Living through others!

Hi guys..im here with a "slightly more serious topic" than the other topic i started😉

Often, people live life through others. Parents who were not able to fulfill their dreams so they fulfill it through their children. Some parents think that because they didnt have such advantages in life they have to make life be the best for their children. and there are many other examples

do you think it is right for parents (or anyone else) to fulfill their dreams through someone else? is it justified? why is it done? what are your views on this?

 

will post my views later

Edited by ~PaKi*PrInCeZ~ - 18 years ago

Jav...great topic!! 👏 interesting questions. will come back with my views later..! 😳

Another good topic Jav !! Although i don't know how serious you want it to be ! 😉

Funilly i was discussing this with my hubby after i watched this movie called "Ice Princess" . Where this teanager wants to be a pro Ice skater and her mom wants her to get ready for Harward !! So there is conflict of interest !!
I started discussing real life stories that this is very common .

Will talk more later.

lolz aparna di...letz c if v can match up da page # with the other topic while being serious 😉

well i think itz wrong and that people shouldnt impose their descisions on other people....this is most common with parents wanting "the best for their children" without considering the child's feelings

also, when an older child is good at something the parents want the youngers to follow their footsteps...im strongly against that

I completely agree with Jav .
I recall going for a swim to the Hotel pool in Chennai. There was this 4 year old boy that came with his dad . This dad pushed this little boy to do laps after laps while he stood and timed him . I suppose he was being trained for some thing . I used to feel sorry for the little boy as the boy didn't look too happy with this pressure . I wonder how much the boy wanted to be a champion and how much his dad wanted him to be one !!

Then one of my relatives in the U.S have 2 kids - 12 and 14 . Both these kids are el- brillianto !!Tiny little prodigies !! There parents were child prodigies too !! They excelled in every thing. These kids have NO life . They aren't allowed to meet friends too much and play . They have written schedules :piaono , study , tennis , study ,Indian classical music training etc etc !! Phew !! I have heard my relative making excuses if the kids get a phone call...........she doesn't want the kids to waste their time!!I feel sorry for the pressure thats put on these kids.

Now i recall my closest friend wasn't too good in studies and her parents wanted her to take up commerce in college inspite of her marks . She in her heart didn't want to as she knew she hated Commerce .But took it up because of pressure . She ended up flunking a year and got poor marks at graduation !!

These were the cases of pressure and effect it has on kids !! Its not fair to live your dreams through your children.

true sme kidz get into pressure den dey do wat der parents want it can be alright at times but also can ruin a persons life an all

Jav, I agree that it is not right now parent's part to live "their" dream and ask their children to fulfil those. However, if you are trying to say that parents should not push their children to take some career in their life I would disagree upto certain extend. Please read, I don't want parents to push their kids to an extend that they hate such subject or that might lead them to depression. However, I personally think that at age of 17-18 kids are not as aware of what line to choose. And practically, what you like always is not a good option. Sometimes parents should guide their children and encourage them to certain field which is better for them. I wish sometime that if my parents had pushed me little more and when I was in 10 or 12th grade guided me and pushed little I would have been something different today. I have a cousin who always wanted to be into music and his parents always told him that whatever makes you happy do it. Today he is having so much struggle in his life earning and running family. He was intelligent and capable of having tension free and life without much struggle, but just 'coz of her career choice he is what he is today. I think at age 17 kids are not aware of long life atleast i was not and if sometimes parents show them right direction it helps.

Originally posted by: sowmyaa

Jav, I agree that it is not right now parent's part to live "their" dream and ask their children to fulfil those. However, if you are trying to say that parents should not push their children to take some career in their life I would disagree upto certain extend. Please read, I don't want parents to push their kids to an extend that they hate such subject or that might lead them to depression. However, I personally think that at age of 17-18 kids are not as aware of what line to choose. And practically, what you like always is not a good option. Sometimes parents should guide their children and encourage them to certain field which is better for them. I wish sometime that if my parents had pushed me little more and when I was in 10 or 12th grade guided me and pushed little I would have been something different today. I have a cousin who always wanted to be into music and his parents always told him that whatever makes you happy do it. Today he is having so much struggle in his life earning and running family. He was intelligent and capable of having tension free and life without much struggle, but just 'coz of her career choice he is what he is today. I think at age 17 kids are not aware of long life atleast i was not and if sometimes parents show them right direction it helps.

Soumya at 17- 18 its o.k for parents to guide and advise their kids . Show then pros and cons of each choice . But not beyond that .

 I don't agree that your cousin should have been pushed into something that doesn't excite him . Maybe he is currently not doing so well in Music . But people can make a good living out of music . Not every one becomes a famous musician and life may be tough . But if thats what you were meant to do ...........thats what you are doing , its good . How can you be sure if your cousin had taken up some other field he would have excelled . You can't be !!

I was personally disuadded from a certain career too buy my parents as they didn't feel too highly of it . I wonder till date what my life would've been if i had taken that road .

Its easy to blame some one else for your choices !! We often blame our parents . I don't blame my parents but do wonder what would my life have been. Soumya at 17- 18 you are old enough to choose after you have the knowledge put forth . Example schools have this career fairs and parents will advise you too.

But here we are talking about pushy parents that decide for you whats good as a career and whats not based on their experience , mind set ,and thoughts !! I feel thats not fair !!Just advise your children .........but stop there !!Let them choose on their own . Once they choose just be happy for them !! Often parents will be unhappy if the kid doesn't follow their advice and in their passive agrresive sulking way show their unhappiness . Thats emotional blackmail . You didn't choose tha career path i advised you to ............i will not support you emotionally any more kind of black mail .Thats so unfair.
Parents ought to learn how to draw a line.

Also Soumya i wanted to add . These days we aren't stuck with a career for our life . So if your cousin wants to switch a career and then study something different even at 30 -35 or older he can !! People are doing so with ease. But if his parents had stopped him from pursuing his music , he would have begrudged them for ever !!

i think its ok for parents to advise and guide their children but they shouldn't impose or force them to b somethin they r not!! i really h8 when parents to that, sumtimes they cannot except the fact that mayb their kid is no academic but they should realise that mayb their kid has some other talent or is good at somethin else!!!

parents hav the duty to warn their children n weight out the pros and cons of things with them n come to decision mutually, esp when kids r older like over 16 decisions shouldn't b one sided!!! its tru sumtimes parents push their kids too much and this can hav a bad affect on kids as they will do wat their parents want but how long will they do that for???/ then they will burst out n results can b bad!!! i dunno wat i jus wrote hope it makes sense lol...my ideas n views r all over the place!!!!

i agree wit Jav...thanx for posting this topic!!!! 👏