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Does a baby complete a "woman"? (Page 2)

U kno U NV Me Newbie
U kno U NV Me
U kno U NV Me

Joined: 13 October 2005
Posts: 35

Posted: 04 April 2006 at 11:39am | IP Logged
I am married and have 2 kids, to be honest with you guys I cant even describe the feeling I had when I held my son for the first time after having him, I never felt the same way again until after I had my daughter. So I don't know about completion but I defiantly felt like something was missing in my life before having my kids.
But I think its wrong for someone to say that this woman is incomplete because she doesn't have kids. What about the men? It's not always the women fault if she is unable to conceive but you never hear anyone saying anything to menAngry

Signora2 Goldie
Signora2
Signora2

Joined: 27 April 2005
Posts: 1006

Posted: 06 April 2006 at 5:45am | IP Logged
Saying that a woman is complete only when she becomes a mother is a sterotype that has been prevalent in all societies. Yeah she does create and this is one aspect that no one can take from her. The little that I have seen , I would say( i will focus on other aspect)what happens, if she is unable to do? it is our response to such a situation that can make matter easiers for women going through it. fertility problem is rising, the no of clinics that have come up, it is the done thing to get oneself treated for it. But what if the body is not upto it? adoption is an issue that should be discussed openly and encouraged, woman should not be stigmatised, even if she does not want the baby it should be left to her and her partner, these are personal choices and should not be looked down upon.
sana.abraham Goldie
sana.abraham
sana.abraham

Joined: 11 January 2006
Posts: 1085

Posted: 06 April 2006 at 10:13am | IP Logged
i dont think any particular event can "complete" a woman...life brings many transitions..education...marriage..baby..etc..and between all of those..is when a woman grows into a "complete" person...
OnlyHope IF-Stunnerz
OnlyHope
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Joined: 20 January 2005
Posts: 47900

Posted: 06 April 2006 at 7:33pm | IP Logged
I think it depends on the woman herself, but many women do think that motherhood is the highest stage a woman can get to and once she becomes a mother, she feels complete
Minnie IF-Rockerz
Minnie
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Joined: 20 September 2004
Posts: 8633

Posted: 07 April 2006 at 7:04am | IP Logged
Before I give my views, I want to relate a small experience. When my older son Neil was born, on the 3rd day, the doctor said that they would have to apply tincher to his navel because it wasn't drying up properly. So the nurse came and swabbed the tincher on his navel. I guess it hurt, because Neil suddenly let out a piercing wail. And at that moment, my heart turned over, it hurt so bad that it felt somebody was choking me. I never ever realised that inflicting pain on a body which was not mine could actually hurt me worse. Since that day, not one incidence has passed when he got hurt and a part of me didn't go mad with panic.

Being a mother taught me that there is something in this world which is more precious that your own life. I guess that feeling can come only when you go through it.

However, I would say, it's not the birth itself which completes a mother, it's having that life in your hands which you know is going to be moulded by you gives that feeling. Those who cannot conceive, it does not make you incomplete. But never holding a child in your arms, soothing away it's troubles, being the most important human being in this whole world for someone,even if for for a little while,does. And it's not only true for a woman, but for a man as well. The man might have been schooled for centuries to curb that instinct in himself to be more 'macho', but reality is, he too is never the same once he holds that little life in his hands who depends on him more than anything else in the world.

I am not the right person to comment what a woman feels when she does not have a child. Ever since I remember, I had wanted a child and when I got married, that is what I had prayed very hard for. Yes, I did feel a certain fullfilment when I got the news that I was pregnant, a wonder hard to describe. It kind of feels like a miracle, though you know every other woman you know feels the same.

   Those who cannot bear, when they adopt a baby, I have seen first hand that they feel no different from the ones who have given birth. In India, it might be the society which trouble the ladies, but in US, there are no societal pressure to have kids, and some couples go without by choice.Yet I have met ladies who are extremely depressed that they cannot have one. And they eagerly wait for an adoption. In fact this yearning of holding a baby in the arms, to nurture it,coupled with the desire to carry forward the family genes, has given rise to surrogate motherhood.

    I think it's in a woman to nurture, to take a life forward. She is like the soil which gives life to the plants. And without the plants, the soil itself erodes away......

    Not having the ability to bear a child is not a crime and what the society does to ladies in India is atrocious. But just wanting a child for the sake of society pressure is bad. The absence of the feeling to nurture is what troubles me more.Being a female, I would have to say that I find it very very abnormal.


   So I guess it depends on what the priorities are.

   
sowmyaa IF-Dazzler
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Joined: 23 August 2004
Posts: 3658

Posted: 07 April 2006 at 7:27am | IP Logged
Minnie, You said it all!! Clap
Signora2 Goldie
Signora2
Signora2

Joined: 27 April 2005
Posts: 1006

Posted: 07 April 2006 at 8:03am | IP Logged
Thanks Minnie for the insight, Clap.
"However, I would say, it's not the birth itself which completes a mother, it's having that life in your hands which you know is going to be moulded by you gives that feeling. Those who cannot conceive, it does not make you incomplete." Minnie
doyelpakhi Goldie
doyelpakhi
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Joined: 22 February 2006
Posts: 2268

Posted: 09 April 2006 at 12:23pm | IP Logged

Originally posted by sowmyaa

I guess "being complete" is very relative term. Women is not complete without men-vice versa, or women is not complete till she becomes mother depends upon what "woman" wants from her life. I have seen woman who does not want babies and live happily. Finally it boil down to what couple wants and how happy they are and what they want in their life.

Although, I wouls say that having a baby is just uncomparable and you don't know what it is like until you have one. I once read this "one who don't have kids know best how to raise them"...it is so true. You need to go through having a baby and caring him/her to know what you are missing. Unitl you don't become mother you don't know what big lesson you are missing in your life. It teaches you how to love someone by giving all the love you have, teches to to have patience, loving someone without any expectations....I guess being mother change you entirely......so until you become one you don't know what you are missing.

However, if someone cannot conceive a child no one has right to call them incomplete. OR if someone does not want a child no one can call them incomplete. I would say being mother is the most important change/role/experience in women's life ....but if you don't have a child it not end of the world afterall.

 

ClapClapClap- i completely agree with u. complete is indeed a very relative term.

the main thing is the sense of satisfaction frm ur life. if a woman cant conceive or doesnt want to conceive then, also she can live a successful and happy life. its all abt wat u want frm life.

yes, motherhood is indeed a grt xperience. after all, ur baby is anextension of urself which u have nurtured for ninemonths in ur body.

but at the end of the day,more than  the society, the woman should decide whether  she feels complete in her life or not.

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