Posted: 10 January 2012 at 2:45am | IP Logged
here is a short fic of 4 parts that i am writing on AshNi...
It starts that Nidhi's father have a huge loss in business and have a major surgery...no house track in this fic...just Nidhi and Ashu love eachother but didnt tell...and that Rohan-nidhi couple track arises
Kernel Verma get to know about Nidhi and Ashutosh and afraid of the world's cruelty, he agrees with dadi-bua that Rohan and Nidhi should get marry before its too late for Nidhi to get out from this love with Dr.Ashutosh
and and annndd...Rohan is in love with Nidhiii...
My Killer, My LoverLooking at the mandap decorated with flowers and colors and inside, sitting the love of my life..Dr.Nidhi Verma who was getting a mangalsutr of someone's else name around her neck...it was supposed to be mine...was a devastating scene
Yes mine...just like she wanted to have my surname with her name...i know it...i could feel it in her eyes...the unconditional and pure love...but that was the problem...I didnt had a surname
"They look so good together...they make a nice couple" i heard someone saying to another person beside me...i didnt dare took my eyes off her as these will be the only few moments where i could capture her in my eyes...in my mind...though i know that these moments will always hurt me inside out...but they are worth
I felt something stir inside myself...Oh the pain...that UN-bearable pain that i was trying to bear right from the start of this wedding...Oh God! why me...why i had to suffer all this pain...Right from the time her baba came to my home after getting well of that severe heart-attack
"Dr.Ashutosh" he said as he get inside and turned to look at me when i offered him to have a seat
"I just came here to ask you for a favor" I was confused
"I somehow got to know that Nidhi is feeling attracted towards you..." Oh Damn, i knew it...i had felt that but i dont know why i try to ignore that...but his next words make me break my chain of thoughts
"I will call it infatuation, a crush may be like what they refer it now-a-days but i cant see it as a love" I felt something strong hit me inside...
"I mean i know you are a sensible man and you care for your colleagues and patients as well as your juniors and my stupid daughter is taking it in another way...I cant see her getting destroyed by this mere crush" Aha What.....i was angry now...did he mean that i will destroy her life...
"Being a father as well as a mother of her, i know where i need to hold her and where i should let her be on her own self...Me and Nidhi's Dadi bua have decided that she should get married now" I know what was coming up...i was having a pretty bad feeling about this whole stuff
"Rohan is a nice boy and he loves Nidhi alot...I want Nidhi to marry him" He said it looking stright into my eyes, judging my reaction or trying to read something on my face, i dont know...but i do felt tears in my eyes which were ready to get out in split of a second but i hold them back
He was hoping for a reaction from me...i looked at him for few seconds and get hold on myself as i asked
"What can i do for you?"
"Convince Nidhi...I know if I or her Dadi Bua will ask her...she will never agree...i want you to tell her that Rohan is a good life partner for her...i know she will stay happy with him"
His words were hard to digest....he want me to ask my love to be someone's else....He was going on with his words
"I know if you will tell her to come to reality she will listen to you...I think she had took your care, respect, affection in a wrong way" Affection, my foot...it was love...just pure love
"You are far more senior to her and i know you also know the cruel world and its reality...they just need a topic to gossip on...i dont want Nidhi to face any of that" I could feel his tongue trembling as he must have imagined that
Yes, our AGE...there was a great gap between us and above that there are many other realities that were stick with me...how did i ever thought that we could be together...that i could have her in my life beside me
I was feeling awful myself now...it was plain immoral for me to think that way for her
"I hope you understand my worries and love for my daughter" as he ended, i looked up at him...confident that my voice will give power to my words i am just about to say
"I respect you sir...and i promise that Nidhi will marry Rohan..." i saw the worry lines went away from his forehead...
1st time i felt that i am really good at something...i am good at taking worries from people dont matter how those worries gonna hurt me to the core
He came to me and hold his hands together infront of me
"Thank you...i dont know how i will ever repay you"
I hold his hands as i remembered my own baba...Fathers are like this...worried for their children and there better future...
"Its the least i could do for you sir" and he left giving me a light smile
As i closed the door, i also close the door of my heart that somehow opened up as Nidhi entered my life and introduced me once again with life, its colors, its beauty
I will never let anyone enter in it again...Ever
Slowly, Nidhi and Rohan get up, taking blessings from all...and soon it was time for bidaai...she was behaving like an statue...no tears you can find in her eyes...every one came forward, with teary eyes...hugging her but she didnt hug anyone back...as she put her head on his father chest and move towards the exit...her eyes were stuck to mine...teary..asking me again and again...why i did this...why i let her marry someone else...why i break her heart into pieces...
Being not able to hold that stare anymore and turned around, wiping my own tears who couldnt stop themselves now...
As promised to her, i was present at her wedding right from the start till the end...didnt matter how many wounds i get by seeing her belonging, step by step to someone else...to prove her that i am not in love with her...without her knowing, that i couldnt get out of love of her ever...
She sit into the car and proceed towards her new life...tomorrow, she will be in america...starting a new phase of her life with Rohan...i know, he will keep her happy...and its her happiness...that means the most to me
Getting back into my house...yes house
I loosed my tie as i looked around...Once i thought that Nidhi will make it a home with me...but that was a foolish thought of me...it was impossible and i want to make impossible possible...thats ridiculous
pushing myself on the bed, i closed my eyes as her teary face flashed infront of my eyes...
"I just pray you dont have to shed another tear in this life Nidhi...i will always pray for you" i dont know till what hour i thought about her as i dozed off to sleep...
Sitting in the aeroplane, i looked at my mangalsutra and rohan sleeping beside me...This feeling was hard to digest that i am married to Rohan...I never wanted this, never in my wildest dreams i imagined him as my life partner...
And i would never have married him only if the two men, the only two men of my life wouldnt have forced me
Baba...i dont know why he so wanted me to marry Rohan...getting up from bed after the serious surgery of his heart, his first worry was me getting married...and the solution was provided to him by Dadi-Bua in the form of Rohan, he knew, pretty well he knew that i dont love him...right from the start i told him that the only man i want to spend my life is Dr.Ashutosh...he is the man for me...my first crush, my first Love...Firstly, he was too enthusiastic in getting us together...he knew and he told me also that Dr.Ashuthosh loved me too...
Did i need to hear that from him???...No, i already knew he do...i can feel the love in his eyes...the feelings were pure and so easily viewable from his crystal clear eyes...He just love me as much as i do...though we never said, but we didnt need words...Silence was way more better and soothing to my heart...
But then i dont know why he pushed me away from himself...i need to know, badly need to know...he asked me to marry Rohan giving me all the false excuses of age, people, background... and last, he dont want me to embrace my family coz of him
How he thought that he could be an embarrassment for me...i could be anything coz of him, proud, happy, excited, crazy but never embarrassed because of his existence in my life
His existence was just as much important into my life as taking breath...my heart beat with his name now
Those all reasons were base-less and i didnt accept them till the time he said
"I dont want you in my life" those words still roam in my mind like blood...were all those emotions, feelings, warmth that i felt from his existence and surrounding was a false alarm...
No way...i know he loved me...and i would have waited for him my whole life if Baba wouldnt have given me swear of his life
I defeated...Not getting any support from Dr.Ashutosh even made me more disapponted and in anger, i agreed to marry Rohan just for my Baba...hoping if I cant, then Rohan would reject this proposal
But he didnt...
I pleaded to him but he didnt listen and given me one chance
"Nidhi, only if Dr.Ashutosh will come and accept that he love you...i will back out from this wedding...Only if"
"But why Rohan" I questioned him... "You know i love him...it was you who told me that he love me too...than why, why are you doing this?"
He hold my shoulders...tightly...there was something in his eyes that left me trembling and shocked...
"No" and tried to loose his hold and move back "No Rohan...Dont you dare say that" I tried to stop him
"When you see it then why i shouldnt accept it Nidhi...i Love you..." he came forward and hold me once again
"and this reason is enough for me to not back out from this wedding" he looked at my face trying to judge me emotions...were they in favor of him...but i put a stone cold mask on my face and looked back at him with hatred as i shrugged his hands from myself once again
"You will never be able to have me Rohan...Never"
"I will change you...my love will change you" he said confident of his words but i am confident too...the only person who could love me, who is having my heart is Dr.Ashutosh and it will stay with him...
After landing, i followed him from counter to counter and get out from the airport...
I know...everything i have done till now was for my Baba...but now, forward...anything i will do will be for my own self
We get into the small apartment of his as he called it our house...i was feeling ridiculous to be called his in any way...he broke my trust and i m never going to forgive him for that...
he entered asking me to wait for him at the door...i was least interested in any of his lovly dovly acts so ignoring his saying i get in with my hand bag...i went upstairs as i found a room and put my luggage, removed my duppata throwing it on the bed...
Closing my eyes, i went through all the moments i went through in the last week...my life turned upside down in this whole week...
I still cant get his teary eyed memory out from my mind...he must have thought i didnt saw it,...but how i couldnt...i know him better than he thought i do
I hoped, secretly inside my heart...every second of my wedding that he will come forward and stop that crap and express his love but silently, he stand at a corner...burning me as well as himself...he needed me and wanted me to be hers as much as i wanted to be his
"Oh, you here...i thought that..." Rohan entered the room and said it having a sigh of relief
"You thought what...that i ran...if i had to do that i would have done that long ago" Rohan eyes saddened but ryt now i was least caring about him
"No, i am just happy that you get inside and feel at home...its better if you get used with ur home early" he said almost convincing himseld
"Rohan, for the last time...i m not interested in you or your house...whatever i have done till now was for baba...but i cant do anything more...and it would be better if you expect nothing from me..."
I get up to get my things out from my bag but he hold me in mid-way and pushed me to the closet behind as his mouth crushed mine...
i was shocked...i tried pushing him back but he was determined as he ripped my lower lip trying to get access to me...but i didnt...my body was shaking and i thought he felt that as he get away from me
"I will make you mine in every way Nidhi..."
"You can have my body,...but u can never have my soul and heart as it already belong to someone else" and he left in anger as i sit down with the closet and holding my legs cried...
my tears were unstoppable as were my love for Dr.ashutosh...my life become a misery in just the matter of 2 weeks...
Part 3Its almost been a year to her marriage when 2 days earlier... i get to hear the news of her Baba's death...it was a sad news...he had some heart problem and the major sudden heart attack didn't let him survive
I was in denial...Should i go or not??? as if i go, i know i will have to face Nidhi...and i dont want too...
My heart yearned to have a good look of her but my mind still has her last crying faced image stored it it and it also told me, how much it hurt me to see her like that then
Today, the moment is like this that she must be crying...that day, she cried because of me more than leaving his father house and i wasnt able to stop her tears
I knew, she told me...he will wait for me till the last moment to move forward...express my love in front of the world and she will break every promise, every relation she had...just for me, to be with me...
She was confident then...she believed that i will not bear seeing her belonging to someone else...in someone's else arms...wearing someone's else named mangalsutra and sindoor, but i wasn't confident of myself...
Already knowing the feeling of a lost family, i know how it would be for her and i didn't wanted anyone to blame her for anything or say her anything because of me...She was a mere 26 year old girl...still experiencing life...i had to be the mature one in the relationship we shared and i think, i did right thing
From that day onward, not a day went by when i had not thought about her or not prayed for her happy life...for having all the love, the happiness she deserved...even if its with Rohan
and for me...it was enough to know that she loved me...LOVED...i truly want to believe that she still do but its not morally correct when she is someone's else wife and it was me who created that situation that lead her to marry him...
Ignoring to look at her, not receiving her calls...not letting her assist me in any surgeries was the starter that move forward in the form of heated arguments...and it all ended up when she come to my house asking me the reason for ignoring her and all i said was
"It was a mistake for me to think that i love you...may be because you are young and enthusiastic and that thing make me attracted to you but now i know...calling it and giving it the name LOVE was wrong...it was just attraction" not facing her, i tried harder to make my voice steady as i said all this...i can heard the voice of her clear crystal heart breaking into pieces and if i know her, those salted tears just escaped her eyes, leaving traces on her soft cheeks
"Thats not true..." she blabbered after sometime composing herself...i heard the shakiness in her voice
Grabbing my shirt as she come forward, she looked straight into my eyes as i tried avoiding her...she observed me for a moment when her hands move up to cup my face and made me look into her eyes
I am a bad actor and she is a good reader...thats what i though and maybe she too
"You cant even lie properly" she smiled a little between her tears
"I am not lying" removing her hands i turned when i felt her strong hand hold my wrist
"Yes you are...and i know...you love me...its love that i always saw it in your eyes and still can" there was a hope...GOD!! why i have to do this...but getting a grip on my emotions, i shrugged her hand and said with more strong voice
"Think whatever you can Nidhi...but i said what i had too"
"I dont know why you are doing this but please...i beg you..." and i felt her dropping on the floor with running tears and holding hands
"Dont do this with me...i will die without you"
My heart skip a beat...how can i imagine her like that and my heart wasn't strong enough to look at her in that state...it so wanted to move forward and hold her in my arms...but as i turned, my mind reminded me of my promise i did to her Baba...i willnt break it in any case...
May be, this promise will help me pay back my Baba...
"No one dies without anyone Nidhi...and i know you too will survive...." my harsh words really make her lose all hopes and she cried her heart out
Portraying myself insensitive, i left her like this and come to my study room to take out all the tears that i was stopping from a long time...but even those bitter tears weren't enough to overcome the pain, i was feeling that moment
I went to my hair and turning it towards the wall, i looked at the picture of me with my Baba
I looked deep onto his face with my teary eyes...my heart was asking questions to him as why everyone i love, have to leave me...1st my real parents, then Baba...then Mallika who left as she didn't want to see me just as a best friend who she know it now better then ever, that i can't be his and now...the one person, i think i had spent my whole life till now to find...had to leave
This was painful of all those emotions i felt before...i thought i could bear it but it was unbearable...
It was almost an hour that i came into the study...just when i assumed that Nidhi must have left till now, accepting all that what i said...i heard my study door open with a thud and heard the rushed foot steps
I was still facing the wall when i heard her
"Ok Dr.Ashutosh...if you think that whatever in between us is just attraction and nothing more...then you are invited to my wedding with Rohan...it must not be a problem for you to then attend my wedding and seeing me being someone's else" Oh...that thought killed me once again then...i wiped my tears as i was still facing the wall and composed myself to talk to her face to face for the last time...i turned around and looked at her burned face...she was angry
"I will check if there is no emergency..." but she cut me in between
"No, no more excuses...any emergency, any medical or personal reason is allowed...you are coming to my wedding and will stay there right fro the beginning to the end...and if you willnt come, i will tell everyone about us in the public and then there will be no one to stop me" she was confident...and knowing her, i know...she will not think about anyone else...she was one spoil girl
"OK...i will be there" my answer relax her
"I will wait for you...my wedding card will be sent to you first" and she left...and as said, i received the card first as she came to the hospital to invite all her fellow members and standing in between them...she personally hand-over that to me
"the first wedding card for you Sir...do come" there was a challenge in her eyes...
"For Sure Dr.Nidhi" and as said and as promised...i was there...attended her wedding and watched her left for her new life
Now, after a year...i dont know how to face her...those angry eyes still haunt my mind and my dreams...
My mind and heart battled once again...my mind wasnt allowing me to go as seeing her in that situation once again will break me part and will keep me up for several months like last time
On the other hand, my heart was pushing me to go and provide her the shoulder, she needs to cry on...
But i know, i will not to that shoulder she want to cry on...last time, it was due to situation that i refrain to offer it...and now, its my guilt...
Finally...i listened to my heart this time, and went to her house...
Standing on the door, i looked at the people taking place in the small garden of her house...
"its so sad...Cornel Verma's body was kept into the morgue for 2 days to wait for Nidhi and Rohan's arrival"
"Poor man, wast able to bear the separation of her daughter" someone saying beside me
Surly Cornel Verma's love for her daughter was great...it was the power that made me believe that he will not take any wrong decision for his beloved daughter which asked me to back out
Soon it was time to take Cornel Verma's body for his last ceremony...i was near the entrance of the main hall...my heart skip a beat as i looked at her...sitting beside his father's body...still, like a statue...she wasnt crying...her eyes were stuck to her father face...Dadi Bua was sitting beside her...asking her to cry but it feels like, her tears are dried up...
I saw rohan and other men standing up as they took there charge as they lift the body and come out...i also joined them...Rohan perform all the rituals of his funeral...
"May he rest in peace now"...i silently prayed and left
Next: Ashutosh Nidhi face-to-face after an year...was Nidhi really happy...last part will be up soon guys do comment if you likeluv ya
Edited by cool_SK - 18 March 2012 at 5:59am