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Why do we look down upon "ghar jamai"? (Page 3)

shikara Groupbie
shikara
shikara

Joined: 10 November 2005
Posts: 104

Posted: 20 September 2006 at 9:09am | IP Logged
dont worry abhijeetji I didnt take offence. It is a debate and the beauty is we all can have our opinions. Your post was in no way offensive to me. Besides I agree the only way to have healthy and happy relationships after marriage is to maintain a healthy distance from both in-laws and live by yourselves.

IdeaQueen IF-Dazzler
IdeaQueen
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Joined: 23 August 2006
Posts: 3150

Posted: 20 September 2006 at 9:13am | IP Logged
I don't agree with the idea of ghar jamai!!!
First thing is I myself may not respect him even if he works in a good company with pretty good salary.I may look down my husband sometimes but my parents,brothers should'nt do that.If the Girl is only daughter and no sons in and around and if those parents are sick then its okeven then Girls parents can come and stay in Son in law's house.Else son in law should'nt stay in inlaws house.Bad idea,its a matter of self esteem.However this is all fictious in my case.
cheers,
Mythili


Edited by mythili_Kiran - 20 September 2006 at 9:14am
MNMS Goldie
MNMS
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Joined: 15 December 2005
Posts: 1989

Posted: 20 September 2006 at 9:14am | IP Logged
Originally posted by shikara

And this is a question that I have always felt angry with. Arent my parents equal to his so why is living with them such a big deal? My husband and I never had any issues with it but unfortunately many ppl's attitude especially his relatives back in India was similar to those mentioned by Aparna. In the end that put a strain on our relationship.

In short to give you the gist of my rant, unfortunately the stigma still remains as even when people try to go against the tide there are many so called well wishers in society who still enforce these stereotypes and unfortunately most of us are not strong enough to resist getting sucked in.


Very true and beautifully said Clap Clap

IMO i think that the problem of 2 household clash can be solved 'IF' there could ab an arrangement like 2 houses with separate main doors and one common door.. twin houses!! separate things, separate leadership, togetherness, everything... like one building 2 adjacent apartments... This is one of the ideal solutions!! and im talking not only the case mentioned in the post... but the other way round too... i.e. husband's in-laws...
shikara Groupbie
shikara
shikara

Joined: 10 November 2005
Posts: 104

Posted: 20 September 2006 at 9:30am | IP Logged
Mythilliji I respect your opinion but I disagree. You are only reinforcing the stereotype as to why this stigma exists.

If the Girl is only daughter and no sons in and around and if those parents are sick then its okeven then Girls parents can come and stay in Son in law's house.

My 1st point:

I am an only child so my parents have no sons to look after them but even if I had brothers why is it only their res@nponsibility to look after our parents. My mother went through the same difficulty to give birth to me. My parents spent the same amount of money, love and tears to raise me and make me an independent woman who can stand on her own 2 feet.
As much as my husband owes to his parents I owe to mine. and I have a duty to do as much for them as he has to his.

2nd point:

stay in Son in law's house.

I was under the impression that after marriage the house belongs to btoh the wife and the husband so it is as much the duaghter house as the son-inj-laws.

My 3rd point:

When we hear so much about the inferior tratment of girls , isnt it the reposibility of us educated folks to break at least small stereotypes so that we may bring about a little change in society. It takes a small drop in the pond to create ripples.

I didnt mean to offend anybody and if I have I sincerely apoligise.
IdeaQueen IF-Dazzler
IdeaQueen
IdeaQueen

Joined: 23 August 2006
Posts: 3150

Posted: 21 September 2006 at 2:44am | IP Logged

Originally posted by shikara

Mythilliji I respect your opinion but I disagree. You are only reinforcing the stereotype as to why this stigma exists.

If the Girl is only daughter and no sons in and around and if those parents are sick then its okeven then Girls parents can come and stay in Son in law's house.

My 1st point:

I am an only child so my parents have no sons to look after them but even if I had brothers why is it only their res@nponsibility to look after our parents. My mother went through the same difficulty to give birth to me. My parents spent the same amount of money, love and tears to raise me and make me an independent woman who can stand on her own 2 feet.
As much as my husband owes to his parents I owe to mine. and I have a duty to do as much for them as he has to his.

2nd point:

stay in Son in law's house.

I was under the impression that after marriage the house belongs to btoh the wife and the husband so it is as much the duaghter house as the son-inj-laws.

My 3rd point:

When we hear so much about the inferior tratment of girls , isnt it the reposibility of us educated folks to break at least small stereotypes so that we may bring about a little change in society. It takes a small drop in the pond to create ripples.

I didnt mean to offend anybody and if I have I sincerely apoligise.

First let me clarify one point!!! I'm not married yet!!! This is just my view.

I'm not saying Girls need not serve  parents and its only the responsibility of Sons.All are equal and all share same duties and rightsEmbarrassed

I'm not here to change the Indian system of marriage in which Girls go and stay in her husband's house,I'm not interested in rewriting the history or bring dramatic changes in marriage system because the present system is OK for me.Parents can stay wherever they want.However ,I think I'm very  very orthodox in this matter.

Hope I did'nt hurt anyone and Shikara ji ! So sweet of you!!!Love and affection towards parents is the most important quality I like in any person.I liked this quality of you very much. 

cheers,

Mythili

 

 

 

 

 

 



Edited by mythili_Kiran - 21 September 2006 at 2:48am
sowmyaa IF-Dazzler
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Posted: 29 January 2007 at 7:44am | IP Logged
Bumping Wink
mermaid_QT IF-Sizzlerz
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Joined: 25 September 2005
Posts: 11605

Posted: 29 January 2007 at 2:19pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by abhijit shukla

No harm living with in-laws as long as the couple is pulling their own weight and providing for their own food and shelter. Living with parents for a marride couple is unacceptable - weather with husband's or wife's parents - if the parents are still providing for either  or both of them.

People ought to be productive before they can be re-productive.


 
 well-said.  ghar-jamai always appeared to me as a term used for husbands living off of wife's parents's wealth / is dependent on them for everything. that to me, is something to look down upon!

Ifthe man is facing Destiny's unfair and unfortunate physical challenge due to which he has become incapable of supporting his family and the wife cannot support either, it is okay, not otherwise!
qwertyesque IF-Rockerz
qwertyesque
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Joined: 03 December 2006
Posts: 6484

Posted: 29 January 2007 at 5:38pm | IP Logged
Ghar-jamai is a spineless, weak individual who cant make it on his own and wishes to be supported by a total stranger for his livelyhood.... There is no more shameless thing than that....woh kya kahate hai chullu bhar pani mey... Smile

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