Writers Corner

   

OS- Fighting Demons

Post Reply New Post

Page 1 of 4

Page 1
Page   of 4
Page 2 Page 4

Ameres

IF-Sizzlerz

Ameres

Joined: 28 March 2008

Posts: 21614

Posted: 24 June 2011 at 12:35pm | IP Logged

Hello there!

This is my very first post in this section. Its not as good as many wondeful writers present here but give it a shot will ya. Its a little excerpt from life.
Please Like and comment if you feel its worth it. Embarrassed
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 

The thunder and rain was her favorite combination but tonight it seemed to be there for the wrong reasons. For if it wasn't the downpour her car wouldn't have broken down and she wouldn't be here.

The furious rumbling of clouds occasionally lit up the sky and the rhythm of drops falling sung a
melody of their own.
Inside she sat in darkness and silence, staring out the dreary sky covered by a heavy sheath of blackness.
Little beads of water remaining shone in her dark hair like pearls. She turned her attention from the sinister rain to the one sitting in front of her.
 
A black monster stared back into her brown marbles, with dark eyes, fire sparks raging in them. She blinked but the glowing intense eyes were still there embedded in a shady silhouette.
She blinked again as the shadows from the candle flame quit playing with her imagination, the fog cleared from her mind and she saw him sitting there holding a now empty coffee cup in hand.
 

'I wonder when the rain is going to stop.' She asked looking back at the bleak sky.

'Yes it's been too long. Seems like the Gods of rain are pretty angry today.' He laughed lightly.

She only managed a smile, clearly to distracted to do more. After all they were meeting after a
period of four years. So much had changed in those four years.
 
He had changed.
 
She had changed.
 
The whole dynamics of their relation had changed. Relation?...Wait did they share anything close to be remotely called a relation? The voice asked her.
 
She had grown in the past four years. More mature, more independent.

Yet as she sat in front of him she felt like the puerile 19 year old again. The same flutter of heart unnerving her to the core.

The fact that they had hardly interacted in those four years was even more unsettling.
They tried having a normal conversation but doing something normal was beyond them. She didn't remember ever having a typical friendly talk with him even when they were friends as to say.
After a few lousy attempts at something usual they gave up.
The pending tension between them too much to be ignored.
She felt claustrophobic in the huge hall in his house. She only had been there for one hour or so but every moment felt like a second stretched over a million.
 
Taking a deep breath she looked back at him as he silently sat staring into his cell phone jabbing at it rapidly.

Something in that moment, the way he fervently typed, the weather...She kept watching him.

'Did you mean any of those things that you had said to me?' Before she even realized the words escaped her lips.

He looked up startled and taken aback at her question, a similar expression on her face.

'What things?' he asked genuinely confused.

'Those messages...' her gaze lowered to his cell as if recollecting something deep, murky.

'What you wrote in them. The emails exchanged. Did you ever really mean what you said in
them?' She wanted to stop but the words kept flowing.
Perhaps the years of practicing of holding back were not quite effective.
 
The blaze from the candle beside them flickered, making hollow shadows over them'on them.
The discomfiture, perplexity with streaks of guilt and remorse stood like mounting questions between them now.
The answers trapped somewhere between.
His eyes darted or possibly the shadows.
 
You were different. He remembered.
 
His shirt damp, not from the rain, clung to his chest. Baffled and culpable he looked at her; he knew that she knew that he remembers. There was no point in denying further.
 
'I-...see it was long ago. I mean we were practically kids then. What were we then?...nineteen, twenty? Hardly the right age.'
 
Nineteen. I was only nineteen at that time. And you had just turned twenty. We had met after a span of five years; the voice inside her said. But it died within, not finding a way out.
 
'Well we all tend to do or say things that we don't exactly mean. I mean I do like you but as a friend.  And it was more like a phase. Really all unintentional.'
His words rushed. His voice quivered.
 
'But why are you asking all this now?'
 
She remained quiet her stare still down, as he waited for an answer.
The poignant silence grew louder as the awkwardness grew on them.
The tension ran strong, almost tangible.
 
'I hope you did not take all that seriously'they were just-'
 
'Words.' She completed his sentence.
With vacant eyes and not a hint of emotion on her face she continued, 'I know. Maybe I just needed a confirmation.'
 
'I really like you.', was neatly typed in the mail you sent, it was monsoon even then.
 
Noise of cloudburst continued to fill the still gaps.
In a lighter tone she added. 'You can breathe now, I'm not gonna bite you for it.'
 
She gave a weak smile, taking up all her energy to hold back what was propelling to break through.
He smiled at her smile. Relieved.  
 
'Yeah. I know you are a smart girl and as kids we make a lot of stupid mistakes.' Shrugging he concluded.
 
Mistake? 'She is just a classmate.'That was all I was to you.
She closed her eyes as the memory passed through. It still pinched, maybe with less intensity now.
 
'Yes you are right.' She said, her liquid eyes gazing directly into his hazel ones, searching for a shred of familiarity.  
It was hard to believe that he was the same person she had known for so long.
Maybe it wasn't him; perhaps her own incompliance had stopped her from acknowledging the obvious.
 
Looking back at the now gray sky she whispered, 'It's time. The rain has stopped after all. I better head home.'
 
'Wait I will drop you back.'
 
'No I will handle myself.'
 
As she started out to get out of the house, she said glancing back at him, 'Thank you...for everything.'
 
He looked on confused, as she moved out, the skies brightening haziness fading out.


Edited by sugaryanu - 24 June 2011 at 12:37pm

The following 18 member(s) liked the above post:

cutemug..KaJenDelena..janeniroopaWhitePearlsshiv_sis_squareabhiya_kapimimi_ssnitchseekerPinkSugarsajennbeebutterflyRitzieEuphoria.Ms.Goodyamail1601tiny15aish_punkIsee

Dear Guest, Being an unregistered member you are missing out on participating in the lively discussions happening on the topic "OS- Fighting Demons" in Writers Corner forum. In addition you lose out on the fun interactions with fellow members and other member exclusive features that India-Forums has to offer. Join India's most popular discussion portal on Indian Entertainment. It's FREE and registration is effortless so JOIN NOW!

Isee

IF-Stunnerz

Isee

Joined: 20 November 2010

Posts: 39141

Posted: 24 June 2011 at 7:20pm | IP Logged
i really liked ur writing even though it was kinda confusingSmileSmile 
very nice <3 <3 <3

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

Ameres

Ameres

IF-Sizzlerz

Ameres

Joined: 28 March 2008

Posts: 21614

Posted: 25 June 2011 at 6:17am | IP Logged
Originally posted by .Preet.

i really liked ur writing even though it was kinda confusingSmileSmile 
very nice <3 <3 <3
 
Confusing? Will keep that in mind.
 
Thanks alot for reading and commenting though. Smile

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

Isee

Ritzie

IF-Rockerz

Ritzie

Joined: 17 December 2010

Posts: 7612

Posted: 25 June 2011 at 10:17am | IP Logged
Very good Anu. You are very good at expressing the feelings and it was clearly shown here in this OS. The flow was perfect too, the re-assurance that the girl wants but doesn't want to believe, the casual attitude of the boy to consider it as a teenage love. I felt that even in the end she is waiting for him to say that this is all fake but that was true.


Excellent work!!!

The following 3 member(s) liked the above post:

..KaJenDelena..AmeresIsee

Isee

IF-Stunnerz

Isee

Joined: 20 November 2010

Posts: 39141

Posted: 25 June 2011 at 10:40am | IP Logged
Originally posted by sugaryanu

Originally posted by .Preet.

i really liked ur writing even though it was kinda confusingSmileSmile 
very nice <3 <3 <3
 
Confusing? Will keep that in mind.
 
Thanks alot for reading and commenting though. Smile
always welcme Hug
keep writing thou Big smileLOL

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

Ameres

amail1601

IF-Sizzlerz

amail1601

Short Story contest runner up

Joined: 08 March 2007

Posts: 14030

Posted: 25 June 2011 at 3:26pm | IP Logged
That was beautiful Anu! You are really good at expressing emotions - that's your strong point. Will give a more detailed analysis later. :)
 
 

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

Ameres

Ameres

IF-Sizzlerz

Ameres

Joined: 28 March 2008

Posts: 21614

Posted: 26 June 2011 at 2:41am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Ritzie

Very good Anu. You are very good at expressing the feelings and it was clearly shown here in this OS. The flow was perfect too, the re-assurance that the girl wants but doesn't want to believe, the casual attitude of the boy to consider it as a teenage love. I felt that even in the end she is waiting for him to say that this is all fake but that was true.


Excellent work!!!

 
Thank youuu! Big smile
 
Your comments always me make sooo happy! Im glad what i wrote was comprehendible. lol.
Thanks once again for the lovely comments. :)

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

Ritzie

Ritzie

IF-Rockerz

Ritzie

Joined: 17 December 2010

Posts: 7612

Posted: 26 June 2011 at 9:46pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by sugaryanu

Originally posted by Ritzie

Very good Anu. You are very good at expressing the feelings and it was clearly shown here in this OS. The flow was perfect too, the re-assurance that the girl wants but doesn't want to believe, the casual attitude of the boy to consider it as a teenage love. I felt that even in the end she is waiting for him to say that this is all fake but that was true.


Excellent work!!!

 
Thank youuu! Big smile
 
Your comments always me make sooo happy! Im glad what i wrote was comprehendible. lol.
Thanks once again for the lovely comments. :)

I just say what I feel about the writing. If you find that my comments made you happy then it must be your work that was so good. I am always amazed by your flow of expressions because I can never do it myself that too so beautifully.Smile



The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

Ameres

Post Reply New Post

Forum Quick Jump

Forum Category

Active Forums

Limit search to this Forum only.

 

Disclaimer: All Logos and Pictures of various Channels, Shows, Artistes, Media Houses, Companies, Brands etc. belong to their respective owners, and are used to merely visually identify the Channels, Shows, Companies, Brands, etc. to the viewer. Incase of any issue please contact the webmaster.