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Elusive Lyrics - Part 5: Dwindling (Page 3)

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Posted: 16 August 2011 at 7:21pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by ..kiran..

 
I found that there were some other bits of me that had been immortalised in my diary and my parents' stories of me that I felt I would never be able to identify with again. Maybe it was all part of growing up. Or maybe my ego was more bruised than I could dare to admit to myself.



I can't say anything about having ever shared the experience as such - but the mind of this girl is so easy to relate to... if I look beyond her love life - or the wreck you now rudely shock us with as early as chapter 2 (I mean rude and shock and all in a very good way of making an impact btw, obviously) - I suppose there is so much to her person, just like any other girl who falls in that bracket of geeky/nerdy/secret dreamer?! The naive believer of consistency as you call her. In particular, the quoted lines hit me like a revelation of my own life - and the beauty is not how unique that is to me and this character (because let's admit it, it's not unique as a revelation) but the way you word it.


Sorry for my delay here Kiran - I've been up and about, doing this and that - being a little lost and trying to find why... this stroy evokes a strange mix of feelings, comfort in empathy, and melancholy in realism!

Post soon? I hope school is being reasonable - or at least trying to be.

cheers,

NJ

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Posted: 17 August 2011 at 6:53am | IP Logged
Originally posted by --jiya--

reserved!!Embarrassed

edited!!

okay.. so the wind blew and the fairy tale had its hitch... should i say i hate men? naah.. coz if it weren't for him, she might just have never realized that the little crush and the heartbreak are just mere parts of life, and very essential parts too..

nice portrayal kiru!!

thanks for the pm..

~jiya~
 
 
Thank you so much, Jiya, for commenting, and, wow, so promptly too! Big smile 
Really glad you liked it. And I liked your positive take on things. You're right, absolutely no reason to hate men, but we may agree, a lot of them are quite hopelessly stupid TongueLOL I hope I'm able to grey-en Kabir a bit in later parts,. We'll just have to wait for the protagonist to get her mind around stuff for now Tongue 
Thanks again. Really appreciate it! Embarrassed
 
 
 


Edited by ..kiran.. - 17 August 2011 at 6:55am

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Posted: 17 August 2011 at 7:11am | IP Logged
Originally posted by a little faith

Strong Winds (the kind that makes your eyes teary) I love the clarification that still needs elucidation. I mean teary for what reason, because the manner the winds breeze over the surface of your eyes, causing waves that overflow OR because the very sight of them incites a fear that your heart can not help but weep along in trepidation of anticipation?  
 
Exactly exactly!! Big smile I meant both, and there was possibly a third interpretation as well - the tears as a sign of letting go, freeing and being free. But that interpretation I only intend to elucidate in later parts, because the actual tears haven't quite, um, poured out yet. The eyes are merely teary. If that makes sense..Confused LOL
 
Either way, strong winds and tears are very foreboding. Something is about to stir our protagonist both inwardly and quite actually too.

Only Kabir who was hovering nearby heard me, and immediately construed it as an excuse I was making to be able to hang out with him. Ah, inferred subtext which is actually just an excuse to imply a pretext. There again, your ability to express your interpretation better than I could have ever hoped to Embarrassed Very cleverly written and finely done.

But when he announced that he would watch the chick flick with the girls ...I could not help but forget my initial annoyance...very noble sacrifice most heartbreakingly redundant.  I loved how in one paragraph you turn the tables over at least thrice, though I am sure I missed some spins. Protagonist is a bit crazy (that bit, I share with her) LOL Tends to have quite drastic mood-spins in a very short period of time Tongue Very skillfully written. 

And then, wasn't there a depth, Ah! That missing chapter between this and that end so that when this stupid guy kneels to the ground to profess to that even stupider companion it wouldn't seem so silly even though very surreal.  Think DCH style. Omg, I loved, loved, loved that DCH scene!! Embarrassed Thanks for making me remember it Big smile  I loved that use of the film as a contrast to the actual scene, finely done.

How could they ever be made neutral again? Excellently penned and noted.  You can not whitewash without some hue bleeding through.  Nothing will make it as bright again.  It will forever remain tainted. Really? I'd like to think (hope?) that stuff does go away, and even gets to seem rather silly in retrospect.. Dunno. Maybe it depends.  I was quite like a ship that had never really ventured beyond its harbour. Beautiful simile, flowing from the theme of chapter one where she was about to set off to foreign lands from being one who never ventured beyond her own realm, here the emotional aspect too, she really hadn't seem much of people, so really hadn't had an opportunity to understand them either. Very true! Um, you do realise you gave me the idea from that image, don't you? Tongue You said something in your previous comment about winds and sails, and after writing this part, I just knew that your comment had influenced my choice of words. So, credit goes to you. That was a complete rip off from your lyrical comments TongueLOL (Hope to get more ideas from this one tooWinkLOL)

making excuses on his behalf when he did not quite fit in. I like this. True we try to make the pieces fit their pieces into our jigsaw puzzle.  We console that niggling doubt by saying that no one would ever fit just right, but the truth is we just don't want to consider any other person, for our hearts have chosen him, no matter how jagged and crooked the final puzzle appears.  It is the difference between an idea of something and its reality. If I may quote one of my favourite modern day poets, Cope. I read this part of your comment a few times. Very deep and insightful Embarrassed 

Two cures for love, 1. don't see him, don't phone or write him a letter.
2.  The easy way, get to know him better.
 
LOL This part was so funny! The second is definitely easier! Recommended to everyone reading this Tongue

making me doubt my own doubts. Ah, that precipice between is it over? and it is over! The fact that I had been, not fooled, but a fool, in the end.  Beautifully penned. Thanks :)

What I had thought to be special gestures designated for me, were only generic ways in which he behaved with everybody else - one at a time.  Beautifully penned and noted subtle sentiment that most girls suffer through. Most girls?? God, I hope not! It's quite awful, isn't it? Ouch  I really did love your expounding of it, I have only really liked one other, feel free to ignore, but here at 1:22 to 2:52


I will definitely check out the link later. In the library right now. No YT allowed, but IF is ok, apparently Tongue Thank you for sharing Big smile I've never watched the serial before, although I have heard of it. I'm sure I'll like it, if you did!
 
Edit: I loved it! Such a moving scene, very well enacted too. Thanks again for sharing Big smile

I found that there were some other bits of me that had been immortalised in my diary and my parents' stories of me that I felt I would never be able to identify with again. Again, wonderfully penned sentiment.  Is change inevitable or environmental? 

Kiran, an outstanding chapter to a wonderful story.   Very much looking forward to the next, and I can not even begin to guess where she may be swept off to next, all credit to your inspired and imaginative writing.  With much love, Sabah

 
 
Dear, dear Sabah! Thank you so much for the beautiful, insightful and very encouraging comment! Embarrassed Truly appreciate the amount of care you put into reading and commenting on my work. Thank you, thank you, thank you!! Big smile Hug
 
 
 


Edited by ..kiran.. - 18 August 2011 at 4:19am

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Posted: 17 August 2011 at 7:17am | IP Logged
Originally posted by spln

Originally posted by ..kiran..

 
I found that there were some other bits of me that had been immortalised in my diary and my parents' stories of me that I felt I would never be able to identify with again. Maybe it was all part of growing up. Or maybe my ego was more bruised than I could dare to admit to myself.



I can't say anything about having ever shared the experience as such - but the mind of this girl is so easy to relate to... if I look beyond her love life - or the wreck you now rudely shock us with as early as chapter 2 (I mean rude and shock and all in a very good way of making an impact btw, obviously) - I suppose there is so much to her person, just like any other girl who falls in that bracket of geeky/nerdy/secret dreamer?! The naive believer of consistency as you call her. In particular, the quoted lines hit me like a revelation of my own life - and the beauty is not how unique that is to me and this character (because let's admit it, it's not unique as a revelation) but the way you word it.


Sorry for my delay here Kiran - I've been up and about, doing this and that - being a little lost and trying to find why... this stroy evokes a strange mix of feelings, comfort in empathy, and melancholy in realism!

Post soon? I hope school is being reasonable - or at least trying to be.

cheers,

NJ

 
 
 
 
Hey hey NJ! Big smile
 
*jhappi-shappi*
 
Hope you're feeling less lost now? I think I understand how you've been feeling, and if I really do understand it, then, despite my very limited experience and somewhat myopic perspectives, I'd venture that the process of finding whatever it is, in retrospect, actually feels pretty cool because it's during those times that you're closest to yourself. It's probably fun-er for you, awesome as you are? Big smile 
 
Strangely, the story evokes exactly the same in me. It's not been easy writing out some parts, and somehow I feel that you are the one of the very few people who would understand exactly what I mean, without me having to spell it out. We really must be previous acquaintances of the kumbh-ke-mele-mein-bichde-hue-types! Tongue LOL
 
Thank you very, very much for the comment, NJ! I'm really, really glad you could relate to the story and that you liked it Embarrassed Big smile
 
 

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Posted: 17 August 2011 at 5:37pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by ..kiran..

 
 
Hey hey NJ! Big smile
 
*jhappi-shappi*
 
Hope you're feeling less lost now? I think I understand how you've been feeling, and if I really do understand it, then, despite my very limited experience and somewhat myopic perspectives, I'd venture that the process of finding whatever it is, in retrospect, actually feels pretty cool because it's during those times that you're closest to yourself. It's probably fun-er for you, awesome as you are? Big smile 
 
Strangely, the story evokes exactly the same in me. It's not been easy writing out some parts, and somehow I feel that you are the one of the very few people who would understand exactly what I mean, without me having to spell it out. We really must be previous acquaintances of the kumbh-ke-mele-mein-bichde-hue-types! Tongue LOL
 
Thank you very, very much for the comment, NJ! I'm really, really glad you could relate to the story and that you liked it Embarrassed Big smile
 
 


Funny how most 'lost phases' are as simple to resolve as looking in the mirror and talking to yourself. Not in the head, but verbally, out loud. Sometimes, doing that is hardest thing in the world, and you can't help but think how ironic that is! Still in my phase - it's not really unfortunate or sad or anything like that - it's just real, and damn if anything throws you off guard in life like reality! *shakes head*

And you missy should not be the one thanking at all - a story like this is a rare delight - all the more son when gets a chance to interact with the writer, right? You're bound to know what I mean when I say there are all those books I read and end up wanting to have known the authors - more personally! So yes, the pleasure is pretty much all mine.

Your story is very easy to read - in terms of flow and language that is - although it certainly makes me go back up and down and read sentences over. But anything that is easy to read, has obviously taken far more effort to write than a seemingly complex piece of writing. Conveying complex scenarios simply is perhaps a singular feat that brings on many a writers' blocks!

And on that note - I know you'll bear to stand me just this moment longer - here's quoting my all time favorite Yeats:

A line will take us hours maybe;
Yet if it does not seem a moment's thought,
Our stitching and unstitching has been naught!


cheers,
NJ

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Posted: 18 August 2011 at 4:22am | IP Logged
Originally posted by spln

Funny how most 'lost phases' are as simple to resolve as looking in the mirror and talking to yourself. Not in the head, but verbally, out loud. Sometimes, doing that is hardest thing in the world, and you can't help but think how ironic that is! Still in my phase - it's not really unfortunate or sad or anything like that - it's just real, and damn if anything throws you off guard in life like reality! *shakes head*

And you missy should not be the one thanking at all - a story like this is a rare delight - all the more son when gets a chance to interact with the writer, right? You're bound to know what I mean when I say there are all those books I read and end up wanting to have known the authors - more personally! So yes, the pleasure is pretty much all mine.

Your story is very easy to read - in terms of flow and language that is - although it certainly makes me go back up and down and read sentences over. But anything that is easy to read, has obviously taken far more effort to write than a seemingly complex piece of writing. Conveying complex scenarios simply is perhaps a singular feat that brings on many a writers' blocks!

And on that note - I know you'll bear to stand me just this moment longer - here's quoting my all time favorite Yeats:

A line will take us hours maybe;
Yet if it does not seem a moment's thought,
Our stitching and unstitching has been naught!


cheers,
NJ
 
 
 
I know what you mean by not sad, just real. Incidentally, I am oh-so-curious to know exactly what's happening your side - I'm a sucker for gossip TongueBig smile But I know, prying peeps are the last thing you need at this point. I'm sure you'll get around it soon Smile All you need is chocolate and long walks Stern Smile
 
I am so ill-equipped to respond to praise, so I'll just lamely say thank you again Embarrassed But seriously, I know I would not have written/ posted my writings if it were not for your encouragement. 
 
There are other stories that I'd posted on IF and subsequently abandoned and deleted because I am so unsure of myself (Jiya would know - she's from that time). So really, feedback means a lot to me! Big smile (Oh and negative feedback is most welcome too, by the way. In fact, I'd love that.)  
 
I had not read that poem of Yeats. Those lines are so beautiful. They perfectly exemplify the point they make Big smile Thanks for that!
 
 
 
 

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Posted: 19 August 2011 at 8:49am | IP Logged
Originally posted by ..kiran..

[QUOTE=a little faith]Strong Winds (the kind that makes your eyes teary) I love the clarification that still needs elucidation.
Exactly exactly!! Big smile I meant both, and there was possibly a third interpretation as well - the tears as a sign of letting go, freeing and being free. But that interpretation I only intend to elucidate in later parts, because the actual tears haven't quite, um, poured out yet. The eyes are merely teary. If that makes sense..Confused LOL Yep, it makes sense.  That prelude to the storm.

How could they ever be made neutral again? Excellently penned and noted.  You can not whitewash without some hue bleeding through.  Nothing will make it as bright again.  It will forever remain tainted. Really? I'd like to think (hope?) that stuff does go away, and even gets to seem rather silly in retrospect.. Dunno. Maybe it depends.  I can, I suppose but it depends, mainly on how we perceive things, handle the past.  For we are capable to seeing things that aren't there, so even if the wall is bright as white can be, our heart may perceive hues bleeding through. Think Macbeth's wife and that blood on her hands that only she could see.
I was quite like a ship that had never really ventured beyond its harbour.
Beautiful simile, flowing from the theme of chapter one where she was about to set off to foreign lands from being one who never ventured beyond her own realm, here the emotional aspect too, she really hadn't seem much of people, so really hadn't had an opportunity to understand them either. Very true! Um, you do realise you gave me the idea from that image, don't you? Tongue You said something in your previous comment about winds and sails, and after writing this part, I just knew that your comment had influenced my choice of words. So, credit goes to you. That was a complete rip off from your lyrical comments TongueLOL (Hope to get more ideas from this one tooWinkLOL) Actually, it is quite natural. Inspiration can come from anywhere and this one is still rooted in your words, then branches off mine and finally blossoming into yours again.  Despite all the melo drama of IF, it is the reason I still log on, for I find much inspiration here for my words too.

What I had thought to be special gestures designated for me, were only generic ways in which he behaved with everybody else - one at a time.  Beautifully penned and noted subtle sentiment that most girls suffer through. Most girls?? God, I hope not! It's quite awful, isn't it? Ouch  Actually, yes most.  Even boys.  It is something about desiring something so much, that our dreams seep into reality, staining scenes before our eyes, so that things aren't NOT what they seem to be, BUT only as we dreamed. 

When I see my reflection in my beloved's eyes, I think that I too am capable of being loved by him BUT my reflection in the mirror reminds me I have no such ability. 


 
Edit: I loved it! Such a moving scene, very well enacted too. Thanks again for sharing Big smile
Thanks for indulging me.  My mind works like a pachinko machine, so please do not feel obliged to watch, read everything I post. 

 



Edited by a little faith - 19 August 2011 at 8:50am

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Posted: 19 August 2011 at 11:56am | IP Logged
Originally posted by a little faith


How could they ever be made neutral again? Excellently penned and noted.  You can not whitewash without some hue bleeding through.  Nothing will make it as bright again.  It will forever remain tainted. Really? I'd like to think (hope?) that stuff does go away, and even gets to seem rather silly in retrospect.. Dunno. Maybe it depends.  I can, I suppose but it depends, mainly on how we perceive things, handle the past.  For we are capable to seeing things that aren't there, so even if the wall is bright as white can be, our heart may perceive hues bleeding through. Think Macbeth's wife and that blood on her hands that only she could see.

 
Lady Macbeth's example fits in perfectly Big smile It really is all perception, and something that I have found really helps in completely 'whitewashing' is forgiveness and the creation of new, brighter memories.
 
 
I was quite like a ship that had never really ventured beyond its harbour. Beautiful simile, flowing from the theme of chapter one where she was about to set off to foreign lands from being one who never ventured beyond her own realm, here the emotional aspect too, she really hadn't seem much of people, so really hadn't had an opportunity to understand them either. Very true! Um, you do realise you gave me the idea from that image, don't you? Tongue You said something in your previous comment about winds and sails, and after writing this part, I just knew that your comment had influenced my choice of words. So, credit goes to you. That was a complete rip off from your lyrical comments TongueLOL (Hope to get more ideas from this one tooWinkLOL) Actually, it is quite natural. Inspiration can come from anywhere and this one is still rooted in your words, then branches off mine and finally blossoming into yours again.  Despite all the melo drama of IF, it is the reason I still log on, for I find much inspiration here for my words too.
 

True that! Which is why you'd understand that I refuse to ignore parts your posts, as you suggested a few lines below LOL In fact, I greedily lap up every word that you, Jiya and NJ write to me. I read your comments several times and they makes me feel really, really happy and grateful Embarrassed 

 
Edit: I loved it! Such a moving scene, very well enacted too. Thanks again for sharing Big smile
Thanks for indulging me.  My mind works like a pachinko machine, so please do not feel obliged to watch, read everything I post.
 
 
Seriously, I feel you guys are indulging me! It definitely does not feel like an obligation to read and watch what you post. On the other hand, it is really enriching and encouraging. So, thank you, again  Embarrassed

 



Edited by ..kiran.. - 20 August 2011 at 1:20am

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