulped down more water to extinguish the pangs of my hunger.

I entered my work place .Empty chairs and dingy lights welcomed me .Within two hours everything would be bustling with activity.

The dingy dressing room covered with moulds and fungus welcomed me.The stinking stench of the rain soaked walls made me nauseated.

I opened my locker and took out the shimmering dress in red  and ran towards the washroom to change quickly. I did not want to upset Tuntun bhai ,who owned me now. My distant had sold me off and now I used to work as his bonded labour  accepting whatever meagre sum he used to offer for my hard work without ever raising my voice

"Kai jhala Krishna",Pinki could fathom the depressed on my face as I walked out the stinking washroom in a low cut chaniya choli with my long tresses flowing across my shoulder .

"Apna tiffin khol Pinki ",without waiting for her affirmative answer I opened her box and the whiff of fresh sabzi made me salivate and before I could push it into my mouth Tuntun Bhai screamed, "Kya re tum ladkiyon ko isliye kaam deta hai mein ki tum log idhar kaam chori kar sako.Gulaal tu jaldi tayyar ho .Idhar khali baithne ka paisa nahi deta main.Ajj agar tu extra kamai nahi karegi to main phuti kaudi bhi nahi dega tere ko


I sprung from the chair and started to comb my hairs and adorning them with shimmering pins .The broken mirror pathetically laughed at my plight. This is me Krishna who works as a bar dancer every evening.

I painted my lips with darkest shade of cheap red lipstick and completed my makeup by dabbling lots of red shimmer on my eyelids cheeks and sprayed myself with the cheap body spray to mask the odour of the sweat.

I always laughed at the way we used to put on make   up ,the end result being all of us looking like Ekta kapoor vamps,whose shows I sometimes stole glances at during the breaks in durgesh bhai's rooms.'Not that I was the only suffering soul.Every girl had a story of her own.

I was this little Krishna, coloured , painted and strived every night to seduce people with my gyrating dance numbers so as to make them shower money on me to stuff  Tuntun bhai's lockers.

I had to earn tonight as it meant my salary now.

I still remember how every evening in  my village ,the peals of the bells chimed, the lamps were lit and Amma sung sacred hymns accompanied by us.

But now my evenings began with gyrating and grooving on the provocative dance numbers, fanning the fancies of men who gulped huge amounts of alcohol and undressed me with their eyes .Life isn't a fairy tale for all of us. It never was for me at least.

I had to earn tonight, though my legs were aching I still had to earn.

With this determination in my mind,I pulled my choli a little lower to make it more revealing and my small knee length chaniya also a little lower to bare my navel.

The more tempting I looked, the more money I would be able to make, I thought as I walked with a heavy heart towards the dance floor surrounded by men who lusted ,jeered and clapped for us.

The song started playing , "Oo la la…Ooo la la..tu hai meri fantasy"

I cursed Vidya Balan and started to dance   halfheartedly. After all she was the one responsible for bringing the latest fad of voluptuous being more seductive back .I looked at my timid frame in huge mirror behind the dance floor and sighed as I started to groove on the rhythm .The suffocating aroma of the place mixed with alcohol, smoke ,sweat made me nauseated.The effect was compounded manifold as my intestines churned and rats played kabbadi in them due to hunger.

I realized no one even looked at me due to my sulky face.I had to earn.I recalled all the seductive moves of Vidya in the song which continuously aired on Tuntun Bhai's TV day and night and tried to mimic her style. My hips pulsating and moving seductively and hands caressing myself as I seductively flung my hair, biting my lips. I need money.I need money .Nothing else mattered to me now.

People jeered and I looked around. I relaxed a bit as I had finally managed to grab eyeballs.

Heaving my bosom to the rhythm I twirled a bit and then wonders of wonders and miracles and miracles happened .Oh my god! He was there ! Pintoo! Fit and fine!.A genuine smile ran across my face as I saw his naughty face , smiling mischieviously at me .

As I twirled I slightly waved at him to which he instantly responded by winking at me and he continued to sip his drink .My smile widened by half and inch every second as I continued to set the stage on fire with my known seductive skills.I looked at him hopefully. He nodded his head and his mouth half revealed his beautiful set of white teeth as blew puffs of smoke in the air,still look at me dazed.My eyes met his and I smiled a little more.

"Kya kar rahi hai Krishna?"I cursed myself for giving him undue attention while he didn't even move an inch to atleast tip me some money.

"Phukkad lagata hai"I twitched my nose and tried to regain my focus on other targets.Not that I did not notice his smile turning into a frown as I shifted my gaze from him to other targets.

"Oh there goes a 50 rupee note.

I walked dancing towards  him.He hurled the note in front of me and signaled me to kiss his patchy ugly cheeks adorned with ugly pits like the craters of the moon.I felt like smashing his teeth into pieces,but I still pasted that fake smile on my face and was about to place a kiss on his face when ,that moon face whispered in my ears, "chalti hai kya"I wanted to punch his face as my patience reached its threshold.

I threw that 50 rupee note on his face and ran inside the dressing room.

I wanted to puke as my head was throbbing with pain.anger and desperation


"Krishna tu is tareeke se customer logon se bartav karegi to ek din tala lag jayega mere bar mein"Tuntun bhai shouted at me.Rubbing the temples of my forehead ,I screamed, "To kya chahte hai aap main chand paison k liye har aadmi k saath….."I could not speak any further.

On the verge of tears ,I heard tuntun screaming, "itni sati savitri mat ban ek paisa to kama nahi sakti aur batein usoolon ki karti hain..ja kal se kaam pe mat aana"

I literally burst into tears and fell on his feet, "bhai maaf kar de mujhe mat nikaliye ..main"

Tuntun replied, "Acha rona dhona band kar apna huliya theek kart aur ja k naach udhar"

I wiped off my tears and standing in  front of the mirror retouched my kajal which had washed off due to my saline tears.I was not aware that he was standing at the door witnessing everything.I was about to walk away when I suddenly collided with  pinto who smiled at me.His blazing bloodshot eyes still burning with a little rage ,he asked in a low tone, "Kitney paise chahiye?"

I looked at him with hatred and contempt, "Main nahi leti kisi se paise"

He looked at me with a strange directcness and grabbed my waist pulling me closer to him.Iwas petrified and shivered as his warm hands touched me making me shudder.moving the back of his hand on my cheeks ,"Paise bata aur chal mere saath"

His words hit me like a lightening .his eyes still lingering on my face.

I yelled on top of my voice pushing him, "Main bikau nahi hun..Aur bikau hoti bhi to teri aukat nahi hai mujhe kharidne ki"I shot back reprimanding him harshly.

His expression changed from softness to bubbling anger and he mercilessly pulled me hair pulling me closer and screamed, "Kya boli phir se bol"

Don't know what gave me strength to speak but Maine kaha na main bikau nahi hun,Aur agar bikau bhi hoti to to tum kharid nahi pate .Tumhari aukat nahi hai mujhe kharidne ki",Looking at him with blazing and scornful eyes,writhed in pain trying to free myself from his clawed fingers that mercilessly pulled my hairs.I could have puked any moment as this breath mixed with strong  whiff alcohol fell on my face.Inches apart my  lips trembled.No matter how fearless I was ,at the end of the day,I was the same  little  Krishna who was even scared of rats, "Ye to phir bhi insaan hai.."


"asan nahi hota hai  akeli ladki ka mumbai jaise shehar mein jeena..Aur wo bhi uska jisne 3 din se kuch bhi nahi khaya ho"I am Krishna ,25,lonely and moreover hungry since 3 days.

My face reddened by the sudden afflux of blood .He looked at me with blazing eyes.I had made this great mistake of challenging him which was pretty evident from his eyes looking at me scornfully which shook my body in spasms .

Arey bhai janre do ise …main maafi mangta hai aapse",Tuntun bhai folded his hands in front of Kesar which deviated his attention from me loosening his grip a bit.Turning his head towards him .ise samjha de ki main ki kaun hun main samjha"he turned back towards me.

"aur tu..Tu hai kya ..?  Pulling me a little closer he was about to say something when one of his friends interrupted him,   pinto  tera phone hai yaar 

"Hmmm..tujhe baad mein dekhta hun ",caressing my cheeks a little more he released my hairs and pushing me back walked away .

The shock of the first encounter was so violent that my whole being remained in a shuddering state while Tuntun bhai kept on screaming at me, "tu ye dhandha band karwayegi mera




. .Tu janti bhi hai ye kaun hai .? tujh jaisi 50  ko bhi khareed sakte hain

I mumbled , "kharid sakta hoga par mujhe nahi"


PRECAP- What he was offering was way more than what I had to lose .Accepting his offer I walked with him.

Pls do hit the LIKE BUTTONEmbarrassed

The following 8 member(s) liked the above post:


ParulRatiShivi IF-Rockerz

Joined: 17 March 2009
Posts: 8737

Posted: 12 January 2012 at 10:22pm | IP Logged
Loved It...What A Story...

The following 3 member(s) liked the above post:


shaazi IF-Rockerz

Joined: 04 January 2010
Posts: 5587

Posted: 13 January 2012 at 1:51am | IP Logged
awesome chapterThumbs Up...cant wait for the continue soon

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moniluvskinshuk IF-Stunnerz

Joined: 12 November 2009
Posts: 37752

Posted: 13 January 2012 at 4:31am | IP Logged
Wowww Piu Just Amazing . U r beautiful Writer n I m soo Soo Excited for d Next Chap . Do update Soon . Lovedd it 2 d core .Big smile

Edited by moniluvskinshuk - 13 January 2012 at 4:31am

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madhubansen Goldie

Joined: 07 April 2009
Posts: 1843

Posted: 14 January 2012 at 11:58am | IP Logged
 Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap

dats d only thing i can do after reading dis...

simply astounding...d way u have described scenes, characters & emotions...

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:


Dilbole_ShiOmRu IF-Stunnerz

Joined: 21 March 2007
Posts: 25436

Posted: 14 January 2012 at 12:04pm | IP Logged
Wow beautiful start keep writing I am loving it

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-SilverDragon- IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 02 April 2011
Posts: 13799

Posted: 16 January 2012 at 4:07pm | IP Logged

Awesome chapter can't wait untill you next update. Smile

-SilverDragon- IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 02 April 2011
Posts: 13799

Posted: 29 January 2012 at 7:12am | IP Logged
Please update soon I really loved the first part. Smile

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