Originally posted by woman11
Tanvismile: I really appreciate you for putting forward an alternative point of view when the general trend in the forum now is more anti-Gauri/Jagat and pro-Anandi. I myself tend to be on Anandi's side most of the times, but that doesn't mean I do not respect a balanced opposite point of view. Having said that let me respond to some of the points you have raised and am trying to see things without bias.
1) You justify that Gauri is perfectly human in feeling hurt. Agreed she is. Anyone would be crushed if put in her situation. But the point here is that she did have a choice in not going through this torture. She should have sensed the hostility of the family right from the beginning and should have left with dignity. It's unwise to argue and provoke the people who are already so angry and hurt. And hence her plight. I don't think the Singh family would have gone after her if she had not provoked them. Why invite the ire of the people when you know they hate you? Why don't you just leave them alone? Wouldn't have it been much more better if Gauri had allowed them time to accept the truth instead of wanting to see radical changes overnight? Time heals all, and Gauri should have acted more wisely. The trouble she is facing is her own choice, and hence the complaint against Gauri.
2) I agree with your point that the family should understand that Jagya loves Gauri and his happiness lies with her. True. But we are talking about real human beings here who need a little more time to ponder over things and rationalize the situation. Jagya and Gauri should give them that time. The family is going through a series of emotions now---shock, disbelief, anger, guilt for child marriage (esp Bhairov and DS) and immense sympathy for Anandi. It's not easy to rationalize things especially when they think it comes at the cost of their favorite person Anandi. And here is where Anandi's role becomes important. The more she accepts the reality with normalcy, the more she convinces the family that her happiness does not depend on Jagya anymore, the easier it will be for the family to come back to normalcy, and eventually accept Jagya and Gauri. And I guess Anandi is doing precisely that.
3) I don't agree with your point that the family is keeping Anandi only for household works. They share a much much deeper bond with her than see her as a chore performer.
4) I think a lot of Anandi supporters have critiqued Anandi for her flaws too. Nobody is perfect, neither is Anandi. She has been evenly criticized for her naivety/dumbness, her lack of resolute to get back at Jagya, her 'weakness' to try to save the marriage when she clearly saw it falling apart, and at times, just being submissive and not taking a stronger stand. If we agree these are are characteristic flaws we also need to look at why she is the way she is. The fact is a lot, lot many women---who haven't had a chance to be exposed to the world, who come from rural backgrounds and especially intensely dominating patriarchal families--are like her. In such situations the women are socially conditioned to be submissive, to be blindly obedient of the elders, to consider their husbands as superior and to believe in the infallibility of marriage. I believe all of us who are 'enlightened' and claim more confidence about our rights have to credit our own upbringings and social conditioning. Hence people blame it on her background. This is a fact. Do we like it? No. We would love to see things change and see more emancipated women. The point is Anandi's flaws point directly to the larger problems of social and gender conditioning while Gauri's flaws are mostly individual or personal.
5) You mention Anandi is immensely lucky. Absolutely true. It's rare to find such supportive in-laws who would go to the extent of disowning their own son for the sake of their daughter in law. But that's all Anandi has got. She doesn't have economic independence, a competitive education, or most importantly a supportive life partner. No matter how loved she is in the haveli the truth remains that she is still dependent on the family for sustenance and cannot claim economic independence without their support. For Anandi, the support of the Singh family is absolutely necessary while for Gauri it's more a matter of prestige. It is Anandi who should feel more insecure since if she is ever thrown out of the haveli she will not be able to survive on her own.
6) Finally I agree with you that whatever has happened has helped Anandi. Agree absolutely. Anandi needed the wake up call and things have been blessing in disguise. Hope she moves on from here and builds a better life for herself.
We will keep supporting our respective favorites, but as long as we are ready to ponder over the other point of view and rationally analyze it, I guess we can avoid a lot of fights. I appreciate those well balanced good arguments that make this forum so interesting.
Edited by fiddub - 15 June 2011 at 2:30am