Writers Corner: Books, Stories & Poems


Writers Corner: Books, Stories & Poems
Writers Corner: Books, Stories & Poems

Story: Scholastic Affair (Page 11)

-RegalVintage- IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 06 December 2009
Posts: 13406

Posted: 10 October 2011 at 4:39am | IP Logged
It was a lovely update Kankshita.and the kiss was surely a surprise.in't expect it now.The progression is starting to built up really well.(Not that it was otherwise earlier though).And the ending scene and the conversation between the two was real nice..Smile and yes,this was a different facet to Karan i suppose.
    do continue soon.


Edited by -Debzyy- - 10 October 2011 at 4:40am

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a little faith Goldie
a little faith
a little faith

Joined: 09 January 2009
Posts: 2037

Posted: 20 October 2011 at 2:49am | IP Logged
Chapter Five.

I love this quote from Austen.  When people talk of change they say much but the truth is as Elizabeth states, that the past is part of the journey that brings us to the present, and in that way pleasing.  However as Darcy contends it is a reminder of his failings.  I love the fact that two people face each other when they speak because in that way as our beloved looks past us towards that horizon and the many steps they must still make and take we can remind them of those steps left behind them, those victories that they have already achieved.  That is how I perceived this DE conversation.  So as an opener it creates an ambiance of expectation, something grand is about to happen that it going to illuminate souls.

his warmth had not founded a remorseful and impure morsel in her shameful conscience to reside just yet. She was still warm and was going to be satisfied for a long time.  Beautifully written and composed.  Though strange that kiss was not strange enough. Sinister are the points of origin of a lady's contentment, always. Wonderful note, that foreboding disquietude of quietude.

he seemed to be choosing words to deliver Excellent.  Presenting a sentence rather than let it just fall out of bed and put on the nearest thing next to your feet which was until a moment ago upon the brink of being placed in the laundry basket.  He has my attention let alone Amaira's.

her spectacles which were usually not sighted or slighted LOLLOLLOL Excellent!  I loved the use of something that is used to aid sight being hidden and in the second instance that paradox that though they aid one's ability to perceive things more clearly they also a means to being seen as an inferior lessening.  Clever.

I liked the manner you segued through the opening passage of descriptions of her family, from that house that held them to 2D images of those that made that house a home to the 3D reality of both.  Nicely done!

I loved how you hint at the change in Amaira through her discreet acts of desperation.   Though her mother fails to see her need it doesn't diminish its significance or indeed its intensity.  Even the walls of her home understand her difficulty by the discordance of the familiar, those routine movements that they had come to expect from her.  She has questions about the unfamiliar seeking answers involving the familiar through means of her own gender.  Her mind is conjuring ideas that makes pulling bunnies out of top hats plausible.  LOL Finely composed plot and detailing of Amaira.  Excellently done!

his birthday, his end-of-year party, his after-party for basketball matches Again finely done.  As Richard Dean Anderson would say it is nice when writers don't dumb everything down so that a cow could understand it!  You respect the reader and so don't spell things out but rather leave much upon our intelligence WHICH makes me assume that I must miss much being quite, well, stupid. Embarrassed I digress, I loved this line for you say much about Karan's own home affair.  Despite the fact that his way hasn't gained him much he still doesn't need to be centre of attention or the world unlike his brother, he would rather just let the world spin along upon its own axis pulling him ever closer towards where he needs to be at any given moment. He liked his life and the people in it and trusted destiny, that it would illuminate everything as long as he just kept allowing himself to be swept along in its grand plan.

I loved JUST LOVED that passage of Karan's awakening.  Excellent and inspired.  However I really loved how you don't let up the drama, that awkwardness of the moment, that intensity burning through that cool ambiance binding Amaira and Karan. They were behaving so cool it was hot!  Then,'Just say it, Pasta scares you.' Karan announced smugly. 'Just say it; you don't remember what you did last night.' She barked.

LOL That freezing burn, so that you don't quite feel the sting for a moment or two but slowly but surely it begins to make itself known.  It's going to hurt real bad really soon!  Excellently done. I was holding my breath and reading behind a pillow too.  Just too intense and so casual and laid back too.  Brilliant!

Then when I nearly ate my pillow or rather pillow cover, in anticipation and anxiety, 'I am not sorry, get that straight.' LOLLOLLOL  It isn't chemical but rather like oil and water.  It reminds me of the whole why oil and water don't mix physics, as pasted from google for your convenience, Intermolecular bonds are exactly the reason why they don't mix. Water molecules have strong bonds with one another, called "hydrogen bonds." This consists of an extraordinarily strong attraction that the hydrogens of one H2O have for oxygens of nearby H2O molecules. Oil molecules also have very strong bonds with one another, but not hydrogen bonds. Oil molecules are bonded to one another by what are called "London forces," or sometimes "dispersion forces." This is a little harder to explain in simple terms, but basically the large oil molecules tend to clump together because of these forces. However, an oil molecule does not hydrogen bond with a water molecule, and an oil molecule's dispersion attraction to a water molecule is weak compared to the oil-oil attraction. So, the water stays separate from the oil, giving rise to the old chemistry saying "like dissolves like." 

So here we have two strong personalities who have different reasons for their strength.  Amaira being oil being held together by the familiar, her family and Karan, that Karan that she knows, she remains with them because relatively these bonds are stronger since she isn't attracted to any other option.  Whereas Karan has strong bonds that he is holding onto, he believes in family and so forth, he just wishes that he could extend that family.  LOLEmbarrassed  Yet some component of him is like Amaira, which component resists though dissolves at the same time too, though within himself.  we are nearly friends. Excellent!

clearing having outdone her wit with his own today.  Its easy when you blind side someone!  Obviously there has to be a reason he won so easily; she let him. Kankshita, excellent detailing and manoeuvring. Beautifully layered by that tear.  Beautiful!

I don't agree that her cynicism is insufferable, it is quite understandable in this modern age even before we mention her home life. she tried to gather reasons behind her scepticism, if there were any reasonable enough. So has she become Darcy, for isn't Karan more suited to being Elizabeth here, as Darcy says' Your retrospections must be so totally void of reproach, that the contentment arising from them is not of philosophy, but, what is much better, of innocence.'  So that like Darcy she may say of herself, I have been a selfish being all my life, in practice, though not in principle. Then that component found both in Karan and Amaira, By you, I was properly humbled.

Amaira beginning to dissolve through I came to you without a doubt of my reception AND Karan completely undone by You shewed me how insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman worthy of being pleased.

I know I read to much into things BUT Kankshita one thing I can say for certain your writing is worthy of much attention and deliberation.  It is always an honour and an pleasure.  With love, Sabah

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