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Story: Scholastic Affair (Page 10)

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a little faith

Goldie

a little faith

Joined: 09 January 2009

Posts: 2039

Posted: 09 September 2011 at 4:23am | IP Logged
Kankshita,

Though I would not regard us as kindred, I hope I never made you feel like an outsider.  IF is weird but no stranger than what I find offline either.  However I do laud your absence for actions should contain purpose, an intent or goal in mind.  I too wavered over continuing at IF until I found a reason to remain. "In the silence of the night when the earth holds us still."

I had to pull out my copy of Pride and Prejudice to ascertain the context of the subtext of your quote for it sounded like Elizabeth on Darcy circe his proposal BUT then again it seemed a bit off with that satisfied her so I needed to affirm rather than assume.  I found the missing element to be her anger and preclusion of justice.  However though lines sometimes seem alien when standing alone, I know you would not have chosen it haphazardly so by seeking out the nitty-gritty of it.

Monday was fateful every time it arrived.    I actually let out a sigh of happiness after reading this line.  Oh, how I have missed your style.  Very eloquent and beautiful.  I just loved how you weave that unforeseeable element of fate into that which is regular.  Just wondrous!

apart from remorse...I like your diligence, layering with those sentiments from her soul, even upon the shallow end of that pool upon the obvious.  Truly well done.

She looked distinctive to her brother, filthy to Karan and incredulous in the mirror. I liked the manner you succinctly recap the three important relationships in her life through her reflection in mirrors, gateways to souls and thereby illuminate refracted characterizations found therein also. ALL in one line.  Just skillfully done. Ending with she decided never to fall asleep before three in the morning on any weekend end and seguing nicely onto that first witty line 'It is not like you don't like sleeping, do you? Big smile excellent.

Then finally that moment I had been waiting for since when Miss Adams assigned parts, that he was not the hero which you then slice with brain surgeon precision His facts were clearer than ever that instant. Wonderful. Then as you let that sentiment suffuse through past his sinews, smouldering then scorching.  He was just as much a hero as Karan was for the few minutes of examination Karan subjected to him Gracefully done and electric!

devoid of any teenage roundness. Insightful and cute elucidation. 

'Why am I here?' she asked him and he thought she was polite.  LOLLOLLOL Kankshita just brilliant.  It isn't easy to play with the actual and literal without it poking someone in the eye BUT you grant it spy like qualities of stealth that would make secret service guys blush. So her sigh is heard as acquiescence.  Also elucidating Victor further and thereby informing us, that which Karan already knows, Victor isn't fit to play Darcy. Outstanding.

I loved the end of her soliloquy which strayed so far that I did not see this end coming and therefore brought forth much merriment. But much to her youthful disdain, she had to go to the gym Excellently done.

'I already sound HUNGRY?' she repeated LOLLOLLOL repeated by someone who is disinclined to look again let alone say again.  Layered upon that aforementioned she had to go the gym line it was just wonderful.

I liked the humanization of the school, giving it its own soul to fit its presence, one of its wings had a fateful demolition Monday I am assuming. LOL right over our damaged heads Nice touch, hinting at the students and buildings symbiotic relationship, though a perverse, twisted and opposing one. 

After a fortnight of broken practice, she was no more beautiful. Eloquently written so that you update us on the necessary but beautifully so that we are not bored but even incited to glance again, not at her but your words.  Excellent.

So, when the chewing gum had proved not to be an original Wrigley's, Did I mention how much I enjoy these details?  Embarrassed LOL Brilliant. 'Maybe Karan can!' Amaira's hand shot up in the air so high, I think I enjoyed this moment even more than Karan. LOL

'Do it like Darcy, please do it like him.' Embarrassed  Enough said or not said. Embarrassed

"Do you talk by rule, then, while you are dancing?" Darcy had become to Karan, 'the man who had sense' instantly.  Oh, Kankshita, I love you.  I had to laugh, stop, laugh again then just melt into Karan's mood.  I loved how you tweaked the line to fit both Darcy and Karan so that although Karan speaks it as it should that conviction is rooted somewhere much closer than maybe even Darcy had intended, though in the similar ambit. Just exquisite! 

everything sounded like S-E-N-S-E when something like Karan-studying could happen in front of her eyes. Lovely, excellent line.

not that I was here to protect you I really loved the unintentional subtext now contained within this line BUT the best part was those last two words, He fled just concise and electric.

Returning to the initial quote I surmise that like Elizabeth, Amaira is blinded into satisfaction with her appraisal of Karan because like Elizabeth she has not fully appreciated his intentions and thereby misjudged his actions.  In retrospect she will blush much, as did Elizabeth, I am sure.

Oh, Kankshita, I missed your words, wryly lines and wit.  With much love Sabah


Edited by a little faith - 09 September 2011 at 4:28am

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ScatteredCastle

IF-Dazzler

ScatteredCastle

Joined: 04 February 2010

Posts: 2559

Posted: 09 September 2011 at 12:08pm | IP Logged
I shall get back to this asap. Good to have you back! (:

CavingIn

IF-Rockerz

CavingIn

Joined: 17 February 2011

Posts: 8193

Posted: 09 September 2011 at 10:48pm | IP Logged

Good to have you backSmile
he was sentenced to an English dual lecture, straightaway.
Karan's thoughts holds true for all students I guessLOL
Every other hour other than your favourite (I doubt if I have any now) is a torture...
Hoping to see you back in action soon


Edited by Eowyn - 12 September 2011 at 9:16am

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epiphany.

*Nishi*

IF-Sizzlerz

*Nishi*

Joined: 26 January 2008

Posts: 14066

Posted: 14 September 2011 at 6:54pm | IP Logged
reserved Embarrassed

-RegalVintage-

IF-Sizzlerz

-RegalVintage-

Joined: 06 December 2009

Posts: 12928

Posted: 17 September 2011 at 1:45am | IP Logged
I know i m late.But i m not going to keep on cringing sorry anymore.Smile Beautiful update Kankshita.Your impeccable style of writing makes it all the more endearing. I remember  you said you find Karan "Underdeveloped" and difficult to conjure up but i didn't find you exactly fumbling with him here.  and Amaira is a treat to read,as always.Big smile She sounds quite similar to some one i have started knowing these days.Tongue
           The humour in your style is as usual, flawless and  smooth flowing..And the simple ending was-well..Beautiful.Smile
nicely done up Girl,Thumbs Up -do Pm the next upds whenever u do write.will be waiting.

Deblina(thats what u call me,right,So be it.!!)

         


         


Edited by -Debzyy- - 17 September 2011 at 1:46am

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epiphany.

epiphany.

IF-Sizzlerz

epiphany.

Joined: 01 July 2010

Posts: 19928

Posted: 03 October 2011 at 12:25pm | IP Logged

ChapterFive



Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure.

--Chapter 58

 

Amaira abstained herself from the benediction, it was simply gaunt in her opinion. She did not even want to spend the remaining time of isolation in the vicinity of what Karan had done. He had made her more atrocious than this before but she could absolutely not bear to wince at the righteous basis of his demeanour. The truest crux of the multilayered dilemma was that she knew that no man would consider pecking your head unless he did not mind being corny. Karan had positively done what others might only consider and his warmth had not founded a remorseful and impure morsel in her shameful conscience to reside just yet. She was still warm and was going to be satisfied for a long time. Sinister are the points of origin of a lady's contentment, always.

 

Kunal was a hypocritical and hypothetical young man with rare or no conduct of emotion. He hardly disciplined his emotion which was fierce and herculean but his exterior was like any touchy subject of a rotten homeboy for an elder brother. Naturally, Amaira had personally witnessed him making out with Rhea. Unnaturally, Amaira had witnessed no other guy feeding two sick teenage girls, one being his younger sister and the other, his partner in situations that movie people in India censor, with the green-clad porridge. Neither the lousy ingredient in the porridge nor the substance her big brother was punched out of was ever understandable a concept to her. Eventually she realized, not Kunal but Karan was her recent point of concern.

 

'He kissed me, Tart.' She ejaculated.

 

'I thought he must have before, might as well a lot of times.' Kunal replied, thoroughly disinterested.

 

'No, he did not.' mumbled Amaira, looking exasperated.

 

'Personally, I don't care.' Kunal lied and stuck his tongue out before displaying his teeth which were now finally out of the shackles of his braces.

 

'You don't care? Really, now,' Amaira muttered.

 

Kunal held out his hand and Amaira examined it compulsively for any spit or dust or any product that humbled her brother and disgusted her. But when she did hold his hand, he fended its top with his free hand and Amaira was out of the expanse of worrying about the chocolate that was sprawled around that very hand, because it was her brother's. He was serious, so she was hopeful he would make sense like all times.

 

'You guys are a thing''he announced, 'I know you are keen on hating guys and everything, and that I am the one exception of a swine so you love me regardless and everything. Just that, you've got to put yourself together, see what he's got to give you. I could be wrong, hell, you see but he is this ugly haughty brat who does not wish you to see him being softened, almost melted by the pleasure to see you.' Amaira wanted her brother to continue and he seemed to be choosing words to deliver.

 

'You make the best of friends, think about it ' there is no harm letting him have a go with his sentiment and have you witness it, if he does have any, that is.' Kunal concluded and smiled a joyous and satisfied smile, he had quite done his job; beat the living day lights out of his sister's thick and prejudiced aura. Kunal always did things that made her think and after nearly eighteen years of hostage and brainless thoughts, she liked to believe that she was tired.

 

*

 

If given a chance, Amaira's eyes would have billowed out of their sockets and joined her spectacles which were usually not sighted or slighted; they were simply a luxury Amaira was provided, the very luxury which she refused to carry around on the bridge of her nose. It was particularly hard to determine where they were kept that velvety night, they could be sandwiched between two halves of a one-thousand page novel or could be on top of the television which was never really switched on, but given a chance, Amaira's eyes would have tracked them down and shared the dwelling. Nonetheless, their mistress was in mood to meet her mother.

 

 

 

 

 

Amaira entered what looked like the simplified counterpart of her brother's bedroom. The wall in which the door was embedded was cream and the wall that faced it was bit of scarlet. The roof was perfectly white and the wallpaper on either of the other walls was mostly pictures of her and Kunal with their mother at the places they had holidayed. Her mother looked portly in the pictures, considerable amount of flesh was prominent, and her long hair was curvy like her figure at the tips. Her son had her nose, symmetric and long whilst her daughter had inherited her thin lips that changed colour. The children quite looked her and her alone but for their auburn hair, she had shiny black hair in the pictures. However, the lady whose body parts lay almost haphazardly on the round bed of the same wood as the door's and freshly laid covers had severely grey hair. She was thinner but fascinated to see her daughter.  

 

'Amaira,' her mother spoke and was refused getting up by her daughter.

 

'Yeah, Mum, hello,' Amaira greeted her and offered her the bottle of water she'd got from the fridge.

 

'Thank you,' Shailja Chopra murmured and smiled a tired smile.

 

'Long day, uh,' Amaira commented, in the back of her head, she knew what she meant, though.

 

'Long month, I'd say.' Her mother replied and pulled her covers all the way up to her ears and curled inside.

 

'Night, Mum.' Amaira frowned.

 

She did not wait for her mother to reply, even though she knew her mother barely would have. Amaira and her mother, they were like the princess and the queen together, the queen being her mother, insecure of her throne and herself being drifted apart. Twas regular with all mothers and daughters, Kunal preached and Amaira did not know the devil why. However, there was subtle love between the two, of a particularly unspoken sort. Amaira had always grown close to her brother and her brother was open to both the ladies he lived with. He was closer to Amaira; naturally, given the time their mother had to spend outside the house.

*

The momentum of his sentiment was precariously tampered with, the wholesome ideas of warmth always pleased Karan for some reason. He had seen love happening around, intrinsically cheesy love, one you'd puke just imagining but somehow, Amaira and her agile hatred for cheese were scribbled on his very idea of her all the same. Hers was not a life spent under exposure to two people theatrically in love but with a brother and a mother she had never reckoned she loved. Therefore, the demented act of kindness that he did to her hair and dried mouth were beyond his otherwise ideas of vigilance. Not that he ever gave his emotion a considerable teaspoon of thought, he just knew anything done to Amaira was equivalent to gaping at the TV screen in the fashion of hoping, hoping someday it would make sense. He was not particularly certain but he did sense how masochistically rotten it was just to think that he and Amaira had anything chemical. The world knew how she loved Chemistry.

 

Varun Walia was twice Karan's age, give or take a few and positively half his size. Karan had zeroed to his all time observation that somehow Varun's overly exaggerated sense of humour never got the better of his spectators but he had that demeanour of respectable charm, some sort Karan thought to be alien. Karan's impeccable brother was not very good to resist, it would be a waste of time, energy and hormone, women would tell Karan on occasions such as his birthday, his end-of-year party, his after-party for basketball matches won et cetera.

 

 But Karan managed to love Varun, yes he did and with these thoughts of self-righteousness and feeling as though he was almost noble, Karan abstained himself from sneaking in to the bar and grabbing a glass of wine in the name of efforts being put to call sleep. Honestly, puke would have sounded appropriate, what with his father's choice of wine. Karan slept a dreamless, almost demented sleep and it was ironic how he had not reckoned he clearly dreamed of Amaira this particular night, maybe he should babysit her more often, just to avoid dreaming about her. Those dreams got nastier on Karan every time they occurred; the most fearsome was Amaira manoeuvring Karan, the piece of paper into boats and aeroplanes of all shapes and sizes.

 

*

 

Karan's manner of waking was quite like a wrestler putting himself together after a fall, he'd carefully distance his body parts from each other and in the vicinity of the bulk, he would have a hard time analysing which organ to lift first. After he would manage, the first thing his red ears would comprehend mainly swayed from the morning barking of his dog to the filthy ring of the alarm. Unusually, it was today the banging shut of his room's door.

 

'Hey, I'll just, tie Pasta for ya,' Karan mumbled.

 

'I'd appreciate that, Karan, really.' Amaira retorted, examining the carpet for any Pasta-residue.

 

'Morning Pasta,' Karan greeted his pet pug and cuddled its chocolate brown body.

 

'Really Karan, Pasta?' Amaira never really made peace with her best friend of sort's pet's name.

 

'Yes, Pasta, and kindly shut up or I'd not tie him. Your call,' he warned her.

 

'Right,' she muttered and seated herself on the green bean bag.

 

Karan's room was a simplified and comprehensive game parlour you would find in shopping malls and amusement parks, minus the holy hooting and howling and cries and everything onomatopoeic to a public place. His was a rather quiet version of the very unsightly place, Amaira had observed and every time she visited it, she was likely to spot something that defined Karan's classical dimensions. He was quite like her brother sometimes, some man from the Elizabethan age trapped in the body of a teenager with a pea-sized brain, figuratively of her time.

 

'Alright, I'll just go, freshen up, then you spit.' He suggested, simultaneously manually visualizing Rhea's new style of air hugging.

 

'I dun have all day, you know?' Amaira pointed out, reckoning it was too dangerous to let him in the bathroom alone, like without his Pasta. Yes, some people do have more brilliant means of company in the bathroom than normal people dare to imagine.

 

'Just say it, Pasta scares you.' Karan announced smugly.

 

'Just say it; you don't remember what you did last night.' She barked.

 

'I did a number of things last night, most important of which, I kept Varun from a sixth glass of that atrocious wine.' He genuinely said.

 

Amaira was swathed in humourless comments and baseless ideas; maybe she would punch him for being persevere.  She settled for seating herself on his bed without caring that Karan's inedible pasta practically slept there and gulfed in an artificial sigh, one that were real could be quite a task to do in the proximity of the classic novels and music and benefit of having a rich father ' a collection of tuxedos and their owner, Karan who generally made her happy.  

 

'I am not sorry, get that straight.' He announced something awful again.

 

'Yes, I don't want you to be, kinda.' She whispered.

 

'Just dun think, right, I won't get touchy again, I promise.' He said.

 

'Trying to get generous, eh?' she ejaculated.

 

'Out of words and sort of the mind, are we? Just in case we had one, I mean?' he asked, kneeling next to her, trying to examine her stupid posture sitting in one that was stupider.

 

'I dunno. I dun like it, you see, all this generosity, who in the hell wants you to kiss their hair when they'd happily disown them quite themselves, Karan?' she barked higher and the energy instantly diminished at the end.

 

'Subjective, you know? Highly subjective, I did not quite know I had this, seriously. But then, you just ask me out of nowhere to disown my indigenous, or um, hereditary sweet nothings, how'd that be fair?' Karan asked fairly.

 

'Just dun make me the subject, dun spoil us, we are nearly friends.' She justified.

 

'I am not on a hunt for subjects, A, you don't make sense, neither do I, of course but well, it is like, you don't want me anywhere around your hair, I'd be obedient and keep away.' He stated.

 

'Wonderful, that would be it for now, totally.' She concluded and a tear rolled quite drastically down her eye and into the mouth through her lips from the edge, the stern lifeless edge, might we add.

 

'It'd take time figuring out, honestly. And then maybe, we could just get something chemical done to your hair and well, fix your insufferable cynicism. Until then, we are good.' He smiled the smile of victory, clearing having outdone her wit with his own today.

 

They side-hugged and Amaira breathed what felt like a real sigh before she closed the door of Karan's room quietly and departed. Matter resolved, yes. Amaira was not fanatic about warmth that Karan provided her with last night, anymore than she would skip a run round the park for accompanying Rhea to a new dermatologist every week. He was right when he said that her cynicism was insufferable. Cynicism without a reason is the dangerous of all, she reminded herself and the entire way back home, she tried to gather reasons behind her scepticism, if there were any reasonable enough.

 

 

 

 



Edited by Savage - 03 October 2011 at 12:26pm

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Deeksha_guptaa little faithCavingInFantasia.

epiphany.

IF-Sizzlerz

epiphany.

Joined: 01 July 2010

Posts: 19928

Posted: 03 October 2011 at 12:34pm | IP Logged
author's note:


I'm sorry for not replying to your beautiful feedback, Sabah. I'll just conclude here, you honestly haven't an idea of how much your two cents help my authorship on, maybe because I am quite clueless a lot as to how to reply just the right way.  :)

And you gals, you bothered to comment - thanks a ton for the wondrous support. Just that, some castles reserve and forget they had to edit em. Stern Smile


Now, about the story - I think I have control over the story again. Lately, I have been confused what to make out of it but then I came around. I am kind of over and done with my first writer's block now. I am hoping you enjoy reading this. And err, you know I value the feedback I receive. 


Thanks,
Savage

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Deeksha_guptaa little faithFantasia.

Fantasia.

IF-Sizzlerz

Fantasia.

Joined: 26 June 2010

Posts: 14186

Posted: 04 October 2011 at 1:04am | IP Logged
hey kanks!!
So, i am here.
 So sorry for being late or rather forgetful! Embarrassed

So it was a pleasure reading your work. Firstly i'll start with the presentation. You have an amazing aesthetic sense kanks!! .. really bravo!. I am literally a fan of your color choices and combos, a refreshing view they provide! Star

Next, coming to the story progression, beautiful as always. I am in awe of the subtle innocence of the characters, they embed in the heart. The kiss came as a surprise, but life is all about surprises, eh? LOL .. and the aftermaths of the kiss were sugary as well!!

Last comes the semantic evaluation - and that is -  FLAWLESS!!.
You have an extra ordinary command over language and literary devices - well done!!

Continue soon ..

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epiphany.

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