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Loosing Virginity Before Marriage-DOTW (Page 3)

mkzara Goldie
mkzara
mkzara

Joined: 29 October 2005
Posts: 1818

Posted: 28 January 2006 at 12:14pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by sam_84

Originally posted by Aparna_BD

 

aparna:  Example Quran was recorded years post Prophets death(source:Asra Q.Nomani ....a Muslim scholar) 

sam: its false as many ppl used to recite it completely once a month in prophet's time. no dearth of false self-styled scholars in these times!!! i wont go any further here.

aparna: AIDS as you may know doesn't just spread through sex but through infected sources too ,the Stats show in India ,maximum abortions are by married women ,Whats wrong with lust ? ,one sided love - In Arranged marriages there is often sex initially without any love from both sides ,cheating is a problem married / unmarried....infact more married desparate people cheat, jealousy ....huh what???? , suicides - there are suicides because pre marital sex is taboo ..........if it wasn't ,woman won't feel the neccesity to commit suicide , rapes - have you heard of rape within marriage ? and we over here are talking about 2 consenting adults having sex .......so where does rape come in . Murder - there is equal amount of incidences of murder in a marriage eg: famous Peterson case & the  Black basket ball player , And the host of India's most wanted etc.

sam: i already told that the premarital sex is not the only reason for crimes BUT its one of the major reasons today.

we are talking bout society as a whole. if sex between consulting adults becomes lawful, wht will the desperate ppl do if they dont get the consent of the other???........sexual abusement and rape!! isnt it?

u have to look at the negative side of premarital relationship too...

the desperate people will do then what they do now, as u said rape and stuff and i live in america where it is legal and people still do that and it happens in pakistan as well where it isn't legal. rape is done by people who r mentally sick and there is no excuse for it to say oh the woman asked fo it or that they just needed it. rape has nothing to do with sex being lawful or not. i feel that yes there r negative sides when people engaging in premarital sex are too young and dont know the consequences. when u get older i feel u make smarter decisions and if sex is one of them then what does it matter.

PS. and i wasn't saying that u dont have a right to ur opinion it was just a comment that we dont have a right to judge.

Minnie IF-Veteran Member
Minnie
Minnie

Joined: 20 September 2004
Posts: 8640

Posted: 29 January 2006 at 7:29am | IP Logged
Fantastic discussion !!!

I have a lot to say, but today I am running short of time, so will def be back with my views....

Excellent topic. Clap
sowmyaa IF-Dazzler
sowmyaa
sowmyaa

Joined: 23 August 2004
Posts: 3658

Posted: 29 January 2006 at 1:29pm | IP Logged
I would personally feel about keeping virginity until marriage. I don't want society to follow the same norms though... I think virginity is the greatest gift you can give to your partner be it husband/wife. Probably people in west are pretty much casual about dating and loosing verginity that for their spouse it's not a big deal if they have lost their virginity before. However in Indian marriage if your spouse comes to know after wedding that you have already lost ur virginity before marriage it could affect your married life. Also, let me ask you this question...those of you who think that it's ok to loose virginity before marriage...and say if you did loose ur virginity before marriage and don't end up with that person will you tell your husband/wife to be before marriage that you had slept with someone? To be frank someof you may, I probably would not. 'coz in India loosing your virginity is still a sin and you cannot escape from that truth. Yes, my openion may be different but I am "scared" to loose my virginity because of society and even though I feel like expressing my boyfriend my physical love I probbly would not due to that fear. I also believe that no matter how old are you you should know how to "control" your lust. For me sex without commitment for lifetime does not mean much its an empty feeling. For me physical intimacy is related to emotionl, spiritual and commitment for lifetime. I would probably break down if I end indulge in physical relashionship and then no wedding bond. It takes years to creat that bond and to me marriage is very sacred and holly thing and so is loosing one's virginity. Specially for indian girls who are very sensitive with love when thery love someone they are really involved ...i would personally think if you get involved in a relashionship it gets harder for you to cut urself once it breaks, and if that relashionsiop had sex involved I think it would be hard to give same love and lust to your future husband specially for indian girls. Bottom line, I would not be able to accept my husband if I knew that he had lost his virginity before marriage. I think being physical is most intimate thing ..once you get one soul to soul then you can be comfy going physical with someone so if you already lost ur virginity i would be doubtful if he could really love me that much again and probably it would creat drift in relashionshiop later on. however, if you end up with that person its perfect but life is box of chocolates you dont know what you'll get next.
Aparna_BD IF-Dazzler
Aparna_BD
Aparna_BD

Joined: 01 July 2005
Posts: 4926

Posted: 29 January 2006 at 4:24pm | IP Logged
Soumya i respect your opinion and but i just want to say that every girl isn't highly highly senstive !!!.

Yes its not a good idea to tell the spouse . Like we discussed its not a good idea to tell the spouse many things . And its not cheating so its not something you must tell .And yes in India pre-marital sex is taboo and i some day hope it stops being one. I don't see why people can't express themselves through consensual sex without being put down by society .

I personally don't believe in doing anything ....anything at all out of fear of society , parents , GOD . I do things out of Love for things . be it my hubby( before boyfriend) , parents or even GOD !!

I personally don't agree to virginity being the greatest gift , to me its loyalty for life, ever lasting love ,trust & faith , commitment , understanding  thats greater than a tissue. If god gave me choice : You have a husband thats a pure virgin BUT lacks even one of these ingredients :loyalty , love , trust in me , or commitment . OR  Your hubby is not a virgin but can promise you love , loyalty , trust in me and commitment for LIFE . Which one would you prefer ??????????? Please choose only one. You guess what will i choose !! How about you ??


Soumya wrote "i would personally think if you get involved in a relashionship it gets harder for you to cut urself once it breaks, and if that relashionsiop had sex involved I think it would be hard to give same love and lust to your future husband specially for indian girls."

As for the statement that after being sexualy intimate its harder to cut your self for relationship is true as i saw it in my friends . But human beings are meant to take lot of ups and downs ...........and come out fine ....infact stronger after the down period .

As for not being able to give the same love & lust after a breakup to your husband ...........NO !!!! This is absolutely wrong . Some of my friends adjusted very well & have families and don't even think a moment about their ex- boyfriends and lover !!!

For me personally , my hubby was my boyfriend for 7 years , and we cared for each other deeply and didn't care about rules . We were lucky to finally marry . But , once we had broken off in the middle , and as i tell him i was ready to move on with out him so that he knew you can't walk all over me . LOL

So i suppose all girls aren't made the same way !! Smile

Edited by Aparna_BD - 29 January 2006 at 4:37pm
Aparna_BD IF-Dazzler
Aparna_BD
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Joined: 01 July 2005
Posts: 4926

Posted: 29 January 2006 at 9:16pm | IP Logged
oh yes i wanted to add . I know many women these days are choosing serious career over Marriage . They are in 30's and 40's . Will they marry ???? Not ever marry ???? Don't know !!!Some may marry , some may find they have missed the bus and are to be a spinster for ever !! So what do they do ? Should they remain celibate all their life ???

Also i have a Cousin who is in her 30's . She has a mother suffering from multiple sclerosis . She remains the main care giver and is unable to marry since boys have an issue with her mother being part of the parcel. She plains not to marry as long as her mother is alive . So when will she be ready for marriage ? Nobody knows !!!!!!!! Should she remain celibate too ?

Finally there have been women who end up as old spinsters all their life very sadly . But should they have never ever have experienced this adult form of relationship ???? I think if society forces them to remain celibate , its unfair and very very sad .

Should we still judge people for them having a right over their body ?????????? I have seen people be judgemental about these issues :
~pre-marital sex ,
~if a woman after 7 years of marriage isn't a mother people judge her that maybe she isn't a good woman and doesn't like children and is wrong in denying this right to her family.
~people judge other women when she gets an abortion ~people judge women if they decide to raise a baby as a single mother.
~ people judge women if they find out she denies her husband sex.
~ People judge other women on the basis of how she is dressed .

Isn't it about time we empower a woman and let her have rights over her own body ????????????????????????

Or will we turn into a puritanical society that stones women or orders 100 lashes for sex outside marriage ????!!!! We might not be doing so litteraly but are doing it figuratively through words !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its like a saying its better to have loved and lost than have never loved at all !!! Same goes for a spinster . Its better for her to have experienced intimacy and lost it ...............than never to have experienced it at all .


Edited by Aparna_BD - 29 January 2006 at 9:18pm
~LiL*PrInCeZ~ IF-Sizzlerz
~LiL*PrInCeZ~
~LiL*PrInCeZ~

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Joined: 20 October 2004
Posts: 11310

Posted: 29 January 2006 at 9:45pm | IP Logged
ok aparna di i agree with wat ur saying...if she wants 2 do it and shes fine with it and all thn she shud go along with it (if shes an adult huz mature enuff 2 handle the consiquences not sum luvsick teen arnd my age hu has no idea wat shes duin).

i wud neva eva do it but thts me and my religion and my morals and da way ive been brot up (not tht uve been brot up in a bad way or u were taught bad morals o nething like tht)

Aparna_BD IF-Dazzler
Aparna_BD
Aparna_BD

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Posts: 4926

Posted: 30 January 2006 at 7:00am | IP Logged
Originally posted by ~PaKi*PrInCeZ~

ok aparna di i agree with wat ur saying...if she wants 2 do it and shes fine with it and all thn she shud go along with it (if shes an adult huz mature enuff 2 handle the consiquences not sum luvsick teen arnd my age hu has no idea wat shes duin).

i wud neva eva do it but thts me and my religion and my morals and da way ive been brot up (not tht uve been brot up in a bad way or u were taught bad morals o nething like tht)



Jav , when i am talking about a woman who has pre-marital sex , i am talking about regular girls with conservative upbringing(most Indian girls have that). Nor does the religon neccesarily sanction it . But the bottomline is , its simply them and their choice ...........and its you and your choice !!SmileSmile No right or wrong here !!!
sowmyaa IF-Dazzler
sowmyaa
sowmyaa

Joined: 23 August 2004
Posts: 3658

Posted: 30 January 2006 at 7:16am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Aparna_BD


I personally don't believe in doing anything ....anything at all
out of fear of society , parents , GOD . I do things out of Love for
things . be it my hubby( before boyfriend) , parents or even GOD !!

Aparna, I understand we all are different and I already expressed my views that I do things out of love for my parents, hubby, kids, friends and society.. However, there are things that I DO NOT do out of fear of hurting my parents, or loved ones that is known as taboo in society. Like loosing virginity before marriageis a taboo in our society be it male or female. Also, I think it's just not a mere "tissue" its more than that. technically yes, it is just breaking a tissue, but it is most intimate and spiritual thing.

I personally don't agree to virginity being the greatest gift , to
me its loyalty for life, ever lasting love ,trust & faith ,
commitment , understanding thats greater than a tissue.
Loyalty, lasting love, trust all comes after you get into a relashionship and it is as important to me. we in India don't go out or meet our friends boldly or exprses our intimate relashionships to society. We all initially hide our relashionship if we have aboyfriend/girlfriend from society. If you get physical with ur bf/gf you probably would like tohide this from society, your parents. why? 'coz it is still a taboo. People do look down to you they know that you are not married and you are indulged in physical relashionsip. To me anything you feel like hiding from society, your parents means that subconciously you are feeling that this is wrong to do.

Soumya wrote "i would personally think if you get involved in a
relashionship it gets harder for you to cut urself once it breaks, and
if that relashionsiop had sex involved I think it would be hard to give
same love and lust to your future husband specially for indian girls."

As for the statement that after being sexualy intimate its harder
to cut your self for relationship is true as i saw it in my friends .
But human beings are meant to take lot of ups and downs ...........and
come out fine ....infact stronger after the down period .

As for not being able to give the same love & lust after a
breakup to your husband ...........NO !!!! This is absolutely wrong .
Some of my friends adjusted very well & have families and don't
even think a moment about their ex- boyfriends and lover !!!
I still think that it is hard to give same love and lust to your husband and once in a while you do think about your ex-boyfriends and lover. Yes, it may take years after years probably decade but you still once in a while tend to remember those moments spent together.
Loyalty, lasting love, trust all comes after you get into a relashionship and it is as important to me.
For me personally , my hubby was my boyfriend for 7 years , and we
cared for each other deeply and didn't care about rules . We were lucky
to finally marry . But , once we had broken off in the middle , and as
i tell him i was ready to move on with out him so that he knew you
can't walk all over me . LOL
So i suppose all girls aren't made the same way !! Smile
but ur right apparna ...all girls aren't made same way and they all have different way to look at things Tongue

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