Joined: 26 June 2007
So the episode today was sweet and the promo for the Maha episode has finally aired making us all almost die in anticipation of Sunday night! I thought I would offer my thoughts in the form of an OS that could possible help ease everybody's frustrations with the wait. It certainly helped me. Anyway, thank you everyone for reading! I hope you guys like it!
Oh and to anyone who wants more reading, do check out my FF: Tearing Ourselves Apart!
He watched her walk around in the main hall from the top of the stairs, plait swaying against her back as she worked, brushing against the string that held her dress together at the nape of her neck, her milky skin contrasting against the colours of the dress she wore with her earings swinging simultaneously along with the little balls of fabric hanging off of her sleeves.
He could feel the sweat against his fingers as he traced the circular ring in his pocket. He knew it was hers. She had left it by the pool after they had spoken about the stars and the things they missed most in the world.
It was surprising how they had refused to speak to each other when everything seemed so trivial, but he knew her. He knew she wouldn't behave that way when he needed her, he knew she would be there if he ever needed her to be. Just like he had been at the hospital when she had needed a shoulder a cry on, a pair of arms to breakdown in. He had been there for her, and now she was returning the favour.
His eyes snapped open as he realised she was no longer in the room, he didn't want it to be even between them. He needed there to be a reason for something to happen between them, so he ran down the stairs in a rush looking around to see where she had gone.
He didn't have to look far as he felt his body collide with something small and soft, closing his eyes from the impact. He didn't really have to look to know. It was her. He could smell her perfume lingering on the skin of his arms as she had touched him briefly during their encounter.
"I told you before, watch where you are going."
His eyes fluttered open as her voice pierced the silence, he couldn't even be angry any more, it was like he had to force it to come, just so he could keep his barrier strong.
She brushed her arms quickly as she felt her skin quiver from the lingering shock from their touch. He had refused to apologise as had she. Atleast they were talking again, she hadn't been able to bear knowing that he wouldn't say a word to her. As much as it scared her when his temper flared, she felt like she lived for it, like it was the part of her day she looked forward to most. How silly that must be, where the best part of your day was when someone was shouting at you about something, but she couldn't help what she felt, and he made her feel something so different.
She shook her head to convince her mind to stop thinking things like that. He had told her she hadn't mattered to him, he was getting engaged, eventually married. And she was engaged herself, she couldn't think these kind of things, especially not with him, especially not with how he made her forget about the rest of the world and its matters.
This was Lavanya's to be husband, she couldn't be so cruel to Lavanya. Not like it mattered anyway because he didn't feel anything back. She felt like a silly child whose emotions were being thrown to the side, being too unimportant for anyone to notice. How easily he had accused her of feeling things that had meant nothing to him. The thought made her angry, she wanted to give that feeling back, but he didn't care, so what was the point?
He watched her as her expressions changed from that of shock to hurt to anger in mere seconds, her emotions playing across her face like a movie reel. It was her eyes that gave it all away, they shivered in fear, and shone in happiness. He definitely preferred the latter even though he had for the most part been responsible for the former.
"You are still not going to apologise?" she tentatively asked, watching as he said nothing.
"Fine, just stand there, saying nothing, you are better that way anyway, I have told you, I do not care whether this is your house or not, I am not taking your mood swings anymore."
He only stared back into her eyes, thinking of how she had asked him whether he was okay when he had seemed upset over his mother. She cared, the thought made him smile. All his anger, all his venom words, had not been enough to scare her away, she was still there with him.
"Nothing..?" she asked, frustration playing clearly across her face as she walked past him, purposefully barging into his shoulder like he had done with her.
Her touch brought him back down from his thoughts.
She stopped as soon as the words had escaped his lips, she had been waiting for it.
Turning around he saw that she was faced away from him, so he waited as she slowly turned back around, curiously meeting his eyes as she pondered whether she was actually going to hear another apology from this man. They were scarce, but gosh were they memorable.
She only watched as he remained silent and dug his hand into his pocket, holding it out to her as she saw something in his hand sparkle against the light. Surprised she looked down at her hand to see that her ring was actually gone, Arnav was holding her engagement ring.
Disappointed on the lack of an apology and shocked at finding him holding her ring out to her she lifted her hand and took the ring from him, looking down at it.
"This is my engagement ring."
I was listening to this song when I wrote this OS, I think it is kind of appropriate, so give it a listen as you read if you want.
Arnav felt his heart drop in his chest and a lump rise in his throat as he asked "What?" with a weak voice. He could not have heard right, his Khushi could not have been engaged to someone else.
He felt his mind racing with a thousand thoughts as the fear of losing it all took over his subconscious.
"Why didn't you say anything?" he asked weakly, as he felt the anger in his voice rise up at the thought of her with someone else. He didn't think he could bear it.
"Why doesn't anyone know that you..." he threw out in a strained voice.
She only looked up at him with sad eyes.
"What difference does this make to you?" she asked, interrupting him, her voice betraying the sadness she felt.
He felt like she had thrown fuel all over the fire that burned inside him. What difference did it make? How dare she ask him that? It made all the difference in the world, all the difference to everything. He didn't have to force the anger as it all came so naturally now.
He felt his voice rise in anger as he shook from all that he was feeling
"It makes a difference because..."
He had been thinking it but he had never realised that saying it out loud could prove so difficult. He wanted her to feel what he was feeling, feel the dread that had taken over him with the thought of her becoming someone else's so that he didn't have to say it out loud to have her understand it all. He needed to let her know, but his pride took over, like it had so many times before and he felt his tongue freeze in his mouth at exactly the wrong moment. He had given too much away, but not enough.
She shivered as his voice rose, this did not look like a man who did not care.
She watched him with mouth wide open as he shut his eyes in anger and began to walk away. She was not having this, he could not let her go home like this, she wouldn't be able to sleep for a second thinking of what he could have possibly meant.
Before he could get far she held on to his arm, surprised at her own boldness for a second as she didnt realise what had made her do that.
"Why does it make a difference?" she asked him, feeling him shake beneath her touch.
He pulled away softly as she only held on tighter to his arm, when she realised she wasn't strong enough to make him turn around she stepped back wards to face him. He was looking down at the ground, unsure of what to say after his outburst.
He forcefully shook her hand away and started to storm off only to find that he collided against her again in her attempt to block his path. She was breathing heavily from the anger she could feel welling up inside her.
"I'm giving you a chance right now, to tell me what you want to say" she said, stopping to take a breath.
"Don't come to me afterwards and explain to me what you were feeling" she said harshly, thinking back to Diwali night when he had avoided her questions for so long, only to answer them when she realised she did not want them answered anymore.
She waited in silence for a minute and she only got his angry stare looking back at her. As much as she wanted to stay by him, and hear him say the words she wanted to hear, she realised that it was not doing her any good to chase things to no end.
She looked down at the ring she was still holding as his gaze followed hers down to her hand. She slipped it on to her finger as he watched her, taking one look back at him, revealing her disappointment before walking away from him and closing the front door behind her with a bang which made Arnav jump.
He avoided his sister who had begun to walk towards him, he could not deal with anything right now. He needed to get away from it all.
In the late hours of the night Arnav found himself sitting by the poolside just outside of his bedroom staring at the stars. He picked one out for his mother, like she had done, and stared at it for a very long time. He couldn't stop thinking about her as all the moments they had shared came flashing across his mind.
He held his chest at an attempt to get rid of the hollow feeling there, like someone had ripped his heart out.
He started back up at the sky, thinking back to the last time he had felt like that. When he had lost his parents, it was the pain of loss. The pain of having loved and lost.
The stars reflected back in his eyes as a single lonely tear made its way down his cheek.
He woke up from the cool morning breeze against his skin, he had fallen asleep thinking of her outside by the pool. He was losing it, he wanted to believe it was a bad dream, but he knew he could not have imagined all the emotions he had felt.
This was all real, it was happening. It was happening to him and Khushi.
He heard the sound of her anklets by the stairs, looking around to find her slowly creeping down the steps, she stopped as she saw him wide awake, staring at her as though he was dreaming.
What was she doing?
She fixed herself, still angry about what he had done to her the night before. As she was about to walk past him she heard him speak up.
"What are you doing?"
Great, she thought. I get to hear him speak after what happened yesterday and he asks me what I am doing.
She looked up at him to meet his eyes "You were sleeping, and I had to go to Nani's room so I tiptoed past you, I prefer it when you are sleeping so you don't have to scream and shout like a spoilt little child, do you have a problem with that? Are you going to shout at me for trying to keep quiet, or are you going to shout at me for being back in your home, or just shout at me for existing."
She stepped past him and was stopped in her tracks this time by him holding on her arm as she tripped over her own feet.
"Wait, I need to talk to you."
She didn't move "About what?"
She rounded up to face him, shaking his hand from her wrist "I don't care what you have to say, you heard me yesterday, I told you then, if you didn't tell me then that was it, I don't want to hear it. Why cant you understand that?"
"Khushi, listen to me."
"No, no I am not going to listen to you, you are just so full of yourself, who do you think you are, whenever you feel like saying something I am just going to have to stand still and listen to what you have to say? Like I don't have a life of my own, like I don't have s..."
"You can't get engaged" he said, looking her in her blazing eyes.
She hadnt been expecting that. No matter what she thought he was feeling, she didn't think he would say it out loud.
"I can do what I want, you got engaged, why can't I"
He flinched at her repulsive tone.
Looking down at her hands he saw her twirling the ring around her fingers, he could not bear the thought of her with someone else. He had known what it had felt like to not have her, but to not have her and know that someone else had? No, that was too much to ask.
He opened his mouth only to close it again, repeating himself a few times before she became tired of it all and started to walk away.
"Are you happy?" he asked, expectant for her to tell him what she felt. He needed to hear from her lips what she felt for him, he needed that encouragement to tell her what he thought of them. But her answer shocked him to the core.
"Yes" she said, tears brimming in her eyes as she slowly walked away from him. She didnt care how much it had hurt to say that to him, she only felt the satisfaction of making him feel what she had.
Arnav felt his knees weaken beneath him as he bent down to sit on the chair next to him for the fear of collapsing on the ground. She had given him a chance, forgiven all that he had done to her and given him a chance to prove that he was capable of more than just hate. And he had wasted his chance, thrown it away like it had meant nothing when it had meant the world to him. What was he to do now?
He looked up when he caught a glimpse of silver on the ground next to his feet.
Her anklet, lying beside his shoe.
It was a part of her, lying there next to him.
He picked up the silver chain and played with it in his fingers before looking up at the point in the bright sky where he had spent the previous night imagining his mother watching down on him.
He smiled at the thought, even though he didn't believe in it all, he knew he could believe in her. Believe in what he was feeling, a ring around her finger was nothing in front of how he felt.
He was going to get her or die trying.
Hah how cheeesssy, you can so tell how I totally ran out of what to write halfway through, this (for all you writers) is why you should always plan a story before writing it, because it ends in a sappy mess of events. But Wahey! Better than nothing eh? I hope you had at least a bit of fun reading it and that it helped with all the anticipation.
Again, give my FF : Tearing Ourselves Apart a read if you want more (and a better story)
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