Joined: 17 October 2011
I went straight into my room and started crying and sorbing. What the hell did I just do?
i said yes to marry Shyam?? i know deep within me that i'll never be able to give Shyam my whole heart because i lost it to someone else already. Arnav... Just the name of him makes my heart ache with pain.
Why did he have to do all that?? what happened today is too much for me to handle. at first i was shocked to see the payal in his hands and then he came soo near and was about to kiss me. what would've happened when we weren't interrupted by the phone call??
i shuddered at that thought. he looked at me with so much love and passion as if i was the most important and precious thing in his life.
but just a few minutes ago his words stabbed my heart like anything. it hurts a lot. but why??!!
why do i cry so much and why do i care so much about how he treated me?? i knew the answer.
I was in LOVE with that Laad governor.
I fell for him so hard that maybe i would never be able to stand straight again.
my sari still had a tinge of his fragrance so i changed into my pajamas and went to bed because i didn't want to talk to anyone!!! expect one person.
The sunrays peeking through the curtains woke me up the next morning. my pillow was still cold and a bit wet because of my tears. i hope jiji didn't notice me cry the whole night.
By the time I got up and got ready Shyamji already left the house.not that i cared anyways but i always wondered why he always left so early.
i put some make up so that my pale face and my tired eyes would be covered up. I called up the Raizada Mansion to inform them that i would resign the job. the phone was ringing and i prayed to devi maiyya that he shouldn't pick up the phone.
Anjali: hello, kaun hai??
Khushi: Hello anjaliji, main khushi bol rahi hoon
Anjali: Arre Khushiji app?? boliye na kya kaam tha aapko itna subah subah?
Khushi: woh hum' hamara matlab hain ki hum job se resign karna chahthe the.
Anjali: kya??!! lekin kyun??
Khushi: woh kya hain na jee hamara kaam toh waha ho gaya. Lavanyaji toh bilkul badal gayi aur Nani bhi usse apnaliya. aur waise bhi bauji ki tabiath to bhi kharab hain na. toh humne socha kii hum ghar pein bauji ka khayal rakhenge.
Anjali: aisle kaise?? please aap sirf ek bar aaj yahan aajaiye na?? please
i didn't want to hurt her and said that i'll be there in another half an hour.
somehow i didn't want to tell her about my marriage. if i had told her then she would've blurted out everything to the entire household!! and i didn't want arnav to know about it without me being there. i wanted to tell him myself and wanted to observe his reactions to it.
i wanted to know if he felt the same for me.
I couldn't sleep the whole night.
khushi's tears and her hurt expression haunted me every time i closed my eyes. it was unbearable. her eyes were pleading me to tell her the truth.
but here was i who had put on the ASR mask again and barked at her. i shouldn't have done that.
and why the hell did i agree to marry Lavanya??!! i was so confused...
Just then the door opened and lavanya and di entered my room beaming with a big smile on their faces.
'Arrey chotey tum uth gaye?? lekin ab tak niche kyun nahin aaye? apne hone waali Mrs. Lavanya Arnav Singh Raizada se nahin milna hain kya??' she giggled with a teasing tone.
but i didn't find it at all funny' just the name of it!! Lavanya and Arnav together sounded so wrong. it was just so sick!!
Di left my room and went to the kitchen and flustered something into Lavanya's ear. Lavanya blushed and looked down shyly. she came and sat beside me
'ASR i just thought of giving my parents a call and tell them about our wedding'.
Oh holy shit!!! i had to come out of this mess but didn't know how!!
'Lavanya i'm busy right now and have to leave to the office. we can talk about it later'. '
'But ASR it's about our wedding!! the most important day of our life!! everything has to perfect. i already planned everything, the entrance will be decorated with red roses and golden balloons and the path to the mandate will be full of rose petals and...''
i couldn't hold it back anymore, the anger was brewing inside me
'LAVANYA I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE!! I'M SOO STRESSED OUT ALREADY AND PLEASE STOP THIS WEDDING NONSENSE AND SHUT UP'
Lavanya was hurt by the way i shouted at her!
"ASR?? what did u just say??that all this is nonsense?" she was upset and had tears in her eyes.
"i can't handle it anymore do you really want to marry me?? and first of all do u love me at all ASR??"
'Lavanya' it's not like that... i'
"NO ASR u just answer straight to my question!! DO U LOVE ME??"
i thought that it was high time to tell her about my feelings. i took a deep breath.
'No lavanya...i am..i am sorry!! i think i should've told u long back"
she composed herself and behaved as if it didn't affect her at all "oh ok'' was all she said.
"i think it's high time we break up... i expected something like this long ago because i was quite sure that you didn't love me.. but yesterday when you agreed to marry me i thought that maybe you have changed and started lovine me. guess i was wrong!!"
"No ASR it's ok. don't feel bad. I am a strong girl i can handle it."
This left me shocked and also relieved!! a big stone fell of my heart!!
she packed her things and both of us informed my family about our decision.
to my surprise jijaji was also present. i think he must've come really early.
all of them were angry at first but after we explained them about how we feel about each other they understood and agreed with us although di and nani were a bit sad that i wasn't getting married.
I decided that i would stay at home that day because somehow i wanted to see khushi's face and see if my words yesterday hurt her too much. Di said that she was coming home today for the last time... for the last time??!! oh hell i had to make sure that she continues coming to my home.
The door bell rang i sprinted to open the door before anyone else could do it.
She was shocked to see me opening the door.
although she applied a bit make up (which she usually never did) the puffy and tired eyes were still noticeable. The sparkle in her eyes was missing. it hurt to see that... and it hurt more to know that i was the reason for it.
Huh!!! why did this girl have to effect me so much? the day she entered my life she jeopardized everything.
She just walked past me not even looking at me and went straight into the house. just then i noticed that she had a sweet dabba in her hand. "Anjali ji hum aagaye" she shouted.
A small grin spread across my face. Nani, Di and Jijaji went to the temple, OP was sick and Lavanya left the house early in the morning and i realized nobody was at home except me.
"Chillane ki zarurat nahin hai, koi bhi ghar par nahin hain"
i closed the door with a grin turned to her and folded my arms grinning and turned to her. her back was facing me. it irritated me because i wanted to see her eyes and apologize to her for my words yesterday.
i told her that she didn't mean anything to me.
Hell was that the biggest lie of my life. she meant everything to me. it was like she was holding my life in her hands...WAIT what did i just think??!!! Get a hold of yourself ASR!!!
"Khushi... Khushi look at me damn it"
she slowly turned shivering with a lifeless face. damn it!!!
i did so many shitty things to her!! i had to fix everything as soon as possible and bring the twinkle in her eyes back.
"Khushi...i have to tell u something"
"I also have to tell u something Arnavji. I..." ohh why does this girl never change?!
"Let me finish first khushi" i was getting angry at her for not letting me finish my thought!! i clenched my fist when she started again.
surprisingly she opened the sweet dabba and held the box infront of me.
"Arnavji mooh metha kariye. My marriage is fixed" She said with a plastered smile on her face.
a smile which didn't reach her eyes!!
I was shocked, shattered, angry, sad and wanted to cry and shout at her!! just too many emotions at once!
i didn't know what to do!! i just stared at her and was speechless!! for the first time ASR was speechless!! something inside me was broken.
some moments ago i thought that everything was going perfectly. Lavanya realizing herself that i didn't love her and breaking up. Di, Nani and Jiju leaving for the temple and as luck would have it khushi knocking 5 mins after they had left and entering the house when he could be alone with her. but this changed drastically!! how could she???
How DARE she agree for marriage for another person.
Jealousy took over me. i couldn't stand seeing khushi with another person than me.
I didn't say anything... i took her by her wrist and dragged her to the nearest room possible and it happened to be di's and jija ji's bedroom!!
she protested the whole way and tried to get out of my grip but i was way too strong for her.
i pushed her inside the room and locked the door!! she was angry, really angry!!
"what do you think of yourself Arnav Singh Raizada??"
so that's it plz let me know how it was
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