Writers Corner

   

Elusive Lyrics - Part 5: Dwindling (Page 7)

Post Reply New Post

Page 7 of 9

Page 1 Page 6
Page   of 9
Page 8 Page 9

epiphany.

IF-Sizzlerz

epiphany.

Joined: 01 July 2010

Posts: 19919

Posted: 18 September 2011 at 8:34am | IP Logged
I'm in a fix, I tell you. When you read something unfinished and know it for the only accumulated parts you have an option to read, the story naturally evolves faster than you'd have liked it to, given all the chances of being acquainted with the facets of it as and when they came straightly get done.

However, then you realize whether or not you'd like to read it any further, figure out if you'd like to just yet suit yourself to the staple manner of reading, reading as and when it came and let yourself be surprised, subdued and infuriated with the protagonist and more importantly, when the author wishes you to. I hereby make my stand, I'd like to get within me that pursuit. You are so very a kindred writer, I'd say and the questions you've put up throughout the chapters are quite reminiscent to the ones I muse about too. Approve

Thing is, Kabir is underdeveloped and you'd etch him furthermore in equation with the righteousness of the 'intentional reality' the introduction mentions, so I'd not really speak of him, simply because for now, hell yeah, he is to me like so many others, I've zeroed down to this - his genes and their genes and everybody's genes are quite like the Pig. And even fictional guys to me, nowadays have started to speak for their genes so amazingly well! Pig

Your protagonist reflects a very polished form of me. She's the byproduct of everything I could have been, had I lived a little more 'decent' life. She does not fit in and so do I. But well, I'd honor myself still, I am rational and well, she's been speaking for herself lately. LOL

There is this video of Samrat and Gunjan of Miley Jab Hum Tum that I came across in one of Sabah's comments to you whilst I was scanning through your thread, I am yet to read it but err, that scene is particularly close to my conscience. I've written it, I've felt it and I am still a natural at empathizing with Gunjan. even though it makes as much sense as trying to watch a Hindi news channel, given the situation. But well, the mention of that scene itself beautified your story some more to me. Cheers! Approve


I've a lot more of my two cents left, but I'm too full of myself and my dinner that I'd just let my other thoughts rest for a while and share them with you, when I am presented with a chance. For now, I'd conclude by requesting PM notifications whenever you update and lastly, you are write in a heavenly manner, true. :)


-Savage




Edited by Savage - 03 October 2011 at 12:21pm

The following 2 member(s) liked the above post:

..kiran..a little faith

Dear Guest, Being an unregistered member you are missing out on participating in the lively discussions happening on the topic "Elusive Lyrics - Part 5: Dwindling (Page 7)" in Writers Corner forum. In addition you lose out on the fun interactions with fellow members and other member exclusive features that India-Forums has to offer. Join India's most popular discussion portal on Indian Entertainment. It's FREE and registration is effortless so JOIN NOW!

Newdime

IF-Dazzler

Newdime

Joined: 25 February 2010

Posts: 4451

Posted: 30 September 2011 at 5:38pm | IP Logged
I enjoyed the first part thoroughly.  It was simple and realistic yet well adorn with sentiments.
Will read some more..I might not be big on commenting, do look out for likes and 2 lines here and there..


Edited by Newdime - 30 September 2011 at 8:12pm

The following 2 member(s) liked the above post:

..kiran..a little faith

Newdime

IF-Dazzler

Newdime

Joined: 25 February 2010

Posts: 4451

Posted: 30 September 2011 at 9:07pm | IP Logged
So I finished the rest...

The book of Life is full of unexpected, least expected, full of surprises chapters listed.

Later as I read along, do I see a shadow lingering around?  I recognized the shadow immediately.  As NJ said you will connect to some hearts well you have one. 

It takes time to digest the fact of been fooled or fool.  I thought I was special but it all shattered when it turned out to be a time pass, person of convenience.

It takes time to come to the terms of reality, but the question always lingers why?  Why Me?  Does any one know the answer did anyone found one?  Not me and probably will never find one.

Time passes and we continue on.  But not as same as we were, is it?

The past always resurfaces, one day you turn on the radio and you hear Adele singing Someone Like you and bang you find yourself singing your self the song.

Or you come across Writer's Corner and read Elusive Lyrics and walk down the past lane once more.  The time defo heals the wound but always leaves a scar behind to touch once in a while to remember how you got one on the first place.

I didn't intend to write this much...I did...

Will look out for your thread Kiran to check if you have updated.






Edited by Newdime - 03 October 2011 at 2:51pm

The following 2 member(s) liked the above post:

..kiran..a little faith

..kiran..

Groupbie

..kiran..

Joined: 28 October 2010

Posts: 157

Posted: 10 October 2011 at 3:56am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Savage

I'm in a fix, I tell you. When you read something unfinished and know it for the only accumulated parts you have an option to read, the story naturally evolves faster than you'd have liked it to, given all the chances of being acquainted with the facets of it as and when they came straightly get done.

However, then you realize whether or not you'd like to read it any further, figure out if you'd like to just yet suit yourself to the staple manner of reading, reading as and when it came and let yourself be surprised, subdued and infuriated with the protagonist and more importantly, when the author wishes you to. I hereby make my stand, I'd like to get within me that pursuit. You are so very a kindred writer, I'd say and the questions you've put up throughout the chapters are quite reminiscent to the ones I muse about too. Approve

 

I'm very flattered that you think so. Thank you!
Thing is, Kabir is underdeveloped and you'd etch him furthermore in equation with the righteousness of the 'intentional reality' the introduction mentions, so I'd not really speak of him, simply because for now, hell yeah, he is to me like so many others, I've zeroed down to this - his genes and their genes and everybody's genes are quite like the Pig. And even fictional guys to me, nowadays have started to speak for their genes so amazingly well! Pig
 
Haha! True, true. I would have liked to portray him in a more full-fledged manner, maybe unearth some less pig-like facets, but I am limited strictly to what the protagonist sees. I was considering writing the story in a multi-POV style, but decided against it, because this seemed a tad more realistic, and because I was lazy Tongue

Your protagonist reflects a very polished form of me. She's the byproduct of everything I could have been, had I lived a little more 'decent' life. She does not fit in and so do I. But well, I'd honor myself still, I am rational and well, she's been speaking for herself lately. LOL

 

If she could speak, she would have urged you to dance in the rain too, like she told Irene LOL 


There is this video of Samrat and Gunjan of Miley Jab Hum Tum that I came across in one of Sabah's comments to you whilst I was scanning through your thread, I am yet to read it but err, that scene is particularly close to my conscience. I've written it, I've felt it and I am still a natural at empathizing with Gunjan. even though it makes as much sense as trying to watch a Hindi news channel, given the situation. But well, the mention of that scene itself beautified your story some more to me. Cheers! Approve
 
I agree Big smile All credit to Sabah of course.


I've a lot more of my two cents left, but I'm too full of myself and my dinner that I'd just let my other thoughts rest for a while and share them with you, when I am presented with a chance. For now, I'd conclude by requesting PM notifications whenever you update and lastly, you are write in a heavenly manner, true. :)


-Savage


 
 
Thanks so much for the comment. I am sorry time does not permit me to write a longer and more befitting reply, but I am truly thrilled to have a new reader, and one who comments in such an eloquent, insightful manner at that Big smile It's really very encouraging!
 
 
 

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

epiphany.

..kiran..

Groupbie

..kiran..

Joined: 28 October 2010

Posts: 157

Posted: 10 October 2011 at 3:58am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Newdime

So I finished the rest...

The book of Life is full of unexpected, least expected, full of surprises chapters listed.

Later as I read along, do I see a shadow lingering around?  I recognized the shadow immediately.  As NJ said you will connect to some hearts well you have one. 

It takes time to digest the fact of been fooled or fool.  I thought I was special but it all shattered when it turned out to be a time pass, person of convenience.

It takes time to come to the terms of reality, but the question always lingers why?  Why Me?  Does any one know the answer did anyone found one?  Not me and probably will never find one.

Time passes and we continue on.  But not as same as we were, is it?

The past always resurfaces, one day you turn on the radio and you hear Adele singing Someone Like you and bang you find yourself singing your self the song.

Or you come across Writer's Corner and read Elusive Lyrics and walk down the past lane once more.  The time defo heals the wound but always leaves a scar behind to touch once in a while to remember how you got one on the first place.

I didn't intend to write this much...I did...

Will look out for your thread Kiran to check if you have updated.




 
 
Wow! Your comment was a story in itself, a story much larger than the realm of Elusive Lyrics. Absolutely beautiful! Big smile I can really feel that you have connected somewhere, and it makes me feel very special, and humbled at the same time Embarrassed Thank you so much for commenting! Really appreciate it!
 

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

Newdime

..kiran..

Groupbie

..kiran..

Joined: 28 October 2010

Posts: 157

Posted: 10 October 2011 at 4:02am | IP Logged
A/N: Sorry for the delay in updating. Have been really busy with work, and the workload doesn't look like it will dwindle away anytime soon, so my updates are going to be very scarce for some time :(
 
 
 
5. Dwindling

 

The sun was out again, albeit subdued by golden mists. I yearned to find a brightened spot in the greener grass on the other side, and lay there, watching the rust-coloured leaves spiral aimlessly about me. Oddly enough, while others might have been reminded of the persistence with which the insensitively serene winter was approaching, I could only find the season passionately endearing. It had that saturated beauty of life just before death, that urgent kind of vivacity. Autumn had to be the most pensive, self-aware of seasons. And to me, it even seemed to ring as the least insincere. Paradoxically so.

 

It was also the most apt season for long, solitary walks - something which I could only wistfully sigh about, since I was, of course, down with flu. Mummy had called the previous night and had immediately heard through my cheery assurances that I was well. It had felt dismal enough to be missing home, without the additional worry that my parents were now powerlessly worrying about me, so many miles away.

 

But it meant, naturally, that my two aunties in the country (the naturally decreed and the popularly elected) had been promptly notified of my ailment, and they had dropped in with food and customary health-themed adages to fret over me, in a way that, to my feverish mind then, felt almost similar to the way mummy would have, had I been back home then.  

 

Theirs was not the only unexpected visit I was to receive. Late in the evening, I heard another knock on the door, this one soft, almost tentative. I groggily unravelled myself from the covers, to find Kabir standing in the chilly corridor. His smile had an odd tinge of sadness to it. Or maybe not. Kabir was one of those people who defied decidedness.

 

"What are you doing here?" I asked, letting him in. It was only then that I was able to appreciate fully the changes that the other day's rain dance had brought with it - other than the runny nose, that is. Those raindrops I had embraced had somehow washed away all the resentment that I was not aware I still held. Now, I was merely curious.

 

"Irene said that you were not well," he replied simply. The statement was clearly intended to be self-explanatory.

 

It felt slightly odd, still, to hear him say Irene's name. But I said nothing of that, and nothing of the fact that Irene herself had not come to visit. Kabir and I had been an odd match from the start. He was one who gave very little of himself away, and I just did not think it proper to probe further into what other people had so firmly chosen not to share, being averse myself to the idea of being scrutinised.

 

"Oh, it's a minor flu. I'm sure I'll be fine in no time."

 

"Yes, and then you'd be able to go dance in the rain again," he rebuked gently, pulling out a box of chocolates from his bag, and placing it discreetly, wordlessly on the bed. 

 

I could just smile, silenced by the confusion I felt, of not knowing what I felt. But then again, even if I could know, what would I have said? When I knew words to be inherently inadequate, limited to logic and reason as they were, as vehicles to convey feelings that so stubbornly transcended rationality...

 

Perhaps he too felt strangled by the same helplessness. I wished I could decipher through his eyes, that which perhaps lay beyond the few words we exchanged, but those dark distant irises of his remained as inscrutable as ever. I only saw the concern he felt at my being ill then, but no explanation as to why that same concern had been so glaringly absent previously.

 

"Where are you lost?" he asked.

 

"Nowhere. Um, thanks for the chocolate. Ferraro Rocher is my favourite, you know?"

 

"I know," he replied.

 

And in that split second, I knew I had sensed something almost like pain emanating from him. It seemed to throb in the air still, long after he had smiled it away. He remembered. He had never forgotten. Maybe he even understood how I felt, had felt, far better than Irene could.

 

After he had left, it dawned upon me that he, and maybe several other people too, were not necessarily multi-faced as I had dismissively assumed, perhaps only to protect myself. Maybe it was merely a case of being multi-faceted - of which, surely, most human beings, if not all, were guilty.

 

And somehow, just then, I found that there seemed to be no reason anymore to find reasons behind what had already transpired. Somehow, it seemed more compelling to give a chance to that which I understood of him, the inherent goodness that had drawn me to him in the first place, and to recognise that the hurt he had once caused had resulted from a temporary, involuntary lapse of judgment, that he now regretted. This realisation, it seemed to me, I owed to what I had lost and found during my crazy rain dance. And perhaps a special mention was due to Ferraro Rocher too.

 

Gradually, we became friends him again, although, admittedly, not exactly in the same way we were during the times I felt I had now outgrown. I still liked him, but consciously attempted to root my feelings firmly to the plane of reality we lived in, the matter-of-fact one where reasons overpowered emotions, where there were no princes and princesses, just normal, mostly fallible people. It was hopelessly boring, unmagical, but at least I no longer stood to have my heart broken.

 

When he needed a place to stay for a week while he waited for his hostel to open, just before the beginning of our second academic year, I allowed him to stay in the extra room of the flat that I was then renting. It had been a week of utmost pandemonium, which we had spent playing pranks on each other and fighting over ice-cream, the television remote, the bathroom, and pretty much anything that could be legitimately fought about - much to my flatmate's despair. The memory of those days still makes me smile, because it was perhaps the first time when he had, uninhibitedly, allowed me more than just a fleeting look of who he truly was. A monkey, that is.

 

Then, when a semester later, he invited me to go to the Indian Students Society prom with him, after initially turning him down for some unfathomable reason, I agreed to be his date. Of course, his invitation had had to be only a few hours before the prom started, so those few hours had been spent in madly scrambling about for tickets. Once we had those tickets, miraculously, we only had half an hour to find something to wear and get dressed.

 

I asked him, as we were waiting for the bus to leave, softly, so our friends would not hear, why he had only invited me at the very last minute.

 

"I'd been wanting to for some time, but I was scared you'd say no."

 

"And I actually did say no, hey?" I laughed.

 

"Yes," he chuckled, "But you see, the advantage of asking you when I did, was that you ended up feeling sorry for me because I wouldn't be able to find anybody else at the last minute. And you said yes."

 

"Smart boy! But if you'd asked me earlier, and I'd said no, you would have still been able to ask somebody else out. Ever thought of that?"

 

"If you had said no, I wouldn't have gone." That flicker of mirth had left his eyes.

 

"But you have other friends you could have asked, that would have been dateless then. Irene -"

 

"I really wanted to go with you."

 

I had found it hard that day not to feel like a princess, not to dream of new beginnings, this time, I liked to believe, in a somewhat less naive manner. But just a few months later, when I went back to university for my third year, he had already left for London, where his family had settled, and where he would now continue his studies. And he was never to come back again.

 

It had pained me, because his departure had come at a time when he had begun to open up, to subconsciously question the so-called need to hide behind hollow, unfelt platitudes. And I waited, unsure of what it was that I was waiting for.   

 

It is only now that I understand, that I know.

 
 


Edited by ..kiran.. - 10 October 2011 at 4:20am

The following 7 member(s) liked the above post:

a little faithNewdime--jiya--alaipayutheyepiphany.splnaish_punk

spln

IF-Sizzlerz

spln

Joined: 06 December 2007

Posts: 11036

Posted: 11 October 2011 at 2:55am | IP Logged
Kiran,

You truly, and ceaselessly, amaze me with your consistency. I read that pre note and just for a flickering second made the absolute mistake of wondering of this chapter might just be rushed... or something. Of course it was a wrong speculation in the first place - and I knew the moment I had read the sentence- Autumn had to be the most pensive, self-aware of seasons. I long exhausted the potential of saying things like I connect with this lead, and many times her circumstances too, even if not the cause as such. I've also literally abused my right to say your writing makes me stop, and read sentences, for the sheer beauty of their expression.

What can I say that is new? Perhaps that Fall has so long been my favorite season, but that I realized only when I read that line why it was so precious, year after year! Why the colorful canvas of spring could take a beat to the earthy and ochre humility... again, and again. The idea of a season being 'self-aware' just made me smile. This is going to sound SO bizzare (I warn you now) and uber-geeky, but reading this lines in your chapters that jump at me makes me wonder if Newton under that apple tree had this feeling?! Of the instance of a falling apple jump at him like something he had seen so long, and taken even longer to recognize?!

But enough of fall. I'm going to forward all through and name my absolute favorite bit - And I waited, unsure of what it was that I was waiting for.  - I had to read this line thrice to convince myself it was written like that, Can't accuse you of speaking (or writing technically) my mind, because I think the thought itself was lingering only in my subconsious so many days... Ironic, that one does in fact know what one waits for. And one hides behind 'not knowing' because an aimless wait is somehow more justified than a far fetched wild reason to wait?!

I think I shall never cease to be amused by how far apart your lead and I are, in circumstance - and yet how strikingly similar reactions and consequences seem to be, to such entirely different situations... like whoa!

And this is the length of my comment when I start off thinking I've lost my words - sigh, brevity.

I suppose I can skip the drill cause you answered the necessary in your pre-note. But take it easy, every chance you can - and hopefully work can cease to be a pain soon enough - hugs!

NJ

The following 3 member(s) liked the above post:

..kiran..a little faithNewdime

aish_punk

IF-Sizzlerz

aish_punk

Joined: 11 January 2008

Posts: 20622

Posted: 11 October 2011 at 6:50am | IP Logged
awesome part, as usual :) and aww, i want fast updates, but i understood your position, so take your time. :)
 
the way you described autumn is indeed beautiful. it was one of those seasons where you just feel like thinking. it can get kind of depressing, but there's a beauty to that season.
 
so she was down with a flu, and kabir came to visit her. thats sweet :) he even got her favourite choclates. so he remembered? i hope that means something! but she didn't want to assume things, and i wouldn't too, if i was in her place.
 
kabir wanted to go for the dance only with her. that surely meant he liked her, right? i dont know why people say girls are confusing, when its guys who are the most confusing! :P  i was hoping he would come out with his feelings, but then now he's gone to london, leaving her alone. why did he do that?
 
i feel really bad for her. she was thinking that there could be something with kabir, but i guess its just not meant to be. and now that he's totally gone from her life, its going to be more painful. atleast before, she could see him everyday and feel happy, but now even thats gone!
 
thanks for the pm

The following 2 member(s) liked the above post:

..kiran..a little faith

Post Reply New Post

Go to top

Related Topics

  Topics Topic Starter Replies Views Last Post
Solace l Part 17 l Pg 22 Updt 27/05

2 3 4 5 6 7 ... 22 23

yikes 183 9242 24 October 2010 at 1:05am
By -Blossy-
Perfect - Short Story - pg.2 last part

2 3 4

-bhootni- 31 2234 30 September 2010 at 8:11am
By Escapist
The scent of the sea- part 4, page 2

2

-Eva- 10 871 01 August 2010 at 8:32pm
By charmyshah001
~~AVALON: Land Of Fairies~~ Part 14

2 3 4 5 6 7 8

MrMonster 58 3716 30 July 2010 at 10:30am
By meggs
False Mirror - Part 3- The Final Part Pg 8

2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

-Aria- 68 4726 22 June 2010 at 2:53pm
By -Aria-

Forum Quick Jump

Forum Category

Active Forums

Writers Corner Topic Index

Limit search to this Forum only.

 

Disclaimer: All Logos and Pictures of various Channels, Shows, Artistes, Media Houses, Companies, Brands etc. belong to their respective owners, and are used to merely visually identify the Channels, Shows, Companies, Brands, etc. to the viewer. Incase of any issue please contact the webmaster.