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Elusive Lyrics - Part 5: Dwindling - Page 4

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..kiran.. thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
Originally posted by: --jiya--

reservedπŸ˜ƒ


*edited
owkay.. I think I am editing this after ages.. and I am really very sorry for that :( but.. you do know the reason.. :( :(

anyways, so where were we? hmm..

"Embers" - well, I do understand the love-lost broken-hearts who seem to be walking-on-fire with each step they take (aah.. poetry!! :P) and so I must say.. Impressive choice of titles*appaluds* and of course words :)


I can totally understand her feelings here, and no, I am not talking about myself.

It was a.. beautiful, should I say.. maybe admirable is a better word, for the gift you have... Keep it up, Kiran..

Thanks for the pm..

❀️❀️..
~jiya~

 
 
 
Jiya Jiya o Jiya Jiya.. Jiya Jiya o Jiya.. subah shaam kare mera jiya, Jiya Jiya Jiya Jiya.. πŸ˜›
Oh yes, I know - the infamous axe! Don't worry, I completely understand. No apologies needed. We're amongst friends here. Sab chalta hai πŸ˜ƒ
Thanks so much for the very encouraging comment πŸ˜ƒ Really glad you liked it 😳
I found it very interesting that your take on the title was different from that which I had intended, and that which Sabah had found. I technically shouldn't be taking credit for that πŸ˜› but I do find it flattering that the titles have garnered such a wonderful, and diverse response. So thank you for sharing your interpretation, which I must say, I found really very beautiful. Absolutely loved the image πŸ˜ƒ
Thanks again for the comment! πŸ˜ƒ
 
 
aish_punk thumbnail
Posted: 12 years ago

hey kiran! beautiful story :)

honestly, when i clicked on this post, i had no idea it would be SO good! i was a little relucatant to read it at first, cause 3 parts were up, and i'm a lazy bum! but since i had time at hand, i was like ' why not'? and i dont regret it at all!
 
she's away from home, aww that could be really lonely at times. but she found someone who could make it fun for her ;) she even made friends, and all of them were a gang now.
 
she met kabir, and she instantly attracted to him. they became good friends soon enough but everyone else thought that were was more to that friendship ;) haha, how cute!
 
they went for a movie, and she chose the thriller, mostly because of him. but of course she did'nt want to admit it and make him love himself more than he already did, lol. so she said she liked the genre more, but then he chose to watch the other movie, and that was just sad.
 
he kept his hand on her, asking if she wanted popcorn, but both of them knew that he just wanted to do that :)
 
so she went home for the holidays, and when she returned, irene and kabir were together? WTH. i thought irene knew that something was going on between kabir and her. i really hate it when friends do that to each other, because its just not caring about your friend's feelings! i mean, you risk your whole friendship just for a guy! irene is a nice person in the story ( i think?) but that's just not right!
 
and of course she was hurt,but she decided to forgive her, which was a nice thing to do, according to me. that way, she did'nt lose her friend atleast.
 
she still liked kabir though, which made it very hard to see them together. aww, i feel really sad for her. and its not that easy to move on when he hangs out with you and pretends to ignore you. why did he do that anyway?
 
they were at a friend's place, and because she could'nt see them dancing, she left. he followed her? woah, that was unexpected. he was back to being his usual self then, but why was he being so nice, suddenly?
 
he really was making it hard for her to move on by lingering. that's like the worste thing EVER.
 
this story is very cute, and i'm interested to see how their love develops. and yeah, its very closee to reality. i can relate with some parts :)
 
update soon
 
-aish
 
..kiran.. thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
Originally posted by: aish_punk

hey kiran! beautiful story :)

honestly, when i clicked on this post, i had no idea it would be SO good! i was a little relucatant to read it at first, cause 3 parts were up, and i'm a lazy bum! but since i had time at hand, i was like ' why not'? and i dont regret it at all!
 
she's away from home, aww that could be really lonely at times. but she found someone who could make it fun for her ;) she even made friends, and all of them were a gang now.
 
she met kabir, and she instantly attracted to him. they became good friends soon enough but everyone else thought that were was more to that friendship ;) haha, how cute!
 
they went for a movie, and she chose the thriller, mostly because of him. but of course she did'nt want to admit it and make him love himself more than he already did, lol. so she said she liked the genre more, but then he chose to watch the other movie, and that was just sad.
 
he kept his hand on her, asking if she wanted popcorn, but both of them knew that he just wanted to do that :)
 
so she went home for the holidays, and when she returned, irene and kabir were together? WTH. i thought irene knew that something was going on between kabir and her. i really hate it when friends do that to each other, because its just not caring about your friend's feelings! i mean, you risk your whole friendship just for a guy! irene is a nice person in the story ( i think?) but that's just not right!
 
and of course she was hurt,but she decided to forgive her, which was a nice thing to do, according to me. that way, she did'nt lose her friend atleast.
 
she still liked kabir though, which made it very hard to see them together. aww, i feel really sad for her. and its not that easy to move on when he hangs out with you and pretends to ignore you. why did he do that anyway?
 
they were at a friend's place, and because she could'nt see them dancing, she left. he followed her? woah, that was unexpected. he was back to being his usual self then, but why was he being so nice, suddenly?
 
he really was making it hard for her to move on by lingering. that's like the worste thing EVER.
 
this story is very cute, and i'm interested to see how their love develops. and yeah, its very closee to reality. i can relate with some parts :)
 
update soon
 
-aish
 

 
 
 
Hello hello Aish πŸ˜ƒ
I am so glad you found your way here, and decided to read Elusive Lyrics! I just love the way you engage with the story and get so involved with what's happening. Feels like I'm sharing some gossip with a very receptive, appreciative friend πŸ˜› Fun fun!
Thank you so much for the sweet comment πŸ˜ƒ I really appreciate it! And it means a lot to me that people are able to relate to the story, so I was really happy to know that you too could relate to some extent.
About Irene, there's some more in the next part. Hopefully that should clear things a bit. 
Thanks again!
 
 
 
 
..kiran.. thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
 
4. Rain scene and all

 

I was on the hostel roof, which very strictly speaking, was forbidden territory. The hostel residents had been banned from going to the roof, about six years ago, after a girl had reportedly attempted to dive from the ledge. Fourteen storeys.

 

Rumour has it, that she was merely contemplating the thought and would not have actually jumped. Another rumour (set against the backdrop of a suitably morbid story), was that she would have jumped, had one of the sub-wardens not pinned her down to the ground just then. I liked that about stories - the fact that the exact degree of their truth was ambiguous. That, as a storyteller then, one could insert just as much truth amidst the lies, as pleased one's fancy, which could really be anywhere between all and none.

 

Fourteen storeys, just as many stories, if not more. I peered down at the ant-sized students and their matchbox cars. Death, surely. What would she have been thinking? Could it really be that easy to end one's life? Just one step beyond the ledge? Just a few centimetres, and one would be hurtling away from the buzzing bustle of life, towards death... whatever that was?

 

I slunk back to my secret nook, behind the water tank, lest I should be pinned down by a heroic sub-warden myself to become part of the story I had been a curious onlooker to. I pictured myself in the third person, as some suicidal tragic heroine, ditched by her ridiculously amnesiac (boy?)friend for her once-upon-a-time best friend.  I chuckled, amused, at the whistling winds. And then, right on cue, a cold drop of water fell on my forehead. Then, another, and another, and another. Soon, it was drizzling. Raining. Pouring. Cats and dogs. An entire zoo-load of animals.

 

And I just sat there, shivering, watching the grimy puddles mushroom around me. The rains in India were so different. I had always loved how the raindrops hopped and splattered over the fragrant red earth, warm and inviting, dancing as we did. And then, mummy's call, and that indulgent smile of hers. Ginger tea. And Parle-G biscuits. It was a rare treat for us kids, being allowed to deviate from the customary milk topped with that hateful wrinkly layer of cream. And so, just like grown-ups, we would carefully, niftily, dip our biscuits into the tea, for a calculated two seconds, just before it could melt into a cold creamy lump at the bottom of our mugs.

 

But even the rain here, that struck like millions of icy swords plummeting from the sky, had that same reminiscent quality about it. In the deluge of memories that gushed through, the one outshone the others. Me, as a child, spending hours in front of the mirror, practising, perfecting faces, poses. (Reason why, my childhood photographs, when I look at them today, are nothing short of embarrassing.) I wanted to be an actress, and saw myself as one, no less. Maybe that was why I still felt so drawn to extreme emotions, so many years later. I needed an exciting, theatrical life. Bland melancholy could not possibly be my cup of tea. Ginger, it would have to be. With Parle-G biscuits. That little girl, whom I felt I could no longer identify with, she was there, somewhere, wasn't she? Utterly bored with all the moping, most probably.

 

There was more to life, wasn't there? Because if life really was all about Kabir liking, or not liking me, then where did this moment figure? It couldn't really all be meaningless - the pearls that dropped from my numb fingertips, the goose bumps on my forearm, the mists descending gracefully from the cloaked mountains over there, the mellifluous inflections of the rain's deafening song.

 

And so, naturally, I got up to swirl with the dancing twirls, on the rhythm of raindrops, life. Like a Bollywood star. Take 2. It was time, it would seem, that I moulded myself into another character, a happier, more carefree person. I shook my hair out of my ponytail with panache. If anyone could do it, it would have to be me, I decreed, giggling. I lifted my face to the skies and felt our tears mingle into oneness. Soundtrack: peppy guitar, harmonica, raindrops, then silence.

 

Later that day, after I had showered and changed into something bright pink, I bumped into Irene in the common area. She invited me to her room for hot chocolate. And she asked me, in a tone of rehearsed breeziness, if I liked Kabir.

 

"Why?" I asked.

 

"Because I think you do," she said, avoiding the question, like I had.

 

"There was nothing between us. We just spent time together. But it didn't, it didn't mean anything at all. But I think you and Kabir look good together."

 

"No, but it's not like that. I don't like him in that way, like romantically and all. It's just for fun. We hang out together, and the whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing... it's not for real. It's like a joke almost. We're fooling around. You do understand that, right?"

 

I could sense the genuine concern in her voice, her eyes. It was moving.

 

"Yes, of course," I said to end that strand of the conversation, and proceeded to swiftly change the subject.

 

But truth was, I could never understand them, the games that people felt they had to play, the masks that had almost become what people were, ghostly semblances of a pseudo-reality. I could never understand the plastic world where having a life meant, primarily, having something to do on Friday nights and being tagged in photos and statuses on facebook to be able to prove it to other facebook friends, who were not, like, 'friends' really. Where love could be just a word, a joke almost. What was the point? Where was the meaning? There seemed no connection between people, let alone between them and what might have probably been a more accurate interpretation of life. There was only a frantic desire to keep up appearances. Weary, hollow platitudes. OMG, Mwah, boyfriend, girlfriend.

 

So, you see, the problem, if at all there was one, was really me. I didn't quite fit in.

 

I watched Irene talk, not quite sure of where the conversation had reached whilst I had digressed into my musings. I wondered what she would look like without the makeup, without her hair having been so perfectly, brutally, straightened. I wanted her to dance in the rain with me. I wanted everyone to.

 

I told her so, but she only laughed at my silliness. Way too many movies, she diagnosed. I might still have been able to convince her, but I believe my subsequent, most ill-timed, sneeze spectacularly deflated any prospects of success that I might possibly have had.

 

Edited by ..kiran.. - 12 years ago
..kiran.. thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
Originally posted by: --jiya--

resπŸ€”


 
 
 
Oyye Jiya, hasde hasde hasde hasde, hasde tu zara
Nahin toh bas thoda thoda thoda toda, thoda muskura πŸ˜ƒ
 
 
You edit whenever you can, no problem.. All the best with studies and stuff!
 
 
Ps. Love how you're always the first to post a comment 😳
 
--jiya-- thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
Originally posted by: ..kiran..

 

 
 
Oyye Jiya, hasde hasde hasde hasde, hasde tu zara
Nahin toh bas thoda thoda thoda toda, thoda muskura πŸ˜ƒ
 
 
You edit whenever you can, no problem.. All the best with studies and stuff!
 
 
Ps. Love how you're always the first to post a comment 😳
 


chal sirf tere liye..πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒ..okay??πŸ˜†
waise I can't edit now.. coz its 3:36 a.m here and I have class at 9 2morrowπŸ˜†
good night!!πŸ€—
spln thumbnail
Posted: 12 years ago
Your updates always leave me sort of giddy - between half minds, wanting to gush all at once with what I could connect, or just lapse back into taking time, sort of living the scenes during my gym hours or transit to and fro work - imagining to be the crazy crazy protagonist who seems scarily, supiciously, like some split personality version of me!

Sigh - do you know me more than I know?! *tries to raise the intimidating single brow to extract confidential information* No really, reading your chapters is like that sometimes. This has to be a story in the longest time that I never really need to go back and read old chapters for - to recover the details. You know? The trivial nothing kind? Like rain puddles that 'mushroom' around, instead of dancing pitter patter...!

If I said I love your sense of detailing - those icky luttle things like P-G biscuits that settle into gooey mess if dipped for more than 2 seconds - I would probably be saying what you already know. If I didn't say it - I'd not be saying something I think with literally every sentence of your updates!

So okay - I'll stay it in better style. I read somewhere once, how a piece that is 'effortless' to read (interpret: effortless to connect with, a paradoxial profound but simple something) has usually taken greatest effort to come to that form. Then I read genius words, by my long time favorite poet, Yeats. Quoting for you today - because you really live up to the ideal of it!

A line will take us hours maybe;
Yet if it does not seem a moment's thought,
Our stitching and unstitching has been naught


Keep writing Kiran. You never know how many hearts you're connecting with!
cheers,
NJ

ps: School?! Class work?! Life?! - you know the drill by now! πŸ˜†
aish_punk thumbnail
Posted: 12 years ago

awesome part! :)

so the hostel's terrace had a history? haha, how typical! but even i like such rumours :) they add interest to an otherwise ordinary place.
 
she knew that getting depressed over a guy was lame, and i totally respect her for that! after all,life is'nt about one person, you need to live for yourself. the wayy she just let loose and danced in the rain was  great! wish i could do that.
 
and the thing you mentioned about facebook and partying? seriously, you read my mind there!
 
she met with irene later on, who wanted to know if she liked kabir. so irene and kabir were just playing around? uh, i guess thats fun for some, but you know you might be losing out on someone who really likes you just for that 'fun'.
 
she wanted irene to dance with her in the rain, but she just was'nt the type. n haha, i loved the last line! basically, i love your style of writing. so simple yet so deep!
 
PS: i'm glad i'm reading this, i would've seriously missed out on something, if i had'nt! lol, gossiping? haha, i kinda love doing that ;)
 
thanks for the pm, its not a disturbance at all. but i maybe a little late in replying, so bear with that. :)
 
 
..kiran.. thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
Originally posted by: spln

Your updates always leave me sort of giddy - between half minds, wanting to gush all at once with what I could connect, or just lapse back into taking time, sort of living the scenes during my gym hours or transit to and fro work - imagining to be the crazy crazy protagonist who seems scarily, supiciously, like some split personality version of me! 

 
πŸ€” Strangely enough, she feels a lot like me as well.. πŸ˜† I'm so glad that you are able to connect so intimately with the story that the fiction-reality line becomes giddyingly blurry! That must be every writer's dream 😳

Sigh - do you know me more than I know?! *tries to raise the intimidating single brow to extract confidential information* *innocently shakes head, and tries to stop corners of mouth from twitching suspiciously* No really, reading your chapters is like that sometimes. This has to be a story in the longest time that I never really need to go back and read old chapters for - to recover the details. You know? The trivial nothing kind? Like rain puddles that 'mushroom' around, instead of dancing pitter patter...!
 
I really don't know what to say to that, except that I am extremely honoured that the story is able to stick in your head in that way 😳 

If I said I love your sense of detailing - those icky luttle things like P-G biscuits that settle into gooey mess if dipped for more than 2 seconds - I would probably be saying what you already know. If I didn't say it - I'd not be saying something I think with literally every sentence of your updates!
 
You're very sweet.. Thank you so very much! 😳 (Yes, that is a very lame rendering of how appreciative I really am!)

So okay - I'll stay it in better style. I read somewhere once, how a piece that is 'effortless' to read (interpret: effortless to connect with, a paradoxial profound but simple something) has usually taken greatest effort to come to that form. Then I read genius words, by my long time favorite poet, Yeats. Quoting for you today - because you really live up to the ideal of it!

A line will take us hours maybe;
Yet if it does not seem a moment's thought,
Our stitching and unstitching has been naught


You have shared those lines previously, but I'm so glad you did so again. I loved them, the first time I read them, and it's great to be reminded of them πŸ˜ƒ Just love the imagery of stitching and unstitching. Writing, to me, feels a lot like that. I usually write this huge, and mostly repetitive chunk, with ridiculously long sentence.. and then end up having to cut down and 'unstitch' the unintelligibly complex bits that I wrote when my mind was racing too fast. 
 
And I'm happier still that you still think, very generously, that the stitching and unstitching has not been for naught πŸ˜³ Thank you!
 
Keep writing Kiran. You never know how many hearts you're connecting with!
 
I will 😳 And to be able to connect with hearts, that must be every person's dream. I am so humbled that you feel so.
 
cheers,
NJ

ps: School?! Class work?! Life?! - you know the drill by now! πŸ˜†
 
Same old, NJ, same old. Sigh πŸ˜†

 
 
NJ, thank you so, so, sooo much for commenting! I cannot express just how heart-touchingly happy your comments make me feel. I love that you connect with the story in a way that, I feel, is so close to how I do πŸ˜ƒ Gives me that warm, fuzzy, inexplicable yet completely understandably,  feeling that you get with that odd friend who always manages to complete your sentences and speak out your silences. I don't think I'm expressing myself too well - which just goes to show how 'good' I really am at this stuff - but you get my drift, hey? πŸ˜› You reckon there's a raaz pichle janam ka behind all this? πŸ˜†
 
 
 
..kiran.. thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
Originally posted by: aish_punk

awesome part! :)

 
Yayy! Thank you! 😳
 
so the hostel's terrace had a history? haha, how typical! but even i like such rumours :) they add interest to an otherwise ordinary place.
 
True, hey? That's why I just love old, old places. I keep imagining what would have transpired there. The little things, like, what would the king from long-long ago, have done to pacify his sulking queen. The little things that involve stuff that would not have changed over the centuries.. such as love. Old libraries, in fact, are my favourite. Every book seems to have a story beyond its pages - a story involving the people that have read it, connected to it..
 
Ok yes, that was long πŸ˜†
 
she knew that getting depressed over a guy was lame, and i totally respect her for that! after all,life is'nt about one person, you need to live for yourself. πŸ˜ƒ *high-five* the wayy she just let loose and danced in the rain was  great! wish i could do that.
 
You can. Well, as long as there's rain. And you can afford to fall sick πŸ˜†
 
and the thing you mentioned about facebook and partying? seriously, you read my mind there!
 
Really? I'm glad you think so too! πŸ˜ƒ I find it so annoying.
 
she met with irene later on, who wanted to know if she liked kabir. so irene and kabir were just playing around? uh, i guess thats fun for some, but you know you might be losing out on someone who really likes you just for that 'fun'. Very, very, true! Sadly so. But the good thing is most people grow out of that stage, well I think.
 
she wanted irene to dance with her in the rain, but she just was'nt the type. n haha, i loved the last line! basically, i love your style of writing. so simple yet so deep!
 
I'd take that as a huge compliment! 😳 Because I was really trying not to make it too preachy - you know, the in-your-face sermons type. So thank you very much for that! 
 
PS: i'm glad i'm reading this, i would've seriously missed out on something, if i had'nt! lol, gossiping? haha, i kinda love doing that ;)
 
Don't we all? πŸ˜‰ I am really, really happy you're here too!
 
thanks for the pm, its not a disturbance at all. but i maybe a little late in replying, so bear with that. :)
 
Oh, no problem at all! You can reply whenever you have time. Honestly. And I think there's a rule around here that you must never apologise for being late to comment, no matter how late it is πŸ˜› 
Okay, so, I guess it's 'welcome to the family' then πŸ€— YAYY-ness!
 
 

 
 
Thank you very much, Aish, for the comment! πŸ˜ƒ You engage with the story in a very different way from my other readers, and it really helps to have reviews from different people who are reading for different things. And I am super chuffed that my readers list is growing. It's very flattering as a writer 😳
 
 
 
Edited by ..kiran.. - 12 years ago