Love, Friendship, Dating & Relationships
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girl poetry help

adeesyed Newbie
adeesyed
adeesyed

Joined: 13 June 2011
Posts: 6

Posted: 23 September 2011 at 5:28pm | IP Logged
Hello, 

I need help with making this poem sound better, as hindi is not my first language. It sounds stupid but its an inside joke. If u can add to it as well it would be helpful. Thanks. Im trying to write a poem from her perspective as she is kinda mad at me. Hence I am the deewaana. So ladies any help appreciated. 

Hey Deewaana, 
Dheko wo pyaari auraat ku zara
Wo hai so, panree wo dupata
Ajeeb auraat ku dekho na
Tu neglect kyun kara
uska dil mai dekho na
wo admi nai dekhda so uska dil hai sarawaa
dimaak hai pirawaa, 
Mai hun wo deewaana, 
jo ap nai meri neend jagaaya...

theres more I just need to add these words in a sweet way

pyaar karna wala, ghalti karatha, sumjaana, lot kai aana, rulaana, yaad rakhna, bhoolnejaana, baath suno na, pyaasa, chupara, muskaraana, nikhaala, tumahra, taraana

PLEASE help

adeesyed Newbie
adeesyed
adeesyed

Joined: 13 June 2011
Posts: 6

Posted: 25 September 2011 at 11:01am | IP Logged
Hey Deewaana, 
Dheko wo pyaari auraat ku zara
Wo hai so, panree wo dupata
Ajeeb auraat ku dekho na
Tu neglect kyun kara
usku nai taraana
uno dekhri pyaar karne wala
uska dil mai dekho na 
wo admi nai dekhda so uska dil hai sarawaa
dimaak hai pirawaa, 
Mai hun wo deewaana, 
jo ap meri neend nai jagaaya
juba pain kai, apke khandaan ku muskaraaya
conufuse karthi tu, text mai zabaan nikalke battaya:p
maine ghaltian karatha, magar main koshish karungaa
palai ye poem kai saath tumara dil ku hilaana
Confused? maybe english mai sumjaana...


Edited by adeesyed - 25 September 2011 at 11:04am
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