Balika Vadhu
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From Jagya's point of view (Page 3)

stuti.. Senior Member
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Posted: 15 October 2011 at 2:40pm | IP Logged

1st part; trying to analyze purely from a parenting POV:-

Does an adult son not have right to choose his life partner? - Yes. Assumption is his unmarried status. Relevant exception as a 'maturity' aided corrective measure by a victim of a Balvivah, is best answered by Woman11. How long could one be given a leeway of 'maturity threshold?- 20/30/40 years? 'until he finds his desired lolly of a more 'suitable'/ glamorous partner and invokes his indemnity of 'unexercised' choice?! Isn't it precisely this abuse that law is safeguarding against, when laying down a limit on 'correction measure' time? Now in this light, aren't parents also right to disapprove the ill used self assertion or unscrupulous desertion by their son, if their moral system forces them?

Does an adult son not have a right to aspire for his choice of life?- Yes by all means. Shan't parents always be supportive?-very much subjective ...That they raise a child, equip with good education or skills and prepare him to navigate further on, is minimum they generally do. Now they further help him with seed capital or 'specialization' skills when they do have means is again normal. But is it obligatory? If an adult son exercises his right of choice, then why can't parents too exercise their right to do or do not extend the support, IF they think it's against their assessment of good? More so, when they clearly feel reneged by change of plans? Shouldn't freewheeling adult provide for his own assertions. Why should parents be unwillingly providing for ever?

Coming back to the particular case, Bhairon has even stronger reasons to refuse. The adult son has duped, cheated and disregarded him in every possible ways. At a specific point of their life, (Gauri's ashirvad abhiyan entree), he had dared him openly and disdained his paternal authority in tatters. Now why should he continue to be a parent ideal to a son denied? More than that, J. has acted in such steps which go against very fibre of his moral code. The son has recklessly but wilfully destroyed the life of that girl whom, not only he has adopted as her own daughter in heart, but who is also responsible for the continued existence of this very son. By what discount of blocked out shame or apologetic value system (for his own integrity) can he continue to support his adult son in his city life aspirations?

When we analyze, is this parental love conditional? More, I feel bad for this injured love of both parents, who had never had enough of eyeful of this prince son when in innocent years, and later, their struggled efforts to instil good morals against overriding pampering of Gandma.



Edited by stutishah - 15 October 2011 at 2:48pm

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Posted: 15 October 2011 at 9:33pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by payalgarg

Originally posted by tinoo

If we take aside the lying and cheating that Jagya has done...

I just want to know if Jagya has no right to make any choices he wants in his life without his family disowning him.

I mean, if he doesnt feel anandi is an appropriate life partner then does he have to spend the rest of his life with her under duress (because it is what the singhs seem to expect)

Also,  I have no issues with the fact that bhairon gave lal singh the reins of the hospital... but he made several comparisons between lal singh and jagya.

Does jagya have no right to have any city life aspirations?

Jagya's lying and cheating have compounded all the problems, to the extent that I have no sympathy for him.

But it doesn't take away from the fundamental question  -- is one to live the life chosen by one's parents only?  Or can anyone have their own independent identity?

Is bhairon's love conditional?

To those who will say that he could have gone to Mumbai and done whatever he wants and no one would have forced him to come back to Jayetsar... I agree... but my thinking is why does this have to be an either/or proposition?  Can he not do what he finds in his best interests AND have his family supportive of him?

Just exploring the question.  This is more a parenting question rather than a balika vadhu question,  so I would appreciate it if people would give replies from a broader parenting context and not just the balika vadhu context.

Thank you.




tinoo,the answer to the first question is definitely with me as Jagya did have full rights to live a life with the life partner he chose provided he had not spoiled Anandi's life after she came back to saasra living at her maayka aged 12-18.After consumerating the marriage,after making her wait for him 5 years do you think that question still stands?Jagya is definitely at fault so he has to repent for it but what was Anandi's fault?now even if she gets married to somebody else she will never be able to recover from this first marriage as Those things you inculcate in urself as a child are for your whole life whether u like or not..this is truth...Had Jagya told her 5 years back and before consumerating the marriage,things would have been in a different place.Many people here say that balika vadhu is supporting child marriage but ur question is one of the main reason that spoils a child bride's life in the future and Anandi is suffering it.Maybe we are living in cities so we wont understand but in those villages where this pratha still continues,ask them how the serial made a difference in their lives.

Secondly Jagya wanted to be a doctor so he is.he wanted to go to city to study he did.that was his own life and his own set of choices.But again this is India and one more reason we are known for.We are known for nourishing relations,fulfilling our own life along with parents wishes who sacrificed their own happiness to bring us up .we cannot keep their wishes aside.If Jagya has city life aspirations he should remember that because of the financial and moral support of his family he has led that life and now is the turn of giving back.He just cannot run away saying
 
ok..what u did u did...now its my life
i will live as I wish and away from you and please
keep your wish list aside,maybe u sacrificed ur wish list to bring me up but I didnt ask you to do so...
so keep me out of it,
I cant fulfill them...

Do u think that reply will be worth it?No...so he has to fulfill his responsibilities as a son if he has got all the rights of DS ka ladesar and Bhairos son.remember if they were not there we would have never been what we are today.So how can we just run away saying plss be practical enuf and let me live my life you emotional fools?No.we cant do that.Indians cant.Actually I think none nowhere in the world people should do that.

 We have a lot of fight on the forum but when you talk sense I think I can reply back

 

Clap Jagya wants parental support,their properties,every thing for the sin of giving birth 2 him...

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payalgargSuchi-tiny15

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Posted: 15 October 2011 at 11:54pm | IP Logged
Dear Jagat,
Ur dad had given u sex(male status),vitality ,education & assets which r all permanent in nature & were given 2 u out of caring unconditional love N affection.
Ur mother had given her flesh n blood whn in womb & ftr that u sucked in the form of milk.cared,nurtured taught walk n talk out of caring unconditional love n affection on permanent basis..
Biologically u cn hv only one unique set of parents specific 2 u ..


In contrast, Ur gouri gives u a temporary sensual pleasure with conditions,& will leave u whn u ignore the conditions...just as u changed wives,wife is not a unique partner by nature,but Indian tradition makes it possible for being a unique set of partners on permanent basis (read Ramayan) by inculcating the bond of love in the family system.On other side,what 'll happen 2 gouri if J decides 2 leave her just as he had left A(as he is a major he can take any foolish decision he fancies ,the same logic he applied it to leave A)? Also we can not say that J does not get the MOOD to sleep with A..They had SUHAG RATH n shared plenty of sweet nothings..This simple fact indicates that male can sleep with any one like animals...so the difference has to be shown by excercising restraint by male that keep ur family alive...what can J do if G exercise the same option to run ftr another guy? It's chaotic path...
Every one can't marry katrina/aish/priyanka...we can't go eveywhere our eyes take us to...as we are not animals..& of course u can support parent animals as they don't keep attachment n accountabilities to feel sorry /get feelings hurt...
...
It is the obligatory responsibility of J to delve into the human values as to why parents? N lead his life to get his biproduct of happiness from the happiness he extended to the society at large that includes parents ,wife ,children,relatives,friends,n coleagues...



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tiny15

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Posted: 16 October 2011 at 12:21am | IP Logged
@stutishah - fantastic post. Thank you!  Awesome writing.

I have a few more questions. Will get back to you.  you were excellent in the post I had written asking about the concept of forgiveness in jain paryushan too. Smile

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tiny15

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Posted: 16 October 2011 at 12:38am | IP Logged
@everyone -- thanks for your thoughtful responses.

I agree with some aspects and have trouble grappling with other aspects,  so I'll get back on these others in a few days.  Will bump up the thread when my thoughts are organized.

I have been on extended bed rest/medical leave for a long time now after surgery and go back to work tomorrow after being fully healed -- yay!!  Want to thank all of you for your companionship, and the love and laughter on this forum.

As background for what I want to continue--

Has anyone seen the movie "My sister's keeper"  -- the full story is available on wikipedia.  It is based on a true story).

Anyway, its about a family where the elder daughter is dying of cancer,  and the younger daughter was conceived specially because they could not find a bone marrow match for the elder one.  So they conceived a new child, who by a miracle is an exact bone marrow match (all children need not necessarily be the same bone marrow matches to each other).

At any given time, this child is always asked to make sacrifices for her sister by her mom for her sister's health and do all kinds of blood transfusions and bone marrow transplants. It comes to a point where when the younger child is 13 years old, the elder siblings kidney fails.  And the mom expects the younger child to donate a kidney.

At this point, at the age of 13, the younger child sues her parents and seeks a 'divorce' from her parents.  Its a major lawsuit.

Meanwhile, the older daughter says she doesnt want the kidney and she dies.  She felt this girl (younger sister) should live her life.


So when I come back, I will have some questions about family obligations etc.  Jagya was probably a bad example to use because of his lying and cheating intertwined.


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tiny15

khusi_* IF-Stunnerz
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Posted: 16 October 2011 at 12:43am | IP Logged
Originally posted by tiny15

@tinoo gud topic!!
ii agree every1 has rt 2 choose their life parteners but not by destroying a prsn's life who'd done so much 4 u!! and J didn't object 2 his marriage 2 A at that time. may b he ddin't know wat is marriage all abt at that time!! but then why did he objected his marriage wid G in the childhood!!
if u want rights then 1st u've 2 do ur duties them demand rights!!and J 'd never fulfilled his duties so his rt 2 choice is null & void!!just like a criminal or terrorists rights r null & void after commiting the crimes or terror activities!!
@bold...perfect line!Smile
 
whenever i heard his line about right to choose life partner...i just feeling like beating him!Angry
just like a person is saying i have the right to live life in my way and for that he is killing everyone around him.Angry...u live life naa...u y to kill others who did manythings for u!!...specially when other options r available other than killing them!!...
his right isnt noticable at all...he doesnt deserve happiness!
 
keeping cheating and lying aside...jag could have gather sympathy from many ppl if...
if he would have genuienly tried to save his marrige.(he just jump into the relationship with gauri!)
If he would have felt tied up by anandi's "ehesan"(but he was ashamed of her!!)
if he would have tried to encourage anandi to study and genuienly tried to think about her future.
if he would have treated anandi like a human...
 
options r available...!
these were the things he could do...but he didnt...
if he would have done that i am sure...the character would not turn out like the most hated character now .


Edited by khusi_* - 16 October 2011 at 12:45am

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Posted: 16 October 2011 at 1:35am | IP Logged
In jagya case why talk about rights when he hasnt fullfilled any duties as husband or son...life is a 2 way street jagya keeps on taking but isnt willing when it's time to give  back..He abandoned anandi with utmost cruelly- didnt she have the right to know everything 5 years back,instead of encouraging her education he tried to stop itAngry-Horrible husband but not even a good friend to the childhood mate who saved his life..  
He kept quite about his mumbai plans because he didn't want bhairav cheques to stop..he promised he will start a hospital in village but he changed his plans midway without bothering to tell bhairav-didnt bhairav who is  investing money in jagya's education deserve to know earlier his prodigal son isn't returning ..
Even medical students getting merit seats in govt quota sign legal  bond that they will serve in rural areas for few years but jagya made a verbal promise ,Stern Smilebroke it  yet is shameless enough to beg for more money for MS even after announcing he isn't returning to jetsar...What about bhairavs rights?-Ermm 
Jagya is  Bhairav's failed investmentErmm-Emotionally,Morally and Monetarily..

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Posted: 16 October 2011 at 2:37am | IP Logged
@tinoo sorry 2 hear abt ur surgery & glad 2 hear 2 u r fine & taking rest!! so plz take rest properly & get well soon!!SmileSmileSmile

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