Balika Vadhu


Balika Vadhu
Balika Vadhu

Mera BaalVivah kyun nehi hua? (Page 2)

khusi_* IF-Stunnerz

Joined: 24 January 2005
Posts: 26008

Posted: 15 November 2011 at 11:11pm | IP Logged

Nice topic name.LOL

But I never felt that bv is glorifying child marriages. If Child bride will get education then everything will be ok, I don't think so. In a closer look besides getting education, the way kid anandi was suffered is enough for me to understand that child marriage is an evil thing. Eating in the jhootathal, fast for hubby, kitchen work, cant play, can't laugh/cry loudly, working like a servant is def not a better thing than enjoying school life with frds for me. Even anandi got school education for 2 years was not proper one, she didn't attend the class nor play with her frds. She gave only exams with lots of oppositions from DS. That's the only tiny +ve thing she got which was not prominent enough. Since childhood she never gave priority to her education which I considered as the brain washing.I am not denying that she is at fault but its not her fault completely.

The person she got married to is turned out as a horrible person, not a trust worthy person at all. Hubby like jagiya is a nighmare.

If J comes back to anandi, I won't consider as its anandi's true love wins.

I will see j's return as the selfishness of jagiya that he couldn't live the life with gauri the way he wanted to and anandi is the biggest fool that she accepts him back keeping aside her dignity.Angry The way I see JG together not for their so called true love or gehena basnat too!

Wese v I don't think ki'if a couple is together it is their true love. There r many famous stories in which the there r very tragic and bitter separations happen even in case of true love!!


My problem with cvs is that they r not showing the empowerment of the victim. They keep showing the suffering, more suffering. Fine! move on. Where is the example from which ppl can get inspiration!!Ouch They r still showing those type of problems child bride faces but they r not showing how they will get over from it after their own will power!

Especially education ka toh band baja k rakha hua hai, gauri is turned out like a brainless person, an educated child bride phooli acceped the nata pratha, and anandi''if I will start about it then it wont end!!LOL

Edited by khusi_* - 15 November 2011 at 11:18pm

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tiny15 IF-Stunnerz

Joined: 09 September 2007
Posts: 32729

Posted: 16 November 2011 at 5:50am | IP Logged
@TM very gud topic & sum of ur points r v.nice but stil i don't think that i found/find bal-vivah a boon after watching A's condn & her troubles from the childhood 2 the adolescent!!and though i agree CVs cudn't properly convey their msg either of ill efffects of bal-vivah or consequences of infidelitry & cheating but i don't think they r glorifying bal-vivah. if they show that bal-viavh is a bane 4 kids & esply 4 gals by showing boy getting married 2 sum1 else in the name of rt 2 choice or true luv then its also glorificn of infidelity & oder women who r wrecking sum1 innocent that 2 a women's life & marriage.
though i m not pardoning men bcoz 1st criminal & sinner r such type of men but i can't absolve "oder women" of the same just bcoz they r women & r thot 2 b more presecuted by society. atleast they shud take firm decision of not getting married 2 much married prsn. its not a feudal age or sum medieval or ancient times wen kings & oder influential men've more than 1 wives 4 the sake of their kingdoms etc.
so all in all CVs shud've showed both i.e. ill-effects of bal-vivah & consequences of infidelity 4 both men & women!!u can't justify bane of bal-vivah in the name of rt 2 choice or true luv etc.Sleepy

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doyelpakhi Goldie

Joined: 22 February 2006
Posts: 2268

Posted: 16 November 2011 at 9:25am | IP Logged
Thanks everyone for liking my post! Smile@ woman 11 - agree with you! :) I agree with you khushi and asru that they have not shown empowerment of the victim, Ouch

For me the greatest curse of bal-vivah is that the society/family is denying the basic right of an individual to choose one's life partner and compelling two persons to fulfill commitments made by others on their behalf.

I firmly believe in commitment of relationships - when a couple gets married it's the duty of both the partners to try their level best to work on the marriage, even if it means doing extreme compromises.

But if anyone stays with partner just for fear of scandal or fear of being in prison, then it's better to get separated instead of  carrying on this sham. Commitment should be present for the sake of relationship, for sanctity of marriage- not for external factors like jail or scandal.

Also one should not be expected to fulfill commitments which parents make on their behalf. I am not talking about arranged marriages because when two adults get ready for arranged marriage, they are fully aware of the responsibilities of marriage and the drawback of getting married to unknown person. In spite of being aware, they get ready and they should take full responsibility for the success of marriage. However, two children don't really understand what marriage actually means. Yet, they are expected to be loyal to each other throughout their life and fulfill the commitments.

So when J decided to leave A, I partly supported him. In fact, if A would have decided to leave him after seeing his tantrums in adulthood, I would have supported her too.

Both J and A were not given the choice to choose their partners. Society and family played a big role in the way their relationship develop. Truth is that one can only make a decision about life partners once he/she starts dealing with the world on their own and understands the goals and necessities of life. I remember, my mom used to tell me not to get into a relationship in my teenage years because during adolescence we often don't know the real world and behave emotionally.

But in case of J and A, the family was the main catalyst for each other to fall in "love".

Of course, we all agree that J should have been honest to A and should have treated her with respect and made the separation amicably.

But if J and A are reunited or if J  comes back to A, the success of child marriage will be established. Thumbs Down

BV team has always told that their main intention is to tell people about the problem of balvivah. So educated section of the society living in the cities are not the main target audience. We might have realized the plight of child brides for this serial, but this has happened for ages. Women have been oppressed for ages and even women are conditioned in such a way that they think it's their fate.
So Anandi's plight would not have made a big impact on those people who are habituated in seeing it throughout their life.

DS thought that child marriage is not a bad thing because most people of her age have lived happily even after being married in childhood.

But in our generation, each one of us is more aware of individual rights and we exercise them. So now we hear more cases of men leaving their wives and in an article I read that even women in rural areas have become spirited enough to elope with other men.Cool

This should have been main education of BV - in case of marriage, individual choice is the main thing and everyone should be given that choice. Baal vivah is robbing people of this fundamental right.

But they totally botched it up. Dead

As far as education is concerned, A has sacrificed her education, her freedom, her rights as an individual for sake of her family. That's why she is the "adarsh" woman. We all know why everyone loves A - because she did so much for them.

So in a way, BV is asking women to be as ideal as Anandi and then the in-laws can be as good as the Singh family.Confused

Enough of my rants LOL I hope I could make my point clear.

Edited by doyelpakhi - 16 November 2011 at 9:58am

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hooked IF-Dazzler

Joined: 19 January 2011
Posts: 2542

Posted: 16 November 2011 at 10:48am | IP Logged
Lovely topic Pakhi !

I have that trilogy by Ashapurna Devi in hindi and ofcourse, "Prothom.." is my most favourite of the lot. 

Completely agree that BV under ideal circumstances may have worked in the past - ie bahu willing to forget her family and sacrifice her each n every little desire for self growth - you play togeteher and become friends and know all there is to know about each other and then grow into a love born of familiarity and based on friendship.

But today - it is too much to expect any girl to be as sacrificing and 'ADARSH' as Anandi is shown to be. And hence - bal vivah is not such a great idea for this generation - EVEN in the villages. 

@Woman11 - Am not a bong but have grown up in Cal and so - at heart am 100% bong Tongue !

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sonanai Senior Member

Joined: 07 July 2011
Posts: 241

Posted: 16 November 2011 at 11:38am | IP Logged
@ doyelpakhi...I do agree with your one liner "For me the greatest curse of bal-vivah is that the society/family is denying the basic right of an individual to choose one's life partner and compelling two persons to fulfill commitments made by others on their behalf."

But would like to ask u in how many communities in India this freedom is given...

I have seen lot many arrange marriages where one of the couple especially girl marries out of completion by their parents to satisfy their family pride...

It is very hard to choose spouse at your own choice...

My friend was not let to married to her boyfriend as he was Banya and she was Brahmin. She was made to marry another guy of her own caste...She got married last month...

In most of the parts of North India people are so conservative that they do not allow their children to independently choose their own partner.

I am too a Bengali...and I feel i was lucky enough to marry the person whom I loved but with a great trouble...Still I face society question my marriage.

Its not about only Bal Vivah that people dont get freedom to choose their own partners...But India has to go a long long way to have this freedom...

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doyelpakhi Goldie

Joined: 22 February 2006
Posts: 2268

Posted: 16 November 2011 at 1:13pm | IP Logged
@ sonanai .. I agree what you are saying.. forced arranged marriages are same as child marriage

But we have to make revolt against these norms... we have to defy these norms...only then these will go away from our society.. if we go on accepting it nothing will change

Also in case of child marriage, there are  factors like girl child being uneducated, her childhood being robbed by household chores, early pregnancy...

my problem with BV is that they have shown a solution to these problems of education, household chores, early pregnancy - Singh family let A to study, sumitra and gehna used to free A from kitchen whenever possible, bhairon sumitra kept JA separated for a way, I feel that BV Team is showing some solutions to the child marriage related problems but is ready to accept the root problem i.e the marriage itself.
Whoever has defied it, be it Gulli's mother or J, they are portrayed in negative light or have been shown to be suffering.

Edited by doyelpakhi - 16 November 2011 at 1:16pm

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