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Anant's Diary: Its Not Over Yet

sajni786 IF-Sizzlerz
sajni786
sajni786

Joined: 16 December 2008
Posts: 20903

Posted: 21 September 2011 at 12:59am | IP Logged
Dear Diary...

Alphabets...words...sentences...are looking jumbled up like a jigsaw puzzle...There is just so much I want to write...n yet...I cannot seem to synchronize any of it...There is just so much that has happened...n yet...I cannot seem to put 2 n 2 together...There is just so much I had to say to Navya today...and yet...I cud not seem to get that tongue rolling in its motion...Gosh!!!!!!! I cannot seem to capture anything of wat has been happening...but wat amazes me the most is that all these happenings is giving me an immense but unexplanable strength n courage to stand for wat I believe in...to engulf all the heat...all the venom n yet stand right back up on my 2 feet!

Yes... I said it...I finally said wat I had to ...to each n every adult that lives in that huge house of ours. I stood fierce at Baba's scoring eyes...and Papa's fired words and at Bua Dadi's disgust filled thots...n I told them about my sincerity...my pure n pristine intentions in my alliance with Navya. No...it wasnt going to take that 1 try to convince them...I know...but yet...the road to redemption has begun.

When Papa refused my proposal...it pricked harder than thousand volts injected within me good enough for oxygen to make its about turn. How cud I have galloped down even a bite in such a stance n I chose to walk away. They were not in any mood to listen anyways...I was in no mood to waste my energy either. The throat thrusting session ust didnt find its solace at the dinner table that it made a bouncer the moment a lifeless me stepped back into the prison. Thanks to the Kanpur happenings...I had inferred that this time...I have to take it all...but not give up...that I will have to put up a fight of solidarity and thats exactly wat I did ...once again...giving no solace to anyone. I know my doings are taking mom n bro under siege...but she is a mom...she will understand me and right now...I have to have it this way...or no other way.

When I walked into the college...I had prepared myself to face Navya...knowing less that the moment I will see her innocent n question filled eyes...all my defences will fail. That look was enuf run chills down my spine and i absolutely lost all my marathons of thots...Everyone except Navya verbally questioned me...but her eyes were seeking answers from me...answers that cud give her restless heart a comforting warmth...answers that cud provide the layering to bubble of hopes and answers that cud mean a simple smile on her face. Wat cud I have done?? She had me swallow each word...each moment that I surpassed n I simply slow poisoned her with my reasoning of delay. Cruel I know...but was there any choice?? U tell me my dear diary...cud I have just opened the book of harsh realities to her to let her weep n sulk in that same pain that I felt upon rejection! That was part of my promise to her. I had heard once from some very intelligent person..."
if u cannot say something good...then simply dont say anything"...and thats the exact theory I adapted. I wasnt gonna give up this fight...n I wasnt gonna let Navya n her faith in me lose as well...I had to widen my jaws today...I had to show that shining 32 of mine...coz its not over yet...and until I believe that it is...Navya is not going to feel any heat of this battle.

I need Navya by my side with a smile right now...and thats all that will be needed to continue on with this...n if this makes me selfish...then be it...coz its not over yet!!!...


Anant signing off
20/09/11


Rab Raakha,
ShilpaHug


PS. On The Request of many readers, below are the links of all my previous posts for Navya


Previous Diary Entry Posts


Anant's 1st Diary Entry
AnYa Hum Tum Diary Entries
Navya's Diary Entry 2
Anant: Kaisi Majbooriyan
Navya's Entry: Emotional Zoo
AnYa Hum Tum Diaries: Kehdo Tum Ho Meri
Diary Entries: Navya, Meeta and Anant
Diary Entries: Ya Rabba
Navya Diary Entries: Tera Chehra
Anant Diary Entry: The Cruelity of Time

Dhundhle Raaste...Saaf Manzilein
Renu's Letter: Ameen

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nivedaSavithacraosupriabs8889emmykhannThaniyah_Kmadhu_sridharspdpTheRoopsyPreet078zara990nuttycleo-Reshmi-unknown2341barbie2011SomerholicGirlladdoo598WinterIsComing

nishkala IF-Dazzler
nishkala
nishkala

Joined: 19 June 2007
Posts: 2874

Posted: 21 September 2011 at 1:12am | IP Logged
Lovely post Shilpa...very beautifully written.And yes,let's see what happens next..even I am eagerly waitingSmile

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nivedabs8889supriaAanchal15-Reshmi-nuttycleounknown2341sajni786

Noaddict IF-Dazzler
Noaddict
Noaddict

Joined: 27 July 2011
Posts: 4572

Posted: 21 September 2011 at 1:16am | IP Logged
As usual Shilpa ..very poignant, very well writtenClapYou just get into the skin of the character so well.Kudos to you.Clap

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nivedasupriabs8889Aanchal15-Reshmi-nishkalanuttycleoPreet078unknown2341sajni786

nuttycleo IF-Dazzler
nuttycleo
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Joined: 24 September 2008
Posts: 2904

Posted: 21 September 2011 at 1:17am | IP Logged
Wow...Shilpa...u delivered as expected, if not more!! U got into Anant's head...his disillusionment & his resolve have been captured so well by your words...
bravo girl!
For once...i'd like to know what goes on Angry Papa's head apart from parampara, maan, maryaada...u reckon u will try your hand at his diary or will it have 1 word...
hmmmph!!!!! with an angry smiley right next to it?!!
anyways...guess tonite is marked for Navya & perhaps Deepak's diary entries...waiting...

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nivedasupriabs8889Aanchal15-Reshmi-Preet078Noaddictnishkalaunknown2341sajni786

bs8889 Senior Member
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Joined: 28 July 2011
Posts: 337

Posted: 21 September 2011 at 1:19am | IP Logged
Wat a lovely tk on anant's thots..loved d entry...thank u for giving words 2 anant's silence n bringing out his inner most feelings so aptly n beautifully..Clap..ur posts esplly diary entries r always a pleasure 2 read!!

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unknown2341 IF-Rockerz
unknown2341
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Joined: 11 May 2011
Posts: 6343

Posted: 21 September 2011 at 1:33am | IP Logged
Hey Shilpa Hug...as usual beautifully u have written the diary...kudos to u dearClapClapThumbs Up...i can feel the Anant's inner feelings from ur diary...Loved ur writing dear...eagerly waiting for next post of ur diary...Thank u so much dear for giving such an wonderful diary...Big smile

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supriabs8889Aanchal15Preet078Noaddict-Reshmi-nuttycleosajni786

-Reshmi- IF-Dazzler
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Joined: 09 March 2010
Posts: 3444

Posted: 21 September 2011 at 1:39am | IP Logged
Shilpa, Beautifully written...Loved reading Anant's thoughts...I'm sure that Navya's supprort will give him strenght to continue the fight...

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nivedasupriabs8889Aanchal15Preet078Noaddictunknown2341sajni786

Aanchal15 IF-Dazzler
Aanchal15
Aanchal15

Joined: 15 January 2011
Posts: 4107

Posted: 21 September 2011 at 1:57am | IP Logged
Lovely Shilpa...Clap
U have penned Anant's thoughts so aptly..the inner turmoil that he is fighting is so poignant...hope Navya's love n faith in him, gives him the resolve, to stand steadfast, in his quest, .Smile


Edited by Aanchal15 - 21 September 2011 at 4:56am

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