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CID Story: Ruthless Kidnapping (Page 3)

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DemonStar

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DemonStar

Joined: 16 March 2006

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Posted: 06 June 2011 at 1:16am | IP Logged
Nice story, astonish - written in a very apt and precise manner. Abhijeet's and ACP sir's characters were well portrayed in the situation. Bold move to not give it a happy ending; child kidnapping and murder is sadly a brutal reality in India and I think awareness about it needs to be seriously spread among the people.

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mallikaBaluastonish

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visrom

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visrom

Joined: 26 November 2009

Posts: 27603

Posted: 06 June 2011 at 2:35am | IP Logged

It was a nice story...clear narration, dialogues, everything. Yeah, the investigation part was less but much better than some of the episodes we are seeing now.

It was somewhat 'real',you know...the boy getting killed...it was sad, but it's something which happens in reality. It's very rare that the police force is as efficient as they are shown on screen. Abhijeet  getting suspended is also realistic. But thanks, you didn't make him resign and walk off. At least he'll be back after 15 days.
 
I could actually feel the emotion when Abhijeet goes to meet the boy's parents...how he would have felt - sad and guilty...very well written. Clap Not in an over-senti, in-the-face manner, but manner left to the reader's imagination.
 
I loved it. Clap Looking forward to more from you.


Edited by visrom - 06 June 2011 at 2:45am

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DemonStarsunnyp1414astonish

astonish

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astonish

Joined: 24 January 2010

Posts: 12918

Posted: 06 June 2011 at 3:56am | IP Logged
Yup... I had lots of problem putting the emotional part in words...mostly when the boy's body is found and then Abhi sir's expressions... That's why.. just wrote a few dialogs and left it to the viewers imagination...
And afterall... everyone here knows how Abhi sir and The whole CID team would actually react... when something  like that happens...
I just didn't want to increase the emotional levels as already the investigation was very little...
 
How can i make Abhi sir resign forever?? OMG..CID without Abhi sir... "aisa story likne se pehle... yeh zameen phat jaata..aasmaan gir jaatha...zalzale aajate" WinkLOL

visrom

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visrom

Joined: 26 November 2009

Posts: 27603

Posted: 06 June 2011 at 3:59am | IP Logged
Originally posted by astonish

That's why.. just wrote a few dialogs and left it to the viewers imagination...
This is how it has to be written.
 
 I am sure if seen on screen, we would just have 4-5 expressions by Aditya sir and no lengthy dialogues. Those 4-5 expressions would have said the whole story.

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mallikaBaluastonish

debasree04

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debasree04

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Joined: 13 August 2010

Posts: 15455

Posted: 06 June 2011 at 4:51am | IP Logged
Excellent story Astonish...based on the practical world...really love it...I'm not depressed to read it (as u said yesterday) rather after reading this wonderful story i'm really happy...& simultaneously in thought that when FW learn to write this kind of story...



Edited by debasree04 - 07 June 2011 at 12:07am

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astonish

gadhadada

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gadhadada

Joined: 27 August 2010

Posts: 51093

Posted: 07 June 2011 at 12:06am | IP Logged
first of all... i m so SORRY ASTONISH that i m LATE,,, mostly i did not like to give FEEDBACKS late... but sum workload restricted me...
abt STORY... buddy... U WROTE at the END of UR story that the
The ending of this story is something which never happened in CID..
basically this ENDING makes the story a perfect word called REAL...
FABOULOUS ending... nice portray of emmotions, decisions etc...
the treatment realated to the POLICE was so EXCILLENT...
really really MARVELLOUS... i hope will read lots more such REAL from UR side in near future...
THANK U for UR STORY...

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astonish

mallikaBalu

IF-Dazzler

mallikaBalu

Joined: 02 December 2009

Posts: 3871

Posted: 07 June 2011 at 2:06am | IP Logged
astonish finally got to read the story -power cut spoiling most attempts.
    the story is good as it sticks to reality. The way you ended with the statistics reminded me of the only episode where they had done that in CID - The case of the Engraved Rice Grains.
This realistic portrayal of  life is what endeared us to CID initially and the reason we all keep wanting to see the 1998, 199, 200 ,2001 era cases.

Not going eloquent of emotional parts makes it interesting to read.
Nice one.

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astonish

Jyotimena

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Jyotimena

Joined: 31 January 2011

Posts: 9410

Posted: 10 June 2011 at 1:29am | IP Logged
nice work dude

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astonish

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