Posted: 27 September 2011 at 8:00am | IP Logged
But my question is whether divorce is the only punishment? Divorce would close all outlets for any kind repentance from Archana. Even Indian law give criminals a chance to repent, so wouldn't divorce be like capital punishment for her which would close all doors for her to be penitent.
Archana needs to feel guilty and has to be made to feel that she is wrong and only one person can do this and that is Manav. Archana needs to be punished as a mother not as a wife.
But my dear you are totally missing the point . This is NOT about Archana , it is about SOHAM . A very important individual who is currently defenceless and dependent on adults for safety . Punishing Archana is secondary , safeguarding Soham is primary . The person supposed to look out for him is his mother and his father . The mother is adamant that he should be handed over to a psychotic , pagal woman as she has blind love for her sibling . The father, more in his senses , OBJECTS . Who has TIME to sit and make Archana guilty etc etc painstakingly when the LIFE or SAFETY of a child is at stake ? How do you ropose Manav will do that , by giving up his job ? What should he do , sit at home and talk for endless hours to her ? Does he have TIME to do this ? What should he do , how long should he stop eating her food and stop sharing bed [ the only ways of getting msg across] till it sinks in her head that it is WRONG to give a psychotic woman ANY child ? Two months ? Three ? Six ? How long ? And in between this , what if Soham is injured ? Varsha had kept him like a captive in a flat with an UNKNOWN woman ...see the extent of her psychosis ! Manju's maid ABSCONDED with her money and jewellery , what if this lady had ABSCONDED with Soham and sold him off to some gang or childless couple ? Would Manav EVER get his son back then ? Does ANYONE have the answer as to WHEN it will sink in Archana's head that giving up a child to a psychotic woman is WRONG and CRIMINAL ? Should Manav spent months taking painstaking efforts to sink it in her head or should he take IMMEDIATE steps to safeguard HIS child since Archana KEEPS SAYING ITS U WHO R NOT UNDERSTANDING MANAV ? What part of Manav's objection has not been understood by her ? Has she MISSED the firmness of his tone or the seriousness in it ? She has been married for 6 years to him , right ? Claims to know him as a soulmate ! Isn't it abundantly clear by now that she DOES NOT CARE for it ? Is that proved ONLY when she hands baby to Varsha ? Is this in itself not shocking enough that a man should take serious offense with his spouse ?
Making Archana guilty over a period of time etc can come later , Manav needs to cut ALL the roots of any avenue of Soham ever going to Varsha . Let Archana and Sulochana get the FIRM message and not even DARE THINK in that direction . There r crimes and then there r crimes ...Hiding about Sulochana being safe in old age home was a mild domestic issue that Manav could have handled in the way you suggest ...by making Archana guilty by giving her the silent treatment . But when CHILD is involved , oh boy NO .
On what basis should he sit and wait for the day to come when Archana actually takes the child and gives it to Varsha ? Why ? Is not Archana capable of HIDING things from him and doing them sneakily behind his back ? Of course YES . She had hidden Sulo till he went to the point of making himself an ass on the television by advertising for her . She had HIDDEN Vaishu's bigamist husband's secrets from her parents for months although it was a SERIOUS issue and NOT HER PLACE to do so . Is not Archana capable of LYING and HIDING and DOING what SHE FEELS IS CORRECT ? The answer is YES , YES and YES .
His work is getting affected for the umpteenth time due to Archana and her K dramas . He was YELLING at a colleague , his bosses r noticing him AGAIN .Last time it was SULO missing and Archana barging in his office that screwed his job . A man needs a break or not , exactly how many times should he tolerate this ? Now what should he do , leave his bread butter job and sit and try to make Archana understand her folly ? Why , are the times he talked till now not enough ? How unfair is this on a man ? Why should females like Varsha and Archana be pampered to this extent and not be kicked out , gimme one good reason please ? Each time they make a fresh mess and each time the children r affected and the men r supposed to sit and make them see sense , why ???? Clearly they r women who do NOT value marraige or children , both . Archana had given up her marraige for mahaanta , then her children were pledged away to Varsha without Manavs knowledge , now she wants to give up her child even after sensing his anger , and tomorrow if Varsha demands Manav himself she will agree EVEN to that , she is THAT foolish . Someone asked this question in a joke , but it is TRUE . What she needs to know very very badly is that she is NOT IN CHARGE ALONE where the children r concerned . And she needs to know it ASAP . I would like to see her reaction when Manav icily tells her , be prepared for the DIVORCE papers if u even THINK of this AGAIN .
Indian law gives chance by evaluating the nature of the crimes . Not for ALL crimes . Some crimes r horrific . There no chances r given , infact people r reprimanded sharply by judges for not preventing them by showing adequate social responsibility .
Archana the wife and Archana the mother CANNOT be segregated in THIS particular issue . You see , the moment Archana the mother decides to give HER kid to her psychotic sister , She goes away from Manav's heart even as a WIFE . As not once did she think of what HE feels about this issue and that its not fair to HIM . If my husband informed me that he is giving up our daughter to his psychotic sister or brother , things would NEVER be the same between us EVER again . Even if I suceeded in preventing it , he would go from my heart forever . I cannot forgive anyone who was a potential danger to my kid , least of all a spouse who is supposed to PROTECT it not endanger it . This is not about ego , hurt etc etc , its simply the PRINCIPLE of a marrage . I have no rights to give HIS kids to anyone just coz I feel so , nor does HE have the right to do it without my consent . They r OUR kids . If he judges me as an individual for even THINKING that way even if I do not actually do that act , and if that remains with him for LIFE and he does not forgive me fo it ever but remains disgusted with me as a spouse till his death bed , I wud not blame him .
Is divorce the only solution ? In some cases YES . When child is endangered , YES . When domestic abuse is there , YES . That fool Vandu is not seeing that her daughter is being brought up in a very abusive atmosphere when she daily sees her drunken father hitting her mother in front of her little eyes . She has made it ALL about HERSELF and AJIt and how much SHE can endure as a Sati Savitri . What about the child , does Vandu know the psychological implications of her act of subjecting her to this daily horror ? She has a job yet she refuses to walk out of abuse . Same way , Archana , who is perfectly capable of hiding and sneakily taking Soham to Varsha ...lets not forget how she decided to GIVE her child WITHOUT asking Manav in first trmester , That Archana needs to be handled VERY STRICTLY . She needs to know that its NOT about HER all the time . This time its about SOHAM .
Trust me bonne , we r married ladies , senior ones who talked of divorce in this scenario . Who would not know the value of this institution of marraige but us ? We r the ones who believe in looking at the larger picture and plodding on . The larger picture is always the children , always . But when they themselves r put in peril , YES , divorce is to be considered . Vandu needs to divorce , for instance . And Archana needs to at least get the threat of divorce . If she listens after that and Manav decides to forgive her , upto him . But for many , things wud never be the same again . Even if she decides to dump her ghar sansaar and go to look after Varsha and Manav takes offense I wud not blame him , he is fully within his right to take offense .Varsha does not need Archana , Soham and Sachu do . Varsha has hubby , saas , her mother and perhaps excellent psychiatrists to look after her .
So I would disagree with your statement that divorce is not the only solution as to me at this point in my life , it would sound like the statement that is typically idealistic and ok in THEORY ...but never work in real life if such a situation arises .
That said ...Thanks for the warm welcome .
Edited by koolsadhu1000 - 27 September 2011 at 8:08am