Balika Vadhu


Balika Vadhu
Balika Vadhu

From Jagya's point of view

tinoo IF-Rockerz

Joined: 30 June 2011
Posts: 5164

Posted: 15 October 2011 at 1:32am | IP Logged
If we take aside the lying and cheating that Jagya has done...

I just want to know if Jagya has no right to make any choices he wants in his life without his family disowning him.

I mean, if he doesnt feel anandi is an appropriate life partner then does he have to spend the rest of his life with her under duress (because it is what the singhs seem to expect)

Also,  I have no issues with the fact that bhairon gave lal singh the reins of the hospital... but he made several comparisons between lal singh and jagya.

Does jagya have no right to have any city life aspirations?

Jagya's lying and cheating have compounded all the problems, to the extent that I have no sympathy for him.

But it doesn't take away from the fundamental question  -- is one to live the life chosen by one's parents only?  Or can anyone have their own independent identity?

Is bhairon's love conditional?

To those who will say that he could have gone to Mumbai and done whatever he wants and no one would have forced him to come back to Jayetsar... I agree... but my thinking is why does this have to be an either/or proposition?  Can he not do what he finds in his best interests AND have his family supportive of him?

Just exploring the question.  This is more a parenting question rather than a balika vadhu question,  so I would appreciate it if people would give replies from a broader parenting context and not just the balika vadhu context.

Thank you.

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bips IF-Dazzler

Joined: 22 April 2005
Posts: 4744

Posted: 15 October 2011 at 1:45am | IP Logged
But the lying, cheating is the problem ... We can't conveniently leave it aside ...

Had jagya come back from mumbai and told bhairon that he can't connect with anandi anymore , that they don't suit, that this life is not for him ... bhairon would have been sad for anandi but i have a feeling that he would have understood jagya too ...

Had jagya made one last honest effort to repair his relationship with anandi and then said that this doesn't work, people in the haveli wouldn't have been so against him ... had he taken anandi to mumbai, despite his growing attraction to gauri had he made an effort to salvage his marriage, people on the forum would have supported him

You have a right to live your life the way you wnat, but you do not have the right to destroy somebody's else happiness .

He lied to anandi, he cheated on her, he humiliated her, berated her, made her feel less, made her feel that somehow she was the reason for their failing relationship, iinstead of getting a divorce he married gauri on the sly and actually had the indecency to bring her home without warning - a home where anandi was living in ... even now he shows no remorse for what he has done, he conveniently uses her help and doesn't give a damn about her, when he was celebrating his new child did he for one second think that how hurt anandi would be ? No

... And that is why everyone on this forum and in that haveli are fed up of him ... the irony is that had he told anandi in the beginning that he wanted to be with someone else, had he been honest, she actually would have made sure that everybody in the haveli accepted him.

Him living his own life is not the problem ... His lying, cheating, shameless behaviour IS the problem

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hooked IF-Dazzler

Joined: 19 January 2011
Posts: 2542

Posted: 15 October 2011 at 1:48am | IP Logged
Tinoo, this is an age old dilemma. A lot of families have their own businesses and when they r family run, it is sort of expected that the new members will join in and take the enterprise to greater heights.

Some join in - others find different callings in life. As long as there are some still left to mind the original family business, its not such a big deal, but if the business has to be given upto a trust or just outsiders - it can hurt the sentiments of the elders.

Mostly after coming to terms with the fact that an individual also can have his own liking and freedom to pursue his own interests, some families will after a time- accept the deviant. But in a case like Jagya's where - he wanted to pursue medicine  - the family thought he could join the family business, they finally let him do what he wanted to do.

The logic given by both Anandi and Jagya at the time of going to town was - the village needs a good doctor and good medical care. Hence, here was a tacit understanding - HE WAS GOING TO COME BACK & SENT UP A PRACTICE HERE.

Bhairon n DadiSa did not do anything out of the ordinary - they built him a fabulous fully equipped hospi as a nice welcome back gift. they had a right to assume that he was going to come back and take charge. But Jagya decided he had had a change of heart about everything - his life, his wife, his choice of residence and his pursuit. He became a total stranger and had no respect or understanding for any family member except the money they could supply for him to fulfill his dreams in the city.

I think - if you want to do something so drastic and actually let down a lot of people then you have to fund your own aspirations. Bhairon would not mind too much if Jagya said  - let me take care of myself, I realize I have let you down, I'll try to find you a nice doctor to run your hospital. 

As to deciding to change spouses - I will reserve my comment on that - am a believer of the old vows  - 'till death do you part', so this seems a little distasteful to me.

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doyelpakhi Goldie

Joined: 22 February 2006
Posts: 2268

Posted: 15 October 2011 at 1:53am | IP Logged
Great Post tinoo!!!! Clap

Just loved your post  - in fact I was just thinking of making a post regarding this Wink

Great people think alike - hehehehe Tongue

I have always maintained that J or A had the full right to choose their life partner which was not given to them by their family .

In our country, we do have arranged marriages where two almost unknown people gets married but then the marriage happens in adulthood and both partners know the pros and cons of married life. Also few aspects like career path, life plans are quiet clear to both partners when they marry each other even if they don't know each other personally. So they take the vows of marriage knowing fully well what marriage is.

For example, J could have turned into a businessman or a drunkard instead of being a doctor - but if JA would have got married in adulhood, at least A and her parents would have a fair idea what kind of person J is even if it would have been arranged marriage.

But in child marriage, there is no idea how both the boy and the girl are going to turn; no idea what career the boy will choose; no idea how the nature of the boy and the girl will be.

Most importantly, the boy and the girl are conditioned to love each other like husband and wife. A's conditioning was successful but not of J. He romanced with A because since childhood he was told that A is his wife and he did not question it until he reached Mumbai. It was in Mumbai he realized that what he really wants.

A also has loved her husband and not exactly the person J. If she would have been married to Lalsingh, she would have loved him in the same way as she loves J now. What would have happened if J and A were just friends? Would she have accepted J as her husband after she would understand the ambition of J or his nature?

Has anyone thought of a situation where J and A would have been told that A is his mooh-bola sister? They would have behaved like mooh-bola brother-sister, it can be guaranteed. Or if they were ONLY friends, would have J romanced with A? If he would have romanced with A after just being friends, then it would have been his own decision. But this has not been the case.

So what's wrong if he feels that A is not the right girl for him.

f course, CVs ruined his character by making him spineless and cheat. Even  I hated that he never got the courage to own up things, he hid facts from A for years, he blamed A for his actions, he made some dangerous goof ups like marrying G by giving bribe or without consulting lawyers.

So when J chose G, I had no problem. In fact, if Anandi would have chosen any other guy, it would be absolutely right IMO. Only it could have been done in a better. amicable way.

Similarly, I don't understand why everyone is blaming J for aspiring a city life? J is not the only person, but in every house, there are boys and girls who leave their family, their city and even their country for their ambition. So if J is wrong, then each person, who settles in other places, should be blamed. They could have serve their own village, city or country in their own way if they would not have settled elsewhere.

Being a doctor does not mean he has to forget about his own ambitions. Yes - doctors should be made to serve in villages also but then it's a matter of infrastructure and rules and regulations.

Also, as I remember from earlier episodes, J never told that he is planning to settle in village. It was Anandi and family who always thought that J is going to serve his village. Moreover, I don't remember, when A or Singhs mention about J's career in village in front of J.

Why would J be expected to stay in village just because he has become a doctor? But again, J's point of view was never shown in positive way - he was shown to be a man who despises village life and hence his aspirations for city life is also never understood in right context.

Edited by doyelpakhi - 15 October 2011 at 3:23am

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doyelpakhi Goldie

Joined: 22 February 2006
Posts: 2268

Posted: 15 October 2011 at 2:05am | IP Logged
@ asru - I might be wrong but if I remember that episode, J did tell A that he wants to become a doctor after seeing A suffer. But then he tells that he remembers how they have to run for a good doctor in mumbai and he understood that there is lack of good doctors. So he wants to be a good doctor to serve people.

However, it does not mean he wants to be a good doctor to serve his village.

J never told A or his family that he aspires to come to village and run hospitals. They assumed that J will return to village.

Edited by doyelpakhi - 15 October 2011 at 2:06am
tinoo IF-Rockerz

Joined: 30 June 2011
Posts: 5164

Posted: 15 October 2011 at 2:10am | IP Logged
@asru - your point # 1 -- I understand that it is true that he should not have had adult relations with her after turning adult -- but this is something I have a problem with.

You have a hormonally charged 18 year old boy,  who is at the peak of his sexual development and his parents provide him with a girl and put her at his disposal - and say "this is your wife"  (as doyelpakhi said -- conditioning him into a suggested relationship) --  then you know that this is what is going to happen.  the boy will constantly be mauling the girl because he is hormonally charged.

I blame bhairon for this. Not jagya.

Edited by tinoo - 15 October 2011 at 2:12am

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intruderfast IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 18 October 2010
Posts: 15244

Posted: 15 October 2011 at 3:55am | IP Logged
tinoo excellent topic , i was thinking the same and after agr8 deal of thought i have come to the conclusion that even if jagya had not lied , cheated  , the family behavoir would have been the same
their main problem is that he left anandi,
 they hardly care much abt child marriage and all, for them its big blow that jagya choose to stay away from anandi LOL
even if u see villagers attitude they all say tune anandi jaisi ladki ko chod diyaa
coming to the hospital one
i will blame singh family very much here
they built a hospital for jagya , but never bothered to ask him anything, they thought they would surprise himSilly
cmon who would built such an hospial for someone and keep tthe person  in dark , they could have asked jagya his opinion
i totally support him if he wants to stay in the city , its his personal choice and no one should not cut relations with him cos he wants to practice in a city , many ppl do that
now coming to the right to choose his life partner
yes he has cos his was a child marriage for which he cannot be blamed
i never liked his methods but i dont blame him for choosing gauri over anandi ,
he did not choose that relation
i have great beleif in the institution of marriage and i beleive once done it should not be broken for things like love but this is child marriage and so an exception here

if u sit back and look at it , had the child marriage not happened , everyone's life would have been at peace
jagya would have fallen for gauri just like any normal teenage boy would they would have gotten married and lived happily ever afterBig smileLOLLOL

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Suchi- IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 19 November 2009
Posts: 12555

Posted: 15 October 2011 at 5:05am | IP Logged
Bips and Hooked , hit the nail on this question. We can justify Jagya's wanting to have a life of his own, in his own style.

But the way he went forward, cheating lies etc. degrading Anandi specially who saved his life. I mean he should have been more human towards that girl who saved his life,

that very fact made every one against Jagya.

Gauri on the other hand, I started hating her when she due ot her selfishness wanted and wished to hurt Anandi by trying to prove her characterless.

And her hatered towards Anandi makes me hate her even more.

I cannot stand her sight and I am glad that she is getting what she deserves. I feel bad for the kid though and I know she will not take the responsibility and kill it.

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