Member of the Week - dreamzkp - Page 7

Hi Kiran, I have already joined the nostalgic club, lol:-) Would love to meet up with you!

So, does your hubby know how to cook? Do you do the cooking all the time or do you split the cooking work?

So, which one of the Nicholas Sparks books would you recommend?

Edited by xyzzee - 18 years ago

Originally posted by: sree_20

Kiran, to more questions from me...

You said, you were very submissive in the early stages of your married life, sacrificed a lot to adjust to the atmosphere of your hubby's place... Can you give us an example where you thought you sacrificed? (If this is not too personal). Hmm..a lot. I didn't (I still don't) like the way she boasts about herself and the greatness of their family in such a way that my family is nothing infront of them. My blood would boil but controlled a lot.😆

What do you think is the best way in which a daughter-in-law can win the hearts of in-laws? What if, the in-laws do not have a big heart? What should  the girl do? According to me, the best way is to be submissive initially, understand them and win their trust first. Later, when your stands are strong, put your opinion across in a subtle way so that they have no choice other than agree to what ever you say. This works for most of them. If they are too hard to melt, seek your husband's help and ........pray God. 😉

Do you think in such situations, being patient and submissive will work out, or the girl needs to be dominant, agressive, to press home the facts? My above answer holds good for this question as well. Remember...you cannot win people's (not necessarily your in-laws) heart by being agressive and dominant all the time. You are going to a house which is entirely different from the way you brought up. Your MIL also came from a different place but she already made her ground strong. It's the DIL's turn now and it goes on like this.....

There is  a saying that, The way to a husband's heart is thro' his stomach... Do you agree to this? 😆 If yes, why? If no, why? I completely agree to this. My husband eats with interest and appreciates also. I can proudly say that he prefers my dishes when compared to his mom's.😉

There are many inter-related questions here, so you can feel free to answer them in a para , rather than splitting them into seperate answers... I tried to answer my level best. Thanks for the questions.😊

Will be back later... Today is Monday. I think it's time to terminate this MOW thread. If it's so...then thank you for this opportunity.😊

Originally posted by: xyzzee

Hi Kiran, I have already joined the nostalgic club, lol:-) Would love to meet up with you! Same here...😳

So, does your hubby know how to cook? Do you do the cooking all the time or do you split the cooking work? He knows simple ones like alu fry, etc..He helps with the other things like cutting the vegetables and arranging the dishes on the dining table etc..I don't expect too much because I'll end up cleaning the kitchen if I ask him more. 😆

So, which one of the Nicholas Sparks books would you recommend? The Notebook, very emotional. I guess they made (they were making when I bought) a movie also based on this book. I liked the softness in the relationships that he described in The Notebook.

Originally posted by: chukkna

Hi Kiran,

Thnaks for answering the questions. It was wonderful. My pleasure, Rama.
I am not nostalgic abt BLR as I never visited that place, but after reading to your replies, I would definitely love to see BLR. As I said I have few folks to meet too and the might kill me if I wont come there this time. You can add me to that list. 😉😃
So november is for sure. mmm😳
To all, Hey I am planning to go to India sometime during Thanksgiving, but may be I will be in BLR during Christmas. I would love to meet you all whoever is there at that time.
Let's plan 😃 😛 Definitely....Will wait...😊 

Originally posted by: dreamzkp

Vaah, kiranmayi!!!👏👏

what excellent answers....filled with understanding...it seems your husband has done well, if u don't mind me saying...😉😛

Just my 2 cents, but i think it just like the DIL should work at gaining the trust of her in-laws, the in-laws should also work to gain the trust of the DIL.

Do u have any more thoughtful thoughts to add to the above?😊

Originally posted by: innocentindian

Vaah, kiranmayi!!!👏👏 Thank you, Sir.😊

what excellent answers....filled with understanding...it seems your husband has done well, if u don't mind me saying...😉😛 No. Not at all.

Just my 2 cents, but i think it just like the DIL should work at gaining the trust of her in-laws, the in-laws should also work to gain the trust of the DIL. Egg-jacktly! It should be from both the sides. But you know what? Often it falls on the DIL's side for many reason. Hats off to the Indian culture!!!

Do u have any more thoughtful thoughts to add to the above?😊

All my points are from the DIL's point of view. And last but not the least, girl should have her husband's support. Life can be hell if hubby dear joins the other group. So..all husbands (for you II, that you are also a husband😉) please be with your wife, be supportive and understanding. She can be a daughter to your parents if you extend your support to her..

I hope the above makes sense. What say you? 😉

yep! kiranmayi....it does make sense...a whole load of sense...but it does seem to me as if the tide is turning and the modern-day in-laws are slowly beginning to understand, and AWAKEN, to the fact that they have to do their bit....another thing tho', whilst we can talk about these things generically, it is all subjective and depends on each individual situation...

Just out of interest, can u tell us what it is that your MIL was boasting about? That is, was she boasting about her family meaning her husbands family? or was she boasting about her fathers family? 😉

So nice to know about your view on your hubby and in-laws..I don't want to come across as a feminist, but I feel the same should extend to both husband and wife.. Now-a-days the joint family system is not so prevalent and I know many girls' parents come and stay with them too (Mine often come and stay with us and are very comfortable doing so, thanks to my hubby's support and willingness)..Is your MIL open to you being free and close to your parents even now? Just curious as now-a-days most in-laws are quite broad minded in that respect (like Abhi's parents:-)). You know what my MIL said when we were married - "I can never ever take your mother's place and I don't intend to as that would not be fair and a mom is always a mom, but please remember I am always there for you if you need me". That really touched me, believe me 😃 And even after my daughter was born, she used to come and stay with us but was always sensitive to the fact that my parents' presense was often more required for me then. 😊 So wondered what your experience has been when it came to matters with your parents though I know you don't have a kid as yet, 😉

hey Kiran
i really enjoyed reading all your answers...
you are 200% right, effort should be from both ILs and DIL to form the base for a new relationship
I have seen that most of the DIL's face problem facing MILs who are "highly possessive about sons" . What are your thoughts on this?

Originally posted by: dotraj

hey Kiran
i really enjoyed reading all your answers...
you are 200% right, effort should be from both ILs and DIL to form the base for a new relationship
I have seen that most of the DIL's face problem facing MILs who are "highly possessive about sons" . What are your thoughts on this?

Hey guys

Sorry for butting in like this but this topic is too interesting to "not participate".

Rajni,I know the question was directed to Kiran,but I would like to say this.

This "highly possessive about sons" is many times a perception of the girl,the DIL I mean. The MIL is expected to take a complete back seat once the son is married.In the Indian culture The parents' involvement is so much in the child's upbringing right up to the time he gets a job and even married,the attachment is too much to just let go once he gets married.That it is only right to let go is an ideal situation,but it is very hard.This too comes in the "winning of heart" part.

Once the girl has won her MIL's confidence,and made her secure that he will always be her son first ,and her(MIL's) place in THEIR lives is important(This has to be done by the son as well without slighting the new bride),it can be a wonderful relationship.

I am not writing this from some book,I speak from first hand experience.

I absolutely agree with Kiran that one needs the husband's support and mainly understanding.Also the girl has to take the major initiative because she is younger and the inlaws are definitely more set in their way of thinking.

Most girls who share a good relationship with their MIL will agree with me that it may  not have  been very smooth in the beginning but it's worth the patience and "sacrifice".

Yeah Kiran,II has asked a good question.Who did your MIL boast about,your husband's family or her fathers? Hope you don't mind answering that one.

Cheers