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IPKKND SS: Holding On and Letting Go, Parts 1-5 :) (Page 49)

napstermonster Goldie

Joined: 06 November 2008
Posts: 2305

Posted: 02 January 2012 at 2:56am | IP Logged
i normally don't write much even though I love love love writers such as you and nayika and minimuffin86, since everyone always rushes and says what I've been meaning to, but this time, i couldn't help myself!

This is truly a wonderful wonderful short story, Its been crafted so beautifully, I can actually FEEL the emotions that Khushi and ASR are going through. I thought his reaction to the big cancer reveal was very realistic, because that is EXACTLY how I reacted to a family member's health scare (fortunately, cured now, thank God)-there really is. initially,  a fake, hearty,  reaction-like an Of COURSE you'll be fine! This is treatable, this will work out! While on the inside, you are waiting to hear how long you have with someone you love,  you are railing against God for allowing this to happen to someone you care for. 

ASR's reaction, even his grabbing her for having dared to refuse treatment is absolutely true to type-You actually feel dread of loss, and an even bigger fear of being the one to break down, and feel totally useless and angry at the same time These emotions were perfectly portrayed, way better than i am writing of them right now! I am looking forward to your next update, please don't leave us in suspense much longer!

Also, I see how many people are asking for a happy ending, and I totally understand that need. But, I do have to say this- please do end the story realistically, however you think you want this story to end, and I think we'll all realize that not every story has to have a happy ending.

I am not asking for an angsty ending, or even wanting one, just that, Leukemia is kind of a death sentence, and a very short one at that. I hope  she makes it, but I really trust you, a wonderful writer to make it okay and plausible, if heartrending, if she does not. Sometimes, it is loss that makes you stronger, and ASR might need the loss of his first true love to be ready to love the others in his life. Who knows? YOU do! Please update!

Edited by napstermonster - 02 January 2012 at 3:01am

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invalid Goldie

Joined: 26 June 2007
Posts: 1432

Posted: 02 January 2012 at 12:05pm | IP Logged

Previous Part 4- All Good Things


Hello my dear readers, have I mentioned how much I adore you all? Well I do Embarrassed, thank you so much for the amazing support. Here is the last part to my Short Story, I really do hope you guys enjoy it, and are satisfied by the end. Anyone wanting PM's to all my work, please BUDDY ME.

Richie-rich, Chimpsy and princessunara, thank you for the wonderful comments you left for the last update, they really touched my heart and napstermonster, your comment above was great to read, I hope you will be happy with the update and uniquebluerose woah! Thank you for your words, you wrote a comment almost as long as the update ^_^

Here is to all of you (as well as all of you who like and comment) ...


Part 5 - Holding On and Letting Go


Khushi stood holding onto the soft dark material in her hands, feeling the touch of it against her skin. The smell of him still lingered on the fabric, she didn't want to give it back, even though she knew she should. Placing it on her table she looked at her sister sleeping soundly and made her way over to the window, throwing out its panels and feeling the cold morning breeze whip against her skin. It made her feel alive.

The dark clouds in the air had loomed on the whole city so it looked a hazy grey, setting out an array of colours against the rising sun.

It had been a week since she had told him and then that was it. He hadn't called, he hadn't come to see her, he had just gone. The thought of him not caring flashed across her mind. It made her heart sink so deep down inside of her that she felt it would stop beating. The thought of him not being affected by her existence hurt her so much more than she had ever imagined.

She thought back to how he had looked when she had told him and the thought wiped all others from her mind. What was she thinking? He did not look like someone who didn't care. Not one bit.

She closed the window on the sun and turned to look at her phone on the table set in her room. As if it understood how much she wanted it to ring, it went off. Sending a happy buzz of familiar music through her ears she jumped forwards to accept the call before it woke her sister up.


"Hello?" she eagerly asked, disappointed when she heard Anjali's voice reply.




"Ji, Anjali ji" she said, feeling dejected.


"Khushi, I know this must feel very strange of me to ask, but I only say this because you seem to be the only person that can say certain things to him and make him listen" she sighed, as Khushi told her she would do whatever Anjali asked of her.


"It's Arnav" she said slowly as Khushi took in a sharp breath "He is acting so strange, its scaring everyone. He hardly eats anything and spends all day locked in his room or out in the garden alone. We don't know what to do, he won't talk to any of us. Last week he completely ruined his room and the poolside, throwing things around and breaking them. I just, don't know what to do, and I know it might be useless, but could you at least come over and try and talk to him about it? Find out what is wrong? We are all really worried"


He cared, she thought. First feeling elated and then as though someone had roughly shot her down to the ground again. She didn't want him to suffer, that wasn't why she told him. So he wasn't talking to her because he was going through it alone. She couldn't imagine what Arnav was feeling, so she agreed to Anjali's favour because if there was one thing she wanted most in the world, it was happiness for Arnav. She wasn't sure whether her presence would bring happiness or the opposite, but she thought it was at least worth a try. She owed him at least that much.


Changing into a deep purple and silver anarkali dress she snuck a look of herself in the mirror before she left. It felt so trivial, caring about the way she looked. She found it amazing how she even still thought about something like that. Her hair, fell in layers around her face, still flowing till her lower back, she decided she wanted to do something different with it and it now fanned around her face and waved perfectly down her back in cascades of shortened hair. Her eyes, outlined by kohl, stood out against her pale skin, their honey colour bringing warmth to her face that her sullenness had stolen.


She stepped out of the rickshaw under the gloomy sky and handed money over to the driver, not bothering to wait for him to give her back the change she walked up to the main gate leading in to the mansion. The guard at the front gate stopped her in her tracks.


"Khushi ji, no one is home."


"What? But Anjali ji called me to come and talk to.."


"Anjali ji, Nani, Mami and Mama have all left, you just missed them. They said they were going shopping for Aakash ji's wedding, you can go and wait inside, but I'm pretty sure the front door is locked."


"What about Arnav?" she asked.


The guard turned around, bending over to look at the pathway leading behind the mansion.

"He might be at the other end of the back garden, you could try there, he has a set of keys."


Khushi whipped around the guard not bothering to tell him that it was Arnav she wanted to speak to and not the house.



The pain inside his chest made him want to scream out loud, scream at the world and to the God that he didn't think existed. How could they do this to her? To someone so beautiful, to someone so innocent. She deserved all the happiness the world had to offer, not this. Not a life spent living dreading of what was to come. Waiting for it all to end and living each day not knowing whether tomorrow was certain. Not knowing whether she had another day to spend with the ones she loved, to bask in the beauty of the world, to take it all in. To live.


He had spent the last week living as though he was the one dying, because it felt like he was. He didn't want to breathe, he didn't want his heart to keep on beating. He just wanted to hold her close, and keep her with him, no matter what he had to give up. Everytime he thought about the look in her eyes when she had told him, he felt another piece of him die. He had never felt more guilty for all the things he had done to her. Never felt so much regret for all the harsh words spoken. What if those where all the moments he could ever have with her? So much of it was painful, he didn't want that. He looked up at the tree ahead of him, facing the faint mist through the air as the clouds began to lightly sprinkle down on them and he decided that he wouldn't let it be that way. He wouldn't let her go just like that. He wouldn't.




She saw him, back turned to her, facing the trees ahead of him. He was wearing a dark blue pull on jumper, tugging tightly around his handsome frame. She blushed, looking down at her feet as she made her way through the grass, the wetness of dew spraying slightly against her skin as she moved.


"Arnav?" she tentatively asked, surprise at how calm she sounded.


He froze, still looking straight ahead. He had seen her a lot this week, images of her flashed across his mind every time he shut his eyes, haunting him with every breath he took.


He lifted his hand off the tree he had been holding himself up against and turned to face the cause of the voice that sent a warm and yet terrifying shiver down his back.


Here is the song for this update, on which the story is written, it is quite fitting ^_^ Please do listen :)




He thought he would be able to face her. He thought he had given himself enough time to deal with it. He thought he would be able to make himself understand, make himself accept that she wasn't eternal. He thought he would be able to smile for her sake. He thought he would be able to make it all better.


Khushi standing in front of him made him realise. He had thought wrong.


Feeling a heart wrenching moan escape from within his chest he took the steps towards her in a rush, wrapping his arms around her, making sure she was there, real, safe and alive. Still with him.

Hearing the sky cry out above them reminded him of a week ago and he suddenly realised that he needed to be strong for her, even if it killed him.


Sniffing slightly he lifted his head and looked into her eyes, leaving a shocked Khushi staring up at a man she had never seen before. This was a side of him that he kept hidden from the world, hidden from his loved ones and any one else that could take advantage of it. But here he was, opening all his old wounds for her. She sent him a small smile in response to his nod.


"Anjali ji has been complaining about you" Khushi said slowly "she called me."


Arnav nodded in acknowledgement again, trying to find his voice.


"You ruined your room? And your garden?" she asked, unsure of what to make of the situation.


Arnav let out a throaty laugh "that was before you told me you had ca.." he stopped midway through the word, realising that he hated it so much he couldn't bear to have it on his tongue.


He shook his head, as though removing those memories from his mind and rested his hands atop her shoulders, not making the mistake placing any weight on her because from the looks of it, any sort of strain would have her knees buckling. Somehow, she still managed to look so beautiful, standing out in a deep purple dress, he felt his heart start to beat rapidly.


"I wanted to see you, and it had been days, you never answered my calls" he accused, watching as she flushed red.


"I drove to your house to see you, and then, I turned back around, came home, and let out my anger on my room and my garden"


Khushi sighed and couldn't help but smile "Was that the anger you were going to take out on me?"


Arnav watched her every movement, trying his hardest to keep the pain from showing. Lifting his hand he brushed lightly at a strand of her shortened hair framing her face.

"It's different" he murmured, tucking her hair behind her ear.


"I know, I wanted a change so..." she said, waving her hand about.


"Are you okay?" she asked finally, having watched him stand still as stone.


He shook his head lightly, unable to bear that she was there, watching out for him.


Khushi saw the defeat in his eyes when she had asked that question, but she realised that he was one of the strongest people she knew. He would be okay, no matter what happened. He had to be, because she wouldn't be able to take it if he wouldn't.


"You will be" she said reassuringly, picking her hand up slowly and poking lightly at his cheek teasingly. He felt a knot constrict his throat at the gesture. She turned and his heart skipped a beat as she took a step away from him so he held out for her hand, gripping her lightly by the wrist and pulling her strongly back towards him. She went flying towards him, colliding strongly against his chest as he held her firmly in place with a hand around the small of her back. 


"You are not going that easily" he breathed "I spoke to your doctor" Arnav watched as Khushi looked on, confused.

"He told me about your condition and about all the risks and treatments"


Khushi's mouth gaped open, surprised at what he was saying and her cheeks flushed a deep red from the feel of his hand against her back, holding her close.


"Khushi, you don't have to let it be, the treatments available are good, there is hope, you can't give up" he said, a sad but hopeful smile creeping its way up to his lips, to show her it wasn't all lost.


She looked down sadly and shook her head as a few beads of moisture from above hit her skin.

"I... I told you already, you shouldn't have gone through all the trouble, it's just, way too expensive, and it's not like it'll fix me and I don't want to..." she began, starting to struggle against his hold but he only pulled her closer, almost letting his anger get the better of him again.


"Khushi Kumari Gupta, don't you dare even think that for a second, don't you dare. I don't care what you have to say, you are getting treatment, you are going to fight this, for as long as you can, and I..." he stopped, taking in a deep breath as she lifted her eyes to his, snatching his heart away for a moment "I... I am going to be there... all the way Khushi, and I don't care what you have to say, this is not your decision"


Khushi stubbornly shook her head as it started to rain lightly on her and Arnav, it seemed the whole world had stopped for them.

"I can't take, I won't take your money, I don't want that from you, I couldn't do it, even if I wanted to" she insisted, looking into his sad eyes.


"Dammit Khushi, don't you understand?" he asked, as droplets of rain ran onto her eyelashes and she blinked, ridding them of her eyes.


"I don't want all of this, all of this money, if that means you won't be here."


Khushi stopped breathing, her chest had given away, her lungs died out. She thought her mind was playing some horrible trick on her as she watched the man that she had all those feelings for throw his heart her way. She didn't know what to do with herself. She couldn't do that to him could she? Be with him, only to leave.


"I... don't know what to sa..." she stuttered.


"Then don't say anything, Khushi" he smiled at the burden he felt lifted off his chest "I love you Khushi, and I want to help, I am going to, whether you like it or not, and I don't care how long we have, I want you now, and for however long you will stay with me" he wrapped his second arm around her back and leaned in closer to her "I don't even know why I was stupid enough to not tell you this earlier, but I've loved you for longer than I even know and just, stay with me, I need you to stay with me and fight this thing. I won't let you give up. Not even for a second."


He leant in gently, pondering for a moment and pressed his lips against the corner of hers, kissing the soft skin of her cheek, only lightly brushing her coldness. He never thought touching someone could feel like that.


Her heart swelled with an emotion she had never felt before, and she took in a deep breath after having held hers for so long, feeding her heart with oxygen. All her worries were gone, all her fears, so insignificant.


"You mean it?" she asked, hoping with all her heart that this wasn't some unkind game of his, she couldn't believe her ears. His beaming nod sent her flying around his neck. She laughed against him, forgetting everything.


Pulling away she watched him as he laughed out loudly against the dripping of rain, he was laughing so wonderfully, it made her swell with joy. It was a rare day when Arnav Singh Raizada really laughed like that. It was beautiful, she thought, how nothing else even seemed to matter. They were together, and that was enough to battle anything.


She flicked the wet hair on his forehead away, tracing her fingers around his face before stopping at his ear "How did you find out? I mean, how did you get the hospital to tell you?" she asked curiously.


Arnav held onto her waist and lifted her up, beginning to walk towards the house through the rain before he answered, smiling as he did.


"I told the doctor I would kill him if he didn't tell me... I said I would send assassins over"


Khushi laughed against his chest, burying her head into his neck as he effortlessly walked back through the gardens and into the back door of the house, gently placing her down in the kitchen.


He watched her for a sad moment, realising how much her weightlessness scared him, finally deciding that it didn't matter that she was ill. It didn't affect the way he felt about her, not even for a second, and he shouldn't let her feel any different.


He pulled her back by the shoulder, interrupting her as she began to drain the wetness of her clothes.


He ran his fingers through her soft hair, pushing it all over to one side.


"What do you want to do?" he asked "We'll do whatever you want to" he said, as Khushi smiled slowly at him, ridding herself of any sadness she felt at thinking that this all would end too soon, whenever it would be, she knew it would be too soon.


She looked up at him for a long moment "I want to make a list" she said, holding on to Arnavs hand, who entwined his fingers with hers "I mean, that's what they do in the movies right?" she cheekily said, giggling, but he didn't miss the sadness in her voice, he bit back at the clump in his throat.


He pulled her closer by the hand, feeling her damp clothes against his "Then I want to help. What's number 1 on this list of yours Khushi Kumari Gupta?"


She grinned at him, realising that she would never be able to show him just how much she loved him, because no amount of words would ever be enough. Thinking for a moment, she let her breathing slow down, pressed up against his chest, she looked down shyly.


"Falling in love" she said "but I think I can check that one off already."


Arnav laughed as he kissed her on the cheek, placing his lips against her wet skin three times along her jaw, from her ear to the corner of her mouth, hovering over her lips.


He could feel her trembling lips lightly against his "And number 2?"


Khushi thought for a second, thinking about the things she wanted the most, finally speaking up against his lips "To get married" she whispered, looking away embarrassed at speaking her mind.


She felt his smiling lips against hers "You can check that one off too" he said, before crushing his lips to hers, hearing her gasp in a rapid breath before holding on to him. He pulled her closer, feeling himself lose his mind at the sensation of her against him. His hand against her back pushed her closer in towards him, feeling her.


She pulled away quicker than he had hoped, still in shock.

"What? You really mean it?" she gasped, losing control at the throbbing in her lips where he had touched her.


He nodded slowly and rested his forehead against hers, realising that he probably could not stop himself if he kissed her again, ignoring the dangerously bright colour she had turned.


"And what's number 3?" he asked, trying to distract them both from the air around them that had suddenly grown very hot.


She was panting heavily and caught a glimpse of the rain running along the window through to the garden. She watched Arnav rest against her, with his eyes closed and she thought of her mother. She suddenly felt so strange, like life was never what she had expected it to be. Like she had never, in a million years thought that she would be where she was. She thought back to her 8 year old self, her mother drying her damp hair carefully. She tried to breathe and ignore the feeling of sadness, pushing it away. She had Arnav. That would bring her a lifetime of happiness.


"I want to play in the rain, for so long that I get a cold."

Arnavs eyelids opened, watching her tear filled eyes and he swiftly held on to her hand and pulled her behind him.


"What are you doing?" she asked, surprised by the sudden movement.


"You love me?" he asked, not sure if this all was real and watching her nod twice.


"You trust me then?" She took a little longer to nod, which made him smile, pulling her in front of himself, he walked her back out in to the rain in the large garden under the hazel sky and then ran with her, holding her hand and watching as she first watched him in admiration and slowly let go. Turning through the rain she let herself feel every droplet, smiling as she thought of her mother, laughing as she thought of Arnav.

She loved him with all her heart, and he was there with her.  Holding on to him she pulled him along with her, dancing and twirling under his arm as the rain washed away every single sadness that she had ever felt, all her pain, all her worries, all her fear, vanished. She didn't care about the cold, or the wetness, all that mattered was him.


He watched her turn beneath his arm, the sound of her laughter ringing through the rain and out towards the sky, the image of her smile so close.

He held on to her. He held on to her happiness in those few seconds. Those few moments seemed enough for an eternity, and somehow, not sufficient for even a single second.

He was going to hold on to the way he was feeling in that instance even though he knew there would come a time when he would have to let go. Let go of her and all the happiness and pain that came with her. But he would keep it all buried, deep in his heart and never let it fade, no matter how much of his heart she stole, he would always remember, because the memories of what only seemed like fleeting moments, were all he was going to have left one day...




I kind of left it open ended, as you see, with a bit of a heavy heart, but I wanted it to be realistic! People can live years and years with leukaemia, and I leave it to you to decide how long she lives with it, personally, I like to think Arnav gives her the best treatment to keep her doing well for years, and they live happily for all the time they have. You can make what you want of it. I just felt conflicted between what would be realistic and what I could bear to do with ArHi because I love them so... and I really apologise to anyone that was disappointed!

Anyway, thank you all you lovely readers, the journey for this SS has been great. Take it as a welcome gift for 2012 from me. I hope you all have a brilliant year.


Please leave likes, and comments, even if you are normally silent, to let me know what you thought of the story. I PM over 350 people so it would be really nice to hear from you all. And please let me know if you have any ideas of what you would like me to write next as my mind is currently blank.

Thanks so much, Love you all, Hayley xx


Link to my index - Please do check it out guys :)

Edited by ccuteaangel - 02 January 2012 at 12:18pm

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sarunlicious.. IF-Stunnerz

Joined: 22 February 2011
Posts: 33122

Posted: 02 January 2012 at 12:16pm | IP Logged
You Are Amazing . Beautiful <3 Day Dreaming

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tina_1234 IF-Stunnerz

Joined: 27 June 2009
Posts: 26746

Posted: 02 January 2012 at 12:26pm | IP Logged
it is sooo beautifully written..loved evry single was awesome

Edited by tina_1234 - 02 January 2012 at 12:42pm

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moonlight99 Senior Member

Joined: 28 October 2011
Posts: 509

Posted: 02 January 2012 at 12:32pm | IP Logged
OMG! You have no clue how much i loved this update! The last part was so beautiful! I loved it and I think this is one of those short stories that I would be reading again and again! 
I also started reading your FF again for the third time! You are an amazing writer!

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whisperer Goldie

Joined: 17 November 2011
Posts: 1041

Posted: 02 January 2012 at 12:36pm | IP Logged
love it!!!

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-JollyJabeen- IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 24 September 2011
Posts: 11194

Posted: 02 January 2012 at 12:37pm | IP Logged

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nyxx IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 09 June 2009
Posts: 10638

Posted: 02 January 2012 at 12:37pm | IP Logged
YAYY you updatedd! :)

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