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What is the point of getting married? (Page 4)

mittijalebi IF-Rockerz
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Posted: 04 July 2011 at 4:57pm | IP Logged

i've always wanted a partner by my side...someone who i could grow old with, share my innermost feelings with, have children with etc etc. 

going to university i found my partner, however, in order to fulfill my dreams of living with him, bearing children with him and growing old with him we had to get married...parents would not accept otherwise.  i cant say whether or not we would've gotten married if this stipulation hadnt been there because i've never known or thought of anything different.
 
but this tag of being married gives us nothing but "acceptance" as a family in the eyes of society and our family.  
 
 

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Posted: 04 July 2011 at 5:00pm | IP Logged
Does marriage have a point? Yes! I love attending weddings. It's fun. Running around with cousins, making fun of aunties and uncles, pushing people off the dance floor, eating and basically the whole package. It's like a mini family vacation for me Approve

As long as I'm only attending one, marriage has lots of good things to offer LOL

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Posted: 05 July 2011 at 12:37am | IP Logged
Originally posted by return_to_hades

Originally posted by angie.4u

Originally posted by return_to_hades



Marriage means nothing to me, but commitment sure as hell does mean a ton.

But if you say "I'm in love with you, I want to be with you" and sleep with someone, then you gosh darn it marriage or not, being with that person should be number one priority.

More importantly if you have a child and decide to keep it, then gosh darn it, marriage or not, single or together or however, that child is the number one thing in your life and everything comes second after the child.
A certain Prince Siddharth who was married and had a child left them both along with his kingdom in his pursuit of "enlightenment". He later became well known as the Buddha- the enlightened one. What would you say about his priorities and commitments?


I'd say his priorities and commitments were messed up and he wronged his family. No one is all perfect or all flawed. Buddha maybe a revered and respected saint, but he was wrong in abandoning his family. If "enlightenment" is one's priority and it will come at the expense of family, then one should not marry and have kids. There are plenty of people who don't marry or have kids because they have other priorities in life.

Although in Buddha's defense, the times were different and marriage was often mandatory. But his actions are inexcusable.
 
Well, he didn't really abandon his family . He  did better than lord Rama did with his wife Sita. Prince Siddharth left Yashodhara and prince Rahul in the royal palace,  well  cared for by his parents and the subjects of his kingdom. It was he who left all the comforts and  ventured alone into an unknown territory seeking an unknown goal. That again wasn't for his own pleasure or to prove anything to his subjects but to find answers that had been troubling him incessantly and which eventually brought solace to millions for time to come. Marriage had been looked upon as a duty in those days. Getting a son too was looked upon as a duty. He  took care of his duty of ensuring his wifes and sons well being . The only thing he did not or could not do was give them the benefit of his presence . He later did return and  both Yashodhara and prince Rahul were ordained  into Buddhism.
 
I think Buddhas actions can be excused.
 

A person has his duties towards wife/children/parents/family members/ colleagues/friends and also society . Sometimes the duties clash and a person opts for the larger good. Can the child  always be the priority no.1?

Closer home, what about the working couples these days? When little children get kept in crches or under some relative's or a nanny's care is that child being priority one ? If the young couple is unable to lavish as much care or time as one would desire does it mean that they should decide NOT to  have kids of their own ? I think one would have to strike a balance with the changing times.

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aanyakunat IF-Rockerz
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Posted: 05 July 2011 at 1:08am | IP Logged
marriage is an institution which is given way too much importance especially in countries like India... i personally don't get the purpose at all especially if a person is being forced into it... 

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Posted: 05 July 2011 at 8:38am | IP Logged

Angie, if the point of marrying was to be well cared for then all women would marry some rich old geezer who can provide for them. There is a lot more to relationships. It's about companionship, being there for each other, spending time together and enjoying it. It's about intimacy, being able to connect with someone emotionally, physically, intellectually. To be able to talk about how the day went, have dinner as a family.

 

It is this very 'duty oriented' notion of marriage that has in a way eroded marriage. People would rather engage in relationships that are mutual, equal, meaningful and fulfilling rather than be bound by duty and believe that relationships are fulfilled because duties are fulfilled.

 

As I said earlier Buddha's time was different, marriage had a whole different notion and the husband-wife connection as not emphasized as today. Perhaps for his time he could have been the best husband a woman could ask for. But still the fact remains that he abandoned his wife and children for a good long period. He may have fulfilled his duties, but he did not fulfill the relationships.

 

I agree Lord Ram was a whole lot worse. The foundation of a marriage is trust. The worst thing a person can do to their partner is publicly question their chastity based on trashy gossip despite knowing that the person has been faithful. Even if Sita had been violated by Ravana, what sort of man abandons his wife after she has been through that trauma. People of faith have their explanations, but my convictions will always state that Lord Ram wronged his wife and abandoned her when she needed him most.

 

Coming to children, I think there is a difference between working for your family and working despite your family. The cost of living makes it necessary for both parents to work, sometimes long hours so that their family can have a good comfortable life. People also need to be able to fulfill some personal aspirations to be able to enable the aspirations of their children.

 

Irresponsible parents let nannies and relatives raise their kids. Responsible parents use nannies or day care when needed, but still spend time with kids as much as possible. Irresponsible parents are engrossed in work/other stuff and don't know what is going on with kids. Responsible parents talk to their children, their teachers, their friends and are involved. Irresponsible parents make commitments at work or elsewhere without thinking about family. Responsible parents always think how decisions impact their family before making them.

 

Balancing life is not easy and we are all bound to mess up sometime. There will be forgotten birthdays or missed ball games. There will be times when people have things weighing on their mind and completely ignore their family. There is a learning curve to parenting and sometimes people take years learning how to prioritize. The important thing is that people realize that they have kids and are willing to make sacrifices for them.

 

The only place where I can see a genuine conflict between being a parent and other responsibilities is for a soldier. Sometimes a soldier has to leave wife and kids, with the risk of never seeing them again. Even truck drivers, expatriates, traveling sales people have breaks to visit family, time to make skype calls and catch up – soldiers often don't even have that.

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Posted: 05 July 2011 at 8:54am | IP Logged

@ RTH ----Acutaly problem/matter kya hey???Cool I mean you support marriage system or not!!?Smile



Edited by Prometeus - 05 July 2011 at 8:59am
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Posted: 05 July 2011 at 11:08am | IP Logged

Sarina, relationship may not be the priority no 1 as far as most marriages go since there are a lot of expectations in other areas  thrown in as well. Since you emphasised children if born  being priority no. 1 how do you see that being fulfilled in a live in relationship. The children may be well cared for but a child also needs stability for his emotional and psychological well being. Short term or multiple relationships would deny the sort of stable family that a marriage usually ensures.  Further an illegitimate child would be prone to certain disadvantages in society. If the parents are already living together and perhaps committed to each other why  the hesitation or unwillingness to get married? How would it detract anything from  what they have? To me it suggests a lack of commitment. If one is not sure about ones commitments is it fair to bring a child into this world? Going to the courts demanding DNA tests to prove paternity when relationships turn sour is so distasteful.

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Posted: 05 July 2011 at 12:14pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by angie.4u

Sarina, relationship may not be the priority no 1 as far as most marriages go since there are a lot of expectations in other areas  thrown in as well. Since you emphasised children if born  being priority no. 1 how do you see that being fulfilled in a live in relationship. The children may be well cared for but a child also needs stability for his emotional and psychological well being. Short term or multiple relationships would deny the sort of stable family that a marriage usually ensures.  Further an illegitimate child would be prone to certain disadvantages in society. If the parents are already living together and perhaps committed to each other why  the hesitation or unwillingness to get married? How would it detract anything from  what they have? To me it suggests a lack of commitment. If one is not sure about ones commitments is it fair to bring a child into this world? Going to the courts demanding DNA tests to prove paternity when relationships turn sour is so distasteful.



Ideally, children are born to committed couples who plan to have a child. My whole point of emphasis on child was that such the ideal situation is not always possible. When people choose to have children in less than ideal circumstances they ought to have the resolve to treat the child as number one priority. And the same extends to married couples as well.

The only person who disadvantages an illegitimate child is society. If society learns that children are blameless and that no matter what background a child is from they deserve love and respect.

Children do deserve loving stable environments, but it does not always have to be marriage, especially a marriage that is fake, loveless, and full of obligations. Especially if one partner takes the other for granted. What sort of message do we pass on to children when we say relationships and love don't matter in life - legal contracts do? There are married couples who make terrible parents and at the same time single moms and dads, or non traditional families who can provide loving stable environment for children. Perhaps society can at least stop forcing their judgment of the parents relationship on the child.

And its not always single people or promiscuous people demanding paternity tests, married couples end up in that drama too. Also what is a man or woman to do if the person they trusted denies them their parenthood or forces upon them a false parenthood.

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