Writers Corner: Books, Stories & Poems


Writers Corner: Books, Stories & Poems
Writers Corner: Books, Stories & Poems

Eyes And Vision [Original SS] : Chapter 10 : Pg 53 (Page 55)

tukun2009 Senior Member

Joined: 07 August 2010
Posts: 448

Posted: 16 August 2011 at 8:25am | IP Logged

amazing updateClapfeling sad for pankhudi.hope she accepts arth love i know it is difficult.but she can try after suffering betrayal i know she will take time to trust people but seeing pankhudi nature i know she wont give up.pls cont soon

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a little faith Goldie
a little faith
a little faith

Joined: 09 January 2009
Posts: 2037

Posted: 18 August 2011 at 3:36pm | IP Logged
Chapter ten. 

I quietly listened to everything she had to say. I couldn't believe how someone can be such a bas***d! She was blind for God sake! How could he do something with someone like her? I loved how you illuminate his innocence of the world through her experience.  His negative experiences of human emotions seem to pale when compared to hers but more so he feels that she doesn't deserve them, that she has suffered enough.  It brings out his naivety in regards this world for in truth most who have seem much of it come to know one thing, pain, hurt and suffering is not prejudiced in any way and will affect anyone and everyone.  Young, old, tall, short, rich wealthy, the blessed the arrogant and yes even those who have suffered much at its hands already.  The truth is the manner we deal with these negative emotions is what differentiates us, ranks us in this world NOT those aspects that I listed. 

He found the best person he has ever come across BUT to know that he had to see her through her the trials she had been tested by. 

I love the manner you don't just state things, like he is nice or he was naive and innocent BUT you write narrative, lines wherein we can find their heart's state.  It isn't easy and takes much skill and of course talent like yours helps too. Embarrassed

She is so innocent…like the dew drops on a rose. She was more fragile than the petals of a rose. Although she is very strong and can handle everything, yet she was lonely. Surely there must be someone made for her.

Then that affinity, the reason destiny brought him here.  Already there is a vast difference between her Arth and the soon to be this Arth of hers.  He wishes not just love for her, but commitment, someone who would live out her days with her.  Beautifully done. 

Someone who would accept her the way she is….someone who would love her unconditionally…someone who would hold her in his arms and love her to eternity.

This was just endearing.  The more he falls for her, the more we fall for him.  Finely done.

As soon as I visualized someone holding her in his arms, my blood boiled. The image was revolting. I felt panic…possession…pain. And then I realized something.

LOLLOLLOLThen that twist, just very imaginatively done. I did not see it coming, so it was like a surprise.  The good kind.  Excellently composed.

I was falling for her, if I hadn't already.

I was lost in my thoughts….trying to figure out how and when this had happened. And then, her voice broke my trance.

To quote Darcy, "i was in the middle before I knew I had begun." To quote myself, "the seed was planted long before he knew, and grew, and grew and grew!

"Itna sab kuch sunne ke baad bhi aap yahin hain? Aapko kuch nahi kehna hai?"

She still doubted me? I felt hurt. How could she doubt me after all this? And then, I just realized how much she mattered to me…how much her opinion of me mattered to me.

Brick by brick a house becomes a home, just like word by word a heart is pulled into another's soul, just like moment by moment we begin to feel less alone.

I loved your composition, the manner you slowly unfold a tale so that nothing seems rushed or preposterous but natural like the fall of summer rain, unexpected but not unwanted nor unusual either.  Just finely done.

"Kehna hai na."

She winced. It was as if she was prepared to take the blow yet she was nervous.

Even though it must have pinched him, there was happiness in there somewhere too, she cared for his reaction. Nicely done.

"Toh kahiye na. Kya kehna chahte hain aap? And ghabraiye mat…agar aap abhi humein chod kar bhi chale jaayein, toh bhi hum aapko dosh nahi denge. Galti humari hi thi…aur vaise bhi hum aapko sahara dene aaye the…toh hum aap se sahare ki ummeed kabhi bhi nahi karenge."

Was she serious? I think we, both him and us knew her well enough to know that she was serious and not so too.  Umeed toh hai lekin khwaish jaise, as caging as a breeze could ever be.  She laid out her soul wherein we would find her desires, her wishes, but she never begs him, never asks him but leaves open her heart just like that door to her house, so that if he wishes he can make her his home.

I braced myself for the impact I was going to make on her. I had to say this out. I couldn't hold it any longer. It was now or never.

"Pankhudi…marry me?"

She looked damn shocked. Her eyes dilated and then she turned to stone. She had shut off all her emotions. I could see that in those eyes. And then she said something which broke my heart.

"Nahi."  OK, so that was unexpected.  Confused However I always trust writers, especially one as gifted as yourself and so insightful too.  This is your piece and so far you have never disappointed, I know that there is something more you wish to say, and that you will tell it well.  Looking forward to it. With much love, Sabah

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.rumki. IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 06 March 2010
Posts: 14597

Posted: 22 August 2011 at 4:14am | IP Logged
awesome update

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valliyah Goldie

Joined: 02 March 2010
Posts: 1804

Posted: 12 September 2011 at 9:33am | IP Logged

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sariska_mnarti IF-Rockerz

Joined: 26 January 2010
Posts: 5199

Posted: 01 October 2011 at 5:55am | IP Logged

Nice part

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.SilentPrincess IF-Rockerz

Joined: 31 March 2009
Posts: 7663

Posted: 14 October 2011 at 5:29pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by ...Mahak...

Originally posted by .SilentPrincess

Wonderful update Mehak...Thanks Laiba :) So finally the past is over.. Yeah, it is. Okay I have to admit the past wasn't so dark as I thought...It initially was, but i changed it for someone. She didn't wanted to read so much misery, so i had to lessen it up. But it was definitely painful. Yeah, it was.

Especially when she said this...

"Galti humari hi thi'humne socha bhi kaise ki koi ladka ek andhi ladki se shaadi kar sakta hai? Humari hi galti thi'joh humne socha ki shayad woh humse sacha pyaar karte hain'aur humne apne baba ki seekh ko bhulakar apna sab kuch unhe de diya."

Heart wrenching... Yeah, the only time she doubts herself...was this time..

Ab ghalti kis ki thi aur kis ki nahin...?? Pankhudi ke nazariye say dekhe toh woh ghalat nahi thi... Kyunke uss ne sacha pyaar kiya tha, aur yeh bhi soch liye ke jis say woh pyaar karti hai woh bhi usse sacha pyaar karta hain...God! you KNOW her...i mean, you really do...sabko batana pada ki she wasn't wrong...and u understood that she wasn't wrong. Really, you know my Pankhudi.

Agar woh sach main usse pyaar karta tha na toh Pankhudi ka andha hone us k liye koi mainey nahin rakhna chahiye. Woh jaisi hai uss say waise he apnata...But that was the whole point, he never loved her. He only lusted her. And that's why he never understood.

Ab iss main Pankhudi ki kya ghalti hai, Pyaar main kya ghalat or kya sahi kuch pata nahi chalta bas behte jaate hain aur jab haqeeqat aaknhon ke samne aathi hain toh buhat dher ho chuki hoti hain... I wouldn't say she was at fault she was rather a victim... I really adore you now. Sahi maayne mein, meri Pankhudi ko abhi tak...sirf tumne samjha hai...Pankhudi wasn't at fault...she was rather a victim of situations :) Meri Pankhudi ko samajhne ke liye shukriya :)

I felt really bad for her...I can understand that. I felt the pain myself. Pehle usse bachaya phir pyaar ka ehsaas dilaya... aur phir uss ke andhe pan ko le kar usse chor diya...I hate such pieces of crap.

She must be really strong...She is. Usne zindagi se haar maanna nahi seekha hai. Sab kuch hone ke baad she's standing...Indeed she is :) A very admireable woman...  :) Oh...i just love her.

I'm very curious about Arth's reaction...Everyone seems to be. I think he will stay with her, he doesn't seem like the one to run away.. God! you are the only one to say this...you are not going to be disappointed. He might be speechless but he will be with her.. :) You would be amazed when he does speak.

Thank you for the double updates... Embarrassed  It was entirely my pleasure :) Do continue soon... :) I am updating it today :)


Thanks :)

I am glad that the part was met with your expectations :)

I replied to you above itself :)

- Mahak

Really? I feel blessed... I'm not always the one understanding the main character... But it feels good... :) because Pankhudi is a special character...
Hmm... Pankhudi kisi bhi taraf say ghalat nahi...
Agar muhabbat karna gunah hai, toh iss duniya k tamam log gunhegaar hai ... ;)


Edited by .SilentPrincess - 14 October 2011 at 5:36pm

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.SilentPrincess IF-Rockerz

Joined: 31 March 2009
Posts: 7663

Posted: 14 October 2011 at 5:30pm | IP Logged

Okay I just realized I haven't commented on the latest par yet. I've read it, but not commented. Ouch So here it is... :)

Beautifully written Mehak. You describe everything so well. And that makes visualizing the scenes easier. And as Sabah said... another unique fact about your writing is that you don't say things right out, but let us feel it ourselves.. that's a really unique quality in a writer.
I was really shocked by Arths last words... he proposed to her... that really shocked me, he wans to marry her.. Its sweet but then its not. Marriage for him might be right...what about her. She been through so much... I wasn't shocked nor surprised by her denial or rejection. She truly loved. And true love doesn't happen everyday. And the most important thing in love is trust. But her trust got shatttered, she gave away everything in love. and what did she get back... nothing but betrayel, pain and the cruelty of the real world. Trusting someoen again, is hard, especially for her... how can she trust someone again... and that too a guy. Yes Arth isn't like that, but after such a heartbreak trusting seems like impossible. Arth have to gain her trust, and I'm excited to see how he does it. Muhabbat karna bohat asaan hain, par muhabbat k saath wafah karna utna he muskhil... Arth ne muhabbat toh kar liy, par uss ke saath wafah kaise karta hai... ab yehi dekhna hain.

Update soon Mehak ... :)


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FragranceOfLove IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 28 August 2009
Posts: 15190

Posted: 26 October 2011 at 2:33am | IP Logged
Originally posted by PrithviSanyo1

awesome,brilliant update
loved it

Thanks yaar... I know it was way too short, But glad that you liked it.

I am posting the next part today :)

Sorry for so much delay :/

- Mahak :)

Edited by ...Mahak... - 26 October 2011 at 2:33am

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