Writers Corner

   

Elusive Lyrics - Part 5: Dwindling (Page 5)

Post Reply New Post

Page 5 of 9

Page 1 Page 4
Page   of 9
Page 6 Page 9

aish_punk

IF-Sizzlerz

aish_punk

Joined: 11 January 2008

Posts: 20622

Posted: 31 August 2011 at 4:42am | IP Logged

hey kiran! beautiful story :)

honestly, when i clicked on this post, i had no idea it would be SO good! i was a little relucatant to read it at first, cause 3 parts were up, and i'm a lazy bum! but since i had time at hand, i was like ' why not'? and i dont regret it at all!
 
she's away from home, aww that could be really lonely at times. but she found someone who could make it fun for her ;) she even made friends, and all of them were a gang now.
 
she met kabir, and she instantly attracted to him. they became good friends soon enough but everyone else thought that were was more to that friendship ;) haha, how cute!
 
they went for a movie, and she chose the thriller, mostly because of him. but of course she did'nt want to admit it and make him love himself more than he already did, lol. so she said she liked the genre more, but then he chose to watch the other movie, and that was just sad.
 
he kept his hand on her, asking if she wanted popcorn, but both of them knew that he just wanted to do that :)
 
so she went home for the holidays, and when she returned, irene and kabir were together? WTH. i thought irene knew that something was going on between kabir and her. i really hate it when friends do that to each other, because its just not caring about your friend's feelings! i mean, you risk your whole friendship just for a guy! irene is a nice person in the story ( i think?) but that's just not right!
 
and of course she was hurt,but she decided to forgive her, which was a nice thing to do, according to me. that way, she did'nt lose her friend atleast.
 
she still liked kabir though, which made it very hard to see them together. aww, i feel really sad for her. and its not that easy to move on when he hangs out with you and pretends to ignore you. why did he do that anyway?
 
they were at a friend's place, and because she could'nt see them dancing, she left. he followed her? woah, that was unexpected. he was back to being his usual self then, but why was he being so nice, suddenly?
 
he really was making it hard for her to move on by lingering. that's like the worste thing EVER.
 
this story is very cute, and i'm interested to see how their love develops. and yeah, its very closee to reality. i can relate with some parts :)
 
update soon
 
-aish
 

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

..kiran..

Dear Guest, Being an unregistered member you are missing out on participating in the lively discussions happening on the topic "Elusive Lyrics - Part 5: Dwindling (Page 5)" in Writers Corner forum. In addition you lose out on the fun interactions with fellow members and other member exclusive features that India-Forums has to offer. Join India's most popular discussion portal on Indian Entertainment. It's FREE and registration is effortless so JOIN NOW!

..kiran..

Groupbie

..kiran..

Joined: 28 October 2010

Posts: 157

Posted: 03 September 2011 at 8:41am | IP Logged
Originally posted by aish_punk

hey kiran! beautiful story :)

honestly, when i clicked on this post, i had no idea it would be SO good! i was a little relucatant to read it at first, cause 3 parts were up, and i'm a lazy bum! but since i had time at hand, i was like ' why not'? and i dont regret it at all!
 
she's away from home, aww that could be really lonely at times. but she found someone who could make it fun for her ;) she even made friends, and all of them were a gang now.
 
she met kabir, and she instantly attracted to him. they became good friends soon enough but everyone else thought that were was more to that friendship ;) haha, how cute!
 
they went for a movie, and she chose the thriller, mostly because of him. but of course she did'nt want to admit it and make him love himself more than he already did, lol. so she said she liked the genre more, but then he chose to watch the other movie, and that was just sad.
 
he kept his hand on her, asking if she wanted popcorn, but both of them knew that he just wanted to do that :)
 
so she went home for the holidays, and when she returned, irene and kabir were together? WTH. i thought irene knew that something was going on between kabir and her. i really hate it when friends do that to each other, because its just not caring about your friend's feelings! i mean, you risk your whole friendship just for a guy! irene is a nice person in the story ( i think?) but that's just not right!
 
and of course she was hurt,but she decided to forgive her, which was a nice thing to do, according to me. that way, she did'nt lose her friend atleast.
 
she still liked kabir though, which made it very hard to see them together. aww, i feel really sad for her. and its not that easy to move on when he hangs out with you and pretends to ignore you. why did he do that anyway?
 
they were at a friend's place, and because she could'nt see them dancing, she left. he followed her? woah, that was unexpected. he was back to being his usual self then, but why was he being so nice, suddenly?
 
he really was making it hard for her to move on by lingering. that's like the worste thing EVER.
 
this story is very cute, and i'm interested to see how their love develops. and yeah, its very closee to reality. i can relate with some parts :)
 
update soon
 
-aish
 
 
 
 
Hello hello Aish Big smile
I am so glad you found your way here, and decided to read Elusive Lyrics! I just love the way you engage with the story and get so involved with what's happening. Feels like I'm sharing some gossip with a very receptive, appreciative friend Tongue Fun fun!
Thank you so much for the sweet comment Big smile I really appreciate it! And it means a lot to me that people are able to relate to the story, so I was really happy to know that you too could relate to some extent.
About Irene, there's some more in the next part. Hopefully that should clear things a bit. 
Thanks again!
 
 
 
 

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

aish_punk

..kiran..

Groupbie

..kiran..

Joined: 28 October 2010

Posts: 157

Posted: 03 September 2011 at 10:59am | IP Logged
 
4. Rain scene and all

 

I was on the hostel roof, which very strictly speaking, was forbidden territory. The hostel residents had been banned from going to the roof, about six years ago, after a girl had reportedly attempted to dive from the ledge. Fourteen storeys.

 

Rumour has it, that she was merely contemplating the thought and would not have actually jumped. Another rumour (set against the backdrop of a suitably morbid story), was that she would have jumped, had one of the sub-wardens not pinned her down to the ground just then. I liked that about stories - the fact that the exact degree of their truth was ambiguous. That, as a storyteller then, one could insert just as much truth amidst the lies, as pleased one's fancy, which could really be anywhere between all and none.

 

Fourteen storeys, just as many stories, if not more. I peered down at the ant-sized students and their matchbox cars. Death, surely. What would she have been thinking? Could it really be that easy to end one's life? Just one step beyond the ledge? Just a few centimetres, and one would be hurtling away from the buzzing bustle of life, towards death... whatever that was?

 

I slunk back to my secret nook, behind the water tank, lest I should be pinned down by a heroic sub-warden myself to become part of the story I had been a curious onlooker to. I pictured myself in the third person, as some suicidal tragic heroine, ditched by her ridiculously amnesiac (boy?)friend for her once-upon-a-time best friend.  I chuckled, amused, at the whistling winds. And then, right on cue, a cold drop of water fell on my forehead. Then, another, and another, and another. Soon, it was drizzling. Raining. Pouring. Cats and dogs. An entire zoo-load of animals.

 

And I just sat there, shivering, watching the grimy puddles mushroom around me. The rains in India were so different. I had always loved how the raindrops hopped and splattered over the fragrant red earth, warm and inviting, dancing as we did. And then, mummy's call, and that indulgent smile of hers. Ginger tea. And Parle-G biscuits. It was a rare treat for us kids, being allowed to deviate from the customary milk topped with that hateful wrinkly layer of cream. And so, just like grown-ups, we would carefully, niftily, dip our biscuits into the tea, for a calculated two seconds, just before it could melt into a cold creamy lump at the bottom of our mugs.

 

But even the rain here, that struck like millions of icy swords plummeting from the sky, had that same reminiscent quality about it. In the deluge of memories that gushed through, the one outshone the others. Me, as a child, spending hours in front of the mirror, practising, perfecting faces, poses. (Reason why, my childhood photographs, when I look at them today, are nothing short of embarrassing.) I wanted to be an actress, and saw myself as one, no less. Maybe that was why I still felt so drawn to extreme emotions, so many years later. I needed an exciting, theatrical life. Bland melancholy could not possibly be my cup of tea. Ginger, it would have to be. With Parle-G biscuits. That little girl, whom I felt I could no longer identify with, she was there, somewhere, wasn't she? Utterly bored with all the moping, most probably.

 

There was more to life, wasn't there? Because if life really was all about Kabir liking, or not liking me, then where did this moment figure? It couldn't really all be meaningless - the pearls that dropped from my numb fingertips, the goose bumps on my forearm, the mists descending gracefully from the cloaked mountains over there, the mellifluous inflections of the rain's deafening song.

 

And so, naturally, I got up to swirl with the dancing twirls, on the rhythm of raindrops, life. Like a Bollywood star. Take 2. It was time, it would seem, that I moulded myself into another character, a happier, more carefree person. I shook my hair out of my ponytail with panache. If anyone could do it, it would have to be me, I decreed, giggling. I lifted my face to the skies and felt our tears mingle into oneness. Soundtrack: peppy guitar, harmonica, raindrops, then silence.

 

Later that day, after I had showered and changed into something bright pink, I bumped into Irene in the common area. She invited me to her room for hot chocolate. And she asked me, in a tone of rehearsed breeziness, if I liked Kabir.

 

"Why?" I asked.

 

"Because I think you do," she said, avoiding the question, like I had.

 

"There was nothing between us. We just spent time together. But it didn't, it didn't mean anything at all. But I think you and Kabir look good together."

 

"No, but it's not like that. I don't like him in that way, like romantically and all. It's just for fun. We hang out together, and the whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing... it's not for real. It's like a joke almost. We're fooling around. You do understand that, right?"

 

I could sense the genuine concern in her voice, her eyes. It was moving.

 

"Yes, of course," I said to end that strand of the conversation, and proceeded to swiftly change the subject.

 

But truth was, I could never understand them, the games that people felt they had to play, the masks that had almost become what people were, ghostly semblances of a pseudo-reality. I could never understand the plastic world where having a life meant, primarily, having something to do on Friday nights and being tagged in photos and statuses on facebook to be able to prove it to other facebook friends, who were not, like, 'friends' really. Where love could be just a word, a joke almost. What was the point? Where was the meaning? There seemed no connection between people, let alone between them and what might have probably been a more accurate interpretation of life. There was only a frantic desire to keep up appearances. Weary, hollow platitudes. OMG, Mwah, boyfriend, girlfriend.

 

So, you see, the problem, if at all there was one, was really me. I didn't quite fit in.

 

I watched Irene talk, not quite sure of where the conversation had reached whilst I had digressed into my musings. I wondered what she would look like without the makeup, without her hair having been so perfectly, brutally, straightened. I wanted her to dance in the rain with me. I wanted everyone to.

 

I told her so, but she only laughed at my silliness. Way too many movies, she diagnosed. I might still have been able to convince her, but I believe my subsequent, most ill-timed, sneeze spectacularly deflated any prospects of success that I might possibly have had.

 



Edited by ..kiran.. - 03 September 2011 at 3:30pm

The following 8 member(s) liked the above post:

a little faithNewdimeSunriseGreen--jiya--aish_punkAmeressplnepiphany.

--jiya--

IF-Rockerz

--jiya--

Joined: 01 January 2011

Posts: 5599

Posted: 03 September 2011 at 11:20am | IP Logged
resErmm

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

..kiran..

..kiran..

Groupbie

..kiran..

Joined: 28 October 2010

Posts: 157

Posted: 03 September 2011 at 12:51pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by --jiya--

resErmm

 
 
 
Oyye Jiya, hasde hasde hasde hasde, hasde tu zara
Nahin toh bas thoda thoda thoda toda, thoda muskura Big smile
 
 
You edit whenever you can, no problem.. All the best with studies and stuff!
 
 
Ps. Love how you're always the first to post a comment Embarrassed
 

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

--jiya--

--jiya--

IF-Rockerz

--jiya--

Joined: 01 January 2011

Posts: 5599

Posted: 03 September 2011 at 4:08pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by ..kiran..

Originally posted by --jiya--

resErmm

 
 
 
Oyye Jiya, hasde hasde hasde hasde, hasde tu zara
Nahin toh bas thoda thoda thoda toda, thoda muskura Big smile
 
 
You edit whenever you can, no problem.. All the best with studies and stuff!
 
 
Ps. Love how you're always the first to post a comment Embarrassed
 

chal sirf tere liye..Big smileBig smile..okay??LOL
waise I can't edit now.. coz its 3:36 a.m here and I have class at 9 2morrowLOLOuch
good night!!Hug

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

..kiran..

spln

IF-Sizzlerz

spln

Joined: 06 December 2007

Posts: 11036

Posted: 03 September 2011 at 10:13pm | IP Logged
Your updates always leave me sort of giddy - between half minds, wanting to gush all at once with what I could connect, or just lapse back into taking time, sort of living the scenes during my gym hours or transit to and fro work - imagining to be the crazy crazy protagonist who seems scarily, supiciously, like some split personality version of me!

Sigh - do you know me more than I know?! *tries to raise the intimidating single brow to extract confidential information* No really, reading your chapters is like that sometimes. This has to be a story in the longest time that I never really need to go back and read old chapters for - to recover the details. You know? The trivial nothing kind? Like rain puddles that 'mushroom' around, instead of dancing pitter patter...!

If I said I love your sense of detailing - those icky luttle things like P-G biscuits that settle into gooey mess if dipped for more than 2 seconds - I would probably be saying what you already know. If I didn't say it - I'd not be saying something I think with literally every sentence of your updates!

So okay - I'll stay it in better style. I read somewhere once, how a piece that is 'effortless' to read (interpret: effortless to connect with, a paradoxial profound but simple something) has usually taken greatest effort to come to that form. Then I read genius words, by my long time favorite poet, Yeats. Quoting for you today - because you really live up to the ideal of it!

A line will take us hours maybe;
Yet if it does not seem a moment's thought,
Our stitching and unstitching has been naught


Keep writing Kiran. You never know how many hearts you're connecting with!
cheers,
NJ

ps: School?! Class work?! Life?! - you know the drill by now! LOL

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

..kiran..

aish_punk

IF-Sizzlerz

aish_punk

Joined: 11 January 2008

Posts: 20622

Posted: 03 September 2011 at 10:28pm | IP Logged

awesome part! :)

so the hostel's terrace had a history? haha, how typical! but even i like such rumours :) they add interest to an otherwise ordinary place.
 
she knew that getting depressed over a guy was lame, and i totally respect her for that! after all,life is'nt about one person, you need to live for yourself. the wayy she just let loose and danced in the rain was  great! wish i could do that.
 
and the thing you mentioned about facebook and partying? seriously, you read my mind there!
 
she met with irene later on, who wanted to know if she liked kabir. so irene and kabir were just playing around? uh, i guess thats fun for some, but you know you might be losing out on someone who really likes you just for that 'fun'.
 
she wanted irene to dance with her in the rain, but she just was'nt the type. n haha, i loved the last line! basically, i love your style of writing. so simple yet so deep!
 
PS: i'm glad i'm reading this, i would've seriously missed out on something, if i had'nt! lol, gossiping? haha, i kinda love doing that ;)
 
thanks for the pm, its not a disturbance at all. but i maybe a little late in replying, so bear with that. :)
 
 

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

..kiran..

Post Reply New Post

Go to top

Related Topics

  Topics Topic Starter Replies Views Last Post
Solace l Part 17 l Pg 22 Updt 27/05

2 3 4 5 6 7 ... 22 23

yikes 183 9032 24 October 2010 at 1:05am
By -Blossy-
Perfect - Short Story - pg.2 last part

2 3 4

-bhootni- 31 2182 30 September 2010 at 8:11am
By Escapist
The scent of the sea- part 4, page 2

2

-Eva- 10 847 01 August 2010 at 8:32pm
By charmyshah001
~~AVALON: Land Of Fairies~~ Part 14

2 3 4 5 6 7 8

MrMonster 58 3639 30 July 2010 at 10:30am
By meggs
False Mirror - Part 3- The Final Part Pg 8

2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

-Aria- 68 4551 22 June 2010 at 2:53pm
By -Aria-

Forum Quick Jump

Forum Category

Active Forums

Writers Corner Topic Index

Limit search to this Forum only.

 

Disclaimer: All Logos and Pictures of various Channels, Shows, Artistes, Media Houses, Companies, Brands etc. belong to their respective owners, and are used to merely visually identify the Channels, Shows, Companies, Brands, etc. to the viewer. Incase of any issue please contact the webmaster.