Ek Hazaaron Mein Meri Behna Hain


Ek Hazaaron Mein Meri Behna Hain
Ek Hazaaron Mein Meri Behna Hain

VirMan OS - Falling for him (Page 4)

-Serene.Rose- IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 12 November 2011
Posts: 14492

Posted: 01 December 2011 at 8:49am | IP Logged
Lovely...Update soon and pm me yar!! I loved it xD

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pinkstars Goldie

Joined: 21 November 2011
Posts: 1445

Posted: 01 December 2011 at 10:57am | IP Logged
very nice...do continue... add me to ur pm list...

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...Maham... IF-Rockerz

Joined: 22 June 2008
Posts: 5094

Posted: 02 December 2011 at 3:03pm | IP Logged

Okay if I am to be completely honest then I donot follow this show on a regular basis and the only reason why I bothered to pay attention to Virat and Manvi is because a friend of mine likes them.LOL No offence to the show and all I've just permanently given up on Indian TV so if I do see something decent I generally forget about it, which btw is very rare because there is nothing decent on Indian TV these days.. anyway... Why did I read this? Because I do like Virat and Manvi. I just haven't seen all of their scenes and most importantly because I appreciate good writing. Divya, right? This is great! No honestly, this is.

And this is going to be the most nonsensical comment any writer can ever hope to receive. *sigh* Humiliating myself in public is something I'm getting rather good at.

The backdrop is generally well written. A hug, eh? LOL Virat dragging Manvi everytime he saw his Bua's expressions change cracked me up. LOL That's the woman from Bidaai right? I er.. completely tore that show apart everytime I set my eyes on it. Hilarious times. ROFL@ the jokes involving the same actress who plays the Bua. Coming back to your OS

She jumped out of bed, grinning and rushed to open the door. Putting on a mock-angry expression she huffed, "Kya aafat aan padi hai jo mera door todne pe tule ho. Kabhi toh shant raha karo. And you say I'm the trouble-maker... uff!"

Well done here. I really liked that one simple point where she's actually happy upon his arrival and yet conceals it with pretension. Found that pretty real and typical of most girls.. LOL The quip over her slamming the door in his face had me laughing alright. LOL The humor laced throughout the trip to the shopping mall and their moments was also nicely done.I liked the dialogues in the car. the ones before the their fight I mean. Could imagine a conversation like this one between these two. You have captured how these two express really well. Will get back to that later...

As for the fight itself, nicely handled. She listens to a song, it riles him up completely and he yells at her. Generally simple but is enough as a buildup to the rest of the story. Found that nice. So it effects her that he's upset with her?

She can't sleep, she opens the window for some fresh air and hears someone singing. Once again very simply done. Nothing too complicated or hard to imagine. I liked the realism throughout this entire piece. It can be hard to capture while writing because sometimes we strive so hard for unique circumstances that we end up losing touch with the simple things that make life, life. Did that make any sort of sense? Confused I'm not too sure.Embarrassed LOL What I'm trying to say I guess is that it's interesting when the simplest of situations deepen the connections that two people share and take them to a higher level. Makes you believe all the more in it.

Then Manvi's curiousity gets the better of her and she decided to seek out the mysterious singer and finds Virat.

This was for some reason the highlight in the entire story for me. I really, really liked the idea of a man sitting alone in the dark and singing to himself. There is something so terribly deep about it. It tells the story of a man who sings not for the world to hear but for himself because the world in question let him down, the world in question used him and left him to fend for himself. So he no longer sings for anyone but himself. Never lets anyone else really hear him. It's heartbreaking yet beautiful and it shows the strength that this man is capable of. And perhaps... perhaps somewhere while he sings his heart out after making sure that no one can possibly hear him he still hopes that someone might. Someone might seek him out. And Manvi did. Manvi did and although he could have been angry at the invasion of privacy he wasn't. I like Virat how you have written him here. Like I said earlier I'm not too familiar with their characters but I like how you have penned him down. The way his eyes flashed in the car, his anger later on and yet in the midst of it all there is still that quiet control. He can be lighthearted and funny and yet underneath that care-free exterior is a man who has been wounded and who is angry and bitter at the world.

Manvi's thoughts over his pain were well written and precise enough to capture her confusion and that mixed array of feelings. And then a pot drops to the floor followed by Manvi herself. LOL Typical...

Manvi's nervousness that he'd get angry at her again.. I find it interesting that he didn't push her away. That in itself speaks of a small step forward. He let her be there. He chose to let her get away with sneaking up on him. *sigh* I really need to see these two properly to understand the why and how of this particular step better.

Manvi's relief, her praise...

"You know Virat, you just sang that song better than the original singer. You are so incredibly talented, by far the best-est singer I've ever heard" she gushed, kicking herself a moment later when he froze. She shut her eyes, cursing her loud mouth and peeked at him. The mask had fallen in place, but his eyes gleamed. "Is he crying?" she thought, panicking. The next minute, a whispered 'Thanks' relaxed her worry somewhat.

I loved this! I loved how he froze, and his eyes appeared to be gleaming with unshed tears and then he whispered a thanks.(Great use of vocabulary here. The word gleamed somehow captured Virat's turmoil perfectly in my opinion.)

They continued to sit there, Virat lost in his own thoughts and Manvi unwilling, no unable, to leave. Something about the way he sang had touched her deeply, making her want to be with him always, to know his secrets and fears, to soothe him and to take comfort from him. Something had shifted between them, that much was certain, and things would never be the same again.

Naturally I loved this as well.. I love how your have described the small changes in their equation due to this incident. The silence in itself speaks of so much.. I always wonder how two people can just sit there without any verbal exchange. It speaks of such a strong bond in my opinion. Interesting to see that as well between these two.

The moments after that were really nice as well. Enjoyed all of 'em! Smile

Manvi looked at him, taking in his sudden nervousness, and put her hand in his. He grasped it tightly, closed his eyes, and whispered so softly that she had to lean in to hear him. "I wrote the song." Without another word, he let go of her hand and left, leaving behind a completely confused Manvi.

This was wonderfully done. My favorite bit is when he whispers that he wrote the song and leaves. For some reason I can't quite relate to the hand grasping bit. Maybe it's 'cause I haven't really seen them.. It was a nice touch though. She holds his hand in a quiet promise that he could tell her whatever it was that he wanted to, he holds on to it and lets the truth escape him for her to hear in the softest of whispers.

As she snuggled into
bed, Manvi reflected on everything she didn't know - she didn't know why she fought with Virat, she didn't know why he was the only one besides her di who could make her laugh and cry, she didn't know why she cared about him, she didn't know why he was the one she confided in, she didn't know why and how he brought her peace... she didn't even know why she didn't want to
take his jacket off. As she slipped into a deep sleep, Manvi's last thought was about the one thing she knew for sure - something about her feelings for Virat had changed, strengthened... and she liked it.

 This was wonderful! I loved how you expressed here. All the things that Manvi didn't know... It just sums up the entire OS so well! Especially loved the bit of her not even knowing why she didn't want to take his jacket off. At this point I did honestly feel that you should have continued but then when I reflect on the title of the OS "Falling for him." Then this is just perfect. The only reason why I wanted this to continue perhaps was because this one still has so much story to it but then the titile in itself tells a story and that story has been done justice to in this OS and hence been left at that so I will not complain.

Lastly like I said I liked how you have written these two. It's all there in small things like Manvi sticking her tongue out to Virat, him stepping out of the way when she tries to hit him, Manvi pulling her legs up while she talks,Virat rapping his knuckles on her forehead.. for someone who hasn't seen these two properly I could imagine them enacting out all of these scenes due to these small details and actions so great job there.

AND this has turned out to really, really long! Ugh. I need to get rid of the tendency to ramble! That's it. Not.another.word.


The following 3 member(s) liked the above post:


...Maham... IF-Rockerz

Joined: 22 June 2008
Posts: 5094

Posted: 02 December 2011 at 3:06pm | IP Logged
And this really was horrifyingly long. *goes in a state of shock* :| :|

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:


bhoomi.s Senior Member

Joined: 09 March 2012
Posts: 205

Posted: 11 March 2012 at 1:03am | IP Logged
Beautiful os! Wish there was more :-)
VarunKiBiwi IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 07 November 2011
Posts: 24261

Posted: 11 March 2012 at 12:38pm | IP Logged
Omg!! it was amazing!!!! 
snehaluvmaaneet IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 11 September 2010
Posts: 10429

Posted: 21 March 2012 at 12:05am | IP Logged
i just love the way u used song its my favrte

pm me whenver u write anythng n them
isha.raj_98 Senior Member

Joined: 11 February 2012
Posts: 515

Posted: 21 March 2012 at 10:46am | IP Logged
awww wow plz pm me wen u update next!!

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