Posted: 02 November 2011 at 2:00am | IP Logged
It was a warm night with a mildly cool breeze. We sat indoors near the verandah of the restaurant, all ten of us around an oblong table. I felt unusually open and giggly tonight and couldn't figure out why. Well, maybe I knew why. He was sitting almost opposite of me and I could look at him all night without actually looking at him and that was immensely satisfying at some level.
Devan had the handsomest face I had seen, perhaps ever. But who he was as a human being was so much more, I couldn't reconcile that such a handsome man could be so deep and insightful and soulful and spiritual and brilliant and kind. I had convinced myself I must be missing something but hadn't found it yet. God didn't make human beings like him, did He? I always thought about him and God in the same sentence, wondering what beauty God was thinkinng of when he created him. And I don't think it is just my romanticism speaking, he really is that fabulous.
I didn't think anyone could look so appetizing, so delicious to me since I had seen a lot of handsome faces in my life. But, at the age of 34, I had to admit, no one came close to him, could hold a candle to him. Physically, I wasn't sure if it was the dichotomy of softness and intensity that made up his eyes or the crooked smile he gave without even realizing how devastating it was...but I knew it wasn't just in my head, because I was never the only woman who looked at
him like he was something to eat. But thankfully, I could hide it well and was diligent about making sure he thought I wasn't attracted to him. I was good at that.
However, Gita and Mala made no effort to hide their attraction to him. He was good natured about it but was careful not to encourage their attention. He subtly let them know one day he wasn't interested. I happened to see it and I have to admit, I never knew I could be so delighted! He could still belong to me, be mine, in my head. I didn't have to feel guilty when thinking about him. I wasn't encroaching on anyone else's territory. The big delights of life...
Both Gita and Mala were new to our group, they had joined our research group about 2 months ago and were fantastic researchers. We all got along well. The only thing that irked me was their almost immediate fascination with Devan - but I couldn't blame them either. Afterall, I had felt the same way.
Devan was three years younger than me and initially I used it as a reason as to why I shouldn't be interested in him. But after, like 2 days, that didn't help much, since it isn't a good reason to begin with. So I found more innovative strategies in my mind to create a subtle wall to him in my mind and it was working very well...until tonight.
Edited by kanhaiya244 - 02 November 2011 at 2:00am