Joined: 02 September 2004
the question raised is ...can we control who we fall in love with?...yes and no....there is always a pivotal moment in every relationship(more so in love). you decide if you are going to resist it or are going to let yourself go...should you decide to let yourself go ...you are in love , if you resist...there might be a little frustation emotionally but you have gotten over. once the moment passes, so does love(or atleast the sensation of it).it is a myth that you have absolutely no control over whom you love. let us ask these questions and answer them honestly
1) most of us love our parents unconditionally but would we still love them if they countinuosly humiliated and abused us.....(if they answer is no....this goes to show even the most basic and purest form of love changes over time)
2)you are happily married(by most standards), however you are attracted to a collegue(feels like love). can you resist it?, would you dump your family for this feeling? is this love better than what you feel for your husband of few years(okay so yours was not a love but arranged marraige)....if you say you will resist without feeling regret....(you have controlled your emotions and stopped them before they grow into something one cannot deal with)
while we can not always control emotions(that would be inhuman) but letting them run beserk is a complete affront to the thing called brains.
now for second part....people try to save thier marraige if it is of thier choice.....they have to do it , there is no choice...it is an ego issue now...if you fail...every tom and harry will tell you "i told you so".but mostly as laks said ...it depends on your maturity level.......if life deals you bad cards ...do you weep over it and try to walk out of the game without even trying or do you try to make best out of the situation and hope you win.
most people don't realise that a divorce leaves many raw scars that haunt you through out your life even if the marraige was unwanted in the first place.
Joined: 23 August 2004
Joined: 23 August 2004
i guess i did not get my point through jp, jassidevi, minnie and all other. being wild is not a bad thing nor is being simpleton, however we need to look further than the appearances and also how it works with your dreams and personality. i see everyone quoting an example where things worked out...but for every single example that worked out against odd...i can quote 10 others that did not work out.the bottom line is that you need to be careful and think long term when making a commitment. also love does not triumph all and emotions are finicky....this is a bitter fact(the older you grow , more you realise this)
as for you devildriver....someday you will end up with someone who will be right for you(you may start with love or not).
Puja,it is not about whether it worked out or not.It is about getting an opportunity to exercise that choice. It's true that whatever we are is what we choose. Whether what we choose is right or wrong is based largely on luck and the determination to work at something with both being equally important. I have seen girls who are lucky in love and they take pride in saying that if the guy was otherwise they would not have choosen him. I say that when we do fall in love,we seldom wait to find out whether he is right or wrong. It is after we fall that we find that out. These girls are lucky because their choice did not turn out to be a deceit ,say six months down the line !! I am lucky in love because my husband did not turn out to be a cad six months after I got married to him. Unfortunately I have seen a large chunk of those unlucky ones as well. My cousin's marriage would not have worked out if she had not really worked at it. She chose it and she is living it out and when today everything is settled,she has come out to be the winner.
My personal view is that arranged marriages are always more successful than emotion based love marriages. However the question here is not that. The question is whether it is right to fall in love with the wrong guy. My pov is,do we really get to choose whom we do fall in love with ?????
The second point is,when we do fall in love,then what?? My best friend chose to break up at her parent's insistence, married a guy of their choice who was a very nice and yet was divorced 5 years later. Why and whereforth is immaterial. Today she has a kid and is single and wonders what it would have been like if she had stuck to her choice. Maybe she would have failed but then the choice would have been her's and sometimes it makes me think she definitely would have tried harder to save a marriage of her own choice. There are girls who stick to their decision because they made it in the frist place and there are others who don't think twice before dumping the person and moving on. That is when the matter of choice comes in. I think while falling in love cannot be controlled,the decision to stick to it can be. Having said that, I don't think we can ever predict that all the carefully weighed decisions will ultimately turn out to be right.
In context of Jassi, I do think she decided to move on. That she is unable to stop loving Armaan does show the depth of her emotions. I think I respect her more for it because it would have been so easy for anyone to go for a greener pasture and that in case is Purab. Jassi can be everything we blame her for, but fickle and opportunistic she is not. She is human and has many failings but this is where I can still relate to her.
Joined: 02 September 2004
Joined: 12 March 2005
Joined: 23 August 2004
Joined: 09 March 2005
Hi this is a nice topic.
And d_d, you remind me of myself some ten year back. I definitely thought I am above men and their love and wouldn't have anything to do with them, Until I met him. Then I didn't know what hit me............... For that matter I still don't know
Frankly speeking I don't remember analysing whether he is a volcano or ditchwater................... It all happened just like that. Love follows no logic and brain has nothing to do with it. I personally believe that falling in love is a gift from God. If you are not experiencing it your life is not worthwhile.
Ps: He was and is and will continue to be a Volcano and I still love him
Joined: 12 November 2004
I think when love has to happen, it will happen. And whether the guy's good or bad won't be the issue of the day.
I think not all girls go after bad guys. It depends on what kinda guy a girl wants, to an extent. When you love, you the whole the whole person, not just the good side or the bad side.
As for me, I'm obssessed with a guy who's playing on his way to become one of the world's most super-evil characters because even though the character will become bad, right now he's good, and he really values love and friendship, though his reputation throughout his town is nothing close to good.
"Girls forcibly stripped me"-karan intw
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