Gar Mujh Ko yaqeen hota .MN link2 next thread 145 - Page 20

I am sorry again im not rplying u all with eid preparations, sum family functions..im just nt finding time…I have rply to half of u..sorry dil se sorry..ur coments are to precious here specially

Lov

Fiza

N ya pls pardon errors

Mayank: pls mat jao, I know tu sab sun rahi ho, sirf mera phone nhi utha rahin, per pls maat jao, tumhain pata hain insab mein mera koi kasur nhi, halat..he took a deep breth. Tumhary liyan yeah buhat muskil hai, per mjhy samhjny wali sirf tum ho, meray liyan yeah is se bhi zayda muskil hain….Gunjan pls don't leave, I need u..

He said as his voiced broke, but deep inside my heart, I heard sumthing broken too…

Is gunjan going some where, but why, why she is leaving. I just cant figure out but even I could find the courage to go and ask Mayank about all this. He was looking very tired and torn, as if his hopes his lifes is slowly being slides off his hand. I have nevr seen him like this , never. Moving away from there as sumhow I was feeling air less to breath, and my heart, I don't want to even think about it.

I splashed some cold water on my face, but his face was not going away from my eyes, it was there as it, with the pain and agony

When I came out he was already gone. Coming down I found chachi's smiling face welcoming my morning. True she is a loving mother, if she loves me that much so I can juts figure out why smarat and Mayank are juts like borthers. And she a perfect mother. She has been a person in this house to whom I look upto, sumtimes I feel my mom's refecltion in her. The my mom was not that warm yet she was my mother , so the conveying of her affection to me was natural. Her warmth protecting me , but now sometime I felt I wish she was here today. Yet seeing Chachi's smile make me smile. She is truly a mother, never evr I found her behivour different with Samrat and mayank . neither in her love nor in her way of making them to walk on right track.

Chachi: good morning beta, yeah Mayank aj itni jaldi kyun chala gaya

Nupur: good morning chachi, I think un ki meeting thi early islyan chaly gay…

Chachi: yeah larka bhi na, sirf kam kam aur kam. She turn towards me, beta tum khush tu hona, mjhy pata hai woh thora kam bolta hai, aur us se bhi kam khata hai, buhat enclosed hai woh, shayd har cheez mein thora waqt layta hai, us ny life ko hamesha asa hi paya hai, so wao addi hogaya hai asay jinya ka. But I know he will give u evrythng just he take time

Samrat: thora waqt , uff buhat zayda waqt, kam nhi bolta woh bolta hi nhi

Chachi: Samrat..

Samrat: ap k ladlay bety ko kuch n khay haina. So he left for office

Nupur: ya he did.

Samrat: do u know, where, did he recived any call, I mean ..is gunjan with him

Nupur: hmm..no. I don't know she is with him or not….

It was utterly surprising Samrat fumbling with words….

Samrat: ok….

Its strange, smarat being hestitant at asking something, more over he was low too. Does he knew wht happen between Mayank and gunjan, shall I ask him.

Nupur: is everything ok Samrat

Samrat: no…han…ya...evrything is fine. I'll leave for work too, takecare

Nupur: Samrat…is everything fine. I asked her putting my hand on shoulder, he has some deep lines of worry on his face

Samrat: bhabi, woh gunjan. He took a deep breath, She is or was planning to leave to state, I dotn know why but so urgently she .  I mean, woh yeah sab…na kisi ki baat sun rahi hai..mjhy se tu baat bhi nhi ker rahi hai, ghar bhi gaya that u bhi nhi mili mjhy se…

Nupur: why,

Samrat: woh bus.. I hope Mayank can stop her, he is the only one can make her do so, pehly bhi us ny us k rokh liya tha.

Nupur: doont worry….mayank rukh layin gay..

Samrat: hope so …. Bye bhabi

So something is surly worng. Gunjan, what is with her, what has actually happen. Even Samrat is so worried, never saw him like this and that so much. I can only think, I cant ask, but I know one thing her silence effect Mayank a lot, the way effect him the first day .

………….

Past:

First morning after wedding

As the introduction session was finished with the family I saw gujan leaving the dining room in a rash, Mayank excuse himself from there n went rashing to her , shouting her name till the gate, where he stop her by holding her hand.

I can see it clearly as I was siting at such place, he was pleading and ,asking her understand something, highly frustrated. She was so angry that I can almost see she was shouting at him and he was silently listening bowing down her head. Moreover I felt she was not only angry but hurt too, she was just helplessly shouting at him. And at the end she showed him not to come close with her hands n left the place in her car. He looked at her with high  frustration , hit the stone with anger. Spreading his hand in his hair, he almost composed himself and came in , silently taking place next to samrat.

Looking at his face Samrat easily got that something is wrong, and may be he knew what it is, he pressed his hand on mayank's hand. N closed his eyes in assurance and he nooded his hand its ok.

………………

Present:

Standing at the balcony door, I was trying to sum up all that has happen in the past two months, but the things I conclude I don't want to trust, I really don't want to trust.

What u have concluded, wht Nupur, why feeling fear..

I smiled with hollow eyes  looking at the fear of these curtains, who were flowing to and fro, in fear, frustration. Why,  haven't you seen what has happen all along. Starting from the first day I entered in this house when I faced the questioning gaze of Gunjan, the plead and the hollowness in her eyes, the scream that was so much loud in her silences.

The helplessness  that I saw in his postures when he was trying to console her, the consolation he recived from Samrat.

The cold behviour he always have with you…he never has time for her, always with gunjan, at office….I looked at the flowers helplessly

Nhi. Asa ni hai. He isn't cold ..he is just…

Just what , just what, he is cold and indifferent with her, you don't take his side I know you're his favorite flower…

I don't know he is cold or just taking his time, but seems like as days are passing by, I m  not nearing him but going at the farthest end of his life, as If I am losing him. But than I realize I nevr hold him, he was never evr my possession, just because im holding his name legally doesn't mean im holding him to

Doesn't u hold him in urslef, deep, deeper ..as the questioned filled voice of wind chimes echoed my ear, I have nthing to say no to. closing my eyes I rested my head back at the swing.

N the winds started to rock it, add the sheet, raped itself around me, trying to warm me, but it sum is not affecting me, all of them were silent, looking at me, some were lost to conclude.

You didn't answer dear, to u hold him, his favourte flower asked me, lowering its face

Sigh…I smile.. Yes he has placed his impact at the deepest point of my heart. But have I. what am I to him. A mere responsibility or a person that has came in his life just because his destiny was planning to play with him. Or tht is because he was a gentleman n wanted to help an orphan, mayb till the time im stable enough to handle myself. But what about me.

As I open this album that I found in his study, I just cant hold myself but smile. The smile that is gracing his lips is enchanted, I have nerv seen him smile like this, is this because I have…

This whole album was filled with her n his pictures, he has kept each n evry moment related to her close to his heart..

GOD ..i don't want to doubt the only relation that is left in my life but somehow I know this relation, I have snatch unknowingly from some one. And tht some one is surly GUNJAN…

Just look at the two of them, always together n such in a harmony. Mayank has always been some one else with her, I completely different Mayank.

He hates people waiting for him but he loves to make gunjan wait for him, calling him again n agin, irritating her to death. A strange smile I always find on his face, a strange satisfaction knowin that he has that impact on her.

The solace I found on his face when at times he purposefully don't respond to her call, knowing that she cant live without listening to his voice to.

Nobody, nobody, even not chachi order's him at anything , he has that kind of stern aura of his around, but whne it cumes to gunjan, she can make him do anything, anything, can dragge him out, can woke him up at midnight, even can make him plead, bow down his head infront of her.

Why I am feeling completely unwanted here, why I am feeling coming in between the two that are made for each other, why I , why me GOD..

I look up to the lord helplessly, why me, u know I have no one to hold, no one to live for, than why your making my only relation turn into sour, my only dream in a night mare. Why r u snatching the person I depend my being on. Why you always make the people I love the most go far from me, why I am always left helpless. Why cant just one someone hold me near telling he cant live without me, why I just cant be something useful not unwanted in someoens life, why I just cant be perfect for him, why I cant get his love. N if u know I cant ,  y than y you u made me enter his life… when he frist time owe me I thought now I belonged to someone, sumone who cares, to some one for whom my existence matter, sumone who is not waiting for me to go away from his life, but someone who is waiting to hold me right inside..

Clutch the door opens, and I composed myself, Mayank so early that so almost at 6. But when I turned around I saw the most heavenly picture infront of me, he was talking on  phone in such a javelin mood.

I smiled,  forgetting evrythng he was surly very happy , extremely happy.

I stod up n reached towards him….

Nupur: kya baat hai, ap buhat khush lag rah hain

Mayank: kyun k mein waqi khush hoon…he sid with a huge grin….woh…

His phone runged n his answer was left incomplete, but wht he was saying at other person told me everything leaving a clear picture, clear not like a mirro, clear like a glass,

Who's this side I am standing and other side Mayank. I can look at him clearly but as I touch him, I found it just mere a reflection of dreams that are far to be access in reality …

Mayank: yes Samrat its cause for a party, finally woh kahin nhi jarahi woh yahin rahy gi hamesha, hamesha,.so not to worry .. Bye..

Thnks God for helping me, I love u lord.  He looked up to  thnk HIM..and went to freshen up..and here I was standing alone, watching him going away from me. Which sumhow firmed my decision more .

Yoon To Hai Humdard Bhi Aur Humsafar Bhi Hai Meraa
Badh Ke Koyi Haath Naa De Dil Bhalaa Fir Kyaa Kare