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Is it right to talk back to parents? (Page 4)

-Aarya- IF-Dazzler

Joined: 02 November 2010
Posts: 2702

Posted: 20 July 2011 at 10:38am | IP Logged
Our Parents calls it 'talk-back' but we call it 'explaining', so which one is it? Wink We need to put ourselves into their shoes before we can expect them to ever walk in ours! It's all about respect!

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..Armaania.. IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 15 April 2010
Posts: 15841

Posted: 09 August 2011 at 9:50pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by return_to_hades

I don't think it is right to talk back to anyone. All people deserve to be treated respectfully. Parents and kids ought to treat each other respectfully.

But if we don't talk to anyone, how would 'exchange of opinions' be performed?
None of the humans are perfect and neither do they possess a Hundred Percent Knowledge. To make our knowledge more strong, more effective, more valid we have exchange of opinion, knowledge and if it contains Validity then its more helpful than anything.
I mean if you interact with someone, that's not being disrespectful.
But if you interact with someone stating something illogical and out of the topic, that's respectful.

Indian culture has a tradition of respecting elders. Youngsters always have to put their head down and comply with their elders. Many elders also tend to feel entitled to this respect, and don't really earn it. Youth today are much more independent and exposed to the world, and have a much greater need to express themselves.

I so agree with this. Youth are independent and want to express themselves more often, hence, these clashes occur. Therefore, the subject has taken another route. Yes, a cultural difference can also be one of the reason but most importantly, as you pointed out its the difference of thinking between two generations. The older generation really behaved cordially with their elders when they were young, where as today's youth feels to stand up for themselves and for injustice which happens with them.

This often leads to clashes where elders think kids are being disrespectful and belligerent and the youth think elders are being unfair and unreasonable. It continues till people bridge the generational gap, give and receive respect mutually.

My dads side of the family is very open and even kids are treated as equals. My moms side is very traditional where children are seen not heard. When I was younger mom's side was frustrating and I always whined. But as I matured, I was better able to handle the cultural differences.

Whichever relationship it is, one among the two has to compromise to it. A relation without one person's commitments does not really conclude to successful relation, rather it becomes rationally weak. In a Parent-Kid relationship, either the Parent has to understand today;s youth and their priorities or the Kid has to understand the reservedness of their Parents.One has to compromise and that's indispensable. So in some cases, Parents compromise and in some cases the kids.
..Armaania.. IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 15 April 2010
Posts: 15841

Posted: 09 August 2011 at 10:36pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by rahmona_pakswe

The fight I sometimes have with my 10-year old. Yeeesh! Wacko And I hate when she talks back because as a parent I feel like she isn't giving me enough respect. But that's how almost every parent feel. I remember when I was in my early teens. My mum always complained how I talked back and not giving her respect. My biggest issue was my big mouth (still is an issue LOL). The big difference might also have been because she grew up in Pakistan wherelse I grew up in Europe. She never questioned her parents or anyone for that matter. But I questioned everyone and everything. LOL
Now I'm not saying that being born and raised outside India/Pakistan  makes you more rude or something but the culture is different. In Pakistan, when my mum was a young girl, she was taught to obey her elders and never to question anything. The word 'why' was a big no no. It was a way to instigate fight. Wherelse here in Europe, going to school, I was taught to ask 'why' all the time which irritated my mum to the core. Which further on led to some quarrels between us.
Sorry for going off-topic but going back to the question. No it's not right to talk back not to your parents or anyone else. Not even kids. But we do that all the time, even knowing it's wrong, because we are humans and when we feel our authority is questioned or we are being wrongly accused it's naturally to react like that.
Hopefully you all understood what I've been trying to say in my post. I can be quiet unclear when it comes to explaining and forwarding my opinions. Sorry!
Also everything above mentioned is my personal opinion.

Hey I liked your comment so quoting you. :D
I really dont agree with the fact that kids raised up in foreign countries have no idea of constitution of giving respect and knows only to take up respect. That's exactly what you wouldn't mean but partially you agree with it?
Yes, the environment does play a major role in development of such qualities but if a Person is right, his opinions cannot be moved by any environment. Plus, you have been through your teenage time. You never meant to dis respect your parents and share your opinion but to them it seemed answering back and disrespectful act to indulge in. Living in Europe, a person can develop negativeness more than this one which is just piece of misunderstanding. And some really awesome Europe people you can see who are obedient also. :D 

See all I can say is, you have faced both phases of life. You've been a daughter, while your mom complained that your answering her back. And now its you who are complaining that your daughter answers you back. When you were a daughter, you never meant to be rude to your mom, likewise, your daughter is never meant to be rude.
As return-to-hades mentioned today's youth are much more independent and feel like expressing themselves. Twenty(or whatsoever) years back for you it was expressing yourself, and now after this much years for your daughter its expressing herself. So dont ever feel she is disrespecting you, hun?
You seem a good human being, so that's why got concerned. Take care.Hug

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-Aliya- IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 27 March 2009
Posts: 15170

Posted: 09 October 2011 at 10:56am | IP Logged
I guess with these things you have to think of how different people would react differently. Some people get even more frustrated when people try to talk calmly because to some its an annoying calm lol don't ask how but it is to some. Or they get annoyed that you brush off what they say or they think your brushing it off because you are speaking in a calm tone.

I think parents tolerate quite a load from their children. Sometimes when they overeact over something like this then its probably because they have built up their irritation and load or they're just a tad moody.

my parents sometimes do say i'm talking back when I am trying to explain calmly so I think its best to remain quiet until a better time. When I try talking calmy back to my parents I tend to take on a bored tone unintentionally which doesn't help lol

its not only parents who have issues with talking back, its teachers too. So I think its just built up frustration sometimes..

apologies for the essay lol
Mindbender IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 21 October 2008
Posts: 15869

Posted: 09 October 2011 at 3:36pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by heroin.

I had a fight with my mom recently and it left me thinking - 1) Why do parents get so mad at 'talking back'?, 2) Do you think kids should never talk back?

Basically, we were both very tired. She asked me to do some chore and I said I'll do it later. She got annoyed and started making faces. I was in no mood to talk it out with her so I just told her that there was no need to make faces. She exploded in my face and started yelling for no reason. I tried explaining in a calm manner but she wouldn't listen. She said some hurtful things and when it got too much, I told her not to cross the line.

But when we tried to talk about it the next day, she kept saying 'you were talking back', when I wasn't, I was just explaining calmly. So I don't understand, why do parents get so annoyed even when you just open your mouth?

Opinions needed. 

You come across as the mom and your mom, the kid - the way you've described the incident. LOL

Why only single out parents? Don't we all in general get a bit mad whenever we are talked back. It has essentially to do with the fact that we try to impose an opinion on someone and when a person questions it, it hurts our ego.
    However, i do agree that the present generation is much more open to debate than the previous generation. It is all a part of cultural shift. The parents, typically, are more orthodox than us because they were brought up in a more orthodox environment. The definition of open-mindedness changes with each generation.  I am sure the present generation, however much open minded it might consider itself to be, will find certain acts of the next generation ridiculous and similarly, the next generation is bound to find the present one rigid in many departments. 
    As regards, talking back at parents being considered- I believe, one should obviously express his/her views, but never forget to give them the respect they deserve. In general, my observation tells me that we tend to be harsher while dealing with our parents than while dealing with anyone else, while it should be the vice versa. Never take them for granted, and if, perhaps they are against your "talking back even when you were only explaining" ,give them a break ; they have given you many !:)
Summer3 IF-Stunnerz

Joined: 24 September 2007
Posts: 44425

Posted: 09 October 2011 at 10:23pm | IP Logged
What you do to your parents will be followed by your kids too.
SportsFreak Goldie

Joined: 19 January 2011
Posts: 1305

Posted: 12 October 2011 at 12:08pm | IP Logged
In any argument with the parent it is better you walk away let her anger cool down or just listen to her while she is talking...And it depends with what you mean with talking back..if it is shouting and screaming then that's a no no.

Also it just depends with the nature of your parent..When my mum gets angry i don't even answer back coz i know her well by now it will only aggravate the problem.
P1nk IF-Dazzler

Joined: 22 May 2009
Posts: 3248

Posted: 13 October 2011 at 2:05pm | IP Logged
I do talk back once in a blue moon and when that happens my mum curses me and says "tomorrow your kids will do the same" I reply "Mum i'm not having any babies" haha.

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