Joined: 28 October 2007
Its mid autumn... 6 long years have gone passed. Me being me, I
have been busy with work, the aroma is very strong. Unreliably
unexplainable. I love this smell. It reminds me of something. It reminds
me of the brutal world.. The brutal feeling that I once had. I hate it.
I hate the feeling. Its almost like a shadow, a shadow who have swept
me way in to a deep ocean where I could never return. I hate this autumn
but I am also thankful... It made me strong, it made me brave, it
showed me the reality. I may have been a susses-full business man, but
my core, my world my mother and father will never change along with our
farm house. I still love that strong smell of the wet mud, it reminds
me the real me... The Maan sing khurana who once knew to smile with
heart, who once knew how to love.
I walked in as usual, I envy my parents sometime, they were perfect couple, and how I wish I had the same.
Elina "oh maan, you are here, look what your old dad have made?" it
was a dream catcher, its beautiful in deed but it looked ugly, oh how
much he hate it. It just annoyed him...
Armaan "excuse! I am not old!"
Elina "have you ever looked at your self?"
I half ignored there conversation, it didn't amuse me any more. When I
was young, I would have looked up to them, thinking how perfect the
life could be, but now, I left towards my room... Not thinking any
I opened my bedroom, I still could smell her aroma. It scattered
everywhere. Every corner, every place. How each and every object it only
reminded of her... I took a deep breath. I am a 24 years old man now.
Not that young 18, who loved life, who was living her dreams. No matter
how much this heart tries to forget, to forgive, nothing soothe it.
There was nothing what could rewake the dead heart. Oh how much I loved
her, and now how much I hate her mere presence. Why couldn't this heart
My mother slowly walks in with the dinner, somewhere in her eyes I could
see the girl, see that no good girl who have teared me apart. Oh how
much she resembled her, I thought she was only for me, just my. I guess I
was wrong, because she was never there for me or ever will.
Elina "forget her! Look, if you want I will travel to India and find you the best wife, a doll just like you want." she smiled.
Maan "no mother, I... I really don't want to." somewhere my heart cried.
My heart was In pain. How could geet do this to me? How could she show
me the beautiful world and leave me nowhere. How could she create a
different world for us and then she shatters it like a mirror.
Elina "I can't see you like this any more... Please, just once, I have
seen this girl, she is very beautiful, calm, quit, I am sure you will
learn to love again."
I had no intention to love again, it only hurts. It truly hearts. I
don't want to ruin another girls life... Never, because the truth is, I
could never love no one.
It was only home that I kept my self calm, where I could take the fresh
air, it helps me to sooth the mentality, in office I become a complete
different person, someone, someone very rude, I try not to, but the
frustration leaves me no where. Everything i do, I could only see geets
reflection, her smell, her laughter, her playing with me in the hay
field, her love, the way she touched me, the way she loved me, the way
she showed how to love, how could I share it with someone els? Even if I
force my self I couldn't, but at the same time, I hate her. I hate her
for breaking my dream, I hate her strong aroma that hunts me every day
and night. I hate her to leave me to die under this cold roof.
Elina "please beta, just once.. Look I promise, I promise you will move
on. She is a very nice girl, she is naive, sweet. And most importantly,
she lives in India, not like this morden girls you get here in England!"
she mocked, trying her best to make the atmosphere calm, sweet...
I half smile. My heart still was going no where. I switched on the
telly, I have few important meeting lined up, the news of stock Market,
maybe that will be helpful.
Elina "work! Work! And work!.. Maan! Please beta.." I ignored her
conversation and switched channel. My heart skipped several beats. My
life felt bare... I dropped the remort. It's been 5 years, 5 years since
I have last seen her, it hurts, its painful, it aches to see geet in
someone's els arm... I could see my mothers eye looking at me worriedly,
hoping that i will not break down. She knew well how week I am, she
knew well how much and what place she have in my heart. I felt like the
heart is falling from it's normal position and is being stolen by
someone... But a anger took over. A anger took my sense way. I couldn't
explain how this emotion was playing inside me... How could she? How can
she be so happy? I crashed my fist, I wanted to scream, but instead I
went up to the big telly on the wall and threw it across the floor. My
mother was shocked. This may be the first time she have seen me so
angry, but I felt helpless, I felt week. I wanted to kill her in that
moment of time... I wanted to scream, shout. I took my leave and rushed
in to the gym... Ripping the shirt off throughing it across the floor. I
changed in to my Tracy and kicked in mid air, hurting my self
brutally.. the stretch just near my thigh killed me. It's nothing
compare to what she have given me. It was nothing. She have reaped me
apart and today, she have proven I am nothing in her life, nothing. I
matter not. I punched and kicked non stop, screaming my heart out, why
me? Why me? What have I done? I always wanted a perfect life, with my
family, like my mama and papa, then why this. I couldn't control as I
punched hard, nearly breaking my knuckle against the wall.
I hard my mother screaming in pain, knowing well what I meant for them,
she cursed geet to, she blamed her self to let her stay here in first
place, to let me fall in for her, but how could she control the feeling
of love? It's love... It just happens... Wish I knew how to control
this, wish I could tear this heart apart. 5 long year have passed by yet
i am here still living in past while she have moved on. How could she?
Elina "no more!" I could tolerate anything, but not tears in her eyes...
"no more at all. I don't care, I don't care at all. You coming with me
to India. You are getting married. She is called Maya. I don't care, you
are marrying her."
What could I do? Geet have left me, she have killed me, now I couldn't
see her hearting my mother to. She is my world... I could do anything
for her happiness... Everything...
Maan as you wish... I will merry her..."
Joined: 22 July 2011
Joined: 28 October 2007
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