Originally posted by pardesii
Wow pardessi, i love your fab analysis for the fic and you've given me food for thought. I'll take your recommendations into consideration. Just wait for the next update and keep your eyes pealed.
I'm reviewing both chapters at once so forgive me if I overlook something. The 'jalebi juncture' as I shall refer to it was splendidly in character as we know Khushi is a worry-eater but the line about 'eating them out of house and home' amused me as it's that dry sarcasm of Arnav that we all love. Plus, he has that feigned detachment in place that he refuses to outrightly ask about Shyam, and when he does get a chance his jealousy gets the better of him and he switches back to his abrupt mode. Good thing ASR is renowned for his prickly demeanor or else Khushi might have sensed his jealousy. Or not since it is KKG we're talking about, the one who fussed about him beating up the goons for pushing her without taking it to it's rightful conclusion.
Arnav is smart. He went straight to looking for a paper trail for this guy but why can't he get desperate enough to go on a stake-out outside her home! Or am I jumping ahead as it'd be too hard to justify him stalking her yet if Khushi is in danger due to her tenant than presumably so is the rest of the family? Oh can you maybe get Arnav to take Akash to meet Payal so he can indirectly hit her up for more info on Shyam. (okay so that is my thinly veiled attempt to ask for an Akash-Payal scene since I like these too as much as ArHi).
Shyam is one cunning villain in this fic. Faking the coma to increase the pressure on Khushi. Only does this mean he will keep Shashi drugged until they are at the mandap? I hope Khushi somehow has a mini breakdown in front of Arnav again so he learns of her impending marriage but not until we see more jealousy from him. I want the J factor to make him more expressive despite it going against his carefully built up armour.
Alas, I must point out I adore your style of writing. It's really descriptive and well paced.