Joined: 07 December 2010
Bent over the sink with both my hands on it's edge, I looked up in the mirror in front of me. I hoped to see my reflection, but what I saw was a girl affected deeply by a guy she'd just met today. His face appeared on the canvas of my thoughts. I shut my eyes tightly as if I was trying to squeeze his sight out of them. What was happening to me, and why was I letting someone affect me so much without him even trying.
I was not a child, nor was I a shy girl. But my behavior just a few
minutes back suggested exactly the opposite. What was I doing running
away from him like this? He must think I am a fool. But, why do I care what he thinks of me? Huh! But if I don't care, why am I thinking so much about this. I need to focus on myself, and try to think straight. I opened my eyes wide, and shut them again. I was desperate to get him out of my mind and thoughts. Why is he doing this to me? Why did he ask me about the dream? AGAIN I was thinking about him. STOP! Maybe he was just trying to create a conversation.
I was trying very hard to pull myself together. What I had done there
was not me. I had never run away from a conversation before, no matter if it was a guy or a girl. I had seen better looking guys than him, but then what was it..? Y was I not myself when around him. I had too many questions unanswered, and only I was the one who could answer them, but had none. Maybe I react to him like this, because I've been dreaming about him. Yeah. That was the reason why I reacted to him like I'm looking at a ghost. He was a dream that had come to life and was playing live in front of my eyes. I guessed everybody behaved this way when unexpected dreams become reality.
I took a sigh of relief. I was feeling better now, because I knew why I reacted towards him like that. I will slowly get used to seeing him everywhere and I will go back to behaving normally around him. He's a normal guy, just like any other in this university and I will behave normally with him as well. Nobody affects me like this. Nobody has, and never will anybody do that again.
I had reasoned with my reaction for the sake of my own sanity. He studies in the same university and takes the same bus as me. I can't run away from him everywhere, and why should I? Let's deal with him like a normal girl. In this dilemma of mind over heart, I somehow managed to crown my reasoning. I looked at myself in the mirror again, ran my fingers through the layers of my haircut, fixed my lip gloss and walked out of the washroom. The weather was humid and warm. I quickly made my way towards my class room.
First day at university wrapped up with the first research assignment
about famous interior designers/textile designers of the west. Us trio went to the library and tried to do some research, but we ended up chatting more than working. Maria and Amby both had made friends with the group, and couldn't stop talking about them.
"Rosh, you should've been there. Ron is such a brat." Amber was over excited when talking about the new guy she just made friends with. I couldn't help but smile. I had a feeling friendship with her was going to be fun and a laughter ride if nothing else.
"Oh so he told you his name? Did he give you his number too?" I inquired with a hint of sarcasm and smile in my voice. I tried to sound like I was surprised.
"DUH! Rosh, of course he told me his name, but guess what!" she raised her eyebrows, "He doesn't know mine." She winked and gave a low key laugh. She sat back at t he chair, with both her hair crossed in front of her, and tried to act like she was proud.
"He doesn't?" I was truly surprised. "You chatted with that group for almost half an hour, and you didn't tell them your name?"
"Agar naam bata deti, to what would've been the fun" She had clearly enjoyed her time. "I told them then can call me whatever they want, but he has to find out my name, as I'm not telling him. Let's have sun fun yaar!" She was telling me what she'd done and I was shaking my head. This girl was over the top crazy.
Maria, I noticed was sitting quietly, lost in her research. She believed in only work when it was time, and fun had it's own time.
"Hey Maria, did you tell them your name at least?" I tried to involve her in the conversation.
"I would've thought about it, if she'd given me a chance to speak." Maria's response made me laugh. Amby turned around and gave Maria a proud look.
"well, Madame, I happen to be proud of my personality you know!" Amby tried to raise fake collar. All three of us burst with laughter.
"shhh. Please respect the library's environment." Librarian was standing near our table, and had a warning look in her eyes.
"Sorry!" I said slowly. We realized we will not be able to study here when we are together, so decided to do our individual research.
I looked at my watch, and saw it was 3'O clock, and it was time to go home. I heard the loud bus horn, indicating it's ready to board and depart. I hugged both of them good bye and made my way towards the bus standing outside the university door. There were only two other girls in the bus before me. Slowly the bus started to fill up with the students. I was tired and wanted to sleep as soon as I got home. I closed my eyes and rested my head against my seat. I was thinking about my assignment when all of a sudden I felt a wind pass by me making my body shiver. I opened my eyes, and looked at the window to see if it was open. But it was closed and curtain was drawn in front of it. I looked around in front of me, and figured maybe driver had turned on the AC or fan. Satisfied with a reason, I went back to my position, but was looking outside the window.
The bus had now started moving, and I heard a lot of chatter inside the bus. Boys sat at the back of the bus, and girls sat at the front. The division between them was not new to me, considering the culture of our country, and I respected it. But I was not used to such division, so I sat wherever my heart desired. I noticed I was sitting in the middle of the bus, and boys' seating started directly behind me. For a moment I wanted to move up, but gave up the thought quickly. This is how I am, and why should I do something differently just because everybody's doing it.
I was curious to know if 'he' was also in the bus. I really didn't want to stand up in a moving bus and look around to see who was sitting. The bus now had started to make stops, and students were getting off at their respective destinations. Two girls sitting in the seats to my left row, got off the bus. My stop was coming near and I was getting up to go and sit in the front as the bus was almost empty now. All of a sudden 'he' came from behind and sat on one of the two seats.
His move was completely unexpected, and caught me off guard. I was half way off my seat, and was getting up when I saw him there. For a reason unknown to me, my body sat itself back down. He was moving the curtains to the side to look outside. I could see his arm muscle flexing with his moves, and that was about all I could see. I forgot to notice that the bus had come to a halt at my stop, and the driver was watching me from the back mirror, trying to see if I was getting off or no.
"Madam Ji, it's your stop!" I heard the driver's voice and broke out of my spell. I turned my head around quickly and got up to leave, when I noticed he was looking at me with the same curiosity in his eyes as morning. My heart skipped a beat.
"Bye, I'll see you tomorrow" I had just taken a step towards the exit door, when I heard him and yet again my feet refused to move.
My body automatically turned around as if he was pulling me towards him. He had that same smile on his face and my life stood still. All I could do was look at him and not utter a word.
"Jao na, yahan kion khari ho" I saw his lips moving, and tried to listen to the sound they were making.
I realized I had been staring at him. I turned around and strode out of the bus. My heart was beating so fast that it almost hurt to breath. I felt like I had been running, but the fact was that him being around me affected me. He was affecting me too much too quickly.
Every time I laid eyes on him, or heard his voice, my life stood still.
Joined: 26 June 2010
Joined: 07 December 2010
It was a beautiful night and the stars had filled up the sky to such an extent that it looked enchanted. I had tried to sleep, but all efforts in vain. I just couldn't take him out of my mind. "Jao na". His voice felt like the sound of my heartbeat. I finally gave up trying to sleep, and had decided to go the roof for some fresh air. The night had tucked everything in the blanket of darkness and it seemed as if the life had stood still. I could see some flickering faint lights in the distance. I loved the night time, because it always connected me to my soul. The quietness that surrounded me, forced me to hear what my heart and mind were saying. I had always loved my alone time at a night like this but not today. Today the life around me was too quiet but the voice inside me was too loud. 'Jao na…I'll see you tomorrow'…he was talking to me as if it was his daily routine. He also asked me about dreams and I still didn't understand why. Did he also dream about me, or was he just trying to talk? Why was he looking at me like as if he was searching for an answer?
I was getting very anxious and a very uneasy feeling started to set in. Who was he? What's his name? There were too many questions in my mind. I looked up towards the sky and rested my head against the back of the chair I was sitting in. The moon looked beautiful yet so mysterious, just like he was a mystery to me. God, I really had to stop thinking of him with everything or he will drive me crazy without him even knowing what I've gone through. I wondered what he would be doing right now, and if he had also thought about me. But why would he think about me. I'm sure he's a flirt, that's why he was talking to me like that. But I still wanted to know what his thoughts were. I wish at that time I had some magical powers, so I could sneak up on him or read his thoughts. But some things are best left un-explored and untouched.
Today, I finally saw her again, as beautiful as ever. Her round face reminded me so much of the full moon, only I found her much prettier. I remember I had seen her at my friend's shop two and half years back. Her carefree attitude and her innocence had drawn me towards her instantly. She spoke like a free bird, and her smile was the shadow of her pure heart. She was wearing a light yellow and pink shalwar kameez, and her dupatta carelessly hugged her slender neck. I had thought that yellow had never looked better on a girl before. She had a fair complexion but with a hint of pink in her cheeks. Her eyes were small but as if they were dreaming and her long curly lashes that she patted while talking made me want to touch them. Her hair reminded me of black silk, long and smooth, which she had carelessly tied into a pony tail. When she left the shop, the world felt empty all of a sudden. I had sat with my friend for a while, but became too restless and had walked out of the shop in a hope that I'll get her glimpse again. But it never did happen, until today. With time, her face had faded in my memory, but never seized to exist. Time went by and I had girls coming in and out of my life. I was not in love with her, but I never could fall in love with anybody else either. It felt like my heart and mind had absorbed her and would never let go till my last breath.
Many a times, I had prayed to see her one more time, but it seemed like she disappeared as if she was just a dream. But today, her sight seemed as if my dream had come true! She was in front of my eyes, just like she was when I first saw her. But her behavior had puzzled me. Every time she looked at me, it was as if she was a bewildered deer, caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. I don't think it's because she thinks I'm handsome. I had girls swoon over me easily, but her eyes didn't speak to me. They amazed me and left me wondering. I need to talk to her, but how do I do that? She goes into a trance when she sees me. Maybe today was her first day, and she was nervous. Maybe I needed to give her some time, and talk to her slowly and when she's with somebody. Yes, I think it'll be a better idea to observe her in silence and talk to her when the time is right.
I was completely lost in her thoughts when my phone vibrated with a SMS. I looked at the time and it was 2'O clock at night. The night was breathtaking, and I had come to the roof to sleep. I always enjoyed sleeping on the roof, mostly because I come home late and all the Air Conditioned rooms are taken up by my brothers and parents. Secondly I get a lot of calls at night, and attending them while family is there, was just not possible. I grabbed my phone, and it was a message from Simi, asking me if I was asleep or awake so she could call me. Before you get any ideas, let me tell you Simi is not my girlfriend, but a girl from my neighborhood, who's been after me for a very long time. She got my number from somebody and it's been 6 months now that she calls me after every 2 hours, and before she goes to sleep. I don't like to break people's heart, especially of pretty girls..! So I always give her the pleasure of talking to me whenever she wants. But not right now, because 'she' was on my mind and when she was there, no other could be.
My phone rang, and it was Abhay. Wondering why he called, I immediately answered.
"Sup Bro, is everything good?" I asked him, naturally concerned.
"Yah man, we were going bowling, wanna go?" I had a crazy group of friends!
"Nah! It's after 2 now, I gotta sleep. Who's going?" I refused but couldn't refrain from asking.
"Mo, T.J. Rahul and Me. Oh and Pooja's coming with us too" the crazy fours plus the mad queen were going.
"Alright cool..have fun, just don't get drunk so you guys can drive back safely" I thought it my duty to advise like a good guy.
"Amaan, are you feeling ok? YOU are telling us not to get drunk? I think YOU are drunk!" he tried to make me see the point, but who was he kidding.
"Chal na, just be careful and look after Pooja too. And mind you, I only drink when I know I don't have to drive. So bakwas band and jaan choro meri. Subah university main milte hain" I told him and hung up the phone before he could say another word.
Abhay, Mo, T.J. Rahul and me (Amaan) met on the first day of university and ever since have been in-separable. Pooja was Abhay's girlfriend and was also in our department. We were all in the second year of BBA. T.J and Mo were the gangsters of our group, Rahul was the nerd, Abhay was the comedian plus lover boy, and I was the charmer or I should say ladies' man. I was naturally blessed with a lean and toned body, so never really bothered to head to gym. My life revolved around my family & friends. I knew I charmed the ladies, so the attitude came naturally. I could carry myself in any look with ease and confidence, BUT never overconfident. But today, the way she ran away from me, and then left the bus without even replying to me was not gelling very well with me.
Ajeeb larki hai yaar. Look at me, thinking about her instead of going to sleep. She had intrigued me with her behavior. I couldn't wait to see her in the morning. I made sure my alarm was set for the proper time, because I had a habit of running late and missing the bus. But now missing the bus would mean, probably missing a chance to see her at all. I didn't even know which department she was in, what was her name. Too many questions were running through my head, but I thought of resting my mind and deal with her thoughts tomorrow. I wanted to see what her reaction would be tomorrow when she sees me. Just the thought of that brought a faint smile to my lips. It was now time for me to sleep so I could be in all my senses tomorrow.
Joined: 26 June 2010
Joined: 07 December 2010
~ ROSHNI ~
I was having an argument with some unknown person in my dream, when my alarm clock yanked me out of it. It was 6:30 AM, and I felt like I had had barely slept. I had come down to my room at around 3:00' clock, and had started reading a book. I'm not really sure when I fell asleep and the book was still carelessly lying on the bed beside me. My room was really dark because the curtains were drawn. I hoped off the bed and moved them to let some day light come in. So much for the day light, it was dark as there was a thunderstorm brewing.
My room was in the middle of two floors. First floor was dining, kitchen, guest room and main master bedroom. A fleet of stairs up took us to the second level, and here we had terrace, two other bed rooms, ironing board, storage area etc. In between these two levels was a gallery level, which I transformed into my room. I had painted it light lilac on the walls, and darker shade of that on the roof. My one wall was just glass which had a French door opening onto a balcony overlooking the street in front of my house. I loved my room, as it gave me my privacy and solace.
I loved rainy weather and I usually enjoyed it while sitting in my small balcony. Hearing the titer tatter of the rain drops, the wind playing with my hair, and the fresh faces of the washed up trees, rejuvenated me. The morning laziness vanished in a second, when the weather outside looked marvelous. I had gone out to the balcony and was indulging myself in the freshness of the morning, when I heard mom call me from downstairs.
"Roshni, if you are up beta, get ready and come downstairs. Your dad will drop you to the university today." I heard my mom say, and all of a sudden a voice shot through my head, 'I'll see you tomorrow'. What? No? I ran downstairs.
"No Ma, its ok I'll just take the bus. Dad will have to drive so far." My university was about half an hour drive from my house, so I tried to make that the reason why I should take the bus.
I really wanted to take the bus. I wanted to…I stopped myself right there. I wanted to what? I don't want anything. I had to stop myself before it was too late. I made up my mind to not let him make any difference to me, so now I had to stick to that. But, dil to hamesha se hi dhokebaaz hai, it wasn't ready to listen to my reasoning, and kept opposing me.
"Rosh, have you seen the weather outside, it's going to rain soon. Why do you want to get wet when you can easily get there by car?" Mom gave me a questioning look that I didn't want to argue with.
"Ok Ma. That's ok, I'll go with dad." I quietly agreed like a good daughter, and tried to hide the disappointment on my face.
"Go get ready Roshni, you came down without washing up. You'll always remain a 'bachi'. Hurry up get ready and come down to have breakfast. Your dad has to leave around 8:15 because he has to meet someone after he drops you to the university." I heard mom from the kitchen, while I was going up the stairs to get ready.
I was feeling extremely disappointed and sad, and I really didn't need to try hard to know the reason behind it; after a whole night of thinking about him, had made me want to see him. The prospect of seeing him in the university or on the way back made me feel a little bit better. Feeling relaxed, I went to my closed to get cloths to wear. I always liked to wear bright colors in a rainy weather. It always made me feel like a freshly bloomed flower that had just been bathed by nature. Bright colors gave me so much energy and strength. So today as well, I wore a subtle yet beautiful yellow and grey shalwar kameez. I let my hair lose on my back, wore a couple of yellow bangles and I was ready to go. This weather always brought out the romantic girl in me, and I loved being that once in a while.
Dad dropped me off in front of the university gate at around 8:50. I looked around to see if the bus had already arrived, but it hadn't. I bid good bye to my dad and went inside. I checked my class to see if anybody was there, but in vain. It had started raining slowly and I could smell the wet mud. I loved its sweet and soothing smell in rain, which was another reason why I loved this weather.
There was a small gazebo in the middle of the garden that ran along the outside wall of the university. It was built at a specific height, and if we sat on the chairs in it, we could easily look outside in the streets. I had time before classes started at 9:30, so I decided to enjoy the rain from the gazebo. It was a short while after when I heard the bus horn. My heart leaped up with such strength as if it was ready to break out of my body. My eyes travelled the distance to the bus in the matter of a nano second.
I turned my body towards the door, and was leaning over my chair a little bit to look outside. I felt like I was a damsel in distress waiting for her Prince to come for rescue. There was anticipation in my eyes, and I couldn't stop moving my feet. Boys and girls were getting off the bus, and running inside the building to avoid getting wet from now heavy rain. When everybody got off, the bus door closed and I felt a pinch in my stomach. He didn't come today? I felt as if my heart was burdened with something all of a sudden and the weather had lost its charm. Bus moved away from the gate to the parking area. I was just about to turn around when I saw him getting off the bus with the driver, talking.
My feelings at that moment are probably too difficult to portray in words. I could feel calm, and tranquility wash over me. My lips curved into an easy smile, and immediately my heart started to beat as if it was racing for its life. He WAS here! They both ran inside the university building, and stood under the sheltered sitting area near the main entrance gate. Security guards, some peons were sitting there sipping their morning tea and chatting away. He shook hands with all of them and started talking to them.
'GOD, he talks to EVERY single worker here. First the Driver and now security guards and peons! I wonder if he talks to the sweepers as well' I was observing him and was thinking that, when a couple of sweepers walked up to him and exchanged hello and smiles. I couldn't help but giggle. This guy was one of a kind, and I was enjoying exploring his personality. I noticed he kept his phone in his hand all the time and the other hand was always either running through his hair, or was in motion while he talked.
I was completely absorbed in him and realized was foolishly smiling to myself. He was wearing a grey buttoned shirt with half sleeves, and black dress pants, and was clean shaved today. He looked handsome beyond words. He was busy talking and once I a while he looked towards the main gate, as if he was waiting for somebody. I wonder if he had a girlfriend whom he was waiting for. But my heart and mind both denied that prospect. "Doesn't seem like he has some one in his life, but it's hard to believe that he's single" I was thinking to myself when he turned around and his sight caught me.
I noticed his expression change, and I only wished I knew what was going through his mind. I was caught off guard, and I tried to sit straight and look away. But it was too late to move, because the connection between our eyes was too strong to sway. There was something on his face that told me that he was waiting for me at the gate. Us lamhe main Kuch to tha hamare darmiyan. We couldn't take our eyes away from each other. He was looking at me with such intensity, that I felt my face turn red. His eyes somehow made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world.
We were bounded by a magical moment, until a voice broke the spell.
"Amaan…Andar aja hero. Hum tere Intizar Main khare hain!" It was probably his friend that called for him and broke the spell.
We abruptly looked away from each other at the same time. Our condition at that time was as if we were statues that have been breathed life into just a moment ago. I immediately turned around to face my back towards him. I closed my eyes and tried to catch my breath. 'Amaan..' I said his name under my breath.
Dil Ki Dhadkanon Ka Shor Sunon
Ya Is Naye Ehsas Ka Dard Sahoon
Ankhain Bewafai karne lagi hain
Usko Dekh Kar Yeh Rukne Lagi Hain
Na Dekhna Mujhey Phir Kabhi Is Tarha
Sochti Hoon Yeh Usko Kaise Kahoon
Joined: 26 June 2010
Joined: 07 December 2010
I was having difficulty composing myself. Dil kaboo main hi nahi araha tha.I had closed my eyes and was rubbing my forehead with my fingertips when I felt someone's presence near me. Before I could open my eyes, I heard his voice.
"Aaj bus main nahi thi" I'm not sure if it was his question or the tone of the question that forced me to tremble. I opened my eyes slowly and saw him sitting on the chair in front of me.
His eyes were roaming over my face as if he would get his answer without even me speaking. The intensity in his eyes scared me, and I couldn't answer even if I wanted do. He was sitting at a hand's distance from me and his mere presence was starting to upset my heartbeat. I quickly got up and turned around to leave when He grabbed my hand and pulled me down on my chair, knocking me breathless. My dupatta fell in my lap and all I could do was look at his face with my eyes wide open.
"Bhagti kion ho mujse. Meri baat ka jawab kion nahi deti?" His tone was possessive and I felt my heart flutter.
"Wo..wo actually..class, I have to go to my class." I managed to say under my breath.I was stammering and pointed my finger towards the back, but couldn't take my eyes away from his, nor could I get up again.
He was sitting there looking at me with his hand still holding mine. Had he forgotten or was he purposely neglecting to let it go? The warmth and smoothness of his hand was sending heat waves and shivers through my body, and I was turning the darkest shade of red.
"Mmmera haath chordain please." I said trying to look down. I was feeling extremely shy. Never had a guy touched me in my life. This feeling was so new to me that I was having trouble breathing and looking at him.
He let go of my hand and picked up my book that had fallen down from my hand when he pulled me down. He looked at the cover and I could see his eyes smile followed by his lips, causing his dimples to flash.
"Roshni'to aap Roshni ho" Oh dear God! He read my name from the book. Why do I have the habit of writing my name on all my books? I quickly grabbed the book from his hand and stood up to leave only to be blocked by him standing in front of me.
If I hadn't stopped myself on my back foot, I would have hit into him. I looked up and saw him standing so close that I could feel his breath on my face. My hands were trembling and I needed to get away from him. My eyes couldn't bear to look at him at all.
"Amaan, hatain please." My voice was so low I doubt he could hear it, but he had and his reaction had been unexpected.
"I never knew my name was so beautiful. It must be the way you say it." He took a step closer and I automatically moved back. "You know this color makes you look like a flower sitting in the middle of the garden."
He was talking and I couldn't help but stare at him. My heart was trembling and my body felt light as feather. His eyes had caught hold of mine, and the only thing I could see were the emotions peeking through his deep brown eyes. Nobody had ever told me that eyes could say more than our voices did.
"Zindgi, your name should be Zindgi because everything looks alive around you" I couldn't bear to stand there any longer and listen to him. I was on the verge of breaking and this was too much to understand.
"Amaan, mujhey jana hai" my lips moved, but my eyes refused to do so. Immediately he moved out of my way.
I looked down, and bit my lip to keep myself quiet. "Why? Why are you saying all this to me? This is just the second day you have seen me, but the emotions in your eyes tell me a different story." I wanted to ask him, but if I had stayed there for one more minute, it would've been impossible for me to keep my sanity.
I turned around and flee down the two stairs, and walked to my class in quick strides. It had now stopped raining, but the breeze was still cool and moist. I took my seat in the class and put my head down on the table. My heartbeat was out of control. I had always loved rainy weather, but from today a rainy day will never be the same. To everybody else this rain was just weather, but to me it was now his emotions. Every word he said, felt like a drop of rain quenching the thirst of my barren heart.
Zindgi ho tum, khoobsurat ho tum
Kaha usne kuch is ada se mujhey
Shoro hoa kuch aisa silsila ehsason ka
Joined: 23 November 2010
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