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Elusive Lyrics - Part 5: Dwindling (Page 9)

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..kiran..

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..kiran..

Joined: 28 October 2010

Posts: 157

Posted: 24 October 2011 at 9:09am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Savage

Kiran, 

Yours is a very refined form of writing, and for some reason, your lyrical story isn't elusive to me but the hero's character. I understand all the attributes of this story and daresay, enjoy them huge. Basically, I just don't understand your hero and blame my growing hatred for his kind for that. I'd still like to explore him, what with the exuberance reading this story kindles in me. The protagonist is particularly fascinating to me for the same reason I mentioned earlier. =)

I don't quite have much to say this time, might as well add I am just not in the right frame of head to process my thoughts but this is sheer excellence of a story and that's odder than finding boys drooling over TV heroines in the I-F forums, believe me. 


Thanks for the PM.
Be good. =)



-Savage
 
 
I don't understand my hero either, would you believe it? LOL Guys really are weird and I completely understand your frustration with Kabir and others of his kind. But, if I may say so, at some point, they all grow up. Some are even unbelievably awesome once you get to know them/ once they allow you to get to know them. And they are endearingly vulnerable in more ways than one; a lot of girls, on the other hand, have a somewhat disturbing propensity for craftiness. I think once you understand that, you can understand them better than they do themselves.. Because girls are awesome like that! Star Tongue
 
I am very flattered that you are so fascinated by the story and the protagonist. I hope to continue to live up to your expectations Embarrassed Thank you so much for commenting! Really appreciate it! Big smile
 
 
 
 
[edited out the typos]
 


Edited by ..kiran.. - 24 October 2011 at 12:15pm

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Posted: 25 October 2011 at 11:58am | IP Logged
Originally posted by ..kiran..

Originally posted by Savage

Kiran, 

Yours is a very refined form of writing, and for some reason, your lyrical story isn't elusive to me but the hero's character. I understand all the attributes of this story and daresay, enjoy them huge. Basically, I just don't understand your hero and blame my growing hatred for his kind for that. I'd still like to explore him, what with the exuberance reading this story kindles in me. The protagonist is particularly fascinating to me for the same reason I mentioned earlier. =)

I don't quite have much to say this time, might as well add I am just not in the right frame of head to process my thoughts but this is sheer excellence of a story and that's odder than finding boys drooling over TV heroines in the I-F forums, believe me. 


Thanks for the PM.
Be good. =)



-Savage
 
 
I don't understand my hero either, would you believe it? LOL Guys really are weird and I completely understand your frustration with Kabir and others of his kind. But, if I may say so, at some point, they all grow up. Some are even unbelievably awesome once you get to know them/ once they allow you to get to know them. And they are endearingly vulnerable in more ways than one; a lot of girls, on the other hand, have a somewhat disturbing propensity for craftiness. I think once you understand that, you can understand them better than they do themselves.. Because girls are awesome like that! Star Tongue

No, probably not - I can't stand multilateral pieces of trash the world calls men. I mean, they are freaky and I have been disgusted to the level I fail to reckon any latent goodness in em. Uh, I am not a feminist or anything but men have well, disgusted me absolutely. And this could be momentary.  Stern Smile
 
I am very flattered that you are so fascinated by the story and the protagonist. I hope to continue to live up to your expectations Embarrassed Thank you so much for commenting! Really appreciate it! Big smile

I am glad. =)
 
 
 
[edited out the typos]
 

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..kiran..

a little faith

Goldie

a little faith

Joined: 09 January 2009

Posts: 2039

Posted: 03 November 2011 at 12:35pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by ..kiran..

[QUOTE=a little faith]

Dwindling

I loved your title something that is a process, very active and dynamic.  Yet the term means gradually becoming less so in a poignant way we understand that the end entails nothingness, a black and bold full stop.  In this way you beautifully create a dark ambiance that by its movement is almost spirited. Confused Did I reach too far? LOL  Regardless I loved it.
 
Ah, I'm glad you were able to pick on the mood that I was trying to create. I didn't want it to be overly obvious, but at the same time, I needed that sense of ending to be looming about - just like it does in autumn.. kind of.  You created it really well.  Finely done.

I too love Autumn for I am always amazed by its unexpected beauty.  That briefest sadness that comes as we see the fruits and full bloom begin to wilt away, all those colours now reduced to one BUT then within that narrowness of one it gives us so many hues, maybe even more diverse that the many of summer that we are astounded by it and even ashamed for having underestimated it.  I too love the honesty of winter, its bare naked truth reminding us where everything ends. I actually don't like winter that much. I am still a fairytale type person at heart. I don't like endings, of any sort, so if it really has to all end, I'd rather the in-betweenness of autumn be long-drawn I understand. However if you fear an end, doesn't that fear or rather anticipation of it seep into the present, your now.  I always find it better to find strength by coming to peace with that which I fear the most.  It is about seeking to understand its own need, beauty and light.  It can be difficult, I grant you, but I do not doubt that there isn't something to be found.  However as I said, I understand and everyone has their own way of dealing with now and the future.

The statement was clearly intended to be self-explanatory. LOLLOLLOL This is the finest and best description of men and the way they think that I have ever read WITHOUT any kind of overstatement.  Do you know of any other creature that expects so much from so little?  True it is no small feat to say something concisely and yet comprehensive BUT that isn't how most girls work.  Most of us need or rather want things spelled out BECAUSE we understand that everyone carries a customized dictionary, so that what I think love means may not fit your definition. I digress, sorry. Where was I? Oh, yes, perfect line!
 
LOL Yes, ALL guys do that! To varying degrees maybe, if we want to be a bit generous to them. Sometimes, I think they don't even want to be understood. Girls are also cryptic, but at least they try - they throw in clues and cues, and pout when guys don't get it (which they mostly invariably don't). Of course I didn't want to generalize, but this is one trait that I actually find in many men, and the opposite in women, without insulting the exceptions, of whom I have yet to met any. EmbarrassedLOL

being averse myself to the idea of being scrutinised  She really is endearing.  While most people have eyes for everything around them, she understands that though even she has eyes to see the world around her, the world and its inhabitants too have eyes that can see back, so that at a young age unlike many of her peers she perceives much of that which is past her own nose.
 
She is? Maybe. But then, maybe it's better not to think so much about everything. She'd get more done. For one thing, she'd get some answers. Although not thinking or ignoring persisting musings would seem intuitively wrong to her, so yeah. Hmm, interesting angle, of the art of getting by, through not lingering in one moment long enough for it to have any weight.  Though I think I prefer my interpretation, if I may be allowed to hold onto it. Embarrassed

Yes, and then you'd be able to go dance in the rain again, KIRAN!  Girl you can write really well.  I mean this moment was so electric the hairs on the back of my neck stood to attention, my eyes opened and I beamed an awesome smile.  In one line he says much.  This statement being quite self-explanatory. LOLLOLLOL  I was waiting for that chapter where you would explain Kabir BUT you say in one eloquent and simple line what many writers would have elaborated and dissected to death and thereby loosing much intensity of that moment, that final culmination, as with the electricity we find here in this one line!    Furthermore to do that they would have had to break the format being that this story has been told only from her point of view, NO ONE else.  However without breaking format you illuminate so beautifully and much intense electricity that firstly Kabir knows about her rain dance AND that UNLIKE IRENE, who hasn't been to see her and did not understand the rain dance in the first place, HE is enthralled by it!  Kiran, I nearly leapt out of my seat in excitement. You redeemed Kabir through giving him his own epiphany.  I imagined Irene telling him about her losing her mind, dancing in the rain and now that silly girl has a cold' AND ALL THE WHILE, Kabir becoming more and more enamoured, endeared and enchanted.  Kiran just absolutely wonderful writing!
I didn't expect anyone to interpret so much from that one line! Big smile When I write, there are some things that I think only I know, and only put it out subtly, mostly because I am lazy, but also because I don't want to make the reading wearisome. But you manage to tap into those unsaid bits too! Knowing Kabir and Irene, yes, that must have been exactly how it all played out! Wow, I must say I am so incredibly impressed with the way you read, and read into, and read beyond, my work. Kiran, this moment was just so subtle, like the changing of a season, and yet just as significant as the changing of a season.  The manner you tease, provoke, incite and coerce us to imagine scenes is nothing short of genius , especially when almost everyone is too tired to even think for themselves.  Wonderfully done!


Then those closing paragraphs reminding me why you are a talented writer.  With this slow winding up of events, I couldn't help but feel that this might be the final chapter BUT then that twist, clever and intricate in the spiritual sense whilst being natural and simple in the physical sense.  Excellently done.  Then that wisdom at the end that impressed me manifold.

I waited, unsure of what it was that I was waiting for Unlike before where there was that need for certainty, of needing to know what fruit lay at the end of her anticipation and expectations here she is just grateful for the journey and ready to appreciate whatever end it may bring.  It is a dwindling and yet bringing with a contentment.
 
Although, maybe, the contentment is only one of those things we do to ourselves to shield pain away. Maybe it's a lie. Waiting is better than not waiting. As long as you wait, there's no end.. Again interesting angle, that I didn't perceive. I liked it.

So anyway, I read through other comments to see how people interpreted it.  As for my own, I read it to mean that that since she is narrating the whole from the end of the story, she knows the truth, that truth that she can not reveal now because she doesn't want to taint this chapter update with hindsight perspective. She wants to write it as the person she was when it happened.  Exactly! So that the honesty of winter and its cold harshness has indeed brought that cold yet serene numbness.  What truth that is I do not know but since the season is turning colder I would surmise that it isn't a fairy tale ending. 
 
Hmmm. (<--- self-explanatory much?LOLKiran, TongueEnough said.  Although, winter isn't really an end, if it is followed by spring, maybe? Of course, that is actually one of the things I like about winter, for it signals the coming of rebirth, Those dead branches upon which we finally see the buds of spring.  It is a resurrection, rebirth, returning to what once was but new too, in this way I guess I have plenty of reason to be optimistic. Big smile
 
It came too late for her and Kabir and since he truly loved her he didn't want to begin something he could not finish EVEN if he could gain a few moments of bliss from it.  Maybe in this way he feels that it is his penance for Irene, that lesson of realizing that love is found through a beautiful character NOT a beautiful body.  Not that I am saying that she isn't beautiful, for I am sure to Kabir she has become the most beautiful girl in the world.
 
Oh she actually looks a lot like me, so she is in fact, objectively speaking, drop-dead gorgeous Tongue LOL On a serious note though, I'm not sure if that is how Kabir thought. He is elusiveness personified Tongue But your analysis does make sense. Without ever having seen you, I can confidently say that Kabir most definitely thought that.

With love, Sabah


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..kiran..

..kiran..

Groupbie

..kiran..

Joined: 28 October 2010

Posts: 157

Posted: 05 November 2011 at 2:18am | IP Logged
 
My replies in green below..
Oh and to all, I don't think I'll be able to update soon. Workload is increasing exponentially, and in the little breathing time that I do get, I simply can't get myself to write anything interesting. Apologies for that, and thanks all, once again, for being so sweet! You are the sunshine to my gray days Star
 
 
 
Originally posted by Savage

I don't understand my hero either, would you believe it? LOL Guys really are weird and I completely understand your frustration with Kabir and others of his kind. But, if I may say so, at some point, they all grow up. Some are even unbelievably awesome once you get to know them/ once they allow you to get to know them. And they are endearingly vulnerable in more ways than one; a lot of girls, on the other hand, have a somewhat disturbing propensity for craftiness. I think once you understand that, you can understand them better than they do themselves.. Because girls are awesome like that! Star Tongue

No, probably not - I can't stand multilateral pieces of trash the world calls men. I mean, they are freaky and I have been disgusted to the level I fail to reckon any latent goodness in em. Uh, I am not a feminist or anything but men have well, disgusted me absolutely. And this could be momentary.  Stern Smile
 
 
 
I do hope it is. For the good of the "men", that is Tongue
I also hope I wasn't too preachy earlier. I re-read my comment and thought it might be perceived as such. For the record, I completely see where you're coming from, having been there and showing a certain propensity to the thought Tongue And, given that, I do agree to some extent. And I also find your outlook most refreshing and engaging Big smile
 
 
...
 
 
Originally posted by a little faith

 
I too love Autumn for I am always amazed by its unexpected beauty.  That briefest sadness that comes as we see the fruits and full bloom begin to wilt away, all those colours now reduced to one BUT then within that narrowness of one it gives us so many hues, maybe even more diverse that the many of summer that we are astounded by it and even ashamed for having underestimated it.  I too love the honesty of winter, its bare naked truth reminding us where everything ends. I actually don't like winter that much. I am still a fairytale type person at heart. I don't like endings, of any sort, so if it really has to all end, I'd rather the in-betweenness of autumn be long-drawn I understand. However if you fear an end, doesn't that fear or rather anticipation of it seep into the present, your now.  I always find it better to find strength by coming to peace with that which I fear the most.  It is about seeking to understand its own need, beauty and light.  It can be difficult, I grant you, but I do not doubt that there isn't something to be found.  However as I said, I understand and everyone has their own way of dealing with now and the future.

 

So, so true! Yet how difficult it is to come to terms with this simple unalienable truth. I do strive to be as wise, but I think I have a long way to go.. I am reminded of Robert Frost's 'Reluctance.' Don't know if you know it? Quoting the last few lines here - so much more eloquent than I could have ever hoped to be,
 

Ah, when to the heart of man

Was it ever less than a treason

To go with the drift of things,

To yield with a grace to reason,

And bow and accept the end

Of a love or a season?



being averse myself to the idea of being scrutinised  She really is endearing.  While most people have eyes for everything around them, she understands that though even she has eyes to see the world around her, the world and its inhabitants too have eyes that can see back, so that at a young age unlike many of her peers she perceives much of that which is past her own nose.
 
She is? Maybe. But then, maybe it's better not to think so much about everything. She'd get more done. For one thing, she'd get some answers. Although not thinking or ignoring persisting musings would seem intuitively wrong to her, so yeah. Hmm, interesting angle, of the art of getting by, through not lingering in one moment long enough for it to have any weight.  Though I think I prefer my interpretation, if I may be allowed to hold onto it. Embarrassed
And of course you may. Ever so gracious, Sabah! Embarrassed 
 
 
 
It came too late for her and Kabir and since he truly loved her he didn't want to begin something he could not finish EVEN if he could gain a few moments of bliss from it.  Maybe in this way he feels that it is his penance for Irene, that lesson of realizing that love is found through a beautiful character NOT a beautiful body.  Not that I am saying that she isn't beautiful, for I am sure to Kabir she has become the most beautiful girl in the world.
 
Oh she actually looks a lot like me, so she is in fact, objectively speaking, drop-dead gorgeous Tongue LOL On a serious note though, I'm not sure if that is how Kabir thought. He is elusiveness personified Tongue But your analysis does make sense. Without ever having seen you, I can confidently say that Kabir most definitely thought that.

 

The "lady" doth blush LOL Although I still don't think he thought "most beautiful girl in the world." But I like how the reader transforms the writing. You make my story come alive, and for that, thank you.



With love, Sabah

And thank you for re-iterating your words of praise even as I tried to deflect them as best I could Embarrassed

 

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a little faithepiphany.

--jiya--

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--jiya--

Joined: 01 January 2011

Posts: 5599

Posted: 24 November 2011 at 9:41pm | IP Logged
hello!!Big smile.. I hope I was not away for so long that you would have forgotten me.. but still if you did.. I really don't blame youOuch.. I had been, what you can say, super-magnamo-extremely busyConfusedOuch...so, I am really really REALLY SorryOuch 

Coming to the updateBig smile.. you somehow always manage to take me to a state of awe with the style you have.. the flow of time passes so smoothly and swiftly without any hinges.. I wonder if I have found such smoothness in any other piece till date..
You know I love Kabir.. for the simple fact that his characterization is not of a Hero who would jump from the sixth floor to save his heroine, and is PERFECT in every means, but he is just the imperfect guy who might just live next door (not my next door, coz I live in girl's hostelLOL)
What I mean to say is.. he is just so real and believable.. and yes.. it is pretty difficult to understand guys.. coz they are so confused in themselvesTongue..

Well.. I WILL look forward to your next updateBig smile.. but please don't look forward to my next commentOuch.. coz.. the "axe effect" is still onConfused

Love
~jiya~

P.S. HugHug



Edited by --jiya-- - 24 November 2011 at 9:41pm

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..kiran..

..kiran..

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..kiran..

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Posted: 30 November 2011 at 1:12am | IP Logged

Originally posted by --jiya--

hello!!Big smile.. I hope I was not away for so long that you would have forgotten me.. but still if you did.. I really don't blame youOuch.. I had been, what you can say, super-magnamo-extremely busyConfusedOuch...so, I am really really REALLY SorryOuch 

No no nooo, Jiya meri jaan, you really don't have to be sorry! I didn't forget you, and did miss you but I completely understood that you must have been busy. No apologies needed! You can always take your time and reply whenever it's possible, like even, after a month or two. It's totally cool, ok?  

 
Coming to the updateBig smile.. you somehow always manage to take me to a state of awe with the style you have.. the flow of time passes so smoothly and swiftly without any hinges.. I wonder if I have found such smoothness in any other piece till date..
 
Thank you Embarrassed That is very, very sweet of you.
 
 
You know I love Kabir.. for the simple fact that his characterization is not of a Hero who would jump from the sixth floor to save his heroine, and is PERFECT in every means, but he is just the imperfect guy who might just live next door (not my next door, coz I live in girl's hostelLOL)
What I mean to say is.. he is just so real and believable.. and yes.. it is pretty difficult to understand guys.. coz they are so confused in themselvesTongue..
 
*high-five* LOL
Oh and I'm glad you like him. Phew. And it means a lot that you find him realistic Embarrassed

Well.. I WILL look forward to your next updateBig smile.. but please don't look forward to my next commentOuch.. coz.. the "axe effect" is still onConfused
 
LOL @ "the axe"
No worries yaar. You take your time. I will look forward to your comment, even if it's late. And when it is late, as it is likely to be (dang that axe!), you are not to apologise, or you may be removed from the PM list Tongue LOL  
 

Love
~jiya~

P.S. HugHug

 
 
Thanks for commenting Big smile HugHug
 


Edited by ..kiran.. - 30 November 2011 at 1:13am

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--jiya--

alaipayuthey

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alaipayuthey

Joined: 16 February 2011

Posts: 5600

Posted: 30 November 2011 at 5:31am | IP Logged
Hey...
I just read all the parts and I must say that i'm in love with it. I love the way you describe the story and the way you make Kabir seem like a mystery...its all so realistic. The way its written seriously is amazing...you write beautifully. I am waiting eagerly for the next part.
continue soon...Big smile


Edited by HoneyLimeUsha - 30 November 2011 at 5:31am

Newdime

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Newdime

Joined: 25 February 2010

Posts: 4451

Posted: 21 January 2012 at 10:44am | IP Logged
Hello Kiran,

It has been Long since I have visited to this side of IF. 

Hope we all are fit and fine and working our rear off to kick start the new calendar year of 2012.

It has been 21 days already, and I thought its about time that I make some time out of my hectic schedule and tiered sum excuses and say hello.

Hope we get to see your presence soon and you would honor us with your new piece.

See you soon...



Edited by Newdime - 21 January 2012 at 10:48am

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