Jassi Jaissi Koi Nahin - Daily Update


Jassi Jaissi Koi Nahin - Daily Update
Jassi Jaissi Koi Nahin - Daily Update

JJKN Update - 31 March 2005

queenbee Goldie

Joined: 04 January 2005
Posts: 1418

Posted: 31 March 2005 at 10:49am | IP Logged
****This update is an April Fool Joke, and is entirely a work of imagination which has nothing to do with reality!

To read the genuine Update, please click on the thread REAL JJKN Update - 31 March 2005 in this same section.

Thank you everyone for taking the joke so sportingly!!!! Embarrassed

Thank you MinnieHug for suggesting that you would like to see Raj and Jassi have a flash wedding in this fake update!! Kudos to your brilliant idea!!!!Clap!!!!!****

Dear JJKN Fans,

I have no words to describe today's episode. Tekta and Dekta have made such a royal retarded mess of the story it is killing me to have to type out for you what I witnessed on the screen today. Most of you are going to be violently heartbroken when you read this. Jassi as we knew her is truly dead – and she is trying to KILL US TOO!!!!!!! Please don't expect any funny comments either - my sense of humor is shot to hell.

Anyway - please, please, control yourselves… try to remember that it's just a showCry



As if in slow motion, Purab walks and stands beside Raj and Jassi's table, with a quizzical half-smile. Raj's eyebrows are raised till they are almost popping out of his forehead. Jassi tries to look away. Raj asks Jassi questioningly, "Do you know him?" Jassi shakes her head and looks up at Purab. "Jee, boliye?" Purab understands that she is playing some kind of game and says, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else. Enjoy your coffee." He nods at them and walks off. (Raj and Purab don't even greet each other…ConfusedConfused) Raj scratches his head and asks Jassi suspiciously, "Are you sure you don't know him?" Jassi responds casually, "No I don't! I have seen him around the hotel a few times, staring at me, that's all." Raj winks at her, "That's because you're so drop-dead beautiful, no man can take his eyes off you…" Jassi smiles again. Impulsively, she tells him that she wants to be alone with him, where people like him and Menaka cannot disturb us. Raj laughingly asks, "Where, my room?" Jassi gets a glint in her eye and says, "Haan, kyon nahin? Let's go!" and stands up. Raj can't believe his good luck and follows her.



Nandu is resting his head on Bebe's lap, and she is stroking his hair and crying, "Meri Jassi na jaane kis haal mein hogi! Kahan gayi hogi? Tujhe bhi kuchh bata ke nahin gayi!" Nandu cries, "I know Bebe! At least she could have called me! I thought she was my friend forever!" Bebe tells him softly, "You know, I read Jassi's diary. I wanted to find out what was making my bachi so sad. I knew I would find it there." Nandu lifts his head and asks, "and then?" Bebe looks around to check that no one is around, and tells him, "Everything has happened because of her Armaan Sir! He has ruined my bachi's life! He is the one who should be jailed, not us! He and his Mallika are torturing us for nothing!!" Nandu listens but tells Bebe, "No, Bebe, it is not him. It is that Mallika who is behind this. Yesterday I went to Gulmohur and shouted at Mallika for having come here to bother you. Armaan did not even know what his fiance had been up to. He scolded her in front of everyone. It is him who brought her here to apologise to you." Bebe listens in wonderment and shakes her head… "So this is happening to us because of Mallika?" Nandu says, "I think poor Armaan never had any clue what Mallika has been up to! This time he is innocent!" Bebe looks at him (I think she was convinced he was telling the truth…)



Raj enters the room with Jassi. (There's something different about Jassi.. there is a wildness in her eyes, as if she is planning something dreadfulDead). Jassi walks in behind him and admires the flowers. Raj tells her that he got them in anticipation of her joining him in his room. Jassi gives him a mocking look, that says, oh really!?!? Suddenly, she turns around and locks eyes with Raj, and gives him a come-hither smileDead. He comes closer and looks at her, interested.. She says she really wants to try out the bed, it looks soooo soft and comfortable, and that her heels are killing her. He offers to take them off and she sits down… and there is a moment when he is touching her ankles and she is smiling down at him (YAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGHHHHHH!!!!!!Ouch) She whispers, "Thank you". He whispers back, "Don't mention it" She whispers, "Can I lie down on this bed?" He whispers, "Only if you let me lie down next to you…" He turns his face for a moment to loosen his tie and Jassi gives him a positively SATANIC look. She doesn't lie down, but instead tells him to come closer. Their faces are inches away and she tells him, "Raj… I have to tell you something…" Raj murmurs, "what…?" She strokes the side of his face and says, "I have completely fallen for you… the moment I laid my eyes on you, I knew that we are made for each other…" Raj eagerly jumps at the chance. "Yes! Yes! I knew it too! I know we are made for each other!" Jassi blinks at him and says seductively, "But there's something I want to tell you about myself… " Raj is spellbound. "What is it? Tell me…" Jassi tells him, "I only look modern, you know.. these dresses, this make-up, this jewellery, it's all for the camera. I'm a very old-fashioned girl, not aisi-vaisi. I always knew that the day I met my Prince Charming I would only want to marry him… and everything else will come later…" (ConfusedDead) Raj makes a small face but she holds his eyes with her own and he is enthralled. "Raj," she murmurs, "Will you marry me?" (Please don't cry, folks..!!! This is only the beginning!!)



There is a knock on the door and Amrit answers it. A short, pompous looking policeman enters and asks for Billu. She is terrified and begs him to tell her what happened. The man begins shouting for Billu and several hawaldars position themselves inside the room. Billu comes out and asks, "Ab kya hua?" and is stunned to see the police again. Nandu and Bebe who were inside come out and see the commotion. The policeman hollers, "kahan chhupa ke rakha hai apni pyaari bitiya ko??" Billu starts off, "Dekhiye, Sahib, we have done nothing, but you have still come here. You may please search the house but leave us alone. We do not know where Jasmeet walia is and we have not spoken to her since the last time the police knocked at our door!" The policeman goes up to Billu and grabs him by the collar. "Phir jhooth? Ek aur jhooth? This time, I have got a cure for all your jhooths!" and starts swinging around his weapon and breaking things, a vase topples over, a chair cracks. Babe is shocked and Nandu confronts the man, insisting that they are telling the truth! The policeman goes halfway towards Nandu and then smells something heavenly in the kitchenTongue. "Arre wah… yeh kya? Sooji ka halwa banaya jaa raha hai beti ke burre karmon ke jashan mein?" and turns to his constables. "Hawaldaar! Kya tum bhi jashan manaoge??" One constable smiles happily and says, "Ji sarkar!" The policeman then orders Bebe who is standing shell-shocked to get them all a plate of halwa. Bebe is glad for the excuse to get away and get some peace and hurries off into the kitchenLOL. Meanwhile, Nandu gets the bright idea of calling Armaan and inches closer to the door leading to the bedroom and manages to escape. He calls Armaan and cries to him, "Phir se police waale aa gaye hamara chain barbaad karne!" Armaan is stupefied that Aryan carried out his threat and tells Nandu not to worry, he will do something.



Armaan goes in search of Aryan like a man possessed and finds Mallika and Aryan in Aryan's cabin, talking. He tells them to accompany him to Puru's home as he had called everyone for a confidential get-together immediately. The three of them walk down the hall and into Armaan's car. Mallika wonders what could be so urgent but Armaan says tightly that dad seemed very secretive and stressed how urgent it was that they all reach him immediately. Armaan then drives them to the Walia home but it is too late for the bro-sis duo to jump off and run away. Mallika asks Armaan, "Armaan, humko phir se yahan kyon le aaye?" Armaan barks back, "Ask your damn brother." Aryan is quiet, seems to be plotting something devilish. They all get out from the car and see a bunch of reporters huddled around the doorway and force themselves in to find all the constables enjoying halwa-poori…!!!!!Wink The leader of the pack sees Aryan looking murderous and jumps up. "Utho, hawaaldaron!!! Inki talaashi lo!" The constables hurriedly stuff the remaining food into their mouths and stand to attention. Armaan shouts, "BAS! Bahut ho gaya!Angry" He turns to Aryan. "Apne paaltu kutton ko bolo hamesha ke liye is chaukhat se chale jaayein!!Angry" Aryan tells him softly, "But Armaan, Jassi ka pata lagaye bina yeh kahin nahin jaayenge. Inhe oppar se order aaya hai." Armaan flies into a rage and grabs Aryan's collar, "Mein kehta hoon, abhi khaali karao ghar! Abhi!Angry" Aryan wisely decides to cool down the situation and tells the policemen to come outside. They follow him while Billu & Co. look on. Outside, the policeman with great bravado tells Armaan that they need to do their job and arrest Billu & family as they are abetting a crime. Armaan pleads with them that these are good, decent people who have done nothing wrong and the reporters take down every word. This pleading goes on while Aryan and Mallika cunningly stay silent and the policeman refuses to budge. Finally Armaan loses his cool. He turns to Aryan and shouts, "Yeh sab tumhari wajah se hua hai! Kya chahte the tum? Ki mein Mallika se shaadi kar loon?? Yehi naa? Toh theek hai! Mein apni Jassi ke liye yeh bhi karne ko tayyaar hoon!" Mallika is listening with her mouth open and eyes dancingDead… "Nahin Armaan, aise nahin, please Armaan…" Armaan looks at her and says to all the reporters standing there, "Toh theek hai. I have an announcement to make. Mallika and I are once again engaged to be married, and we will be getting married within this week itself!" There is a collective gasp. Mallika smiles slyly to herself and thinks, "Itni jaldi line pe a gaye Armaan? Thoda ruk bhi jaate toh theek tha… uss Jassi ka aur burra hashya karne mein mazaa aata…" but she cries, "No Armaan! Please think about what you are saying!" He grits his teeth and replies, "Nahin Mallika! Meine soch liya hai! Isi mein sabki bhalai hai. Aaj Monday hai. Is Saturday tak tum meri dulhan hogi. Sun rahi ho tum? Meri dulhan!" and tells Aryan, "Ab tum kabhi bhi, ek second ke liye bhi, is parivaar pe koi museebat mat bhejna! Samajh gaye tum??" Aryan nods with a triumphant smile. Armaan looks extremely frustrated and Nandu-Bebe look on, open-mouthed.Ouch



Raj is shocked at Jassi's suggestion. He tries to stand up but she pulls him down and stares into his eyes. Raj says, errr… aise kaise… we hardly know each other… yeh kaise ho sakta hai? Jassi assures him that she made up her mind about marrying him the moment she laid eyes on him. She says sweetly, "Raj, I know a man like you must have had affairs before, but I don't care! I only know that I want you to love me. Look at me!" He looks at her confused. "I have everything, looks, success, money,  but I only want you to love me or my life will be incomplete!" Raj mumbles, "But .." Jassi places a finger on his lips. "Shhh.. listen to me. Raj, all I want is for you to love me. Mein sache pyaar ke liye taras rahi hoon. You may not believe this but I have never gone on a date with any man, been loved by a man, been touched by a man. I have been saving myself for the right man to come along." And with a dazzling smileBig smile, "I think that man is YOU. Do you think the same about me?"

Raj finally shakes his head and gathers himself. He stands up. "Jessica, I appreciate whatever you are feeling and believe me, I am flattered.. but…" Jassi lays a hand on his arm and it sizzles through to his skin. "Raj.. when was the last time you did something crazy?" He asks, puzzled, "Crazy!??" She smiles brightly at him. "Yes! Crazy! Marry me NOW!" Raj blinks in shock, "NOW!?!?" Jassi nods and smiles. He looks at her in disbelief which slowly changes into something else (ugh.. he looks at her as if he wants to gobble her up…) and says, "Well… sach bataoon toh… bade dinon se mere mann mein bhi yeh baat thi… ki Raj beta.. ab tu bada ho gaya hai.. bahut duniya dekh li.. ek achchi si ladki dekh ke tub hi settle ho hi jaa. Aakhir kab tak playboy ki tarah jeeta rahoonga…." Jassi gives him a very happy smile and strokes his arm, "mein jaanti thi.. tum bhi mujhe utna hi chahte ho." Raj says, "Haan.. par.. iss sab mein itni jaldi karne ki kya zaroorat hai?? Ek badi si party rakhenge, thoda shor-sharaba hone do, naach-gaana hone do, aur mera friend Armaan bhi meri shaadi mein toh zaroor aana chahega…"

Jassi gets a frozen look in her eyes but continues smiling and moves closer. "Raj.. I understand that you want a big wedding. But I can't wait! I want to make you mine forever, I want it to be now or never." Raj is bewildered, "Bhai, yeh toh na-insaafi hai… I love you, you love me, toh thoda intezaar toh kar hi sakte hain na???" Jassi starts getting angry. "Toh theek hai!" She coolly picks up her purse and starts walking off, "Aaj nahin toh kabhi nahin. Good bye." Raj is intoxicated with her and won't let her go that easily. "Arre nahin.. arre baba.. theek hai.. bolo tum kya chahti ho." She turns around and says simply, "Arya Samaj Mandir. 6 o' clock. Be there."Ouch!!!!!



(This scene is so horrific I'm getting ulcers as I type)
We are treated to the backs of two people in wedding gear (don't ask me how they managed to assemble them so quickly. The woman is wearing the same kind of sequined dress that Purab gifted Jassi yesterday, the man is wearing Indian formals). The priest is chanting something in a small room, and there are two other people, from the street I guess, watching them and smiling. We can't see the faces. The couple bow and exchange garlands. Something is written on a document and then the priest declares the two people MAN and WIFE!!!!!


You guessed right… it is Raj and Jassi in wedding attire and they are talking. Raj shakes his head and tells Jassi he can't believe he just got married, he finally did it! Jassi looks shaken and smiles back icily. The words keep echoing in her head, "teri basoorat badshakal secretary…" and she thinks to herself, "Raj Sir, aaj aap usi badsoorat badshakal secretary ke pati hain. Ab mein dekhti hoon mujhe Gulmohur mein per rakhne se kaun rokta hai. Aur Armaan Sir? Unke toh hosh uda doongi."Dead



Jassi and Raj enter and Jassi instantly starts gathering her things and throwing them into her bag. Raj asks her what she is doing, doesn't she want to celebrate their honeymoon in Goa? She says brightly that she thinks they should go to Mumbai and share the news with their loved ones first. Raj says ok and suddenly remembers Armaan. He calls him on the mobile and says, "Haan be, kya kar raha hai?" Armaan is frustrated and upset. "Kya hua, Raj?" Raj says, "Abe tu sunega toh apni Devdas waali shakal banana bhool jaayega! Meine shaadi kar li!!!" Armaan is zonked!!Shocked "Raj, tune…? Kisse??" Raj is talking loudly while Jassi pretends to be disinterested, "Arre hai ek Jessica naam ki ladki! Tu milega toh bahut khush hoga! Arre ise kehte hain ladki! Kya tu bhi na…" Armaan purses his lips and says, "Bas kar, Raj. Tujhe bhi ek khush-khabri deni hai. Mein aur Mallika shaadi kar rahe hain!" Raj's turn to be zonkedShocked. "KYA?? Tu aur Mallika se shaadi karega?? Yeh phir se kis taraf nadiya beh rahi hai yaar?" Armaan tells him to come back and he will explain everything. Jassi is totally zonked herselfShocked, when she hears about Armaan and Mallika. Raj then tells him that he is coming back tonite, and will see him in Gulmohur.



A plane, presumably carrying Raj and Jassi back to Mumbai, is landing…



Raj and Jassi enter Gulmohur. Jassi experiences a strong sense of deja-vu and is about to greet Bindiya her old way when she remembers she is not 'that' Jassi. Bindiya welcomes Raj Sir and tells him that Armaan is waiting for them in his cabin. Meanwhile, Raj is explaining everything to Jassi, "yeh hamara pyaara Gulmohur.. (to Naaz) meri pyaari assistant… aur yeh pyaari si lift.. chalein?"Dead

Armaan is pacing in his cabin. Raj enters with Jessica (the drums in the background go into overdrive, it's a complete orchestra) and Armaan lays his eyes on Jessica...... She looks back at him with a cool smile as Raj introduces her as, "Jessica, meri pyaari-si, nayi-si biwi!"


Armaan keeps looking at her, confused. He just can't drag his eyes away. Raj says, "kyon? Hai na khoobsoorat???" and Armaan mumbles something. Meanwhile, Jassi is looking around with a composed face. (Damn you Armaan, did you recognize her or not!?? You CUDN'T!?!Ouch)


Mallika enters, calling out to Armaan, "Armaan!" and spots Raj standing there with someone. She greets him and says, who is this? Jessica gives Mallika a bland look of complete non-recognition but Mallika stares at her piercingly. Raj says, "Meet my wife.. Jessica!" Mallika raises an eyebrow and offers a hand to Jessica. Jassi pretends she hasn't seen it and moves away. Mallika feels snubbed. Jassi suddenly turns around and says, "Mallika. Bahut suna hai aapke baare mein!. I mean, about the way you keep your fiance like a dog on a leash. The way you call him all the time, wondering if he is with some other girl. I have also seen you on TV, kisi bechari ladki ke ghar jaake uske maa-baap ki be-izzati karte hue. Kya aapko aise karke sharam nahin aayi?" Mallika is turning blue and purple with rage by now and lashes out, 'Raj! Iski yeh majaal?? Tum hoti kaun ho mere ko yeh sab kehne waali???"AngryAngryAngry


Jessica looks straight into her eyes and says, smiling coldly, "Mein hi woh ladki hoon. Mein Jassi hoon."Stern Smile


Everyone is stunned beyond belief!!!!


Armaan looks from Jassi to Raj and back to Jassi and says under his breath… "Jassi.. tum…? Tum aur… RAJ…??????" He looks white as a sheet, the blood draining from his face, as if he is about to faint with shock.

(So am I, folks.........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)Cry

Edited by queenbee - 31 March 2005 at 9:51pm

Minnie IF-Rockerz

Joined: 20 September 2004
Posts: 8633

Posted: 31 March 2005 at 10:53am | IP Logged

 WHAT !!!!! Raj and Jassi got MARRIED !!!???????????????AngryOuchOuch

      NOW WHAT ?????


    Oh,by the way QB, BRILLIANT !!

rouble Senior Member

Joined: 16 August 2004
Posts: 870

Posted: 31 March 2005 at 10:53am | IP Logged

thanks a lot for the update queenbee!

omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is she dreaming again like our old jassi or she actually got married to Raj and told them that she is jassi?

Edited by rouble - 31 March 2005 at 11:07am
urmajesty IF-Dazzler

Joined: 10 February 2005
Posts: 3171

Posted: 31 March 2005 at 10:54am | IP Logged
Thanks for the update
loveneha_r Goldie

Joined: 19 August 2004
Posts: 1552

Posted: 31 March 2005 at 10:58am | IP Logged
thanks so much QB!!!!
i am actuallu crying after reading the update....this is the last day im ever going to bother with JJKN...thats it...i have wasted enough of my time with this STUPID SHOW!!!
sharmili Groupbie

Joined: 30 September 2004
Posts: 162

Posted: 31 March 2005 at 11:02am | IP Logged

Whattttttttttttttt Jassi got married.......this is height of stupidity.......

Now NO more Jassi....its all bakwas

I hope it is jassi's dream only....

Selina IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 29 December 2004
Posts: 10100

Posted: 31 March 2005 at 11:03am | IP Logged

OMG, are you serious. Maybe this is an early april fools joke. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....................

Btw: thanks for the update QB.

loveneha_r Goldie

Joined: 19 August 2004
Posts: 1552

Posted: 31 March 2005 at 11:06am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Selina

OMG, are you serious. Maybe this is an early april fools joke. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....................

Btw: thanks for the update QB.

i just pm'd qb with the same thought.....
im hoping against all hope that it is................................. Cry

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