Joined: 10 August 2011
2011 Shanthivan Delhi
"It meant nothing to me. After all I have had better. Well looks like it's useless to expect anything from you even in bed. Definitely in business terms I should just write you off as an unprofitable investment."
Having said his piece he stormed out of the room leaving her devastated. She was beyond even tears. This past 6 months she had shed so many tears that now she was bereft of even that. No more tears left to be shed & no more emotions to be expressed. She had continued to battle hoping that one day her Devi Maiyya would answer her prayers & she could salvage her broken life. But now she finally realized that she was fighting a losing battle. He hated her so much that even the word HATE was not enough to express his feelings towards her. She crumpled to the floor & laid her head wearily on the bed which still carried his scent & the remnants of their love making. NO. Love is the wrong word in this context. They had just completed the age-old ritual of mating. Just two bodies coming together with no feelings from the heart. No that was not true. Her bruised heart had nursed feelings. Feelings unrequited & unreturned. She came alive when he touched her. He had aroused erotic feelings in her though he tried his best to hurt her.
She had loved twice & both the times her dreams had shattered. Maybe that's what her Devi Maiyya had intended. Maybe love was never destined for her. Maybe it would always be a mirage. An illusion, which kept her running throughout her miserable life, to be always cheated by cruel fate. She was destined to love & love hopelessly. But she would always face only cold indifference, suffocating greed & blind hatred. Nothing else in her barren life. She closed her weary eyes too weak to even cry. This was the day that something inside her died. Her love, her hopes, her laughter, her happiness, her soul. She ceased to live though she continued to breathe.
This was the day Kushi Kumari Gupta died. Doctors would call her medically alive but according to her she was just a living corpse.
2011 Shanthivan Delhi
He stormed to his room, slammed the door & plopped on the bed. Her face kept flashing before him. He clenched his fists, gnawed at his knuckles but he couldn't stop his hands from shaking. He got up & paced around his room. He wanted to break something. Wanted to shout, scream. He wanted to kill her. But he knew that the moment he killed her, he would die. What was this feeling which engulfed you from within & threatened your very existence? He knew that he hated her but the more he hated her the more he fell desperately in love with her. He closed his eyes. No he din't want to kill her. He wanted to just kill himself, tear himself into tiny pieces. He wanted to bleed slowly to death & wanted her face to be the last thing that he saw before he died. He wanted to shred her to pieces & he wanted to hold her tightly like there was no tomorrow. She was his nemesis & she was his redemption. She was his guardian angel & she was the devil. She was the one who taught him to love again & she was the one who taught him how to hate from the depth of his heart. She was the breeze that gently caressed him & she was the turbulent storm which flung him into hell. She was the one who gave meaning to his useless life & she was one who then snatched his intent to live. She was the one who pulled him from drowning in his black evilness & she was the one who thrust him further into the abyss of no return. She was his life & she was his death. She was the one who kindled hope in his heart & she was the one who battered his soul mercilessly. She was the one who gave him a reason to continue to live & she was the one who made him want to die a slow, painful death. She was the one with whom he wanted to spend every single, precious second of his life & she was the one whom he never wanted to see again. She was the one who helped him retain his sanity in his personal hell & she was one who drove him over the brink of insanity.
He would never forget this day. This was the second time in his life that he had died. A long drawn out death. He had loved hopelessly & lost equally hopelessly. This was the day Arnav Singh Raizada died. What was left was just a living corpse.
2011 Shanthivan Delhi
Arnav collapsed on the floor, his head resting lightly on the bed. The moment his head nudged the bed he remembered their love making just a few minutes back. He remembered the words he had flung at her & closed his eyes again. He recollected her seduction. He had a faint hope that probably she had started feeling something for him. If not the way she loved Shyam, at least some amount of affection & maybe a physical attraction. He had then heard her talk to HIM on the phone, laughing & gloating about her seduction. Something inside him snapped. She turned terrified on hearing his growl, the phone slipping from her hand. He had broken the phone, carried her roughly to her room, flung her on the bed & had violent sex with her. He knew he was hurting her & somewhere towards the end his numbed senses woke up & came the shocking revelation that she was a virgin. But that hadn't stopped him. He had continued & when he was finally spent he pushed her aside & got up. He had thrown her a scornful look & then had spewed all that venom. He remembered her shrinking away from him. Also a part of his brain told him that she was in pain physically & mentally. This had given him satisfaction at that time. But now he felt a strange sensation inside him, as if he was choking & he felt pain stab his heart. She was hurt but he was feeling her pain double-fold. He couldn't take it anymore.
He ran to her room & was relieved to find the door open. He saw her huddled near the bed, still naked. He went near & touched her, his hands still shaking. She din't respond though her eyes were open. He carried her to the bathroom, made her sit under the shower & let the warm water gently fall on her. She moved a little. He washed her, being extra gentle near her sensitive parts. He grabbed a towel & patted her dry. She shivered slightly & her face showed that she was in agony. That second he hated himself. He carried her gently & laid her on the bed, then he spread her legs, bent down & started licking tenderly at the exact place where he had entered her violently. She shuddered & he stopped immediately. Guilt raked his body. He closed his eyes & clenched his fists. God what had he done to her. He of all the person should have understood the trauma she would experience due to his earlier assault. He looked at her, moved away, rummaged in her wardrobe found a nightdress & made her wear it. All this while she lay unresponsive. Finally he made her lie more comfortably on the bed, with a pillow under her legs to ease her pain & switched off the light.
2011 Shanthivan Delhi
Kushi felt that she was drowning. She was confused. She felt as if she was suffocating & in her terror she yelled the name of the only person she loved so much that it actually hurt. She knew he would save her, save her from Shyam, save her from herself. Her saviour & her tormentor.
"ARNAV ARNAV". Her shriek shook him awake. For a minute he thought it was a nightmare & then realized that he was slumped on a chair near Kushi's bed & she was actually screaming his name aloud. He clenched his fists. Maybe she was reliving his sexual assault. He tried to move away from the bed. He wanted to pacify her that he would never come near her again, never touch her, never hurt her.
Kushi was confused. In the past he had always rushed to comfort her when he saw her tears but today his hatred for her overpowered him so much that he was moving away from her in disgust. She started sobbing softly.
Arnav couldn't take it anymore. Her sobs cut through him. Probably she would be repulsed but he couldn't just stand like that watching her passively & do nothing. Tentatively he touched her. She continued to sob but did not shake him off. Feeling a little reassured he pulled her slowly towards him. She threw her arms around his neck, rested her head on his chest & continued sobbing. He hugged her tightly & kissed her head softly while rocking her slowly. Slowly her sobs subsided & she was breathing heavily. She had fallen asleep. But he dint let go of her. He continued to hold her tightly as if his life depended on it. He felt something wet on his cheeks & realized that he was actually crying. Tears rolled down unrestrained & he cried. Cried for himself, cried for her, cried for his mom, cried for Anjali.
Kushi felt something wet on her cheeks. She woke up from her slumber to see that she was huddled on Arnav's lap who was holding her very tightly. She shifted a little & saw Arnav's face, his eyes closed & his tears. This is what had woken her. His tears, his agony. She touched his cheeks lightly. He opened his eyes, then slowly lowered her on to the bed, lay down next to her all the while holding her hands. After some time he drifted off into sleep leaving her wide awake.
His tears confused her. She couldn't understand. She knew that he had heard only the last part of her conversation with Shyam & had misunderstood her intentions. She had been scared of his fury. When he started ripping her clothes off she was terrified. Then she had felt sharp pain when he entered her without any foreplay. But then at that point she had seen him stiffen & then she had felt him almost withdraw & then realized that he had slowed down his thrusts. Even in that extreme state of anger he had automatically slowed down when he realized that this was her first time. Why did he do that? He had almost been tender after that. She then remembered him washing her. His hands were making comforting circular motions on her body playing havoc on her senses. How could he do that with a mere touch. She felt ashamed that even while he hated her his mere touch melted her. Then when he had licked her she had felt strange emotions. Something inside her exploded. She was aroused & she was shocked by her body's response. She craved for his touch. She wanted to feel his strong arms around her, she wanted to feel him inside her but the moment she started responding he had broken apart. She was confused. Why did he do that & why was he crying now & holding her so tightly.
Finally she understood. Realization stuck her & she was stunned by the answer.
He had cried for hurting her. He loved her, loved her more than she could ever love him. Strangely this, his love broke her heart more than his hatred. As she closed her eyes, she felt a strange calm come over her. She remembered reading his mom's letter. Yes she would fulfil her request. She would weather his anger & return his love manifold with interest.
She knew what she had to do. Kushi Kumari Gupta would not die so easily. Not before giving Arnav back his life, his happiness. She would not let that evil pervert Shyam win. She would fight for her Arnav. She was prepared to die to give her Arnav a chance to live peacefully without Shyam's evil presence.
Guys plz note that i am not trying to glorify domestic abuse or marital rape. Once the plot unfolds where i explain the events preceding these chapters you would understand.
Till then plz be a little patient with me.
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Given below is the link/index for the rest of the chapters:
Link to Thread 2 -> Thread 2
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