Joined: 07 December 2010
Joined: 07 December 2010
Roshni?This name was stuck in my mind like breathing was to my life. I had been trying to shake her out of my mind, and concentrate on the lecture but in vain. I had sat at the end of the class because my mind was clearly not present enough to be active in today's lecture. She was wearing yellow color again. When I saw her in the morning, sitting there and looking at me, I felt as if I had seen an angel. She looked so innocent, so pure and just so unreal. I envied the wind playing with her hair, and causing them to tease her face. Her eyes smiling at first and then a sea of emotions and fear! Why does she turn red when I am around her, or when I look at her? I have a lot of girls in my life, but nobody responds to my presence like she does.
'Kya hai yeh Larki' I closed my eyes and leaned my head back and took a deep breath. I was sitting in the chair as if I was half laying there, completely disconnected from my surroundings. As soon as I closed my eyes she appeared. 'Her dupatta in her lap and her eyes wide open and the sound of her bangles." Just her imagination was driving me insane and I had to see her again. But why does she run away from me like this? Only if she knew I had waited for her for two years and with patience yet anticipation. I never knew I will see her again, but I always prayed for her presence in my life. And now she's here, so close yet so far. She definitely knows I'm here, but I don't think she is very thrilled about it. Here eyes, full of fear but shyness, and her lashes falling on her eyes and rising to look at me. OH GOD! Pagal kardegi mujey yeh larki!
I opened my eyes, and sighed. 'Roshni' I said this name under my breath and felt the vibration in my heart. It was not normal for someone to affect me like this, and that too, so quickly. But there was something about her that made me lose control. I was getting very restless and just wanted to get out of that room and go outside to breath. Her thoughts were suffocating me and I was going mad. I excused myself from the class and went outside in the garden. My mind was blank, but my feet knew where they wanted to go. After a couple of minutes I realized I was standing in that gazebo where I spoke to her in the morning. I could feel the essence of her presence there, or was it just my emotions. I sat down in the chair took deep breath. I had to stop myself from expressing my emotions too quickly. For her I'm a stranger still, and she's the last person I want to scare away from me.
I had to reason with my headstrong feelings. But what could I possibly do? The sight of her mesmerized me and the flow of emotions just took me with it. I have to try to talk to her, warna main pagal ho jaonga. I think I should try to avoid her for some days, just to see what that does. I need to know what kind of emotional mess I'm going through. It's very important for me to know if her affect on me is just infatuation or if I'm really being pulled towards her by fate. I made up my mind, and took a deep breath. I got up and gulped down the stairs, and was on my way towards the caf when my phone rang. Abhay's name was flashing on the screen. As soon as I answered, I heard his loud voice.
"Yo man, we're going to the caf, are you joining us?"
"Yeah see u there in two" I informed him while covering my distance between the garden and the cafeteria.
The rain caused a slight cold dampness in the air. Everything seemed crisp and clean, except my mind and heart. I wish that girl didn't affect me like this. I took two stairs at a time and reached the cafeteria where all my friends were already sitting. Abhay and Pooja were sitting with their heads joined and probably having a discussion about something. Mo and T.J were talking about a fight they had with somebody last night at the club, and Rahul of course was going through today's lecture notes. I smiled at how some things always remain the same. One chair was of course left empty for me, which was the custom of our group. When anybody was missing, we would always keep an empty chair. I took my chair, and was immediately bombarded with questions.
"Last time you disappeared from class like this was when you mom called and told you that your sister in law just had a baby?So who had a baby today.? Pooja's question made me laugh, and I knew they would not let go of it until their appetite for answer is satisfied.
"I had a headache, and couldn't concentrate on anything" I rubbed my hand on my forehead so they could believe what I was saying. I know it was a lie, but truth was far more dangerous to be told.
"chor mut, last time you had a headache was when you had a fight with your dad". GOD! they knew me too well.
"I have to stop sharing things you guys. Kuch nahi hoa, I need tea" I realy didn't want to talk to them about it. I was trying to run away from her thoughts and they were not helping.
"chotu" I called for the worker boy and ordered tea. "strong with two tea bags, only a little bit of milk, and 1/3 of sugar"
"Sir ji I know how you like your tea. Aik Saal se daily lata hon" Chotu said while smiling at my instructions.
I smiled back and gave him a pat on his shoulder. He was such a sweet kid, but unfortunate to have been working at the age of 11 trying to earn for his family. He left after taking everybody's' order, and I was still observing him going around getting orders and delivering them. He was always very precise and never delivered a wrong order. As soon as I finished here and joined my dad's factory, I am going to fund for his education. That was my goal since I saw him first time and till today it remains. His thoughts had taken my mind off of Roshni for a while, and it felt good to think about something else than her.
We were enjoying the tea and having a discussion about the upcoming concert in the university when I saw her walk in with another girl. She looked like a completely different person than she was in the morning. She was laughing heartily at something, bag over her shoulder, and hair carelessly tied at the back now. She looked so fresh and carefree. A smile touched my lips and my eyes followed her to the table where she sat with her friend. She used her hands a lot and her eyes sparked and emoted her feelings when she talked. Sitting a distance from her bothering me and I couldn't help but get up and walk to their table, leaving my friends in amazement.
"Can I join you guys?" the expression on her face was too good to be missed.
Her laughter came to a halt, and her hand automatically went to her hair and tucked some lose strands behind her ear. Hint of pink peeked through her cheeks, and her eyes seemed as if it was glued to the table. 'ankhon ke raaste seedhi dil main utar rahi thi'. I know there was another girl there, but my eyes refused to see anybody else but the light spread over her face.
"Amaan bhayya aap?" Hain? Bhayya? Who was that? I turned around and saw Maria looking at me with excitement on her face and in her eyes.
"Maria! Tum. You are in this university too? When did you join, and how come Abhay never told me you were joining here?" Maria was Abhay's sister, and I shared really good relation with his family. I was truly surprised and happy to see her, as she was like a little sister for me.
"I just started yesterday in Interior and textile design. Have a seat please. Where is Abhay?" I heard her talking, but I was too busy noticing the changing expressions on Roshni's face.
Her eyes were wide open, and her face had a surprised expression. Her eyes were travelling from me to Maria like she was trying to 'see' the connection between us. I couldn't help myself but smile. I pulled a chair and joined them. As soon as I sat down, I noticed her body got tensed. She immediately sat up straight and buried her face into a book which I'm sure she was holding upside down.
"Maria, who is your friend? She didn't even say a simple Hi. Rude hai kafi ya moon main zuban nahi hai" I was asking but was noticing Roshni's expressions from the corner of my eyes.
I was finishing up my sentence when I noticed her hand with the book move down from her face, and her eyes glared at me like she was about to jump at me with the same book she was holding. I tried desperately to hide my smile and act serious.
"Oh sorry. Bhai this is.." She was just about to say her name when I heard my self say. 'Roshni". The look on Maria's face was of surprise if nothing else. "yeah, but I thought you didn't know!" Poor girl was genuinely confused and clearly had no idea what was going on.
"Oh I didn't know, I just read it from her book's cover" I told her half the truth and winked at Roshni.Her face fell open and her arm dropped from the table causing her to lose some of her balance. I was thoroughly enjoying Roshni's expression that had gone from surprised to bewildered.
"Oh I see. Rosh, this is Amaan bhayya, my elder brother Abhay's best buddy." She introduced me to her, to which she responded by a quick nod and a hint of a smile.
"Nice to meet you Roshni" I tried to sound formal and extended my hand towards her for a handshake, which of course she didn't take.
"We've already met" I heard her say under her breath, but I doubt Maria heard her. It was meant for me and I did hear her. I leaned towards her a little bit, "Oh, we have? Should I tell Maria then?" I asked her slowly with a smile.
"Nahi" she said it loud enough for Maria to hear and get confused.
"What nahi Rosh. Acha you sit, I'll be back in 5 minutes." Maria said and got up to leave from the caf.
Immediately after her, Roshni tried to stand up but I was a little faster than her. I pinned her hand down on the table with my hand causing her body to shiver and heat up immediately in response to my touch. I could feel her sink into the chair as if she was lifeless.
"Aap kahan ja rahi hain? I asked her while still holding on to her hand.
Joined: 23 November 2010
Joined: 26 June 2010
Joined: 07 December 2010
I realized her hand under mine was twisting and she was pulling it. I think she wanted me to let it go, but if i let it go, i knew she would run away.
"Apna haath wapis chaey to first promise me that you will not run away and would talk to me for some time." i gave her an option to which her reaction was just so natural.
She bit her lip, and looked up at me with confusion and plea in her eyes. I know what i had said to her was difficult, but that's the only way she will talk to me.
"Aap ko baat karne ka normal insano wala tareeka nahi aata" she said with a bit of an anger in her tone while trying to pull her hand from mine causing her bangles to sing.
It couldn't help but laugh and she looked at me as if i had lost my mind. Just two days and i have seen uncountable expression on her face and in her eyes.
"Well lets see, main aisa hi hoon." i said with a smile to which she made a face.
"Idiot" she said it slowly under her breath and it just deepened my smile.
"Agar aap aik normal larki ki tarha baat nahi karingi, to main kaise normal insan ki tarha baat karon? " i asked her a question trying to pull the world's most innocent face.
She looked up at me for some seconds and a smile touched her lips. She immediately turned her face the other way and covered her lips with her fingers. That moment for me, was a dream come true. She was sitting next to me smiling and her hand in mine. I could live my whole life in this moment. She was smiling and I was lost in the beauty and purity of it. I was looking at her as if I will frame this smiling diva in my eyes and heart forever. Her smile was so beautiful and dangerous. I just realized she had beautiful luscious pink lips and when smile touched it, made them a lethal site to watch. I almost wanted to touch them and feel their softness. Intoxicating smile, sharmeli ankhain covered by her long lashes, and the touch of her hand, everything about her, was driving me crazy now. I was losing control and I didn't want to do something I would later regret.
I let go of her hand and sat back in my chair and took a deep breath, but my eyes didn't want to move away from her face. She realized I had let go of her hand and she quickly pulled it back and put both her hands in her lap, as if I would try to hold it again. Everything she did, made me smile.
"Your smile is beautiful" I couldn't stop myself from saying.
She looked at me and the touch of smile from her lips disappeared.
"Amaan" she cleared her throat and said it in a low voice. The way she said my name made my heart dance.
"Roshni!?" I said her name with a hint of question in my tone.
"Ji?" that was the immediate response to her name, and she looked at me with questioning eyes.
I couldn't help but laugh out loud. "Pagli! You said my name, and instead of saying what is it, I just said your name?" I said smiling and causing her to blush with embarrassment and she immediately looked away.
"You know Roshni; I haven't seen a girl as innocent as you." I praised her while keeping her face in my site. She gave me a blank stare as if she didn't know what I mean.
"Is that suppose to be good or bad?" she finally asked me a question.
"Well it depends. Innocent heart is always good, but innocent face can deceive" I gave her a sane reply.
She narrowed her eyes as if she was seeing through my thoughts.
"So which kind of innocent am I?" I was expecting exactly that question from her.
"Well, time will tell. For now you look very innocent."I wanted to say that the purity of her heart shines thought her eyes, but I had to keep her talking.
"So you mean I could be deceiving?" Her eyes were wide with shock and her tone was amused. I wish I could tell her how pretty she looked at that time.
"No, I didn't say that. Roshni, don't put words in my mouth." I said trying to hide a smile.
"Amaan?"She said with a bit of frustration in her tone.
"Roshni?" my tone was the mirror to hers. I smiled at the face she made and before she could say anything I asked her "Be my friend?"
"Are you sure you want to be friends with a person whose innocence can deceive?" Her tone was mocking.
"I'm ready to take that risk?" I replied her enjoying her expression.
"Why?" her response came like an arrow shot out of the bow.
Because every time I see you I am not myself any more, your face is the epitome of innocence, you eyes speak poetry to me, your presence mesmerizes me and I can't help but lose control in front of you. I've been waiting for two years to see you, talk to you and to even know your name. I haven't been able to forget you since the first time I saw you. There was this and so much more that I felt for her but I wish I could tell her all this. All I could do was look at her and smile. The time hadn't come yet to tell her all that, it was too early.
I had a detailed answer to her why, but probably not the right one. So I preferred not to answer. Smile on my silent lips and the gaze on her face was probably disturbing her, as she shifted in her seat uneasily. Since she was not getting any answer from me she was looking around the caf and trying to look disconnected from me. But the fact was that she was more attentive to me than she was to her heartbeat. I could feel the presence of her mind around me. I knew her heartbeat was fluttering because her lashes were rising and dropping on her cheeks like a butterfly flapping her wings while flying. It almost gave me the feel that her eyes were fluttering their wings of dreams.
"Amaan please stop looking at me". She was talking to me, but her eyes wandered somewhere under the table, probably on her hands.
"Why?" I returned the favor and asked her a question to which she probably had no reply!
She looked at me with helpless expression in her eyes. GOD! Does this girl know she can drive someone crazy? She clearly had no idea that's why everything she did, every expression she portrayed was so pure and real.
"Why not Roshni? Why shouldn't I look at you?" I know I was making her nervous and was pushing her limits, but I couldn't stop myself.
She looked at me and grabbed her bag, and got up from the chair in the matter of a second. Seeing her get up, my body reacted the same way and we both stood up at the same time. But what we didn't' realize was how close we were sitting. As soon as she got up, she slammed into me and my hands automatically went around her waist. Her eyes were wide with shock, and both her hands were holding my shoulders so tightly that I could feel her fingers digging in my skin.
I was not expecting that and neither was she. We were both staring into each other's eyes, still a little surprised at what had just happened but not realizing that we were both holding each other tightly as if we belonged. I could feel her heartbeat against my chest and my heart was responding to meet the rhythm of her beat. Slowly the initial shock wore off, but a headstrong emotion was taking over both of us. Our eyes started to talk and our bodies started to recognize the essence of one another. The warmth and softness of her body was sending waves of sensation through my body and it started to take over my senses. We both understood the silent language being spoken between us. Without realizing, my grip around her waist was tightened and I pulled her closer. She took a deep breath but didn't make an attempt to move away.
"Zindgi" ?I almost whispered under my breath. 'you're beautiful' I was speaking as if I was in a trance. My heart was beating so fast that it ached. She was driving me mad. She closed her eyes and sighed. I needed to let her go. But she felt like she belonged here, in my arms, close to my heartbeat. It took me that silent moment between us to realize that she was mine. She HAD to be mine. Nobody else could hold her like I was, and nobody else could listen to heartbeat like I did.
Joined: 23 November 2010
Joined: 07 December 2010
Joined: 26 June 2010
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