Loosing Virginity Before Marriage-DOTW (Page 6)

Friends, I know all the debates we discuss are individual's openion and we all seem to be mature enough not to judge anyone. However, when you are having a "Debate" we are not judging anyone personally, it's just that we have to aruge looking at the whole picture rather than individual. We don't want to judge anyone or preach anyone...but we do have to take either one side and debate about it.

You are very right dolly. When two plp are truley in love then sex is an expression of love and is wonderful thing between the two...i totally agree...all I am saying is then why these two people asked by their parents hide that they had any sexual relashionship. That's where I have a problem. Why do you need to hide things from soceity when you think you are right. If there is no "guilt" or "shame" when you are in early 20s that you invloved in physical relashion with your bf then it's totally valid. We all know that people in West do date, live together and have sex before marriage and I don't think that's wrong. If I was living here I would be totally fine having sexual relashionship with my boyfriend and even living with him before marriage. But I was not comfy with such relashion when I was 20 and when I was in India. Aparna, is right...girls and also boys are brainwashed from childhood that to indulge in sex before marriage is not good. That's also one of the reason the whole society is formed with this belief. I don't think there is anything wrong in controlling your sexual urge until you get married. One cannot express everything they wish and they want to. Like you cannot wear a bikini in India and sit outside for sun bath. I don't think anyone would do that even if they want to. It's just that all country have different society norms. I know some are really rigid and over the time we can get over it..however, its hard for girls and boys to rovolt against soceity at young age and do what they want to. It is therefore better not to loose your viriginity till you get married.

Edited by sowmyaa - 30 January 2006 at 7:11pm

I know i wasn't planning to add much to the debate now .But i came back after i saw Dolly and Mist post from my side of the fence .

I just wanted to say one thing mist's post reminded me ....Thx mist.
In all my years i haven't come across any of my friends who broke up with an ex- lover or divorced .( don't foget divorces these days are so high ..i have at least 7 - 8 friends who are divorced from their husbands / wives.).

Very few people remember their ex- very affectionately . The breaks up were nasty and they still harbour feelings ranging from hate to disdain for the ex's .
So in this case , its not possible for them to emotionally remember their ex with affection or love ( Unless they loved filmi style- Heer - Ranjha,Romeo- Juliet and were not allowed to marry but forced to marry a different person).

1. do you think you can accept your spouse if he/she had lost her virginity before marriage? im not sure
2. Do you think it's ok if one looses his/her virginity before marriage or you think it is something not acceptable and not in your (Indian/Pakistani..whatever) culture? i dont think its acceptable
3. Do you think that we Indians/Pakistani should grow and try to broaden our mind in 21st century and accept sleeping/dating before marriage or you think no matter how much we grow we should not loose our sanskruti, our culture… and it is not acceptable to loose your virginity before marriage like in West. i dont think so cuz tat will encourage more kids 2 take wrong n incorrect steps n decisions in life.

welcome aboard dear! I think even if you were alone you don't need anyone from your side. You have enough good points to express yourself. You are like that spider building web who don't give up....which is good..right!

Like the Charlottes web huh ? Ya but this spider did get tired doing all the work from one side of the debate . Now will leave it to others , i'll just chime in now and then .

well sum of u r quite right but sum of u i completely disagree i dont want to get in da details ut i just wanna mention summat abt dis culture and society thing
wher aparna is qo right

a guy having a girlfriend and having plans to marry her isnt bad in our indo-pak society but a gal wid just a "boyfriend" meaning a sweet person who cares for her and luvs her and sum1 dat duznt evn go near DODGINESS is wrong for ppl in our wierd society
da gal wil hav a bad reputation rumours wil lspread and those usual backbiting women wil spread da whole crap around without any reasonyeh to kya a gal talking to a guy who maybe a friends is consired as a big sin especially bak home!!!!!!

dats one thing dat i wanna really highlight in a flashing colour!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if dis is consired so bad den a gal loosing her virginity is just too bad for words for ppl from da desi culture

for these western white ppl its possible becuz their parents hardly giv a damn abt dem they liv tehir own life do wotever they want and their parents rnt allowed to interfer in their lyf wheras our culture is totally opposite our parents wana no evry lil thing abt us and they care for us and love us alot they dont want to see us in a bad positions and states so they try to protect us dats y loossing virginity b4 marriagefor an asian gal is considered really bad and derz nothing to b dun abt it cuz its just der permemnantly it wont change no mater how far da zamaana goes dis wont change!!!!

maybe dis guy having more rights in spending tym wid oppsote gender thing wil change wid tym cuz asian galz these days r thinking freely and in a modern way so soon enough it will b stopped( i hope so) lol dats only possible if galz fight bak and b equal to to guys lyk their bros and couzins

guys i dont get all of ur point on how saying its okay for older people to have sex will tell kids to have sex. i mean all these adults smoke but we dont ban it because kids will do it as well. i mean children are parents' responsibility and those who are neglectful their children will have sex regardless of being allowed or not, i say this from experience. I know a lot of desi girls who are in relationships and stuff and have had sex and i am only in highschool so to say that since it is so taboo in our culture that stops people from doing it. Also about u missing ur ex becuz u loved em well i gotta say if u were stupid enough to have sex with someone when u know u r teh kind of person for who sex is so important than u shouldn't have been having it randomnly. i think rational adults who are in relationships and have sex are rational enough to move on. i really dont think people will miss their exes and if someone is unhappy in their marriage and is still staying with their spouse than its their marriage problem not their having pre-marital sex problem. i just feel that people get married when they understand each other to a certain extent and i guess people who are open enough to have sex before marriage wouldn't marry some conservative idiot who cant handle it. thats just the way i feel my mom says its cause i am too young. for those of u who understand
"jawani ki nadi mein bara tez paani
zara phir se kehna"