Loosing Virginity Before Marriage-DOTW - Page 6

Posted: 18 years ago
Ok guys,
I want to say something here, for this topic.this whole thing is based on personal choice> we cannot debate this whole thing with logic. No matter what both parties say it is not going to change the perspective of the other. We still are going to say and think the same.The fact that people insist that it is wrong or right for everyone seems a bit arrogant to me.
             As far as I am concerned I will say that I believe that someone's sex life should be dictated by them and that what is right or wrong should be determined by an individual not the majority or a minority of people.
Some try to say that education and STD (Sexually Transmitted Disease) prevention is unnecessary because abstinence before marriage is the answer. The bottom line is that you cannot repress people's sexual natures in a healthy way through keeping them ignorant or telling them to numb themselves to their feelings. It is normal and healthy ... the real issue here is when is it right for us as an individual, not when is it right for everyone before or after marriage.


Posted: 18 years ago
now the question is when Abstinence is Good??
When you have a need for solitude, and centering .. sometimes it can distract us on what needs focus in our lives. There are times for abstinence whether we are married, not married, young or old. Sometimes we need to take a break or put off sex much like we say that we need a break or time before committing to anything really. Not because it is bad, but because we need make sure it is right for us or simply to focus on something that requires all of our attention.

Abstinence is also good when we are not ready for something. If we are not ready for a committed relationship, sex, children, going to college, anything...
Posted: 18 years ago

Does Abstinence Before Marriage Make You A Better Person?

No, it is just a choice you have made for yourself and does not make you better or worse than someone who has chosen to have sex before marriage


Does Abstinence Before Marriage Make Your Marriage Better?

No, it is not contingent on whether you were abstinent before marriage. It is contingent on what kind of partner you are to your spouse and whether you have the fundamental components to a good marriage- Love, Respect, Compassion, Communication, and Loyalty. What you want to avoid before marriage is going into it with the wrong attitudes... and what are those?

Edited by dolly - 18 years ago
Posted: 18 years ago
What Is The Best Choice?

There is no best choice for all people. There is only the best choice for you as an individual. Go with what feels right for you no matter what you face in life. Be empowered through education and never belittle yourself as less of a person for choosing either path. You are always worthy of self esteem, respect from yourself and others, because no matter your decision both options have opportunities from which you can learn and grow
😊 Edited by dolly - 18 years ago
Posted: 18 years ago
I think, the imp thing is commitment, not marriage necessarily, but the emotional commitment to each other. I feel that even after marriage, you should have sex only when you are emotionally committed to each other. So, if before marriage you are, then it is fine, though I myself would rather stay away from it. But if people do it without commitments or just because all of your friends are doing it, then I don't think it is good.

Honestly, I have never been in a situation like this, so I am not sure if I would have been able to accept my spouse in this situation, but I would have probably felt cheated if he didn't tell me before marriage. If he was over with it, why should he hide it and if he is not over it, why should he be marrying me..? I would expect him to tell me very honestly rather than me finding out from a third person or him or his ex at some point in life (you never can be sure you would not find out, can you..?)

Just my thoughts..
Posted: 18 years ago

Originally posted by sowmyaa


As most of us here are from more or less similar culture I would like to know what does today's generation think about loosing virginity before marriage.
1. do you think you can accept your spouse if he/she had lost her virginity before marriage?
2. Do you think it's ok if one looses his/her virginity before marriage or you think it is something not acceptable and not in your (Indian/Pakistani..whatever) culture?
3. Do you think that we Indians/Pakistani should grow and try to broaden our mind in 21st century and accept sleeping/dating before marriage or you think no matter how much we grow we should not loose our sanskruti, our culture… and it is not acceptable to loose your virginity before marriage like in West.

Nice Topic👏sowmyaa; coming to the point, whether "loosing" virginity before marriage, i went through various dictionaries to understand the meaning of the word "loosing", Webster defines it as "To release from anything obligatory or burdensome; to disengage; hence, to absolve;

Putting the definition in the context, I firmly believe marriage is a scared thing and an institution unto itself atleast in india, and hence being a virgin does matter. It would be difficult for me "personally" to accept sex before marriage.

Quoting dolly;

"Sex is an expression of love"

 I do not agree with the above statement, love is something which is very scared and comparing it with sex would be sacrilegious, I believe it is not necessary to be in love to have sex, but the opposite is not always true.

"If making love is something regular in your married life, isn't has to be important??"

I personally despise when people compare "intercourse" to making love, further I also doubt whether daily routine can be important, especially when it is something regular in a relationship.

"I mean why it is admirable to abstain?? Because the majority don't?? And have you ever questioned why they did it? Society is what tells us what's bad and what's not but, what about what we think?? What we really feel??"

Well why do people abstain is a question of personal choice based on human values, just because somebody abstains that does not give anyone any right to question him or her, I believe cherishing ones values is a achievement and falling prey to temptations should not be used as garb to justify one's preferences.

*A young mind is a wondrous thing, and can as just easily be persuaded in the wrong direction as it could be in the right direction. *

Exactly that is where our values and culture come to one's help to decide, which direction to follow right one or wrong.

Posted: 18 years ago

Originally posted by sam_84


God prohibited sex outside/before marriage as a blessing and not as a burden.

its equal for both sexes.

we can see the results such as AIDS and abortion,
lust replacing love, one-sided love, cheating and hence heart breaks, jealousy ,suicides, rapes, murders.

I agree that its not always bcuz of pre-marital sex but its playing a heavy role. its not fiction but truth...just watch crime reports on news channels!!

wht will you do if the person just fulfills his/her desires and leaves you as there wont be any commitments as in marriage bond.

if someone can do with you, he/she can do with some else too.

as a God-fearing person, i'll wait until marriage and can never say pre-marital sex is OK.

Very well said 👏 it is resisting the temptation which is an achievement, justifying gratification is an indicator of the guilt.

Yes indeed god has blessed human beings with an option to make choices, and the burden is a perception and should not be used as garb.

Commitment is important or else, even the people in flesh trade do this routine, atleast with an objective of supporting one's lives.

Yes indeed it is the values which makes us god fearing and these are the values which guides us  to the right direction and having pre martial sex is something which was always looked down, the very fact that it is being debated is reminder that pre martial sex is a no no. 

Posted: 18 years ago
[ Does sanctity of marriage only allow you to love freely ?? Thats not right .
[/QUOTE]




Aparna, i accept the quotes to some extent  which are highlighted...A person can love another person with full heart before marriage but when we come to sex it is not so.At the outset they know that it is not correct and hence the guilt.A girl who had an affair is always looked down upon and she has to always carry the stigma of being illegal .She will think abt her future and starts thinking whether that guy will marry her or not...later on it will add some insecurity feeling to her.This is something which can be avoided if temptations are reduced.

After all a person with broken marriage is accepted by public since it is not his fault.
Ofcourse we the society pity them and some people use it as an opputunity to put them down.

Edited by kavith_2305 - 18 years ago
Posted: 18 years ago

Originally posted by lalit1


i am also one of those who believes that premarital sex is wrong so will never indulge in it because of my conservative values but who am i to judge anyone else if he/she does

but yes having come from a very elitist delhi background
where premarital sex happens as young as in college /high school (i mean i had school friends guys and gals who had indulged in it )i feel that there are many who indulge in it just to be cool (esp teenaged boys/girls ) without taking care of consequences
that is the kind of premarital sex i would not advocate

but if a person whos successful in his /her career and wants to indulge in casual or long term relationship without any commitment to satisfy bodily needs i wouldnt say thats wrong

bottomline is that u r responsible for your own deeds
i have chosen not to indulge in it its my choice

someone else may choose otherwise i must respect that
having said that i hate it when ppl (esp girls) say that i thot he loved me so i did it and now he doesnt love me
u urself are responsible for your behaviour nobody else

end point: a person shud make his choice and be responsible for it
i was always labelled as conservative or backward in the school that i was but i didnt feel ackward bcos it was my choice to stay away from it

Exactly, judgment is something which is better administered by the all pervasive almighty god, we human beings are just his creatures with various desires and strengths and the values help to enhance the right strengths and controls desires.

 

I am a firm believer that it is what we stand for, is the identity for oneself and dignity is something which is compromised on most of the occasions, when pre martial sex is a norm.

 

Yes indeed as the word goes, deeds are something done by oneself and hence the consequences cannot be someone else's.

 

Well I would prefer to be called conservative then to indulge in something which is against what I was taught when I was pure and away from all the evils of the world.

Posted: 18 years ago

Originally posted by sowmyaa


I would personally feel about keeping virginity until marriage. I don't want society to follow the same norms though... I think virginity is the greatest gift you can give to your partner be it husband/wife. Probably people in west are pretty much casual about dating and loosing verginity that for their spouse it's not a big deal if they have lost their virginity before. However in Indian marriage if your spouse comes to know after wedding that you have already lost ur virginity before marriage it could affect your married life. Also, let me ask you this question...those of you who think that it's ok to loose virginity before marriage...and say if you did loose ur virginity before marriage and don't end up with that person will you tell your husband/wife to be before marriage that you had slept with someone? To be frank someof you may, I probably would not. 'coz in India loosing your virginity is still a sin and you cannot escape from that truth. Yes, my openion may be different but I am "scared" to loose my virginity because of society and even though I feel like expressing my boyfriend my physical love I probbly would not due to that fear. I also believe that no matter how old are you you should know how to "control" your lust. For me sex without commitment for lifetime does not mean much its an empty feeling. For me physical intimacy is related to emotionl, spiritual and commitment for lifetime. I would probably break down if I end indulge in physical relashionship and then no wedding bond. It takes years to creat that bond and to me marriage is very sacred and holly thing and so is loosing one's virginity. Specially for indian girls who are very sensitive with love when thery love someone they are really involved ...i would personally think if you get involved in a relashionship it gets harder for you to cut urself once it breaks, and if that relashionsiop had sex involved I think it would be hard to give same love and lust to your future husband specially for indian girls. Bottom line, I would not be able to accept my husband if I knew that he had lost his virginity before marriage. I think being physical is most intimate thing ..once you get one soul to soul then you can be comfy going physical with someone so if you already lost ur virginity i would be doubtful if he could really love me that much again and probably it would creat drift in relashionshiop later on. however, if you end up with that person its perfect but life is box of chocolates you dont know what you'll get next.

you said it sowmyaa, i envy you for the choice of words,very well written👏.Indeed what you can give to oneself and other as you enter into a proposed long lasting relationship is a gift and if you loose this most precious gift then i would believe such a person is a pauper.

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