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STORY CONTEST - 5 (RESULTS ON PAGE 26) (Page 4)

visrom IF-Veteran Member
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Posted: 03 October 2011 at 4:29am | IP Logged
Originally posted by polly_03

u wrote Bus Hijack Shocked??!! i thot dat it was written by visrom !!
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Edited by visrom - 03 October 2011 at 4:29am

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Moner_Radio

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Posted: 03 October 2011 at 4:31am | IP Logged

Time for my reviews ... Already quite a few reviews posted which have said it all ... still .. Tongue

Story 1 (CID aur Nanhe Detectives)
=============================

The name itself makes us think that the story will show a nice bonding between our officers and kids !! and I liked the way you showed Abhijeet and Imran's bonding Smile ... We've had a Daya and Nanhe Detectives ... your story in one way gave an Abhijeet and Nanhe Detectives feeling Tongue. Now unlike the original you made it quite an action packed one ... I enjoyed reading the action and all that you involved in the episode. One thing which I personally found lacking was 'investigation' ... the way you developed the story suits FW present style of showing action and all perfectly .. (though still they need to work hard to implement a story like this) ... but the main 'investigation' part fell short !! and a special mention to the start ... nice to see you began with a certain flow .. following AKA !! Obviously it hurt to imagine Abhi-Daya injured. Still that was the story's demand so ok Smile Overall ... after reading this a certain level of replacement to the original has come up ... maybe when I'll think of this case (If I will ... ) .. then more than FW's version I'll imagine your version in my mind !! Good job ... you definitely could have cut down on the length but still that wasn't a hindrance. Smile

Story 2 (Bhutiya Ladki Ka Raaz)
=========================

Firstly I liked the way your story was much more well interpreted and different from FW's style !! Like astonish said ... the original wasn't a dud IMO ... but it definitely needn't an improvement !! More than improvement ... it was nice to see ones own version of it !!! You stuck to the 80% atleast should be original and only the basic plot taken !! Hehee ... seems aajkal IF stories mein rackets ka khulaasa karne ka and all ka season chala hua hai LOL ... the paper leaking racket Idea was different. Now one thing to mention ... if a story is well written even Sachin can be used well ... your story proved that Tongue I personally never put in the efforts of imagining Sachin enacting while reading a story but this time I did LOL ... but according to me the show stealer of your story was the forensic part !! It was real forensics .. apart from spraying on a piece of cloth or 24/7 staring into the microscope ... you showed something different and that was commendable !!! After taareefs time for the other side Wink One thing to mention is that as the story approached the I felt you rushed up. You were in a certain hurry to finish up the story that is what I personally felt. You could've stretched it a little more ... it was bit rushed up and finished of fast. The pace of the story was quick ... you maintained the flow of the story well Smile In total good job. Better that the original rather I wouldn't like to compare with original ... i liked it a lot as a separate story !! Smile

Story 3 (Maut ka Aashirwaad)
=======================

Good job Smile. Now this case is personally the one I dislike the most for many reasons ... So while reading your story I tried my best not to even let the original come in my mind. Now one thing I liked it your story was that unlike the original one where in the climax CID was lucky to have the criminal surrender you made them catch the culprit properly. I liked this Smile but where I personally felt the story lacked was in originality !! The basic Idea of the contest was to show the writers own version of the epi ... you did have an own version but I felt many scenes similar to FW's version ... you interpreted them in your style still i found them similar to the original !! Like others my suggestion would also be to try reducing the use of sms lingo Smile

Story 4 (Bhagdad mein Maut Ka Raaz)
===============================

To be frank I read your story first and then the real one's WU Tongue ... I didn't want to read the original one and then allow it to make an impact on the present story !! Ok personally speaking I must say a good job but yet again I personally found it a bit OTT ... some dialogues were not needed. Not that they were not good but yes they'd have made a better impact if I was seeing a bollywood style movie and not CID. The 'drama' factor was a bit too much. It could have certainly been toned down ... and if you had done that your story would have been wow !! Considering the idea of using paint and all ... it was good Smile ... you stretched it ... at times it's better when one reaches a certain peak ... it's good to end there with a suitable climax .. stretching would make it a bit dragging !! The original first Bomb hoax call scene wasn't actually needed !! You couldv'e made it more interesting by actually bringing in a bomb concept Smile ... nevertheless really appreciated the forensic scenes. I must say the best part of IF stories are really good forensic scenes !!! I'm sure this writer can do a much much better job ... hoping to read more from you soon Smile

Story 5 (Khatra Chemical Bomb Ka)

=============================

Now the writer has put in quite some effort in the story I must say and it can be seen Smile . I must say a nice job.Well paced in perfect flow !! The puzzles idea and all was interesting !! Maybe the fact that the original has had such a great impact I felt it's best to read this story as a separate one and not compare to original !! If instead of the criminal giving out clues you made the CID team get hold of him without any it would have been much much more interesting ... nevertheless the attempt made was good Smile Proper justification to the title has been given. I've always liked stories with puzzles,anagrams etc. so liked this too !! In all you didn't do injustice to the story. A good job.


Story 6 (Daya Ki Dulhann Ka Raaz)

=============================

Good Job. The 'emotional atyachaar' and all was less. Liked that it wasn't a 'naatak' and 'humein sab pehle se patha tha' out here. If in case Daya gets married we all would like to see Abhijeet also become a part of the celebrations so you didn't create a tiff between Daya and Abhijeet making Daya look at the door hoping to see someone come (I felt so bad for Daya in that original scene Cry ) ... The story rushed up towards the end indicating that the writer was in a hurry to finish it off LOL liked the beginning duo conversation, it was sweet Smile. Nice one but can be better in terms of pacing and clarification of expression of ideas Smile


Story 7 (Daya Ek Qatil ?)

=====================

People from Chennai !!! Imagine FW adopts this idea ... won't it be a treat to know Daya worked in Chennai ?? Wink. Nothing was a naatak ... everything was happening ... well framed !!! You built the entire first half of the story thrillingly then a certain downfall was seen. The story caught a very fast paced and became rushed up as it reached the end. Nice to see the way you linked everything as you progressed. The CM mission everything was well written. Yes the motive of crime should have been a better one !! Nevertheless ... the whole story was well written ... a little control over the pace and it would've been a perfect product. Good Job Big smile


Story 8 (Manav Bomb)

====================

I personally liked this quite a lot. Really liked the way you developed the whole plot around Dr, Salunkhe.The team distribution,flow of the story, investigation quotient etc. were good Smile. Yet again a rushed up ending ... wished it was more elaborate yet it wasn't a problem Smile Thank you for doing away with the horrid last scene. Now coming to backdrops ... the ending as I mentioned was rushed up. The kidnappings with Salunkhe being kidnapped then T ... reminded of AC !!! The way CID team concludes that Salunkhe has been kidnapped could've been put in a better way !! A no- confession ending was different LOL

Story 9 (Bus Hijack)

Now I've said about this before saying it again. This is my favorite story from the contest and one of my all time favourite CID stories !! I've become a fan of this writer and I've admitted that openly !! The whole story was well paced,in flow .. well investigated etc etc. Action bhi tha, investigation bhi thi ... so it was a package !!

Thankfully you didn't have any kids being killed ... and all ... that would've been really very harsh !! Surprisingly more than anyone I loved the characterization of Saahil very much. I sympathized with him. It's been ages since we felt bad for any culprit. So that was nice !! I loved the climax ... it was very nice ... this climax is one thing that's going to stay in my mind for a long time to come Smile The stunts weren't 'for the sake of it' types !! So that was nice too !! Abhijeet the 'sharp shooter' you caught that side well Smile...  In between for some moment i found it slightly dragging ... yet as it reached the end you caught the pace again !!! All in all my fav one this was !! Very good job.

Ganesh Utsav
===============

The writer (according to my guess Tongue ) ... is a very good writer .. and I've always liked this person's works ... but something went wrong in this story !!! Not that it was bad ... it just lacked something !! I missed ACP sir ... badly Cry ... You kept the story simple and short. It was a rushed up attempt I guess !! The idea was a nice one ... the connection of Ganesh murtis with the crime !!! It was good Smile. The climax was nice Smile could have been better !! It was a well written one but definitely could have been much much more better ... Good Job !!


In total I must appreciate every single writer for the hardwork they've put in !!! I'm sure this'll be a tough competition !!

I've realised one thing that IFians love to write about social issues and rackets LOL ... almost every story had a racket or catered to any issue LOL... that's nice ... we people can bring about a change in the society with our stories Tongue


And one thing I want to mention ... I loved the way forensics have been used in each and every case !! Forensics are an integral part of CID ... 'real' forensics is something that is really missing in CID nowadays which I'm getting to read here .. that take me back to the good old bald Salunkhe forensic days !!! So a special appreciation for that !! All the best everyone ... jo bhi jeetein ... I appreciate everyone for doing a really good job !!! It's anytime easier to write anything new that to change something that's written !! Nice case choices and a really good work !! Big smile Big smile


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DemonStargadhadadaKhotaSikaShreyasunnyp1414Moner_Radiovisromastonishdebasree04

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Posted: 03 October 2011 at 4:51am | IP Logged
Originally posted by visrom

Originally posted by polly_03

u wrote Bus Hijack Shocked??!! i thot dat it was written by visrom !!
Disapprove


LOLLOLLOL  but y ?? ConfusedLOL
LOLLOL
astonish IF-Sizzlerz
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Posts: 12936

Posted: 03 October 2011 at 5:40am | IP Logged
Originally posted by visrom


Disapprove


Why sad Vis... ?????
Is my story that bad that you dont want your name to be associated with it??? Confused
Hum dono ke likhne ka style shayad ek jaisa hai... Manjeera water may be Tongue
visrom IF-Veteran Member
visrom
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Posts: 28682

Posted: 03 October 2011 at 6:19am | IP Logged
Yeah Manjeera water maybe but I take it in a diff way.;-(
visrom IF-Veteran Member
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Posted: 03 October 2011 at 6:26am | IP Logged
I noticed that many felt that my story was short! Actually it was 20 pages long and I thought u all may get bored so decided to wind up quickly. Also I was out of town and hadnt finished even on the last day so hurried up. My story had no connection to the original except the title but I think I didnt break any rules. One person feels there was no investigation in my story! Do all of u feel so? I need to know ur opinion on this.
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Posted: 03 October 2011 at 7:05am | IP Logged
Reviews are actually questions or state of my mind while reading story. Nothing personal.

 
STORY 1—CID aur Nanhe detective.
 
Described each and every scene wonderfully. Enjoy reading story and nanhe detective has a lot detection role to play in your story so full marks for that. Included commandos for operation loved that part also—keeping close to practical. Related AKAKR---suspending him DCP was all over him in whole story until Abhijeet saved him. Cain was really brutal.  He seriously seemed man on mission.  In original story I liked twist they tried  When boss ask CID team to kill Heera (although Abhijeet shoots him to save kids and then it turns out to be PLAN). Your story was different loved whole operation carried out by CID and Commandos together and one thing that inspector whom Vijay visited first for help was really not serious action should be taken against him. Your story justified title more than original story I can say that  A little lengthy story or may be I felt
 
 
 
STORY 2- Bhutiya Ladki ka Raaz
 
I always love the flow of story by this writer and same is case this time also.  Idea was brilliant and story was far better than original story.  If I am not wrong Sachin ka badge hi nahi mila. Loved distribution of work and above all loved message.
 
Story was in flow and not at all dragged but such a large scale game is being played time and again from last 1 year to steal papers every time brave attempt by them. I was thinking had college afforded back up. Anyways just kidding. When I see title and then your story. I really feel that yes this was suspense--- there is no Bhutiya Ladki actually. Excellent work done and loved Sachin's disguise scene.
 
 
 
STORY 3- Maut Ka Aashirwad
 
Well this story writer didn't change main idea/plot of the story. I really loved this story how it showed how FWs trash story can build into very good story if they keep small-small thing sin mind. Loved linking of events and flow of the story.  Not more to say because before hand already I know story and main plot was same but loved the way writer covered up and arranged the whole story in new pack. Well done.
 
 
STORY 4—Bhagdar mein Maut
 
Loved the message last message or say moral of story but there were few points which I want to say frankly---
 
When Tarika informed them he died due to poison then why later in day Daya asked Salunke that whether man died in stampede. I found it totally connectionless. I was desperately waiting for why CID team didn't even once tried to check from where call was made. (ACP sir finally asked to check but it was little late IMO).  Wandra Construction Company were sleeping actually when in newspaper and in TV Vivek had already given photo
 
When store room contained large amount of lead content, manager himself confessed  and told them, Duo boldly opened store room and went inside. I just didn't understand that.
 
Liftman came to know about dead body he want to inform CID so he told his friend to tell them there is bomb in Complex. But his this action could actually kill some innocent(s) in stampede.
 
Quite dragged story at few points.  
 
 
STORY 5—Khatra Chemical Bomb ka
 
Whenever I see clues and all I get super excited.  These are my just personal views and way I felt. I am not pointing anything but what I thought 
 
When I saw  Disclaimer I saw last line first. I don't know why but  finding line--- Get on with story, idiots I missed whole disclaimer.  Bombs Bombs so many bombs. I once thought had he not given hints then what would have been consequence. After planting so many bombs successfully and his real motive was badla why actually he gave so many hints to CID even about his where about. Would have loved CID nabbed him themselves without hints from Dhiru. Hints were very good no doubt about that. Writer did excellent job but connection with motive here story lacks but as an entertainment this story entertained as it was full of action.  Full tension and the way they solved all puzzles was excellent. Narration was excellent.  Good job and hats of you tried this episode.
 
One point which actually got on my mind----
Criminal called CID from PCO outside Thai chillies and Abhijeet saying koi phayda nahi. I didn't understand it. Its blast site any police official should be there since investigation going on. Abhijeet should have called him and try to catch culprit.
 
 
STORY 6- Daya Ki Dulhann Ka Razz
 
Well nice story a lot improvement on original story. More emphasis was given on  investigation and not on …...  Story went on expected terms. It was in flow and missing element was twist/suspense.  Really liked the way whole story is narrated. I didn't know Saturday ko bhi court hearing hoti hai. Leave it.  Story was well arranged scene by scene. Liked conversation between duo.
 
 
STORY 8 – Manav Bomb
 
Start of story was very promising. Loved first half more than second half. No dragging of story. Story went on expected direction in second half.  
 
Salunke sir as Manav Bomb loved the idea which writer implemented but Salunke sir  thought of saving two CID officers and agreed to kill 6-7 officers (how many present in bureau at that time) may be he is having thought of getting help from CID team but still…. Only my personal opinion--- had the end such that bomb in XYZ place, innocent people will be killed if he as Manav Bomb doesn't go to bureau.
 
Very good attempt .  Story was written in hurry could sense that (may be).
 
 
 
STORY 9—Bus Hijack
 
No words. Exceptional story. Mind blowing story and the way executed whole story was fantastic with lots of knowledge. Action packed story and you are just waiting like what next what next.  Although in middle of story one can sense he is actually not killing boys but still the way whole story is written and tension maintained I really like it and RJ also did exceptional work and ACP sir calling helicopter was also brilliant idea but just came to my mind helicopter flying for almost 2 minutes over bus, Sahil could have panicked and done something as at that time no one actually knew what was Sahil trying to achieve.
 
 
 
STORY 10 – Ganesh Utsav Special
 
 
Hahaha. Loved Disclaimer. It was all action packed one after another events happening and CID catching culprits. Its was a lot improvement over original story.  Didn't understand why they took risk to steal license plate when they can easily make new one. Gani Bhai was easily caught. Liked the idea the way drugs were being smuggled (that doesn't mean I am going to use it.), whole network and police officer also involved in it.  I liked, at last duo narrated everything to ACP and at same time summarized story for the readers. Confession of two left to Adaalat. Practical.
 

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astonish IF-Sizzlerz
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Posted: 03 October 2011 at 7:07am | IP Logged
Shocked no investigation!!!!
What were daya sir and abhi sir doing in the college... Playing hopscotch???;?
What was sachin doing??? Romancing with the ghosts????

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