Kiran, I am truly sorry for this delay. I came as quickly as I could. Dwindling
I loved your title something that is a process, very active and dynamic. Yet the term means gradually becoming less
so in a poignant way we understand that the end entails nothingness, a black and bold full stop. In this way you beautifully create a dark ambiance that by its movement is almost spirited.
Did I reach too far?
Regardless I loved it. subdued by golden mists
I liked the wry note here, for by suffusing those clouds in its colour it gives strength to that which now subdues
it in return. Finely done. I also liked the pairing of insensitively serene
that hint of peace coming through numbness or rather its coldness that shielded
it from being affected
in the slightest. Ignorance is bliss as they say.
I too love Autumn for I am always amazed by its unexpected beauty. That briefest sadness that comes as we see the fruits and full bloom begin to wilt away, all those colours now reduced to one BUT then within that narrowness of one it gives us so many hues, maybe even more diverse that the many of summer that we are astounded by it and even ashamed for having underestimated it. I too love the honesty of winter, its bare naked truth reminding us where everything ends. Very beautiful passage, pensive and creating that lazy lamha after all that recent drama. Well done.
I loved this set up, where you pave the way so that the reader will conclude she is missing him BUT in fact she is missing herself, or rather her healthy self. wistfully sigh about... ...of course, down with flu.
Finely crafted!His smile had an odd tinge of sadness to it
I love how you bind all your chapters. Here the theme of winters approach and those blues
that affect most BUT like the first passage, she
is uplifted by its sight. So here too that fleck of dark, of cold and of something off
brings a certain serenity. defied decidedness.
Wonderful. Well composed.
I love, JUST LOVED how you hint at cleansing process of that rain scene
. It was cathartic for sure but so that she doesn't drown in some existential whirlpool you layer it with that wit so that she remains the same; it is understanding the self with complimenting self mockery. other than the runny nose
It is in this layering that I find your writing skills are remarkable. The statement was clearly intended to be self-explanatory.
This is the finest and best description of men and the way they think that I have ever read WITHOUT any kind of overstatement. Do you know of any other creature that expects so much from so little? True it is no small feat to say something concisely and yet comprehensive BUT that isn't how most girls work. Most of us need or rather want things spelled out BECAUSE we understand that everyone carries a customized dictionary, so that what I think love means may not fit your definition. I digress, sorry. Where was I? Oh, yes, perfect line! being averse myself to the idea of being scrutinised
She really is endearing. While most people have eyes for everything around them, she understands that though even she has eyes to see the world around her, the world and its inhabitants too have eyes that can see back, so that at a young age unlike many of her peers she perceives much of that which is past her own nose. Yes, and then you'd be able to go dance in the rain again,
KIRAN! Girl you can write really well. I mean this moment was so electric the hairs on the back of my neck stood to attention, my eyes opened and I beamed an awesome smile. In one line he says much. This statement being quite self-explanatory.
I was waiting for that chapter where you would explain Kabir BUT you say in one eloquent and simple line what many writers would have elaborated and dissected to death and thereby loosing much intensity of that moment, that final culmination, as with the electricity we find here in this one line! Furthermore to do that they would have had to break the format being that this story has been told only from her
point of view, NO ONE else. However without breaking format you illuminate so beautifully and much intense electricity that firstly Kabir knows about her rain dance
AND that UNLIKE IRENE, who hasn't been to see her and did not understand the rain dance in the first place, HE is enthralled by it! Kiran, I nearly leapt out of my seat in excitement. You redeemed Kabir through giving him his own epiphany. I imagined Irene telling him about her losing her mind, dancing in the rain and now that silly girl has a cold'
AND ALL THE WHILE, Kabir becoming more and more enamoured, endeared and enchanted. Kiran just absolutely wonderful writing!
Hmm, though I understand the reasoning of multi faceted
people, I can not say that I agree, BUT it is her enormous ability to perceive things with generous kindness that makes me understand her rationality. We all make mistakes but the best of us are those that try to rectify them. Some would argue that Kabir just wants his cake and to eat it too BUT in truth it takes a lot of courage to make amends and then seek to see if something might still be. I like Kabir, though not perfect he shows much development and for me that means more. When we look into the night's sky we pick out the brightest stars and overlook the fact that those dimly lit ones though less clear are shining out light that has had to travel further. It is about the journey travelled NOT the end results. Kabir's light may be dimmer but it has faced and survived much darkness, AND just upon that final spark left, like Autumn that penultimate season.
Again that wistful wisdom layered with wit. more than just a fleeting look of who he truly was. A monkey, that is.
Again without venturing into dear diary dissections, you say much and allow us to meander, doing the leg work. We can imagine that trepidation, that last vestige of fear that holds her back, even just the awkwardness of it all or even her disinclination for such events despite her inclination towards fairytales and such nonsense.
Then that beautiful self explanatory statement If you had said no, I wouldn't have gone.
Spelled out for people for whom it isn't their mother tongue I really wanted to go with you.
Really cute! Although I understand her obtuseness,
for after the whole Irene
business she has raised the dial on her sensitivity meter, which any level headed person would have done out of caution. It is a part of Kabir's penance that he
must now carry the burden and onus of proof beyond a reasonable doubt!
Then those closing paragraphs reminding me why you are a talented writer. With this slow winding up of events, I couldn't help but feel that this might be the final chapter BUT then that twist, clever and intricate in the spiritual sense whilst being natural and simple in the physical sense. Excellently done. Then that wisdom at the end that impressed me manifold. I waited, unsure of what it was that I was waiting for
Unlike before where there was that need for certainty, of needing to know what fruit lay at the end of her anticipation and expectations here she is just grateful for the journey and ready to appreciate whatever end it may bring. It is a dwindling and yet bringing with a contentment. It is only now that I understand, that I know.
This is very personal and every reader will add their own subtext as viewed through their own heart's lens. As a writer one of the delights of writing is that people interpret or even assume much by their own world views so that when they review or criticize they actually reveal more about the state of their own soul that the state of the piece of writing. I love getting to know people through this medium. It seems almost sly. So anyway, I read through other comments to see how people interpreted it. As for my own, I read it to mean that that since she is narrating the whole from the end of the story, she knows the truth, that truth that she can not reveal now because she doesn't want to taint this chapter update with hindsight perspective. She wants to write it as the person she was when it happened. So that the honesty of winter and its cold harshness has indeed brought that cold yet serene numbness. What truth that is I do not know but since the season is turning colder I would surmise that it isn't a fairy tale ending. It came too late for her and Kabir and since he truly loved her he didn't want to begin something he could not finish EVEN if he could gain a few moments of bliss from it. Maybe in this way he feels that it is his penance for Irene, that lesson of realizing that love is found through a beautiful character NOT a beautiful body. Not that I am saying that she
isn't beautiful, for I am sure to Kabir she has become the most beautiful girl in the world.
Kiran as always a remarkably written chapter that was full of wonderful insight and a delight to read. Very impressive.
With much love, Sabah
Edited by a little faith - 19 October 2011 at 3:39pm