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Loosing Virginity Before Marriage-DOTW (Page 7)

Aparna_BD IF-Dazzler

Joined: 01 July 2005
Posts: 4924

Posted: 31 January 2006 at 2:51pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by mkzara

guys i dont get all of ur point on how saying its okay for older people to have sex will tell kids to have sex. i mean all these adults smoke but we dont ban it because kids will do it as well. i mean children are parents' responsibility and those who are neglectful their children will have sex regardless of being allowed or not, i say this from experience. I know a lot of desi girls who are in relationships and stuff and have had sex and i am only in highschool so to say that since it is so taboo in our culture that stops people from doing it. Also about u missing ur ex becuz u loved em well i gotta say if u were stupid enough to have sex with someone when u know u r teh kind of person for who sex is so important than u shouldn't have been having it randomnly. i think rational adults who are in relationships and have sex are rational enough to move on. i really dont think people will miss their exes and if someone is unhappy in their marriage and is still staying with their spouse than its their marriage problem not their having pre-marital sex problem. i just feel that people get married when they understand each other to a certain extent and i guess people who are open enough to have sex before marriage wouldn't marry some conservative idiot who cant handle it. thats just the way i feel my mom says its cause i am too young. for those of u who understand
"jawani ki nadi mein bara tez paani
zara phir se kehna"

Zara as always i am impresses with your maturity .ClapClapClap

Here We don't understand that people who break up with their boyfriend /girl friend /lover /spouse don't have affectionate feelings towards them .They always remember their ex like one remembers having chicken pox LOLLOLLOL !!!!!!Any one here who has had an ex lover or a spouse please stand up and correct me if i am wrong!!!! Wink

I am saying so out of experiences in my life while every one else who says you can not give 100% to your spouse later in love or intimacy is making assumptions.

Its like i can assume sex in a arranged marriage is passionless .( What do i know since mine was love marriage ? Confused).I mean honestly guys please don't assume this , it doesn't happen that way in broken relationships that soured !!

Also many people are willing to accept a spouse with a broken marriage but why not with a broken relationship out of marriage??? Does sanctity of marriage only allow you to love freely ?? Thats not right .

Rindam Senior Member

Joined: 24 October 2005
Posts: 821

Posted: 31 January 2006 at 4:01pm | IP Logged

Originally posted by Aparna_BD

Here We don't understand that people who break up with their boyfriend /girl friend /lover /spouse don't have affectionate feelings towards them .They always remember their ex like one remembers having chicken pox LOLLOLLOL !!!!!!Any one here who has had an ex lover or a spouse please stand up and correct me if i am wrong!!!! Wink

Can people whose friends and family have had ex lovers and spouses contest that statementLOL.

There are many women in my family that married in that typical marraige scenario which is still prevalent in India for various reasons. They dont like many things about each other and about their marraige. They dont have enough dislike or discomfort to leave, neither do they have enough love to stop them from a fleeting thought what if- when they are vulnerable and lost.

It's nice to know people marry for love and only love with understanding and the like but its not always that simple.

Life is more non linear than we hope and it's harder to solve and decipher that -Eureka, this is love and what else do I need-

What is love? Ive never been able to define it. I think there are so many colors to love.

I am not venturing that someone will think of their ex spouses in bed while they make love to their current partner. All I am saying is in my mind, with my kind of mentality and from what I have witnessed,  IF you seal your relationship with a person with making love then  to let it go is harder. Those moments will stay with you, especially if he was your first love. You cant just make a baby and not remember the father when you look at them or look at them with hatred.

The people I know do think of their ex fondly and definitely not like they were chicken pox.  The whole family and I get to meet them every holiday season and we are very friendly.

*dolly* IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 22 January 2005
Posts: 13663

Posted: 02 February 2006 at 9:08am | IP Logged
Ok guys,
I want to say something here, for this topic.this whole thing is based on personal choice> we cannot debate this whole thing with logic. No matter what both parties say it is not going to change the perspective of the other. We still are going to say and think the same.The fact that people insist that it is wrong or right for everyone seems a bit arrogant to me.
             As far as I am concerned I will say that I believe that someone's sex life should be dictated by them and that what is right or wrong should be determined by an individual not the majority or a minority of people.
Some try to say that education and STD (Sexually Transmitted Disease) prevention is unnecessary because abstinence before marriage is the answer. The bottom line is that you cannot repress people's sexual natures in a healthy way through keeping them ignorant or telling them to numb themselves to their feelings. It is normal and healthy ... the real issue here is when is it right for us as an individual, not when is it right for everyone before or after marriage.

*dolly* IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 22 January 2005
Posts: 13663

Posted: 02 February 2006 at 9:13am | IP Logged
now the question is when Abstinence is Good??
When you have a need for solitude, and centering .. sometimes it can distract us on what needs focus in our lives. There are times for abstinence whether we are married, not married, young or old. Sometimes we need to take a break or put off sex much like we say that we need a break or time before committing to anything really. Not because it is bad, but because we need make sure it is right for us or simply to focus on something that requires all of our attention.

Abstinence is also good when we are not ready for something. If we are not ready for a committed relationship, sex, children, going to college, anything...
*dolly* IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 22 January 2005
Posts: 13663

Posted: 02 February 2006 at 9:15am | IP Logged

Does Abstinence Before Marriage Make You A Better Person?

No, it is just a choice you have made for yourself and does not make you better or worse than someone who has chosen to have sex before marriage

Does Abstinence Before Marriage Make Your Marriage Better?

No, it is not contingent on whether you were abstinent before marriage. It is contingent on what kind of partner you are to your spouse and whether you have the fundamental components to a good marriage- Love, Respect, Compassion, Communication, and Loyalty. What you want to avoid before marriage is going into it with the wrong attitudes... and what are those?

Edited by dolly - 02 February 2006 at 9:16am
*dolly* IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 22 January 2005
Posts: 13663

Posted: 02 February 2006 at 9:17am | IP Logged
What Is The Best Choice?

There is no best choice for all people. There is only the best choice for you as an individual. Go with what feels right for you no matter what you face in life. Be empowered through education and never belittle yourself as less of a person for choosing either path. You are always worthy of self esteem, respect from yourself and others, because no matter your decision both options have opportunities from which you can learn and grow

Edited by dolly - 02 February 2006 at 9:18am
cutiepie1 Newbie

Joined: 02 May 2005
Posts: 33

Posted: 02 February 2006 at 9:16pm | IP Logged
I think, the imp thing is commitment, not marriage necessarily, but the emotional commitment to each other. I feel that even after marriage, you should have sex only when you are emotionally committed to each other. So, if before marriage you are, then it is fine, though I myself would rather stay away from it. But if people do it without commitments or just because all of your friends are doing it, then I don't think it is good.

Honestly, I have never been in a situation like this, so I am not sure if I would have been able to accept my spouse in this situation, but I would have probably felt cheated if he didn't tell me before marriage. If he was over with it, why should he hide it and if he is not over it, why should he be marrying me..? I would expect him to tell me very honestly rather than me finding out from a third person or him or his ex at some point in life (you never can be sure you would not find out, can you..?)

Just my thoughts..
Willows Senior Member

Joined: 26 December 2005
Posts: 456

Posted: 02 February 2006 at 10:45pm | IP Logged

Originally posted by sowmyaa

As most of us here are from more or less similar culture I would like to know what does today's generation think about loosing virginity before marriage.
1. do you think you can accept your spouse if he/she had lost her virginity before marriage?
2. Do you think it's ok if one looses his/her virginity before marriage or you think it is something not acceptable and not in your (Indian/Pakistani..whatever) culture?
3. Do you think that we Indians/Pakistani should grow and try to broaden our mind in 21st century and accept sleeping/dating before marriage or you think no matter how much we grow we should not loose our sanskruti, our cultureā€¦ and it is not acceptable to loose your virginity before marriage like in West.

Nice TopicClapsowmyaa; coming to the point, whether "loosing" virginity before marriage, i went through various dictionaries to understand the meaning of the word "loosing", Webster defines it as "To release from anything obligatory or burdensome; to disengage; hence, to absolve;

Putting the definition in the context, I firmly believe marriage is a scared thing and an institution unto itself atleast in india, and hence being a virgin does matter. It would be difficult for me "personally" to accept sex before marriage.

Quoting dolly;

"Sex is an expression of love"

 I do not agree with the above statement, love is something which is very scared and comparing it with sex would be sacrilegious, I believe it is not necessary to be in love to have sex, but the opposite is not always true.

"If making love is something regular in your married life, isn't has to be important??"

I personally despise when people compare "intercourse" to making love, further I also doubt whether daily routine can be important, especially when it is something regular in a relationship.

"I mean why it is admirable to abstain?? Because the majority don't?? And have you ever questioned why they did it? Society is what tells us what's bad and what's not but, what about what we think?? What we really feel??"

Well why do people abstain is a question of personal choice based on human values, just because somebody abstains that does not give anyone any right to question him or her, I believe cherishing ones values is a achievement and falling prey to temptations should not be used as garb to justify one's preferences.

*A young mind is a wondrous thing, and can as just easily be persuaded in the wrong direction as it could be in the right direction. *

Exactly that is where our values and culture come to one's help to decide, which direction to follow right one or wrong.

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