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The Chronicles Of Saint Bhavna : Part 4 , Pg 26

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koolsadhu1000

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koolsadhu1000

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Posted: 05 October 2011 at 9:24am | IP Logged
PR is over and Bhavna is dead . While arranging her things to be packed and given to various poor homes ...Her pure silk saris , lipsticks , unopened shopping bags etc etc , people found her diaries in which she has chronicled all the events of her life after son's marraige that led to her eventual sainthood and subsequent death . Today Bhavna is immortal in Dombivli as Saint Bhavna , but one has to read the chronicles to understand HOW Bhavna became a Saint and outshone even Mother Teresa .

Jan 1 { 2009} .  Satish has decided to marry that strong headed, wilful sister of Archana . The one who had insulted me on the roads saying I was noway comparable to her sainted mother who was a notch above me . It seems he has fallen in love with her . When , How , and WHY I don't know ,  but it has happened . He was weeping with his head in my lap , begging me to give permission . I ignored the fact that the neat pleats of my Pure silk Sari [ my purple one from Nalli's } were getting mussed up and stroked my boy's hair helplessly , a queasy sensation forming slowly but surely in my tummy . I tried to point out to Satish That she was neither as good looking as Archana nor good natured like her . Upon which Satish said to me THATS EXACTLY WHY I WANT HER...AS SHE IS SO UNLIKE HER . 

I quivered when he said those words . My experience tells me that they forecast DOOM . The skinny Girl , bony as she she is , has turned him on . YES. Thats the ONLY explanation . There is no point in talking to Satish and trying to make him see Reason . Keeping a stone on my heart I have given my permission . 

Feb 3 2009 :  I returned , flushed with victory , from Satish's engagement to that girl . Had a most uncouth woman thrown out of the party today by putting my foot down , ...that Savita Deshmukh . She was insulting my friend Rasika in the most discourteous way . I really could not bear the chaos and asserted my rights as a samdhan. But I am feeling very very uneasy about the look Varsha gave me after it was done . I have this sick feeling that my authority is about to be challenged . Mohan keeps telling me that its all my imagination but I cannot sleep as I remember Varsha's flashing eyes .

Feb 4 2009 :  I was RIGHT . Satish back sassed me today . He feels I was WRONG to get Savita Deshmukh Thrown out . Varsha has filled his ears of course and in his turned on condition [ the poor boy !} he has been convinced . You behaved like a SNOB ...Satish told me, quite rudely , I think . A PERFECT SNOB , MOM . Of course I  expressed my displeasure by pressing my lips tight and not saying a word . Opting for his fiancee's uncouth relatives over my polished , carefully cultivated contacts !  I am deeply pained , of course . Mohan advised me to ignore it and focus on not losing Satish altogether . I think he is right .

March 5 2009 :  Varsha has entered my life and house as a bahu . I am afraid I have nothing much to say about her . Her first kaam as a bahu has been to to insult Ajit , who is a family friend , and Ashwin , who is my son in law . She makes faces at them , refuses their wishes and presents and dilly dallies while giving them tea or accepting their dinner invitations . Really , I am quite SHOCKED at the awful manners of this girl . Her Mom seems alright where manners r concerned . But the girl ! Why , she actually STOMPS OFF to her room suddenly , in the midst of the conversations !  Ashwin is being most broad minded about it all , the dear boy , but Ajit may take offense . He is SO sensitive . I don't blame him . Why , Varsha THREW , yes THREW , a puranpoli on his plate in a party while serving him food . I caught her red handed in the act . Some particles of puran flew on his lovely pink sherwani .  And she looked so UNREPENTANT . OMG I feel quite FAINT really . Mohan insists That I buy one more purple silk sari to make me feel better . Darling Mohan ! How well he knows me !

March 10 2009 :  Am lying in bed , suffering from serious palpitations . Have found out today that Varsha had a torrid affair with Ashwin , my son in law . With one hand on my palpitating heart I write these chronicles with the other . Poor Ashwin ! Its not his fault , the girl threw herself on him like anything . Ashwin had to THREATEN her , yes , THREATEN her with FIRING HER FROM THE JOB to get her off his back . The things he told me ! Fastened on him like a vampire it seems . The Dear boy held back on the details of course ,  respecting my Age and all that . But he hinted at some bills of Victoria's Secrets that she was forcing him to pay . My poor Urmi !  Such hefty bills !  My poor heart ! even the latest Purple Sari that Mohan immediately bought , a genuine Kanjeevaram , fails to make me feel better this time . My poor Satish ! How will I break these horrible news to him !

March 11 2009 :  My pillow is wet with tears . Drenched . Mohan is putting on a new silk pillow case on it , a violet shade , to match my sari , but I remain untouched by the happiness it would have once brought me . Satish has REFUSED to believe me ! He says its Ashwin's fault . That it was HE who pursued Varsha ! He refuses to apologise to Urmi !  My palpitations r starting again . My whole family is falling apart within ONE MONTH of marraige to this girl . My dear son , completely under her thumb ! In just one month ! I am sure she is WITHOLDING in bed . Quite Sure . Satish was NEVER like this . Why would dear handsome Ashwin go after this bony temperamental hussy when he can have his pick and has the best looking wife in the world ...My dear URMI ? Surely Satish knows of Ashwin's impeccable taste ? How a woman affects a man's mind ! Truly ! Mohan is SO lucky to have a woman of such impeccable moral rectitude like me !  But my Satish ! What will happen of him with THIS girl as his wife forever ? 

March 12 2009 :  I experienced hysteria today . I know now what hysteria means . Formerly when I saw it on TV I wondered and wondered how a person could laugh and cry at the same time . Now I know how it is done . WHY i experienced hysteria ? Oh , I quite forgot to tell you that . Remember I had told you I was SURE she was WITHOLDING in the bedroom to get Satish to listen to her ? Well , today I happened to peek in his bedroom coz the dear boy had forgotten to close the door fully and I wanted to see if my supicions were right . Well guess what ! Forget WITHOLDING , the girl has not even CONSUMMATED with my dear son ever since they got married ! Poor Dear Satish sleeps on the couch while she sleeps like a Maharani with a silk quilt on the King Sized Bed that I had bought so lovingly for them as a present !  What ELSE is my Fate gonna reveal to me , HOW MANY MORE SECRETS !  Does she make my son press her legs in the bedroom every night ? Mohan has massaged my temples with eau de cologne and tucked me in with my favorite purple silk quilt and is sitting anxiously in the arm chair besides our bed , hoping I won't go into those dreadful hysterical peals again . The poor pet is worried sick about me . Darling Mohan ! What I would do without him !

March 15 :  I have apologised to Varsha for doubting her about Ashwin . Of course I am thoroughly unconvinced still , but I did it for Dear Satish's sake . Mohan advised me to do so . He is gonna take me to Nalli's in the evening for this brave act . It seems Ashwin was the one at fault after all . Some stupid proofs have come up . My heart tells me otherwise . Varsha REFUSED to accept my apology . SO SORRY JUST DON"T FEEL LIKE ACCEPTING IT , she answered flippantly and flounced off , while I quivered . SO humilating . Bending before a chit of a girl at THIS AGE  . All for dear Satish of course . I bore it ALL for my son . Mohan looked proudly at me from the corner with a THUMBS UP and showed me a Nalli's Coupon .

March 30 : Varsha has run away to the party in her Mom's house without waiting for me . She took the car by bullying my driver . I had to follow in a rickety old Rickshaw . My make up was completely spoilt by the time I reached the party . Such HEAT ! The rickshaw bumped so much , my Hind side felt quite sore . Archana and Sulochana BOTH asked me courteously what the matter was and Dear Archana got me a glass of chilled sherbet . If only Satish had married this nice girl by listening to me ! I wanted to weep . I overheard Archana trying to talk sense in Varsha and coaxing her to respect me , upon which the rude girl only told her sister DON"T POKE UR NOSE IN MY AFFAIRS . Poor Archana looked defeated . Her own marraige is in a shamlbles ...that Savita Deshmukh [ How right I was in getting her kicked out !} has destroyed her fifteen day old marraige it seems . And here My Dear Satish is unconsummated ! Wah re kismet !

Apri 1 2009 :  I and Mohan have decided to move to our Worli Flat . Its better this way . Better than staying in the same house with Varsha and getting more and more alienated from my only son . Why , only yesterday she came and barged in a conversation I was having with Urmi and started calling me all kinds of rude names . I was merely advising the dear girl to think it over before divorcing Ashwin . Was it REALLY worth it . The Divorce , I mean . Over this Varsha . { I am still convinced Dear Ashwin was merely being a gentleman and taking the blame on his head to save Satish's marraige with this dreadful girl .} Well in she stormed and asked me outright if I had an OUNCE OF AKAL that I was advising Urmi thus . Enough is Enough . Before this rudeness escalates and she starts hollering AIE DUMBO ! to me in the house , it's better to move away with whatever dignity is left to WORLI ...even Mohan agrees . Yes I will have to travel quite a bit as all my clubs and social contacts r in this area and I really do NOT like the shopping malls in any other area , but I have my AC Car for that and my purple collection to look at whenever I feel depressed . I end the first Part of my chronicles here , blessing Dear Satish with all Motherly Might .  Forgive me my Son , for running out on you . I tried to stay there , I really Did , but Your wife is IMPOSSIBLE . I will now bless u from AFAR .

And Thus ended Chronicle One of Saint Bhavna . Part Two is being rapidly searched for by the people who read this amazing story and want more . 

PS : Ignore the dates my Friends . They r All gobbledy Gook .Big smile

















Edited by koolsadhu1000 - 11 October 2011 at 10:14am

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umayal

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umayal

Joined: 20 May 2008

Posts: 3445

Posted: 05 October 2011 at 9:35am | IP Logged
Hai Kool Di Smile,

Oh what a piece of work on Saint Bhavna. Clap Clap Clap Clap
Loved it LOL LOL LOL LOL.

But apart from enjoying it, totally agree and feel sorry for Saint Bhavana.
She totally able to become like that with that crackpot as her bahu.

Poor Bhavana. The most unfortunate Saas in PR.


Then Your writing was asusual awesome. Loved it, enjoyed it. waiting for other parts. to know the entire Journey of Saint bhavani ,how she reached there and her miseries.

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umayal

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umayal

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Posted: 05 October 2011 at 9:37am | IP Logged
Di,
you made the day with this writing.Hug
Otherwise PR has started now, the way it goes now ,surely I would have been pissed and so angered about it. Finally the Cvs have gone with soham donation. Angry. how cruel they are na.
They have made this say from Manav's mouth too.

Btw, Bhavana's thought process ,her ideas on varsha ,archu , Urmi  everything was well written.
That too all thing related to violet ,purple ,silk Big smile.

Then Nalli, I took my diwali salwar there only di. Purchased last week.



Edited by umayal - 05 October 2011 at 9:39am

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koolsadhu1000

IF-Sizzlerz

koolsadhu1000

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Posts: 21009

Posted: 05 October 2011 at 9:43am | IP Logged
Umi PR sucks .I decided to make u guys laugh a bit . Why shud we be annoyed all the time , lets discuss something hilarious instead !

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nikitagmc

IF-Sizzlerz

nikitagmc

Joined: 01 January 2009

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Posted: 05 October 2011 at 9:51am | IP Logged
Kools, this was really well done.

I am amazed you remember each and every event in Bhavana Varsha Satish's story so well that you could adapt it in this manner. I didn't remember so well, I remembered only faintly.

The purple sari references and Mohanrao was very cute.

Waiting for the second part. I suppose it will feature the grandchild woes and end with the abortion.. :-( poor Bhavna..

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koolsadhu1000

IF-Sizzlerz

koolsadhu1000

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Posted: 05 October 2011 at 10:00am | IP Logged
wEll niki , I wrote it in just half an hour , whatever nonsense I remembered . LOL Dates r rubbish . Dunno if PR even STARTED in 2009 .But who cares just wanted some laughs

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umayal

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umayal

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Posted: 05 October 2011 at 10:10am | IP Logged
Di,

PR started on June 2009 I think.
Because I could never forget the promo of it and the day it started and how archu was shown.

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Posted: 05 October 2011 at 10:19am | IP Logged
Nice write up. SmileSome humour was required as the show sucks!!

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