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Why do we look down upon "ghar jamai"? (Page 2)

rebelqueen Senior Member
rebelqueen
rebelqueen

Joined: 15 November 2005
Posts: 575

Posted: 18 March 2006 at 8:06am | IP Logged

Originally posted by hazelgirl

i feel after marriage..the couple shud live separately...no one living in anbody's parents house and hence no issues from any sideTongue
 

 

i agreee

hippi2go Goldie
hippi2go
hippi2go

Joined: 14 June 2005
Posts: 1691

Posted: 18 March 2006 at 8:12am | IP Logged


We as society are too used to this theory of a man ruling a household, a man being the head of the household, and a man bringing money to a home, that it just seems abit awkward to see the same man living with their wives familyOuch...I think a man's ego plays a big part too. No guy with a go-getter attitude would actually wanna live in their sasural for more than a month. If they have a good job, if they have the ability to earn money for the family, then they would not want to be barden-ing anyone.

And one thing I realized is that the way a girl becomes close with a guys family, a guy cannot in a million year feel the same way with the girls familyConfused...There always seem to have a line when concerning the relationship of a damadh and their sasuralConfused

But most importantly, from the begining if the ritual was that a man has to leave his family and go to a girls house, then it would be all natural to us. Its all about how we are adapted to something. We are from early age are too used to the fact that a woman leaves her family...so now if the opposite happens we feel weirded out and immediately draw a conclusion of the man to be a looserConfusedLOL

But I completely agree with Hazelgirl...after marriage, people should definitely live separately...if nothing, it will save them money from buying frequent aspirin



Edited by hippi2go - 18 March 2006 at 8:20am
datspreets Goldie
datspreets
datspreets

I-F Crazy Creatives
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Posts: 1741

Posted: 21 March 2006 at 10:07pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by hippi2go


We as society are too used to this theory of a man ruling a household, a man being the head of the household, and a man bringing money to a home, that it just seems abit awkward to see the same man living with their wives familyOuch...I think a man's ego plays a big part too. No guy with a go-getter attitude would actually wanna live in their sasural for more than a month. If they have a good job, if they have the ability to earn money for the family, then they would not want to be barden-ing anyone. 

We are from early age are too used to the fact that a woman leaves her family...so now if the opposite happens we feel weirded out and immediately draw a conclusion of the man to be a looserConfusedLOL

 

Well I think this 'Ghar jamai' notion is man-made and quite stupid.

What's wrong if a husband stays with his in-laws...if a woman is expected to leave her family and move in with her husbands family why not the other way round?

I think this is basically our mind-set which makes peopel look down upon ghar-jamais.Such husbands are branded as losers and cowards who cannto afford their own house and are incapable of runnign and managing a family.which is very stupid.

plus, in history man is teh house head and is not expected to atke help from in-laws.

 

but i personally think it's fair enough for a husband to live with in-laws.We need to change our views..tahts' abotu ti!

 

 

 

zoya786uk Senior Member
zoya786uk
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Joined: 19 December 2005
Posts: 763

Posted: 22 March 2006 at 12:34pm | IP Logged
dis aint like dat here in da uk dont knw about hw u guys r like but aint like dat ppl have changed
sowmyaa IF-Dazzler
sowmyaa
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Joined: 23 August 2004
Posts: 3658

Posted: 19 September 2006 at 11:50am | IP Logged
Wanted to bring this topic to front page Tongue will post my response later when i get chance.
MNMS Goldie
MNMS
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Joined: 15 December 2005
Posts: 1989

Posted: 19 September 2006 at 12:00pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Neil Diamond

reasons why Man cannot be a "ghar-jamai"

- woh ghar mein "jam" kar baith jayega and In-Laws are scared of this "property-dowry-like-situation"
- he cannot Boss-around if staying as "ghar jamai"
- he wont be called "Jamai Raja" any more and will only remain a "jamai"
- he does not want to give a boost to the inflated "Woman's Liberation" moment
- he will be caught under "Anti-dowry" Act for taking the biggest dowry by shifting into In-Laws place


GOSH!!! LOL
This just cracked me up....omg....Anti-dowry act.. man... this is so funny... LOL LOL

i have to go.. i will also post later Tongue
lighthouse IF-Dazzler
lighthouse
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Joined: 18 January 2006
Posts: 2842

Posted: 19 September 2006 at 12:09pm | IP Logged

I cannot imagine being married and living with my parents..!!!!
I love my parents but living with any parents means giving them the authority to run your household which can never be walk in the park. LOL

I have seen families where parents are used as babysitters and house minders and that is tragic.
shikara Groupbie
shikara
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Joined: 10 November 2005
Posts: 104

Posted: 20 September 2006 at 8:46am | IP Logged
Ouch abhijeetji! that was harsh! This is a topic that is close to my heart. When my husband and I got married a little over 2 years ago, we lived with my parents. It was a question of practicality, My hsband was still in med school and I was working.   With just one income and tons of expenses we decided at our parents request to live with them as financially it was more sensible for us. And this is a question that I have always felt angry with. Arent my parents equal to his so why is living with them such a big deal? My husband and I never had any issues with it but unfortunately many ppl's attitude especially his relatives back in India was similar to those mentioned by Aparna. In the end that put a strain on our relationship.

In short to give you the gist of my rant, unfortunately the stigma still remains as even when people try to go against the tide there are many so called well wishers in society who still enforce these stereotypes and unfortunately most of us are not strong enough to resist getting sucked in.

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