I refuse to feel.
I demand myself only to think
The walls, the mask…they comfort me.
Turning away from all of these is turning back to the past that was long gone. The past that shattered my soul. The anger, the pain, the suffering…molded me to become who I am. A stronger man. Unbowed. No god except myself and all the things this harsh life taught me to believe in.
But you…you are like a mirror…reflecting the man I locked deep inside me long time ago. The man who FELT. Who knows love and god. For you make me FEEL. Make that part of me seep through the walls I built to detach me from emotions that can make me vulnerable.
Meeting you, looking at you, listening to you…sent me to a battle field between the man I am now and the man I was. I AM.
I scream at you…only to convince myself that I am right.
For my defenses are breaking…I am helpless…My mind. My shield. Baffled. Cracked.
If I let myself fall…would you hurt me, too? Like those who left and never returned…?
Or would you pick up the pieces of me still shattered on the floor…bandaged by silence and rage…?
Would you catch me…mend me…or break me further…?
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