Married with kids - stay or leave? - Page 2

Not easy for a mother to leave her child.

When parents separate, the child's heart-broken but there isn't a point, not one in putting together things that have already fallen apart. At some point, the child is gonna figure out their parents are having a horrible time sticking together, that might be the greater damage of the two. It comes down to the level at which you go and try to make your decisions comprehensive for your child. It is not fair to keep the parents' predicament from the child. Besides, there is not anything two people with undeniable friction can do for their child without making things worse for them. It only makes sense that the child is introduced to the idea of having to live with one of their parents because even if they're not told, some day it's imperative they should live the reality. So, I think they are better off preparing themselves firsthand for whatever happens post a divorce. 

Many of my friends have divorced parents, so this point of view of mine if from what i saw and believe.

 

If like you said the couple have done everything to salvage their relationship and theres honest to god no hope, then they should seperate because more often than not couple who stay together for their kids end up harming their childrens pyscologicaly and sometimes physically. Childrens don't need to see their parents yelling at eachother, pulling eachother hair out, being unfaithful to one another, because parents are what mold the childrens into the adults they become.

 

There is a breaking point for everyone, and once you reach that point it's better to let go rather than hang on to something which is an obligation rather than something of freewill. Once you deny yourself the right of being happy and being free, you feel trapped. Marriages break for many reasons...disagreement, infidelity, lack of trust and maybe some people even fall out of love. The dynamics of a relationship are built up by love, trust, respect, devotion and loyalty. Sometimes one blurs the line between devotion/loyalty and obligation.

Children can keep and a family together, or break it apart. However when a child is involved it's so much harder just letting go and walking away...You feel a sense of responsibility towards the child and your maternal/paternal love takes over. It's a common misconception children do not what's happening in the house, that they can't feel the tension or the bad vibes. Maybe ignorance truly is bliss, but when you're in a house with two people that are hanging desperately onto a very fragile piece of string and there is constant battel between the two, it's far too hard to achieve ignorance.

The pessimism and negativity can affect the child in a bad way, often leading to depression stress or social awkwardness. It makes the child much negative towards her or his surroundings, and can make them fear relationships or commitment.

Sometimes letting go is the best for everyone and many children have gotten over divorces and have lived life normally. The key is to carry on talking to the child, and not ignoring him or her...making sure that whatever decisions you take your child feels happy about it.

Edited by .-Moksha-. - 12 years ago

I agree I think the onus is on a woman .. If she is struggling to remain happy and or is discontent and has sought all avenues such as outside counseling, family advice and nothing has improved then she should separate and retain the children. I would then expect the father of the children to support his children and also the mother whilst she is taking care of the child/ren , albeit ideal thinking. However western courts do ensure rights such as the above are taken care of. At the end of the day man/woman not happy .. Leave :)

my kiddo has a classmate who lives with his mom and her boyfriend and visits his dad and his girlfriend during weekends. He has issues no doubt, but he is outspoken healthy happy and accomplished anyways. where as my friend who grew up in a hostile environment with constantly bickering parents has issues even today to deal socially and emotionally.   and there are cases which are vice-versa. 

well it all depends on the reason of seperating. but if it not something seriouse ( that would cause hram to the wife or child) , they should stay toeghter, b/c in their marriage it not just them but thier child is alos involved. they dont have to act all love dovey infron of thier childern, but act normal . b/c that child will grow up with stress and if he/she isnt getting attention form parents he/she will get it from outside ie bad frineds or worse drugs. which lead to crimes and you can forget about a bright futer.

Stay if you've kids even if anyone has to compromise...rift between parents certainly affect children the most...why spoil kids' lives if a solution is available!

Well relationship is not just based on the kids, and not to mention the kids will grow up and leave their parents one day. I guess try to make it work for your kids, but it shouldn't be the main reason why you want to make it work. The main reason should be for yourself and your partner and then only for the kids and any other reasons that come along with it. I guess the kids should also understand were their parents to take the worse possible scenario to take the steps of divorce and can no longer live together. I mean nobody wants a divorce and a divorce is not only complicated but from what I heard and see is also very tiring. When a person in their right mind enter marriage they also want their marriage to last.. I guess then divorce is the last resort when all else fail.