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My Story collection-Apoorva.N.S (Page 3)

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sunnyp1414

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sunnyp1414

Joined: 22 November 2009

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Posted: 10 October 2011 at 7:15am | IP Logged
Nice message about blindly following anything to get some sort of profit out of  it Clap.    It was really short story would love if you increase length of story.

Just didn't understand----

Doctor.Woh shayad ...pata nahi
daya threatens him.He says the family did not want females so they left them in the backyard to die. He thought he will give them to a orphanage but the babies disappeared after one day.so he thought somebody is adopting them.

Was doctor so careless or I misunderstood.



Edited by sunnyp1414 - 10 October 2011 at 7:16am

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nsapo

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nsapo

Joined: 27 August 2010

Posts: 5975

Posted: 10 October 2011 at 8:03am | IP Logged
Originally posted by gadhadada


NSPO... if i m not wrong... U are the LATE STORY WRITER in STORY CONTEST 4th... sorry missed the TITLE... but i think the STEMP COLLECTING idea put in UR storyErmm...
buddy I read this one as well... the NARRATIVE STYLE was GOODThumbs Up... cz still me unable to write anythin in that STYLEUnhappy... but i think the RECENT STORY was TOO much SHORTUnhappy... it required bit LENGTH cz the IDEA was SUPERBStar...
jus STRETCH the STORY... it will going beyondThumbs Up... like sum funny CHATS b/w DUOWink...
baaqi HATTS OFF BUDDYClap!!!
really GOOD but SHORTClap...


Thanx for everything,but  i havent participated in the story contest.Wrong guess buddy!Wink

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gadhadada

gadhadada

Coolbie

gadhadada

Joined: 27 August 2010

Posts: 52614

Posted: 10 October 2011 at 8:44am | IP Logged
Originally posted by nsapo

Originally posted by gadhadada


NSPO... if i m not wrong... U are the LATE STORY WRITER in STORY CONTEST 4th... sorry missed the TITLE... but i think the STEMP COLLECTING idea put in UR storyErmm...
buddy I read this one as well... the NARRATIVE STYLE was GOODThumbs Up... cz still me unable to write anythin in that STYLEUnhappy... but i think the RECENT STORY was TOO much SHORTUnhappy... it required bit LENGTH cz the IDEA was SUPERBStar...
jus STRETCH the STORY... it will going beyondThumbs Up... like sum funny CHATS b/w DUOWink...
baaqi HATTS OFF BUDDYClap!!!
really GOOD but SHORTClap...


Thanx for everything,but  i havent participated in the story contest.Wrong guess buddy!Wink


oops SO SORRY BUDDYLOLLOL

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

IF_FRIENDS

-Gitanjali-

Coolbie

-Gitanjali-

Joined: 23 October 2010

Posts: 37496

Posted: 10 October 2011 at 8:49am | IP Logged
Apoorva put your name in the title of the thread

nsapo

IF-Rockerz

nsapo

Joined: 27 August 2010

Posts: 5975

Posted: 13 October 2011 at 7:16am | IP Logged
Cry
The Case of the Andaman Murder...
key:
D-Daya
A-Abhijeet
AP-ACP saab
DS-Dr.Salukhe
V-Vivek
F-Freddie
Tji-Tarika
                         Scene 1
A calm day in Mumbai after a series of rain spells.All are in CID bureau drinking hot coffee at 5am.
D-Abhijeet , tera chehra itna utra hua kun hai? ACP saab pe gussa hai kya humein itni jaldi bulane ke liye?
A-Haan Daya...Neend hi kafi nahi thee yaar .Mujhe pata nahi mein kab so jaonga.
Standing up and imitating ACP
 Abhijeet, desh ke neeti  aur dharm kanoon ke haat mein hoti hai.Hume toh logon ki jaan bachaane  chahiye aur tum neend ke baare  mein soch rahe ho..?sharm nahi aati tumhe..
ACP comes from behind and starts frowning.Daya immediately reacts.
AP: Yeh kisko bhaashan de rahe the tum Abhijeet? mujhe baahar tak sunaayi pad rahi thi.
A-woh kuch nahi sir bas aise he...
Acp: teekh hai ab suno. Maine aapko jaldi isliye bulaaye kyun ki andaman mein kisi businessman ka khoon ho gaya hai.Centre chahti hai ki hum Cidwaale hi investigation kare.Toh hum abhi ke abhi nikal rahe hai.
A- abhi ke abhi?Confused(revives)humaare saath aur kaun aa rahe hai?
D- Abhijeet tumhe pata nahi? humaare saath sirf Acp saab, salunke saab, vivek  aur Freddie aa rahe.tumne kya socha?Wink
AP-tum sirf yahi poochne waala thi na ki  Taarika aane waali hai? woh bhi aa rahi hai
A- achhaEmbarrassedToh hume kya farak padhti hai, hai na daya?
D-haan haanBig smile

Scene 2
DS-Andaman toh badi khubsurat jagah hai...Kya kahte ho daya?
D-Haan doctor saab.Humaare pichcle janam ki puny ki koi Andaman pe martha.
DS_Ye aadmi mara hai kahaan pe?
D-Woh toh ab yahaan ke policewaale bataayenge, doctor saab.
They go to the andaman local police station.The Inspector, Satyajit tells them them that a man has been murdered and hanged in the cell no.28 of Andaman jail..Since he is a affluent British businessman, his family wanted CID to investigate.

Scene 3
CID team arrive at Andaman cellular jail.As soon as they enter the premises the fell a pang of pain as they remember the fate of those who were imprisoned in its premises for loving their country.Even now nothing much has changed, they think.The poor and incapable wrongly captured by injustice and the rich who savour the freedom and blind prejudice of justice.
They go to cell no.28
A-Sir yahhan pe toh itne tourists aate jaate hain.Hum pata kaise kar sakta hai ki ye kyun aaya tha yahaan.
V-Par sir yahaan kahin pe khoon ke koi bhi nishaan nahi he.Shaayad ise kahin aur maara gaya ho.
d-lagta toh vaisa hi sir.Ise pehle  chaku  ya blade se gala kaatke baad me is rassi per latkaayi gayi hai.
AP_Is building ke watchman ko bulaao.
Watch man-Ji sir aapne mujhe bulaaya?
AP_Yahaan pe jitne bhi tourists aate hain app log uski entry rakhte hain kya?
Watchman-Nahi sir.Yahaan pe sir paanch rupye ke ticket lekeandar aa sakhta hai.Koi security nahi hai- cameras checkposts kuch bhi nahi...
A-achcha tum ja sakte ho.Doctor Saab kitne ghante pehle mar chuka hai ye?
Tji-Koi 18-22 ghante ke beech abhijeet.par iske murder ek anokhi baat toh hai.
Freddie-Woh kya hai tarikaji?
Tji-Yeh hai ki jisne bhi ise mara hai hume confuse karne ki bohot koshish ki hai.Pehle ise poison khilayi gayi hai,baad me gala kaata aur phir is rassi se gala gota hai.lagta hain ise ye maariz ke baare mein dil mein bohot nafrat tha.Kahin bhi ungliyon ki nishaan nahi hai.

scene 4
D_Dekhne se yeh nahi lagta abhijeet yeh koi professional hai. Sirf gusse ke wajeh se khoon kiya hai.Kayi logon ko gusse aane ke baad apne aap pe control nahi hoti yaani...
A-Tum mere baare me keh rahe ho daya?Aise baat kaise kar sakte ho apne dost ke baare mein?Tum kitne logon ke halwa ban chuke ho pata hai ?
D_haan boss main isi gusse ke baare main baat kar raha tha...Main sirfmazaak kar raha the aur tum shuru ho gaye ?
A-Achcha teekh hai...chodo woh sab...Beach jaake aate hain chalo
They both go to the beach and go for swimmming.After an hour or so their mobile rings.ACP sir has called...
D-haan sir...kya?hum abh  aati hai.dekha abhijeet? woh phir se aur ek khoon kiya hai.
A-aur is baar bhi aur ek Britisher hai kya?
D-haan yaar tumhe kaise pata chala?
A- yeh jo bhi hai apne aadmi hai yaar.Koi  badla  le raha hai foreigners se.Jab meine dekha , No.28 Chandrashekhar Azad ki cell hai.Lagtha hai agle waala bhagat singh ya kisi ka hoga...

Scene-5
They go and find it is cell no.57 which was indeed Bhagat Singh's cell.They call the watchman again.
F-Yeh bataao ki do din mein ek bada bag lek andar aaya tha kya ?
Watchman-Nahi saab .Par haan  humaare jail mein ek team har shaam ko perform kathi hai.Woh appne saamaan bade thaliyon mein laate hain.
Ap-Tum kabhi bhi unke bag nahi check karte ho kya?
watchman-nahi saab itne saalon se toh aa rahe hain.
DS-Pradyman hum bhi aaj dekhte hain ,kya hota hai is drama mein.
They sit back and watch in the evening.it is a really touching drama about the lives and ends of the country's greatest freedom fighters.Daya sees abhijett wiping off a tear.
Daya-Abhi, tum ro rahe ho?maine to tumhe aaj tak rote hue ek baar bhi nahi dekha tha .
Abhi-Kya kare yaar in logon ki kahaani sunkar hume sab toh sharm aani chahiye.Itne sab kuch karke unhone apne desh koh britishers se azaad karvaaya aur abhi bhi humaare desh mein jurm aur brashtachaar mitha nahi paaye hai hum.
Daya- mere dil ki baat tune keh di...

Scene 6 
the drama continues for a while.The show is about to end and the narrator says a line with such emotion that it brings back CID to its sense.He says-
"Aap sabne toh suna ki in logon  ko ye britishers ne kya kiya tha.Phir bhi jab bhi woh log aate hain hum muskuraate hue unki sevaan karte hai.Samman karte hain.Ye bhi nahi sochte ki wo log humko aur humaare desh ko samman karte he ki nahi. Itne saalon tak humne unki seva ki yeh kaafi nahi?Is desh ko hum kisi bhi tara se Foreigners se mukt kar dena chahiye.Kisi bhi tarah se."

AP_ Daya abhijeet jaake pakdo is narrator. kuch toh gadbad hone waali hai.
They almost go behind the stage when somebody switches the lights off.In dark they hear one more shot .Finally Cid team reaches the narrator with torches.
D- Yeh kar kya rahe to tum haan?apne desh ko foreigners se mukt karoge tum?
v-ab tak toh do logon ko maar chuke ho. aur kitne logon maroge aise?Apne desh ko itna bura naam dila rahe ho tum.
Narrator(Rajesh)Aap log mere dukh ko nahi samjh sakte ho saab.Hu har shaam in logon ke baare mein, inke dard ke baare mein drama karte hain...kyun?paison ke liye nahi saab sirf aur sirf desh bhakthi se.Yeh freedom fighters ne itna sab seh liya ab main toh is itihaas ko phir se repeat nahi hone doonga Un Firangiyon ko yahaan pe jagah deke.
AP-Tumhaare soch jitne bhi achchi ho tumne jo kuch kiya galat kiya.Britishers mein sab log bure nahi hote hai.Har desh aur dharm mein bure aur achche log dono hote hain.Kyon in Freedom fighters ko dhokha dene waale log toh huaare hi desh ke the na?Un sab logon ka kya karoge?Jurm to jurm hi hota hai.Shaayad tumhe life sentence milegi.
Rajesh-Zaroorat nahi sab.
he gets out a capsule and swallows it.He gets a convulsion and dies.
D- yeh toh hamaare aankhon ke saamne mar gaya...
V_ Sir,abhijeet sir kahi nahi dikha rahe hain.
D_yeh kya keh rahe tum vivek?
V_ab lights gaye tabhi si dikhaayi nahi de rahe hain.Meine pehle socha ki woh kahin investigation pe gaye hai.par ab tak nahi aaye toh socha aap logon ko bata doon.

Scene7
They go searching for abhijeet.They finally find him under a staircase slumped in a corner.Daya rushes to him and places abhi's head on his lap.He is unconscious.
D_vivek jaldi paani lao.Abhijeet kaafi der tak behosh pada hai.
Ap_Yeh kya haalat hua hai iska?kisi ne ispar goli chalaayi hai.Shaayad woh rajesh hi hai...
Abhijeet gets up after they sprinkle water.
D- Yeh kar kya dala hai kud ko?Rajesh ne goli mara kya tumhe?
A-Haan daya.Jab woh bhaagne ki koshish kar rahe tha toh mai saamne aa gaya.Mere gun bhi grounds mein gir gayi thi.Toh usne mujhe goli mara aur bhaag rah tha...
Ap-Toh usne khud ko humaare havaane kyun kar diya?
A- Sir maine bola ki jaise ki bina kisi emotion ka in dono ka khoon kar diya, usi tarah Britishers ne bhi humaare logon ka khoon kiya..
F-usne socha ki woh british raj mein aur khud mein koi farak nahi toh jurm koh kabool karke mar gaya..
A-woh... mar... gaya?
D-tum baat karna bas karo bas.Abhi ke abhi tumhein hospital le chalte hai.
A-Tum dil pe mat le yaar.Bhagat singh, Chandrashekhar azad jaise logon ki marne se humaare desh ko koi farak nahi padhta, toh mere marne se kya ho sakta hai?
D-Chup karo tum.Atleast mujhe farak padhta hai...
They go to hospital and doctor comes out after examining Abhijeet.
D-kya hua doctor saab?
DOCTOR-Kuch nahi hua hai Day.Sirf goli lagi hai.Thode khoon ki zaroorat hai.Uske alaava aur kuch problem nahi hai.
Daya-mere blood group bhi A+ve hai doctor saab.mera khoon le lo.
After taking blood from daya, he is put to bedrest for a day next to abhijeet's bed.
Both of them are ok  and they gain consciousness.
Daya-Thank god abhijeet tum teekh ho.Main tumhaare liye itna pareshaan ha.
Abhijeet-Mujhe bhi bohot khushi rahi hai daya,Main tumhe kabhi bhi chodkar nahi jaonge saat marengeCry.AAKIR HOSPITAL BED MEIN BHI MUJHE AKELA NAHI CHODATongueTongueSmile






Edited by nsapo - 16 October 2011 at 7:02am

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sherdilalianjali_mahajan--Rose--IF_FRIENDS

-Gitanjali-

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Joined: 23 October 2010

Posts: 37496

Posted: 13 October 2011 at 7:19am | IP Logged
Apoorva finish to karo

-Gitanjali-

Coolbie

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Joined: 23 October 2010

Posts: 37496

Posted: 16 October 2011 at 7:06am | IP Logged
I will read  and comment

IF_FRIENDS

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Joined: 21 September 2011

Posts: 16512

Posted: 16 October 2011 at 11:57pm | IP Logged
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